Edward and Bella are not mine. Damn it.
Thank you for all the reviews! I love love love reading them in between chasing the minions.
Sarcastic Bimbo betas, then I mess with it. Any mistakes are mine.
CHAPTER FIVE—EDWARD
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Bella walks through Emmett's door dressed in complete sin. I blink just to make sure she's not some kind of mirage, and have to remind myself not to let my jaw hang open. Her midnight-colored dress clings to every curve, yet covers enough skin to be considered demure by today's standards. The skirt falls a few inches above her knees, revealing the sexiest legs I've ever seen.
Every cell in my body wants to go to her, but I stand rooted to the spot, afraid Emmett will see right through me if I do. Though I try, I can barely keep up with the conversation now that Bella is in the room. She's still near the door, chatting with Alice and Rose, completely ignoring me, which I rightly deserve.
After spending so much time with her last week, I panicked. We had such a great time last weekend, and I've been thinking about her just about every waking moment since then. It's been hard to concentrate on anything but her—at any given time, I wonder what she's doing, if she's happy, what she'd think about this or that. I think about her at night, too. Talk about hard. Pun intended.
I know I can't act on these feelings, even if they're becoming more insistent by the day. Instead of thinking of her as family, somewhere along the way I started thinking of her as mine. Or, at least I've acknowledged that I'd like her to be, but Emmett will rearrange my face if he finds out what I'm thinking about his baby sister. He knows me better than anyone else, and that includes my track record with women, which is more like a sprint than a distance race. The few relationships I've had time for have been short and fast-paced, if you know what I mean. I know he won't tolerate me sniffing around Bella in any sort of romantic way.
So I stayed away. I haven't called, haven't texted. Haven't posted any memes on her FB wall.
And I'm miserable.
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Does she know her knee is touching mine?
It's on a loop in my brain.
Everyone is seated rather closely, the six of us crowded around a table likely meant for four. It's difficult to cut an overcooked steak with little elbow room. Though, my right arm keeps brushing against Bella's left, which is a bonus. I'm enjoying it far too much.
She keeps sneaking glances at me when she thinks I'm not looking, but I'm always looking.
By the time dessert is served, I know she's trying to kill me. She shifts, grazing her whole leg against mine. I have to bite back an audible groan, and I've got an erection that gives new meaning to the term "hard as a rock." A little smile plays at her lips, but nothing else suggests she's noticed the contact. The whole time, she talks animatedly with Alice, outwardly ignoring me while tormenting me under the table.
She's playing with me, but I'm a masochist. I enjoy her sweet torture more than I wish to admit.
This woman's got my guts in knots, not to mention the situation in my damn pants. Standing up won't be possible anytime soon, unless I want everyone to know just how much I like Bella. I'll be amazed if I make it out of this dinner in one piece. Or at least without getting punched for ogling her.
As dinner winds down, Emmett sits back in his seat with a satisfied grin. "Now that we've wooed you with red meat and alcohol, it's time for the catch. There's a reason Rosie and I asked you to dinner tonight."
Rose grins as she waves around her left hand, which is suddenly adorned by a huge diamond. "We're engaged!"
"That's awesome, guys! Congratulations," Alice says, grinning happily.
Jasper asks, "How did you hide that rock from us?"
"It was in my pocket," Rose explains with a smug grin.
"It's really pretty," Bella offers with a sweet smile. "If I got to pick anyone to be my sister, it would be you, Rose. You're pretty great, even though you picked this gorilla to marry."
Emmett gives her a fake dark look.
"Hey! What about me?" Alice laughs.
"You're my only cousin's wife. We're practically sisters anyway," Bella reasons.
"Hmpf. Okay," teases Alice, while Jasper nods convincingly.
Rose jumps in, demonstrating why she and Bella get along so well. They're both sarcastic as hell. "Thanks, Bella. I love you, too."
Bella blows her a kiss across the table.
"Where's mine?" Emmett demands, making a kissy face at Bella. Rose grabs his face and plants a noisy peck on his mouth.
