For Your Happiness
Chapter 2
Chiba Mamoru was lying in bed, unable to fall asleep, when his doorbell rang. Glancing at the alarm clock on his bedside table he saw that it was nearly three o'clock in the morning. There were only a handful of people who could gain access to his apartment complex at night and only a short list of reasons why they would need to, none of which were good. Leaping up from the bed, Mamoru raced to the door and yanked it open, half expecting to see one of the Sailor Senshi standing there ready to inform him that something bad had happened.
There was indeed a Sailor Senshi waiting for him when the door opened, but she was not transformed and did not appear to be in any sort of distress. Sighing in relief, Mamoru looked down at his fifteen-year-old girlfriend as she gazed up at him, "Usako, what brings you here so early in the morning?"
Normally, the blonde teenager would take this opportunity to tackle him in a bone-crushing hug before going on a rant about some insignificant problem that had arisen between now and the last time he'd seen her only hours ago. Instead, Usagi merely continued to gaze up at him. Her eyes seemed to be searching for something but what that might be, he didn't know. He was just about to ask her if something was wrong when she spoke, "I need to talk to you about something. May I come in?"
Confused and a bit taken aback Mamoru nodded and stepped aside so the girl could enter. She moved with trepidation, as if she were afraid of what may lie inside his apartment. She slowly removed her shoes and slid on the pair of slippers he kept by the door, just for her. Wary of her unusual silence, Mamoru followed her into the living room and sat beside her on the couch, "Usako, is something wrong? Did something happen?"
She looked up at him, her eyes once again searching his own for something unknown. Slowly, she shook her head then began to speak, "I've been thinking about something Mamo-chan. I've been thinking about it for a very long time and… and today just brought it back again." She paused as Mamoru continued to look at her expectantly, "Do you know why Saori-san took you to that park today?"
"Of course, she had asked me to help her pick out a present for the guy she's in love with. We had been walking all day and she suggested we stop there to take a break." Mamoru responded, now more confused than ever.
"Did she tell you who this mystery man was?"
"No, though it did seem like she was about to when we were attacked. Why are we talking about this, Usako?"
Usagi graced him with a smile, a very warm but sad smile, "Saori-san is in love with you Mamo-chan." She watched as his eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open, then she continued, "Chibiusa was concerned, she has been ever since we first met Saori-san and Kobayashi-san here yesterday. Today she apparently saw you and Saori-san walking together and had a chat with Kobayashi-san who was following you. Kobayashi-san had asked to meet me because he was hoping seeing that you had a girlfriend would convince Saori-san to give up. Obviously, you hadn't noticed her feelings."
Mamoru shook his head slowly, "I had no clue."
"Chibiusa thought I hadn't noticed Saori-san's feelings and was angry with me for not doing something about it. She found me today in a store and dragged me off to tear you out of Saori-san's clutches. Chibiusa's very existence hinges on our relationship Mamoru and she knows it. She was afraid for herself today and her fear caused her to say some things that got me thinking.
"Before Sailor Moon existed, Tsukino Usagi met Chiba Mamoru completely on accident. Usagi was frequently on the receiving end of Mamoru's scathing remarks about her appearance, her intelligence, and her general lack of grace and poise. Usagi, not being one to stand around and let herself be insulted, rose to the occasion and fired back insults of her own. These weren't very good and lacked any real malice. Mamoru assumed that this was the result of Usagi's lack of intelligence but, in reality, Usagi held herself back because she didn't want to hurt the feelings of the person she loved.
"I, Tsukino Usagi, have loved you, Chiba Mamoru, since the day I hit you on the head with my test paper. I know that I'm not the smartest person in the world and I'm a huge klutz who can't do anything right and I cry and whine too much. I know that Chibiusa doubts that I'm really going to be her mother one day. Neo Queen Serenity is smart and beautiful and graceful, all the things Chibiusa is unable to see in me. She can't see them because they aren't there, because I'm not Serenity yet.
"Mamoru, you're smart and sophisticated and handsome. You and I both know you can have your pick of any woman you want, even one as smart and lovely as Saori-san." Mamoru opened his mouth to retaliate, but Usagi motioned for him to stay silent as she continued, "I know what you're going to say. You're going to reassure me that you love me and only me and that you don't want anyone else. I don't doubt that you care about me and love me, what I doubt is whether these are your feelings or Prince Endymion's. When you have no memory of being Prince Endymion, you don't seem particularly fond of me. Yet, once your memories return, you're nice to me again.
