This chapter ended up being longer than I thought and it took a little longer than I thought it would to write.

P.S. I don't own the SVU characters and I didn't write the lyrics to 'All I Want' by Kodaline (It is a beautiful song and the Ellie Goulding version is beautiful as well)

"All I want is nothing more/To hear you knocking at my door

'Cause if I could see your face once more/I could die a happy woman I'm sure

When you said your last goodbye/I died a little bit inside

I lay in tears in bed all night/Alone without you by my side

But if you loved me/Why'd you leave me

Take my body/Take my body

All I want is/And all I need is

To find somebody/I'll find somebody like you"

"Hey Amanda!" Nick caught up to his partner.

"Hey Nick." She smiled.

"Did London end up back at your place last night?" He asked as they walked in the precinct together.

"Yeah. Why?" She gave him a look.

"Just curious." He shrugged. "I honestly wondered if she went home with Barba."

She laughed.

"What's so funny?" He pressed the elevator button.

"She's not that kind of girl." Amanda stepped on the elevator. "But it wouldn't have surprised me if she did."

"He's crazy about her. I've never seen him like this."

"I haven't either." She agreed.

"I know you're enjoying London being here, but I miss you." He said in a low voice.

"I know." She missed him too.

He bumped his hand against hers.

She smiled. "I miss you too." She whispered before the elevator doors opened.

"Morning." Carisi greeted them when they walked in the squad room.

"Morning." Nick nodded.

"Morning Carisi." Amanda smiled.

Carisi couldn't help but wonder if he had interrupted something.

"Where's Liv?" Amanda asked.

"Barba called and she left for court." He began.

"Do we need to be there?" Nick sat at his desk.

"I don't think so." He shook his head.

London rolled over and fumbled for her phone when it started ringing. "Hello?" She mumbled, her voice groggy with sleep.

"Good morning." Rafael knew he had woken her up.

She chuckled at how cheerful he sounded. "Morning." Her head hurt. "You had better have a good reason for calling."

"I just wanted to hear your voice." He smirked.

Her face flushed and her heart skipped a beat. She did not expect that answer.

"And now that I have; I need you to come to the courthouse. I need to put Sonia on the stand. Liam isn't here and she won't talk to me. She called me an ass."

London chuckled. "I can't imagine why." She sat up in bed. "How much time do I have?"

"I need you here now."

"Okay. I'll catch a cab and show up in my pajamas and hungover." She fussed.

He chuckled. "I'd rather you not. I need you to be her translator."

"She speaks English."

"I know, but she is acting like she can't. I didn't know what else to do."

"Rafael Barba is in a pickle without me." She smirked.

"It's true." He admitted. "I'll make it up to you. Dinner? Tonight?" He offered.

She smiled. "That sounds nice. I'll be there soon."

London felt more awake by the time she arrived at the courthouse. She was walking up the steps when memories came flooding back. She hadn't been inside of a courthouse, let alone a courtroom, since the trial. She felt sick to her stomach. Her hands felt clammy.

Olivia saw her walk inside and walked up to her. "Hey London. Are you alright?"

London shook her head. "I thought I could do this, but I can't. Tell Rafael I'm sorry." She rubbed her hands on her pants.

"What's wrong?" Olivia was concerned about the woman.

"I haven't been to a courthouse since the man who shot my husband was on trial." She felt the tears well up in her eyes.

Olivia's heart sank. "I am so sorry." She remembered Rollins saying it hadn't ended well.

"It didn't hit me until just now." London shook her head, trying to rid herself of the painful memories.

"Let me call him." She pulled out her phone and called Barba.

"Liv. What is it?" He answered.

"I need you to come out here. I'm in the lobby talking to London."

"On my way." He ended the call.

"London." He saw she was upset. "What is it?"

"I thought I could do this, but the memories hit me and I can't." She blinked and the tears fell down her cheeks.

He brushed her tears away. "What do you mean?" He didn't understand.

