It Never Seems
Thank you to the ones still reading this. It's quite a journey.
Enjoy.
CAli
Ch. 17 - The Story
Nathan wanted to move, but he forced himself to stay still. Detective Sanchez already left the room and he was gone for awhile. He stayed rooted in his seat, but he kept rubbing his hands. He needed to move somehow. He needed to do something to keep his mind off all this. Tears started going on his cheeks.
Fuck, he thought. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck it all to hell.
"God, how did I fuck it all up like this?" He asked.
"I don't know, Mr. Scott," a man said, walking briskly into the room. Another man followed. "Why did you let it go so far?"
Nathan looked up and saw two men in tailored suits with big visitor badges on. They had a clean haircut and a clean shave. Their voices were even authoritative. Even if they didn't show their official FBI badges, they still looked like the Feds. They were very spot-on.
"Mr. Scott, Agents Shaw and Byer," Detective Sanchez said after them. "They're interested in your story."
"I want guarantees first," Nathan said, wiping his cheeks. "I don't talk until I get guarantees for my family."
"Mr. Scott, it does not work that way," Agent Byer said. He was the second agent that walked in. "You do not make demands."
"I'm not a fucking terrorist and we're not negotiating. You don't understand how dangerous this man is. I'm not telling you anything until I know you can protect my family."
"Well, Mr. Scott," Agent Shaw said. "We understand your concern and if your story checks out, of course we can promise you witness protection. But you gotta give us something here. We need proof, so we need your story. Do you understand?"
"I do, but I hope you understand I have a hard time trusting people. Especially government agencies that are supposed to protect me. The cops couldn't find Dante four years ago. They couldn't protect my wife and son twenty-four hours ago when my father pointed a gun at them. They sure as hell treated her like some criminal when she protected me and our son. And why hasn't the FBI picked up Dante yet for illegal sports gambling? So, I'm wary."
Shaw nodded. "I understand your disappointment and distrust, Mr. Scott. I do. But how are we supposed to trust each other?"
Silence as Nathan stared them down. He could tell they dealt with the same thing over and over again. But he found himself loosening his tight body language. Strangely, what Shaw said didn't sound like a script or something he said over and over again. He didn't sound bored; he sounded serious. And it was a problem. How were they supposed to trust each other?
He sighed then folded his hands. He couldn't keep eye contact, though, so he looked at his fingers. He spoke with his head down.
"Pull up the statistics of the 2006 Finals." He said.
"2006 Finals, Sonics versus the Heat." Shaw said.
"What are we going to find?" Byer asked as he sent a text.
"Tell me the spread back then and what my average was during the Playoffs."
"Why don't you just tell us?"
"You want proof? Tell me the spread and my average."
Byer's phone beeped. "Six-two spread, nineteen PPG."
"Game one six-two spread, I go off for thirty-two points. Game two, four-three spread, I go off for thirty. Game three, three-four spread, I go off for six. Sonics lose first round. I didn't do poorly because it took their defense two games to realize they had to stifle me. I just couldn't keep a scoring streak going. Because Dante Tremaine made sure I didn't. Check the stat sheets for the next three years. It's the same pattern. High, high low. Any game worth $250,000 or more, he made sure I threw to double the pot. Check my stats."
Agent Shaw and Byer looked at each other. "It's going to take some time," Shaw said.
Nathan gestured to the handcuffs chained to the table. "I'm not going anywhere, agents. Take your sweet-ass time."
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"Okay, Mr. Scott. Everything checks out. We got a US Marshal flying in now. During this time we'd like to lay down some terms."
"What terms?" Nathan asked, skeptical.
"What the next step is."
"Next step is I talk to the Marshals about protecting my family then I talk to Haley."
"Here we go again," Byer said, exasperated. "Do you have a hearing problem, son?"
"'Son?' I ain't your fucking son."
Screaming filled the room. Nathan had no problem yelling over and straining against his restraints. Byer had no problem towering over Nathan trying to show his superiority. The entire room sounded blistering. When it became almost unbarring, one voice emerged the loudest. Shaw pushed back his seat and got between the two screaming men. He gripped Nathan's shoulder and pushed him down while his other hand stayed firm against Byer's chest. Once Nathan was pushed down, Shaw put most of his energy to Byer. He pushed him back until he was on the other side of the room.
"Shut the fuck up, both of you!" Shaw yelled. "Just shut up!"