Bella points. "There you go."
Almost too late, I realize I haven't been an active participant in the conversation. "Really, congrats, guys. Rose, you're too good for him. Emmett, thanks for not asking me to help you pick out the ring."
Everyone laughs, and I'm off the hook.
"I picked out the ring," Rose admits, looking down at the huge hunk of ice on her finger.
No wonder it's so big.
Bella slips out of the room and I watch her leave. More like, I stare at her ass and hope Emmett doesn't notice. She returns with half a pitcher of margaritas and refills everyone's glass. We all toast the happy couple, and I take a healthy swig of margarita, barely keeping myself from spitting it out when Bella's thigh presses against mine.
Rose sets her glass down with a clink and grins. "Now that the cat's out of the bag, we have a request."
"We'd like you all to be in the wedding. We're not going to do the traditional Best Man/Maid of Honor thing. We don't want to piss anyone off," Emmett explains.
"Oh, please. Like I give a shit about pissing anyone off," Rose adds, rolling her eyes.
Emmett throws his head back and laughs. "I was trying to be tactful."
Bella snorts at this and I cough to cover my laughter. Emmett and tact are at opposite ends of the behavior spectrum.
"Good thing I'm not marrying you for your charm, Babe." Emmett leans over and plants a smacking kiss on his fiancée's lips.
"I'm just saying, why single anyone out? Anyway, you can plan all the party shit together." Rose holds up last of the pitcher and swirls the neon green contents. "Who wants it?"
Bella immediately shoves her glass at Rose, who dumps the rest of the margaritas into the offered cup. To my amazement and dismay, none of it lands on the table.
I think Bella's a little buzzed. Her cheeks glow pink as she giggles a bit too loudly. It's adorable—and sexy. But if she gets any more liquid courage in her, I won't survive it. While Bella's not looking, I switch her glass with my empty one and down the margarita in one gulp.
Emmett raises a questioning brow. I mime drinking from a bottle and point to Bella before pretending to sway in my seat.
"Hey!" Bella cries, "He stole my margarita," which causes everyone to laugh.
"I think you've had enough, sis," Emmett laughs, sipping his own drink. "There will be plenty of time to get trashed at the party." His grin is practically maniacal. It makes me wonder how trashed he's planning on getting.
"We thought it would be cool to have a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette party. We all have more fun when we're together, so why not do it up right?" Rose looks almost as excited as Emmett.
"So what should we do? When do we need to start arranging things?" asks Bella.
"We want a quick engagement, and I snapped up a cancellation at the Fairmont," Rose says excitedly. "The wedding's in two months."
"Wow. That's quick. Have you told Mom and Dad?" Bella asks Emmett.
"Last night. Mom is a little irked it's such short notice, but they're both pretty happy."
"So, what else needs to be done? There's not a lot of time," Bella says with a little frown.
"Don't worry, I've got tons of ideas!" Alice volunteers, her grin about a mile wide. "I love this stuff!"
I can tell Bella is relieved. She never was big into parties.
"Thank God, because I haven't got a clue where to start," she admits.
"Me either," I agree, nudging Bella with my shoulder. I can't help it. I need to touch her.
"That makes three of us," Jasper adds in. "But Ali's in heaven."
"Don't you worry about a thing, guys," Alice gushes, "I've got this."
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Vegas.
Of course Alice picks Vegas. City of Sin.
As if I need a reminder of sinning. And who I want to sin with. Repeatedly.
I've been sinning with her in my dreams just about every night since I bailed her out of jail.
This can't happen. It can't.
So after the dinner, I ghosted her. Again.
I do everything I can to put her out of my mind. I do all my laundry. Every single piece. I clean out the fridge (which I've haven't done once since I moved in). I pick up extra shifts at the hospital. I even have dinner with my parents, which backfires. My mother attempts, once again, to convince me I need a girlfriend. There's only one girl I can picture in that role, and I can't have her.
All of these attempts to get Bella out of my head, and none of it works. What eats me up inside? She hasn't called me, either. Is she calling my bluff, or does she just not care?