"Barba." Olivia said cautiously. "She hasn't been in a courthouse since…"

"Damn it." Rafael frowned. Olivia didn't have to finish her sentence. "London. I am so sorry. I should never have asked you to do this. I didn't even think about that."

"I know." London nodded. "I didn't think about it until I got here. I'm sorry Rafi." She bit her lip to keep from crying.

"Don't be. You have no reason to be sorry." He kissed her forehead. "I should have thought it through. Forgive me?"

"Of course." She smiled.

"Are we still on for dinner tonight?"

"Definitely." She kissed his cheek.

"Hey Mandy." London answered her phone.

"Hey! Are you okay?" Amanda was glad she answered. "Liv told me what happened. I am so sorry!"

"I'm fine. Really."

"I wish I had known. I would have told Barba it was a bad idea."

"It's fine Mandy! I agreed to it and it didn't hit me until I got there. I talked to Sonia and she agreed to testify in English for me."

"That's fine, but I still feel bad."

"Don't."

"Let's go to dinner tonight. My treat."

"Can't. I have plans." She smirked.

"Really?" Amanda leaned back in her chair. "The one time I offer to pay, you have plans." She chuckled at the irony.

"I know." London laughed.

Amanda glanced up as Olivia and Barba walked in. "You wouldn't happen to have plans with a certain assistant district attorney would you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." London rolled her eyes. "But since I have plans, maybe you should make plans with a certain someone."

"Maybe I will." She laughed as she ended the call. "Counselor."

"Yes detective?" He looked at her.

"You wouldn't happened to have plans with London tonight would you?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about." He smirked.

"Uh huh."

Atlanta, Georgia, 4 years ago

"Amanda. It's Mama." Her mother tried to hold back tears and keep it together.

"Hey Mama. It's not a good time. Can I call you back?" They had just caught a case.

"Darlin', you need to come home." Her voice cracked.

"Mama. What is it?" A chill ran down her spine.

"It's Eddie. He was shot. He's… He's dead Amanda."

Amanda covered her mouth to stifle her scream. "No Mama!" Her heart shattered for her best friend.

Fin saw the young detective and knew something was terribly wrong. He guided her to the break room.

"I'm so sorry Darlin."

"I'll be home as soon as I can. Bye Mama." She set her phone down. "Fin, I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be. Something obviously happened." He was concerned.

"Yeah. Um, my best friend's husband was shot and killed. He was Atlanta PD." She started sobbing.

"Damn. I am so sorry. What do you need? Time off? I'll clear it with Cragen."

"Time off." She nodded.

London collapsed against the hospital wall and slumped to the floor. She couldn't breathe. This wasn't real. It couldn't be real. Eddie couldn't be gone.

"London!"

She looked up at Jack Lewis. Her husband's partner.

"London? Are you with me?"

"I wish I wasn't." She blubbered. Tears streamed down her face. Her heart had been ripped out of her chest, stomped on, and shattered into a million pieces.

He knelt beside her taking her hand in his. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep him safe. It was supposed to be routine." He cried.

"This is not on you Jack." She leaned her head against him.

He dropped her hand and wrapped her in a hug.

"Jack?!" His wife Molly ran to him. "Oh my gosh Jack!" She saw the blood on his clothes.

"Molly!" He jumped up and threw his arms around her.

"Thank God you're alright! But Eddie. Oh God." She started crying again. "Oh London." She dropped to her knees to hug her friend.

Amanda rang the doorbell at her best friend's house. She couldn't believe London was still staying there.

"Hi Amanda." Molly answered the door. "Come on in."

"Thanks." She stepped in and closed the door behind her.

"Mandy!" London walked out of the kitchen.

"London!" The two friends embraced.

London broke down in sobs.

"I'm so sorry." Amanda hugged her tight. "I got here as soon as I could." She cried. "I'm so sorry!"