"Let me tell you something, Mr. Scott," Byer fumed. "You do not call the shots. We are not in your mercy."
"I gave you what you wanted," Nathan responded with the same anger. "I gave you the proof. Now I get what I want."
"You gave us a little and you know it." He slammed his fist on the table. "You know it."
"Byer, get out of here," Shaw said. Byer looked at him like he betrayed him. "You heard me."
Byer heard the authority in his voice. He glared then grumbled as he walked out. Shaw watched him leave before he turned back to Nathan. He sighed and slinked down to the chair across from Nathan. He kept eye contact as silence filled the room. Nathan had the feeling he zoned out, though.
Suddenly, his eyelids flickered. His eyes looked clearer. Nathan stared him down in a calm manner but his jaw stayed clenched. He had no idea how to handle Shaw. He was always one end to the other. Burst of anger then calm. Nathan suddenly didn't know if he could trust him.
"No excuses," Shaw finally said. "I don't tolerate excuses."
"So you're not gonna excuse Macho Man over there?" Nathan said, nodding to the door.
"No. If I were to ask him what the hell was that, he'd tell me a long day. Plus his wife is divorcing him. But it wouldn't matter. Because freaking out on you like that is not gonna get the answers he wants. And he knows that, but he still did it anyway. All he can do is apologize. And I'll be sure you're the first he apologizes to."
Nathan swallowed. "Thank you. I'd appreciate that."
"But he is right, Mr. Scott."
Nathan sighed, exasperated. "What do you want from me? Murder victims?"
Shaw stayed silent. Nathan closed his eyes when it became apparent that's exactly what they wanted. He leaned back and cracked his neck.
"It's not like I kept a book," he said after a long beat. "Nothing's written down."
"You already proved your worth with the stats."
"What? Was that a test?"
"Mr. Scott, we've been watching Dante Tremaine for awhile."
Silence.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Nathan finally asked.
"Mr. Tremaine has a history of scaring people. We wanted to know how serious you were. I'm sorry it had to be done that way."
Nathan leaned forward. He made sure his eye contact was strong. He wanted Shaw to know he meant every word.
"I want full protection of my family," he said. "My wife, my son, my brother. Witness Protection. U.S. Marshals guarantee that the moment they get in here, then I will tell you who had the misfortune of pissing off Dante."
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Byer popped his head in. He avoided eye contact with Nathan.
"U.S. Marshals just entered the building," he said.
Shaw nodded. "Get them in here now." He turned back to Nathan. "Looks like you'll be getting your wish, Mr. Scott."
"I wasn't finished." Shaw frowned and Nathan stared him down. "I see my wife. I tell her what's going on."
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"What the fuck is going on, Nathan?" Haley asked.
"I left because of Dante." Nathan's face crumbled as tears started streaming down his cheeks. "He was threatening to kill you and Jamie, Hales. I work for him, point-shaving games as my debt and to save you. Look, all of this is all fucked right now, but it's my fault. And I'm gonna make it right, I promise."
Nathan saw the anguish in her face and all he wanted was to take it away. "What are you talking about?" His heart broke when he heard her confused, hurting tone.
"You're not going to prison, okay?" He said, deflecting. "I'm gonna make this right."
"Nathan, you are not making any sense!"
"I have to go back to Dante. I have to give the FBI their evidence."
She stepped back from him. She started to hyperventilate. Nathan couldn't take it to see her like that, so he stepped forward to pull her back into his arms. She tried to fight him, but he wouldn't dare let go. He finally got to touch her after so long.
"What are you talking about?" She asked, meekly.
"I have to go back."
Suddenly, she forced herself out of his embrace. Before he could open his mouth to course her back, a loud slap echoed the room. His jaw moved with the motion, but he stayed in that position. If anything, he deserved worst and they both knew it. He just closed his eyes as rage took over her face.
"Stop with those answers," she seethed. "You do not get to do that."
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"And no apologies! You don't get that luxury either!"
"What am I supposed to say, Haley?" He asked in desperation. He finally opened his eyes. "I have no idea what to say to make this right. Anything that comes out of my mouth, you'll hate. And I don't blame you, but I don't know what to say to make it right or for you to understand."
"Why don't you try before you assume? We used to be a team, remember? We used to talk."
He crumbled. "I couldn't say anything. He would've killed you and Jamie."
"Dante," she said, crossing her arms. He nodded. "I can't believe this."
Silence filled the room as she started to pace. Her tears streamed down without a care and she didn't bother to wipe them. She was trying to make sense of everything. He felt it was right for him to be quiet. She needed to process this on her own.
