For Your Happiness
Chapter 3
There was a sense of finality in the way the door to Chiba Mamoru's apartment clicked shut. It was as if the door may never open again and this apartment would become not a home, but a prison. Usagi had left an incredibly heavy burden on Mamoru's shoulders when she had walked out of the apartment mere moments ago. The weight of that burden, while intangible, managed to drop the stunned young man to his knees in the middle of his own living room floor. He had promised her he would figure out if he, Chiba Mamoru, had ever loved her for just being Tsukino Usagi or if he could only love her as the reincarnation of Prince Endymion's soul mate, Moon Princess Serenity.
The biggest problem with keeping this promise was the mere fact that Mamoru could not remember anything about their relationship prior to Ail and En showing up with their Doom Tree and even those memories were a bit hazy until the final battle. He would just have to ask someone who had known him before those attacks. The other Sailor Senshi probably wouldn't be able to help as they would have spent most of their time with Usagi. He also got the feeling that Usagi had not informed the other senshi about her doubts or her plan for eliminating finding the truth. If Usagi was not going to inform the senshi on her own, Mamoru certainly wasn't going to get them involved either.
In the end, Mamoru was only able to think of one person who may be able to assist him. Slowly and mechanically, Mamoru dragged himself back up and into his bedroom to get dressed. It was almost four o'clock in the morning but he had to hope that this situation would be viewed as enough of an emergency to excuse the in-person wake-up call he was about to make.
Once fully dressed, Mamoru quickly made his way out of the apartment and down the block to the Crown Fruit Parlor. Ignoring the front doors, which he knew would be locked, he made his way around the back of the building where a set of wooden stairs lead to the door of the apartment above the popular hang-out. Once on the landing, Mamoru knocked on the apartment door. When he received no response, he knocked again.
Finally, after knocking half a dozen times, the door finally opened to reveal Furuhata Motoki's drowsy face, partially hidden behind a mess of sandy blonde hair. It took almost a minute for the arcade clerk's sleep hazed eyes to finally focus on the early morning visitor standing before them, but eventually recognition dawned, "Mamoru, I really hope you have a good reason for waking me up two hours before I normally get up?"
"I do, it involves Usagi." Mamoru responded knowing full well that Motoki thought of the bubbly blonde teen as a second younger sister and would happily suffer any amount of inconvenience to help her.
Sure enough, Motoki seemed much more alert after the uttering of Usagi's name and quickly opened the door wider to beckon Mamoru inside. The latter had barely crossed the threshold when the questions began, "What's wrong with Usagi? Have you dumped her again? I am not giving you anymore advice on how to get women to hate you so you had better go right back to her and make up."
"I wish it were that simple, Toki." Mamoru responded in a voice that sounded hollow even to his own ears.
"Oh? So you didn't dump her again?" Motoki responded in a suspicious tone.
"No, though our relationship is in jeopardy and you are probably the only one that can help me save it."
"Alright, what did you do?"
"What makes you think I did something?" Mamoru questioned vehemently.
"Because, Usagi-chan does everything she can to avoid causing you trouble or to keep you from being disappointed in her. You, on the other hand, usually say or do something that Usagi misinterprets because you never state your feelings clearly." Motoki responded bluntly.
Mamoru eyed him with annoyance, "I'm glad you have such a positive opinion of me. For your information though, I didn't do anything, at least not recently. The problem is with our alter-egos. You do remember the hidden Sailor Senshi headquarters that is under the Crown, don't you?"
Motoki laughed, "Of course I remember, I'm not likely to forget a thing like having the base of operations for Japan's premier super-heroes right under my family's business, am I? So, did Sailor Moon have a tiff with Tuxedo Kamen and Usagi's taking it out on you or something?"
"No. I should probably start at the beginning. The other day Kobayashi asked me to introduce him and Saori to my girlfriend. Apparently Saori had feelings for me and Kobayashi wanted to convince her to give up in light of my already being involved with someone. Unfortunately…"
"Unfortunately, Usagi-chan wasn't the mature and sophisticated woman that Kobayashi had been expecting and Saori-san wasn't dissuaded at all?" Motoki questioned.
"Bingo. Kobayashi actually had made a comment about Usagi being young and having countless chances to find love to which Usagi responded…"
"…that she already had you." Motoki finished.