Harvard University

Rafael watched London walk away from him. The woman of his dreams. He wanted to kick himself for being so stupid. He wanted to wake up from the nightmare. He honestly couldn't imagine his life without her; now he would have to. He decided in that moment to throw himself into his work; it was the only other thing that had ever mattered.

Rafael about choked on his coffee when he saw London with another man. He wanted to talk to her, but didn't know how.

London felt eyes on her. She looked to her left and saw Him. She gave him a small smile. She turned to Eddie to give him her order before walking over to Rafael. "Hello."

"Hello." He smiled. "Now that I've seen you again I can die happy."

"Rafael Barba." Her face flushed. "You shouldn't say such things."

"I know." He shrugged. "What's it been? Six months?" It had felt like years without her.

"Something like that." She was trying to move on, but she still missed him.

"Here you are Darling." Eddie handed her coffee to her.

"Thank you Sweetheart." She smiled at him. "Eddie, this is Rafael Barba. We were at Harvard together."

"Eddie Winters. It's a pleasure." He held out his hand.

"Likewise." He shook the man's hand. "Take care of her."

"Will do." Eddie nodded.

"Nice to see you London."

"You too Rafael."

He nodded and walked out of the café. It stung that she had moved on. And it stung that he was more cordial to the man than he cared to be.

Present Day

London arrived at the restaurant at seven. She was wearing a navy blue dress and had curled her hair.

She checked her phone and couldn't remember if Rafael had told her seven or seven-thirty. She always preferred to be early. She glanced at her phone again and couldn't help but wonder if he would forget about dinner.

Rafael walked in the restaurant at seven-fifteen. He was surprised to London already sitting at the table he had reserved. "Hey." He smiled when he walked up to her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Hi." She smiled.

"I thought I told you seven-thirty? Or did I tell you seven?" He draped his coat over the chair next to hers before sitting across from her.

"I thought you said seven. But maybe you didn't." She shrugged. "It's fine though."

He reached across the table for her hand. "I'm sorry if I worried you, if I made you think I had forgotten again." He had never forgiven himself for putting his school work before her. He swore he would never put anything ahead of her again.

She squeezed his hand. "But you didn't forget." She smiled.

He grinned.

"I haven't seen that in a long time." He use to grin at her like that all the time.

"Haven't had a reason to." He winked at her.

London pushed the last piece of her steak around the plate with her fork.

"What is it?" Rafael asked. "And don't say it's nothing." He smirked.

She shrugged. "My house sold today." She spoke absently. "I found out this afternoon and I've had mixed emotions about it."

"Is the sale a good thing?" He asked as she finished her steak.

"Yes and no. I guess."

"When did you put it on the market?"

"A few months ago."

"It sold fast."

"It did. I had been talking about it. Celia thought I should sell it. My friend Molly offered to list it for me. I figured it wouldn't hurt."

"And then it sold."

"Yep. It's a good thing, but it's hard right now." She felt a lump in her throat.

"I'm sorry." He offered.

"Thank you Rafi."

"For what?" He didn't understand.

"For being so sweet to me."

He chuckled nervously. "You're welcome."

"I mean it." She reached for his hand.

"I know you did. I meant it too. I was stupid to you before and I never want to do it again." He squeezed her hand.

"You know what? I could go for a coffee." She smirked.

"I could too, and I just so happen to know a place."

The couple walked out of the restaurant together. Rafael had his arm around her waist. London enjoyed being close to him. They walked to a coffee shop a block up the street and sat in a corner booth.

"It may not look like much, but the coffee makes up for it." He smiled.

"I'll say." She sipped her coffee. "I'll be up all night."

"There is such a thing as decaf. You know that right?" He teased her.

"I know." She gave him a playful shove.

He laughed and leaned in to kiss her.

She smiled against his lips. She knew she still loved him. She wanted to tell him.

"London. I want you in my life. I love you." He stroked her cheek.

She remembered the first time he told her he loved her and how it made her feel. She felt the same butterflies that she felt before. "I love you too Rafi." She beamed. "I love you." She whispered again before kissing him.