"Let's just- let's just sit," she finally said. "I think we need to sit to talk."
He nodded. "Yeah, let's sit."
She nodded back and went to the table. He silently followed her. He wanted to scooch his chair next to her because her soft touch was addicting. He almost forgot what it was like to touch her and he wanted to die because of that. He almost forgot what it was like to be with his wife. The thought stabbed his heart a thousand times.
But he had to remind himself she was angry with him. Rightfully so. Trying to be this clingy after everything would probably send her back running to the hills and telling the cops to charge him with anything they got on him. She would want nothing to do with him.
So, he controlled himself and sat across from her. His hands itched to touch hers, though. With no control whatsoever, he found his hands inching towards her. He let out a breath of relief when her hands grasped his. Maybe it was reflex. Maybe it was because she felt the same urge. Whatever, it was, his heart soared. Despite how fucked this reunion was, she still cared about him.
"I want everything," she told him after swallowing. She was probably trying to swallow the lump there. "From the beginning. No Cliff Notes."
He nodded and looked down. "He made himself to be the savior to our problems," he said, looking up.
He told her everything. From when Dante threatened to bust his knee that first time to the car accident to the photos months after. He told her how he was beaten the night he left. He told her all the times he woke up and wished he had the courage to commit suicide. He told her he found out about her American Idol auditions and started to watch. Her singing gave him the courage he always needed. How all of the last four years came to now. He didn't know about Dan, but he had a feeling he was in cohorts with Dante. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. He told her everything, just like she wanted. He would never hold anything back from her again. By the end, they were both crying and Haley was in his lap cradling his head. He never felt more at home.
"You can't go back," she whispered against his hair. "You can't."
"Hales, I have to," he whispered against her neck. "You killed Dan. I won't let you go to jail."
"But I just got you back. Dante will kill you."
"If I don't get the FBI what they want, we will never be safe. I have to do this right. I have to protect my family like I was supposed to."
"But-"
"Mrs. James-Scott?" McCall interrupted, opening the door. "I got news about Lucas Scott."
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The hospital was in chaos. Haley looked around her with anxiety plastered all over her face. There were too many people around. She looked over to the entrance and closed her eyes at all the flashing lights. The shouting was muffled, but every time someone got close to the automatic doors, their voices amplified. The reporters were relentless, even though they were held back by cops. It overwhelmed Haley. She shuffled closer to Nathan and laid her head on his chest.
Nathan's arms jerked. He wanted to swallow her with his arms and protect her from the madness, but the handcuffs restrained him. He cursed the FBI and the police for that stipulation. The only way he was able to go - or Haley for that matter - was as voluntary prisoners. The handcuffs stayed on them as they were escorted back to the hospital.
"He's gonna be fine, Hales," Nathan said, lowly.
"He's been in the recovery room way too long," she mumbled back.
"They said a couple more minutes before he's settled in."
"That was an hour ago!" She said, snapping her head back. She closed her eyes and sighed before resting her forehead on his sternum. "I'm sorry."
Nathan closed his eyes too. His heart soared that she went back to him for comfort. He dipped his chin to kiss the top of her head. He kept his lips there for a good ten seconds before he whispered against her hair.
"It's okay. We're all worried."
"They're prepping him for ICU," she whimpered. "He might not make it."
"He will."
"You don't know that."
"I do. He has to survive. You and Jamie need him. He's gonna fight for you guys."
"Don't exclude yourself," she said, stepping back. "You're his family too."
He shook his head. "He's not fighting for his life because of me. He's in the hospital because of me. Because he protected you."
"You're his brother. You're family. He's fighting for his family."
He smiled. "Let's not argue about this. Agree to disagree."
She opened her mouth to protest but stopped. He was right. It was stupid to argue about whether Lucas would fight for his life because of his brother. Lucas was probably extremely angry with him. She could tell by the sadness in his beautiful eyes.
If she was honest, she was still extremely angry with Nathan too. But he explained himself. She got her closure and now she could heal. She just hated the timing of it all. Nathan was going back into a dangerous situation to make everything right. She just got her husband back and now he was being taken away. What if he was killed? Then she would lose both Scott Brothers who meant more to her than her own life. She was conflicted, but now wasn't the time to overanalyze it. She was just so grateful to have them both alive and well.