"They laughed at her, as if it was a joke. I had pushed the event aside because I don't expect others to understand my relationship with Usagi and I don't really care whether they understand it or not. Apparently though, Chibiusa felt threatened by Saori's feelings and mentioned all the reasons she would be more fitting for me than Usagi to Usagi herself.
"Usagi shrugged it aside to calm Chibiusa but tonight she informed me that she had already acknowledged the same things as Chibiusa quite a while ago. Usagi is questioning whether I love her, Tsukino Usagi, as me, Chiba Mamoru, or whether my feelings for her are based on Prince Endymion's insistence on being with Princess Serenity's reincarnation. Unfortunately, after the fight with Beryl, all my memories prior to a few months ago are hazy at best. I can't remember how I felt about Usagi prior to discovering her past incarnation or even my own memories of my own incarnation."
"Which is why you came to me, because I knew you both before either of you became superheroes." Motoki stated simply.
"Exactly, and you're my only hope Toki. I can't ask the other Senshi because I don't think Usagi has mentioned any of this to them and I can't go to anyone else either because no one outside of the senshi except you knows enough to fully understand the situation."
"Well, I can certainly understand Usagi's perspective, you were quite cruel to her before you found out she was Sailor Moon and Princess Serenity. Unfortunately, I don't really know if I can be of any help. You are always too guarded with your feelings so it is possible that you were cruel to Usagi in an attempt to keep her at a distance and prevent yourself from falling for her. Then again, you could be quite cold to people in general if you were annoyed enough. It is equally possible that you disliked Usagi and were cruel to her in an attempt to get her to leave you alone.
"You're biggest problem Mamoru, is that you don't allow yourself to confide in anyone. You internalize everything so no one knows what you're thinking but yourself. You take for granted the fact that Usagi-chan seems to have an uncanny ability to know what you're thinking even when you refuse to tell her but, obviously, she wasn't capable of reading you so well back then. I'm sorry Mamoru, but you never told me how you felt about Usagi-chan though I did ask on a couple of occasions."
Mamoru sighed in dejection, "Well, maybe I can figure out what I was thinking if I knew how I was acting around her. What exactly did I do or say to her?"
"Hmm… you insulted her after seeing the grade she got on that test she threw at your head. After that, you made scathing remarks about her clumsiness, her intelligence, and her tendency to cry over small things. When I asked why you always picked on her, your only response was that, when you saw her, insults just spewed out of your mouth before you could stop them. You use to call her 'Odango Atama' all of the time too, as if you couldn't remember her name."
Mamoru winced as Motoki recounted his past crimes against Tsukino Usagi, "I did all of that to her and she still fell for me? What on earth was she thinking? Now I'm beginning to wonder if she isn't getting her feelings and Serenity's feelings mixed up."
"She's not. Tsukino Usagi was definitely in love with Chiba Mamoru before she found out about Tuxedo Kamen and Prince Endymion." Motoki responded with a confident tone.
"How can you be so sure?" Mamoru responded, his voice as skeptical as Motoki's had been confident.
"That's easy. I saw how she reacted to you and Rei-chan."
"Me and Rei? What happened between us?" All skepticism had left Mamoru's voice to be replaced by shock and curiosity.
"Man, you really don't remember anything, do you? You and Rei dated for a while. Usagi-chan was so jealous she even followed the two of you while you were on a date. She was so desperate to find out how you felt about Rei that she even asked Umino-kun out on a date so she could rent a boat with him and follow you out onto the lake without seeming suspicious."
"Usagi went on a date with Umino-kun, the stalker with the glasses? She did that just because she was jealous of Rei being on a date with me?"
"Yup, she did. Now, do you really think Usagi would have done such a thing if she didn't love you?"
Motoki's answer was Mamoru's silence. Mamoru had to admit, Motoki had a point. He distinctly remembered Usagi stating numerous times how thrilled she was the Umino-kun had finally asked Naru-chan out because it meant he would stop pursuing her affections. She thought Umino was a nice enough guy but far too overzealous for her to ever consider dating him unless it was life or death.
While Mamoru sat at Motoki's kitchen table mulling over the information he had just been given, he was unaware that the other male was staring at him in contemplation as well. Motoki honestly felt bad for Mamoru, the poor guy seemed to have more problems with memory than was fair. First he lost his parents and any memory he had ever had of them in a car accident, and then loses his memories again when he was kidnapped by an evil alien queen hell-bent on world domination. However, the recollection of Mamoru's childhood car accident brought another thought to mind, "Mamoru, what is Usagi going to do if you tell her Mamoru never loved her?"