Not like it matters anyway. Contrary to my mother's opinion, I'm not looking for—nor do I need—a girlfriend, and there's no way I can pull a fuck and duck with Bella. I'd never do that to her, and not just because Emmett would kill me so dead they'd never find my body.
If I can hold out, I won't see her until Vegas, which is just a few weeks away.
She'll be out of my head by then.
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It's only a week before I realize I should never underestimate Alice. She's invaded my inbox, and I can't escape.
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From: Alice Whitlock
To: Edward Cullen; Bella Swan; Jasper Whitlock
CC: Rose Hale; Emmett Swan
Subject: Epic Vegas Adventure
Where: Sunday Brunch at 5 Spot
When: Sunday, you idiots. No later than 11 a.m. (Emmett already told me you're off that day, Edward, so no excuses!)
You have homework - pick your favorite club/venue in Vegas. The Strip is preferred. Be prepared to defend your choices! That means you, too, engaged ones!
No RSVP needed, because I KNOW you'll all be there.
—Alice
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I have to admit: I'm afraid to provoke her wrath. She may be tiny, but she's a little scary. Besides, Bella will be there. I can't pretend I'm not excited.
When Sunday arrives, I'm hung over. In a fruitless effort to forget my growing anticipation over seeing her again, I killed more than a few brain cells last night. At home, alone. What the hell is happening to me?
I look like shit in a wrinkled t-shirt and pair of jeans, but the urge to lie down for as long as humanly possible and still make it to brunch on time won out over looking somewhat put together. My eyes have bags under them and my hair is a mess, but women seem to dig that shit. More importantly, I think Bella digs it. I've seen her staring at it more than once. I'd be fucking lying if I said I don't want her to notice me.
After fighting traffic due to a huge accident on the interstate, I'm the last one to arrive. There's only one more seat—right next to Bella.
It's my lucky day.
Am I rejoicing or is it sarcasm? Not even I'm sure.
I slide into the booth next to her, avoiding her eyes. God, she smells good. Or maybe it's her French toast.
We're all sitting in one of those semi-circular booths, but it's barely big enough for the six of us. Which means I get to sit that much closer to Bella without having to feel guilty about it. I stick around long enough to order coffee and juice, then bolt for the buffet. I'm not sure how well anything is going to go down, but I need a moment to get myself together.
The debate is already underway when I make it back to the table.
Emmett argues for The Spearmint Rhino, but Rose shoots that one down pretty quick. Her pick is some place called Magic Mike, but everyone with testicles squashes that one. Jasper picked a hookah bar, but after he gets a nasty look from his wife, he gives up.
Alice turns to Bella and me. "That leaves you two. And me, of course." She grins innocently.
I'm pretty sure Alice already has the place picked, but I'll play along.
"I don't know much about clubs, but I do have two rules: no Kardashians and no dancing in cages. As long as he doesn't violate the rules, I defer to him." Bella shoots me a smile, which I return automatically.
It's impossible not to smile at this girl.
It's my turn. I've gotta make it good. "I heard about this place," I say after a moment. "It's called the Snakehole Lounge."
I've been binge watching Parks and Rec in the doctors' lounge in my down time. Now's as good as any time to fuck with everyone.
Bella almost chokes on her French toast. Syrup dribbles down her chin as she scrambles for a napkin. I glare at her, silently warning her not to ruin the joke. Then I get distracted by a bead of syrup on her fucking perfect lips. I want to be that syrup. Even better, I want to lick it off.
"That's a cool name, dude," Emmett cuts in. "Sounds good to me!" He's so in on the joke. He's the one who hooked me on the show in the first place. Ron Swanson is his spirit animal.
Bella raises a brow and says, "Oh, I've heard of that place. I think they have their own designer liquor." She tilts her head in my direction. "What's it called?"
My lips twitch. "I think it's called SnakeJuice."
Her grin is blinding. "That's it!"
Alice frowns. "That sounds kind of gross."