Well, one of them was alive and well. Lucas was still fighting for his life. The surgeon told them the stab wounds were deep and punctured the abdominal aorta. He explained it was the largest artery in the stomach and branches several times to other major arteries. They were able to seal it, but he wasn't out of the woods. He could still succumb to the trauma due to an aneurysm. They had to watch his blood pressure. The next seventy-two hours was critical. He also lost a lot of blood.
Haley closed her eyes as she let the surgeon's words filter her mind again. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She was getting over emotional again, so she shuffled back into Nathan's personal space. She got as close as she could get and sobbed. She felt Nathan kiss her head again. She hated herself for it, but she felt safe.
"Mrs. James-Scott, Mr. Scott," a nurse said, approaching them. "Lucas is now set up in ICU. You can only visit for a few minutes. He's heavily sedated and the less activity around him, the better chance he can heal."
They both nodded. McCall stepped forward before any of them could move. He gestured for them not to move by keeping his arm back as a barrier.
"Could he handle both of them or one at a time, ma'am?" He asked.
"One at a time would be best."
Haley hesitated and looked at Nathan. Nathan gave her an encouraging smile and motioned with his head that she should go first. She gave him a tight-lipped smile and nodded. McCall gently held her arm and escorted her to ICU. Nathan watched her go. His chest tightened watching her walk away from him. Leaving her again was gonna hurt a thousand times more.
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Nathan stood at the foot of Lucas's hospital bed. He stared down with tears in his eyes as he watched Lucas breathe via a ventilator. Precaution, they said. The sight itself made it hard for Nathan to breathe.
This is all my fault, he thought.
Then the tears flowed. Nathan slumped against the doorframe as he dipped his chin and cried with his head down. He used his arm as support as he bawled his eyes out. This was the only time he thanked the cops for taking the handcuffs off when he saw Lucas. At least they had some sort of compassion.
Finally, he forced to compose himself. He allowed himself one more big sniffling before he stood straight and wiped the tears. If seeing Lucas like this tore him apart, he could only imagine how much worse Haley suffered when she saw him first. He wanted to run back to his wife and just hold her so he could absorb her strength, but he stood tall and told himself to stop being a bitch about it. He swallowed with difficulty, but he still stepped forward into the room. He kept walking until he was able to sit at Lucas' bedside.
He sniffed, which was loud and congested due to all the crying. He wiped his face against his forearm and took a deep breath. Finally, he looked at his brother. Lucas looked just about dead. He was completely lifeless. Nathan broke down once again.
"Fuck, man," he said when he finally got ahold of himself. "I wish I was in that hospital bed instead of you. You've always been stronger than me, Lucas. I need you to wake up. I need you to survive. You're the only one who can keep Haley and Jamie safe."
He looked at Lucas like he expected him to respond, but all he got was the ventilator hissing. His jaw quivered as fresh tears streamed down his cheeks. He moved to hold Lucas's hand and squeezed. He silently willed Lucas to squeeze back; a sign he was listening. Nathan held his breath, hoping. There was no movement from Lucas.
Nathan sighed. "I'm sorry, but I know it's not enough. Everything I did was never enough. You were always the better Scott brother. Please, Lucas. I'm going on a suicide mission here. I have to do right, but I might not make it. There's a strong chance Dante will kill me this time. And I'm scared. I know I don't deserve Haley, Jamie or you, but I just got you guys back. I'm terrified I won't be able to come back."
He paused as he let the sobs take over his chest. He let his forehead down on the metal rail and cried his eyes out. He wanted so many things, but he knew he didn't deserve it. But he hoped God would at least grant him this. He needed Lucas to survive.
"It's gonna kill Haley if I don't come back," he whispered. "And I hate to do that to her again, but I know Dante. She doesn't know what he's fully capable of. So, I need you, Lucas. I need you to fight more than ever and be there for her. I need you to be the man I could never be, although you already are. I know I don't deserve to ask, but, man, I need you to survive. You hear me, brother? Squeeze my hand if you hear me."
He waited with bated breath. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate. His hand shook as he hoped and hoped that he would feel pressure. He stared at Lucas, willing him with his desperate look.
But nothing happened.
Nathan closed his eyes again. The hissing ventilator seemed amplified to his ears. He tried to drown it out, but it seemed like the machine was mocking him. The louder it got, the more it laughed at him. Lucas wasn't going to wake up. He didn't owe him shit.