The question seemed to snap Mamoru out of his thoughts, "She said she would separate my soul from Endymion's and allow me to move on."
"But if it were that easy, why wouldn't she just separate all the Senshi from their alter-egos?"
"Usagi said that it wasn't possible for them because their destiny is tied to the protection of the solar system. Why do you ask?"
"You told me once that Queen Serenity sent all of your souls here to be reincarnated, right?"
"Yeah, that's what she told the senshi. Where are you going with this Motoki?
"Were you with the scouts when she told them this?" Motoki asked. He desperately hoped that the theory he had just come up with was wrong but if not, Mamoru would have an even tougher choice to make than he thought.
"No, I believe I was already in Beryl's clutches by that time. What does this have to do with my problem?"
"Mamoru, I don't think Queen Serenity realized that Prince Endymion had been reincarnated as well. I remember Ami-chan stating once that only citizens of the Silver Millennium could be influenced by the Ginzuisho but Endymion was the Prince of Earth. You told me that Earth refused to join the Silver Millennium which means that Queen Serenity could not have reincarnated him."
"Well, maybe Ami-chan was wrong for once because I am most certainly his reincarnation. I've transformed into him enough times to be sure about that much."
"You told me Endymion had healing power's right? Well, what if he had enough power to reincarnate himself?"
"What? That's impossible, I would know if I had that much power." Mamoru was definitely feeling a bit lost now.
"Alright, maybe Endymion didn't reincarnate himself exactly but maybe he took over the body of someone whose soul was already leaving. Maybe… maybe the reason you can't remember your parents isn't because you had amnesia but because Endymion took over your body. You said that the doctors thought it was a miracle you survived the crash with such a severe head injury yet you had no other negative effects but your amnesia. With an injury as bad as you said it was, you should have at least been in a coma for a few days yet you said that the minute the anesthesia wore off you were wide awake."
Mamoru stared at his best friend in shock before chuckling, "Motoki, you've lost it." The laughter, however, could not dislodge the seed of doubt that had planted itself in Mamoru's mind.
"Okay, I know it sounds farfetched but, let me ask you this… would you have ever met Usagi and the Sailor Senshi if you hadn't lost your memory in that car crash? You're sole purpose for hunting down the Ginzuisho was to recover your memory of who you were which the princess in your dreams informed you could only be done with the crystal. But you haven't recovered any memories of Chiba Mamoru even though the crystal's been found. The only memories you've ever been able to recover have been those of…"
"Prince Endymion." Mamoru finished, a chill running down his spine as he said the name. "So you think that my memories of my parents disappeared because Endymion didn't want me to remember?"
"My guess is that, before he took over a body, he probably kept a close eye on Serenity's reincarnation. Didn't you meet Usagi in the hospital when you first woke up? Seems like an awfully big coincidence to me. Endymion would have known that the crystal's power would seal the Senshi's memories and that the only sure way for you to meet Serenity would have been by finding her yourself."
"They never figured out what caused my parent's car to veer off the road that night. Do you think…?"
"That Endymion caused the accident? I don't know, but it might be a possibility." Motoki responded sadly.
"If you're right, and Endymion erased my memories of being Chiba Mamoru, then that would mean that if my soul and his are separated I may get my memories of my parents back."
"I think so but you would also lose the ability to help the Sailor Senshi fight and you would be handing Usagi-chan over to whomever Endymion is reincarnated as next."
"You don't think…"
"That Usagi-chan knows about this? Of course not, if Usagi knew how to give your memories back to you, I'm sure she would have done it before now." Motoki responded confidently.
"You do realize that you just made this whole situation a lot more difficult than it was when I walked in here."
"Yeah and I'm sorry but I thought you had to know. Also, the thought about your car accident gave me another idea one that may help you solve the mystery of your feelings for Usagi-chan."
"Which is?"
"Didn't the doctors tell you to keep a journal after your accident?"
"Yes, I was supposed to write in a journal every day in case I remembered something."
"Have you been writing in one ever since?"
"You know I have, you gave me a new one for my birthday last… Motoki, you're a genius!" Mamoru yelled as he leapt from the chair he'd been seated in to hug his best friend.
Motoki just laughed and pushed the much more cheerful Mamoru towards the door, "Go on then, you have some reading to do."
Mamoru needed no further urging as he yanked open Motoki's apartment door and raced back towards his apartment.