"No, man, it sounds awesome!" Jasper cuts in. "I'm in!" He and Alice are completely clueless.
Bella and I are having a difficult time holding in our laughter, while Emmett and Rose look on with amused glances.
"I don't know, guys." Alice looks as if she's been sucking on a lemon wedge.
Then Emmett has to go and ruin the joke. "They're fucking with you, Alice. There's no Snakehole Lounge. It's from a TV show."
Alice rolls her eyes and shrugs. "I wasn't going to pick any of your choices anyway."
Bella shakes her head, amused. "I knew it. You had the place picked out all along."
"Sure did." Alice nods with an unapologetic grin. "I booked the hotel last night."
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I hold out for two days.
I could blame my weakness on exhaustion after an extra-long shift. I could blame it on my need to focus on anything other than the cold sterility of the hospital and the things that went wrong inside it. I try not to let it get to me, but when it does, I crawl inside my head so far, I get a little lost. It's those times that make me wish I had someone at home, someone who might miss me during those marathon shifts at work, someone to welcome me home.
But ultimately, I know I can't blame my feelings on anyone but myself … and maybe a certain gorgeous brunette.
I hit the shower after work, needing to wash off the last thirty-six hours. But as good as the steaming water feels on my tired body, I'm wired from way too much coffee, and I can't shut off my mind. Naturally, it wanders to Bella.
I wonder what she's doing. Is she sleeping? Just the thought of her curled up in bed, all warm and sleep-flushed, has me instantly hard. I wonder what she sleeps in. Is she one of those t-shirt and panties girls, or does she sleep naked? I actually prefer the clothed approach; it would give me something to peel off of her. There's no fighting it now—my need for her is a rush, taking over more thoroughly than any of the most powerful drugs.
Hard and aching, I give in. It's not the first time I've made do with my own hand when what I really want is Bella's wet little pussy. It's not the first time I've painted the shower tiles with my release, her face behind my closed eyes and her name on my lips, and I know it won't be the last.
Feeling substantially less tense, but exponentially more perverted, I dress in pj's and head for the kitchen. Stomach growling, I gather up some cold pizza and a beer (hey, it may be before noon, but it's the end of my workday), and end up on the couch with another season of Parks and Rec ready to stream. None of it can get my mind off Bella.
I'm screwed. I want to break one of the most sacred rules of the Guy Code—I want to fuck my best friend's little sister.
That damned smart, cute little girl I knew is no more. In her place is a brilliant, beautiful, funny young woman. Her smart mouth makes me laugh, and it's always been one of my most favorite things about her. Only now, instead of amusing me, it turns me on as well. I've been thinking of some very creative alternative uses for that mouth, most of which involve my lips, or, even better, my dick.
All of which is why, when she texts me (finally), I do something I know I'll probably regret—I write back.
Have you got a minute?
I shake my head, a smile playing at my lips. Please don't tell me you're in jail again. And yes, I have many minutes.
Those three little dots pop up on the screen, and I can't keep the dumbass grin off my face. It grows even bigger when I get her response.
No, you ass! I have the money to pay you back the bond fee. I'm at the bank right now. Want to meet somewhere? Lunch is on me.
Damn. I really don't want to get back out. And I really don't need her money.
But ... just the thought of seeing her again has me buzzing.
I'm dressed in real clothes in less than five minutes, texting Bella on my way out the door; I'll sleep later. Plus, I'm still hungry. For food. Not … other things.
It's one of many little white lies I tell myself to get through each day.
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I forgot to mention that I posted my Biggest Dick Ever Contest entry, Fade To Black. I'm sure most of you've read it, but if you haven't and would like to read a bit of canon nonsense, it's on my profile. I won 3rd place in the Judges' scores, so I'm pretty happy about it.
I realize this story is a bit of a slow burn, but we're getting there. Both our wannabe love birds are stubborn.
Obviously, the Snakehole Lounge stuff is from NBC's Parks and Recreation. I lit'rally miss that show to death.
Thank you for reading!