Nathan stayed in his bent position crying until a nurse popped in to tell him he had to leave. He sat back straight and looked at the doorway. There, McCall stood looking solemn. McCall felt for him. He sighed then nodded. He stood up and put his arms out in front of him. The handcuffs clicked tight against his wrists.
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"Mama, look! It's the man you were hugging." Jamie's voice echoed down the hall.
Haley looked up and saw Nathan at the end of the hall. Two men stepped up and blocked most of her view, but she knew it was her husband. They had their FBI bomber jackets on. She swallowed as she watched them both talk to Nathan; their voices too low for her to make out. Based on Nathan's look, though, it didn't look good. Her heart sank.
Subconsciously, she hugged Jamie tighter. Her dried tears started to well again. Jamie sensed her distress and tried to squeeze as tight, which made her laugh. Here was her son trying to be strong. She was grateful they brought him to her, if only for a mini reunion. She wasn't in handcuffs anymore, but tall men still surrounded her with their guns on their hips. Every once in awhile, their hands drifted to it. It was almost like a subconscious thought for them to check their gun. She tried to ignore them as best as she could.
She craned her neck up and tilted her head. She kept her hands rubbing Jamie's back, but her entire focus was on Nathan and the two FBI agents. It looked like they had him cornered. She didn't like it one bit. Were they threatening him? Were they telling him something was wrong with his story? Were they trying to give him good news? Why weren't they doing this back at the police station? She thought this was way too public and unprofessional.
"Excuse me," she said to the man to her right. The man barely acknowledged her. "What are they saying to him?"
He only cut his eyes down the hall. "Don't worry about it," he said, gruffly.
"But that's my husband," she said back, slowly.
"Don't fucking care," he said in the same tone.
Her eyes narrowed. She wanted to curse back at him, but Jamie looked back up at her. He started tugging on her shirt. She clinched her jaw and reluctantly put a smile on her face before looking down. Jamie looked confused.
"Mama, you don't have a husband," Jamie said. He thought about it. "What's a husband?"
"Um..."
She saw movement in the corner of her eye and looked up. Nathan did not look happy. She wanted to go over there, but she knew if she tried, the men around her would be all over her. She didn't want that scene. She was finally able to see her son and hold him. She didn't want to be separated from him, but she also wanted to protect her husband. Her husband who she was still extremely angry with. God, these conflicted feelings were getting to her. Jamie kept tugging her shirt, so she looked down again.
She stared down at Jamie, who looked so confused. She cupped his face and kissed him all over. He gave a small groan, but didn't try to squirm away like he did before. He was just as clingy as her. He had to keep touching her to make sure she was there.
"Mama, you didn't answer my question," he said as a small complaint. "What's a husband?"
"A husband is someone a woman loves very much," she said. "We're married because we love each other."
"To the moon and back?"
It wasn't exactly what they used to say. Haley suddenly remembered all the times they told each other always and forever. She was flooded with all the memories. Something choked inside her heart. Her chest suddenly felt so heavy. She kept staring at Nathan, who kept shaking his head. God, if she lost him now...
She nodded and looked back down at Jamie. "To the moon and back," she repeated.
Jamie nodded then fell silent. She kept watching Nathan talk to the agents. They seemed to move closer to him, which made him more agitated. Haley kept stroking Jamie's back as a way to restrain herself from going over there. Then Jamie spoke again.
"Is Uncle Lucas your husband?" He asked.
She whipped her head down fast. "What? No! Uncle Lucas is your uncle."
"But don't you love him?"
"Yes, but-" she sighed. "Son, there are different levels of love. You'll know what I'm talking about when you're older. Way older."
"Oh." He sighed then looked over his shoulder. Haley's eyes cut up and saw Nathan being shuffled toward them. "Is he your husband?"
Haley opened her mouth, but couldn't speak as her eyes connected to Nathan's. He abruptly stopped and his eyes went straight down to Jamie's. Same blue eyes stared at each other. She didn't know what to do. Should she confirm Nathan was her husband and that he was Jamie's father? Should she deny? Should she only confirm one over the other? This was not the way she wanted Jamie to meet his father.
She swallowed. "Yes."
"How come I never met him?"
She hesitated, but it was all for nothing. Before the words tumbled out, the man to Nathan's left jerked his arm and told him to move. His voice was booming and deep. Haley winced as he spoke. She watched helplessly as they forcibly escorted Nathan past them, handcuffs and all. Her heart broke for the millionth time today.
End Ch. 17.
Thank you again to all who's still reading. Much appreciated.
CAli