"I have been thinking about this ever since you were first brainwashed by Queen Beryl and, after finding out about Chibiusa's real identity, I've given it more thought. Mamo-chan, Usagi loves you and always has. I followed you the day you faced Zoisite because I wanted to make sure you were alright. I transformed in front of you in the elevator when he tried to kill us because revealing my identity seemed like a very small price to pay to save your life. Finally, I cried when you fell that day not because Tuxedo Kamen had been hurt but because Chiba Mamoru had been. Of all the people in this world that I cannot stand to lose, you, as Chiba Mamoru, are the most important to me.
"Unfortunately, I have no idea how Chiba Mamoru really feels about me. I don't know whether it is you or Endymion that wishes to be with me. That being said, I have found a way to preserve Chibiusa's existence without us being together so, I am giving you a choice. If Chiba Mamoru does not love Tsukino Usagi and wants to move on, if you want to be with someone as wonderful as you deserve, then I will grant it. I will use the Ginzuisho to separate Endymion's soul from your own and give you a normal life. I would do this for all the scouts and even for myself if I could, but our fates, unlike Endymion's, are bound to the protection of this solar system.
"I don't want your decision right now. I will give you two days to figure out what you want, Mamo-chan. Find out how you really feel about Usagi and then come find me at the arcade, at noon, two days from today." Her long speech finally over, Usagi stood from the couch and made her way to the door.
Mamoru was too stunned to do anything but stand up himself and watch her as she slid out of the slippers staring at the pair for a minute or two before slipping on her shoes. He wanted to say something, to call out to her and tell her that her fears were unfounded… but he couldn't. He knew she wanted his feelings as Mamoru, not as Prince Endymion, and he understood why. Even he had spent time wondering if Usagi loved him for who he was now or merely because of whom he had been in another lifetime. Unfortunately, numerous bouts of brainwashing had erased all recollection of what his feelings had been for the clumsy, cheerful, ditzy blonde that he had known before Sailor Moon had appeared.
She had just laid all of his doubts and fears to rest in a single night and, as he watched her place her hand on the doorknob, his resolve to find out how he had felt back then solidified into unwavering determination. He would find out and then find proof so that she would never need to feel this way again. Usagi deserved someone who loved her as an individual, not because she had been, and one day would be again, someone else. If Mamoru discovered that he had not loved her, that he had truly meant all the horrible things he had said to her back then, then he would allow her to let him go so that he could let her go too.
Usagi stopped with her hand resting on the door of Mamoru's apartment, unable to bring herself to open it. She was plagued by the thought that this could be the last time she ever entered this apartment or left it, the last time she ever wore the slippers with the rabbit faces that he had bought especially for her. Those thoughts, however, were quickly drowned out by a bigger and much sadder one, the thought that this may be the last time she would ever get to hear him call her 'Usako.' Without giving herself the opportunity to rethink her actions, she turned from the door and ran to him, her arms encircling his waist as tightly as she could. The sudden attack had startled Mamoru from his stupor and he immediately moved to return Usagi's embrace. He was vaguely aware of Usagi's muffled voice speaking from where her face was buried in his chest, "What was that?"
Usagi looked up at him with tear and sorrow-filled eyes but her voice was clear when she spoke, "Call me 'Usako,' just one more time before I leave."
That small and simple request nearly broke his heart and he tightened his hold, burying his face in the golden hair on top of her head, "Usako, my Usako… everything will be okay, you'll see."
She wanted to kiss him, she wanted to kiss him so badly it hurt, but she dare not. His kiss had always had a powerful effect on her and she knew, if she gave in and kissed him goodbye, she'd never be able to walk out the door and leave him to mull over his decision. With a heavy and reluctant heart, the young blonde lowered her arms and turned her back on Mamoru. Reaching the door, she managed to push the handle down and open the door before turning around and, having mustered all of her courage, flashed the man she loved a brilliant happy smile just as she would have on any other day, "Ja ne, Mamo-chan." Then she was gone and Mamoru was left standing alone and dejected in the middle of his own living room.