"Hey." Amanda looked up when London let herself in the apartment.

"Hey." London smiled.

"I wasn't sure what time you'd be in."

"Did you have a nice night?" London saw the pizza box and beer bottles on the coffee table.

"Yeah. You know. Don't you?" She rolled her eyes.

"Two beer bottles was kind of a give away, but yeah I know. I already knew." London sat on the couch with her friend.

"So how was your night? I take it Barba showed up this time?"

"He did." London smiled. "Dinner was perfect. He was perfect. We walked to a coffee place not far from the restaurant. He kissed me and told me he wanted me in his life and that he loved me." She beamed.

Amanda covered her mouth in excitement.

London laughed at her reaction.

"What did you say?!" Amanda demanded.

"I felt like I did the first time he told me he loved me. I told him that I loved him. I am in love with him. There's no doubt in my mind." She felt the tears well up. "And I'm happy. Really happy." She sniffled and wiped the tears away. "I don't know why I'm crying. I'm not sad."

"I know you're not." Amanda hugged her. "I'm so happy for you."

London opened the door when she heard a knock. It was Nick.

"Oh." His smile faded. "Um, good morning."

"Nice try." She stepped aside to let him in.

"Hey Nick." Amanda saw him. "She knows."

"Okay. Cool." He thought they had been careful enough.

"I've known." London smiled.

"Is it that obvious?" He was worried that Liv would find out.

"London is just very perceptive." She shot her friend a look. She didn't want her to freak Nick out.

"Amanda told me you sold your house."

"Uh yeah. I did." London nodded.

"Congrats and condolences."

"Thank you Nick." She gave him a smile.

"I can't imagine how hard it is."

She nodded, checking the text message from her sister-in-law. She responded and looked back at Amanda and Nick. "I'm meeting Rachel for breakfast."

"Does she know?" Amanda asked.

"Yeah. I'll see y'all later."

London walked in the diner and saw Rachel had a table by a window. "Hi Rachel."

"Hey!" Rachel stood up and hugged her. "How are you doing? Really?" She asked as they sat down. The waitress brought London a mug of coffee.

"I'm conflicted. On the one hand I'm glad the house sold, but on the other…" Her voice trailed off and she sipped her coffee.

"I understand the mixture of emotions. I'm glad it sold, but part of me is sad because it was my baby brother's house."

"It's not the only reason I'm conflicted."

"What do you mean?"

"I have reconnected with my Harvard boyfriend."

"The one right before Eddie?"

"Mmhmm." London nodded with a smile.

"Celia said something about Amanda fixing you up with a guy here in the city." Rachel chuckled. "Same guy huh?"

"Yeah."

"Good for you London. You look happy. And I know that's what Eddie would want for you."

"I know. I just always thought 'Till death do us part' would be decades away. A part of me feels guilty that I'm moving on."

"Don't you dare feel guilty!" Rachel grabbed London's hands. "I know how much Eddie loved you and I can tell how much you still love him. I know that all he would want is for you to be happy, loved and safe." She squeezed her hands. "Don't feel guilty for doing something that he would want."

"I am absolutely appalled at how you exploited your patients at the most vulnerable times of their lives." The Judge spoke to the doctor before sentencing. Rafael sat and listened. The doctor had been found guilty of the counts of healthcare fraud, false statements, and conspiracy to commit fraud. He was found not guilty on the counts of medical malpractice. They were unable to prove medical malpractice. The fraud charges alone would strip him of his medical license. "Members of the jury, the State of New York thanks you for your service."

Rafael could hear Sonia sobbing. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"You did everything you could." Olivia said kindly.

"Did I?" He huffed as they walked out.

Sonia saw them and walked up to them.

"I am so sorry. I was sure we had him." He apologized.

"I know. Thank you for what you did." Her eyes were red.

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more." He tried to smile.

"It wasn't the verdict we wanted, but he's going to prison for the rest of his life." Liam added.

"I'm so sorry that this happened." Olivia felt bad for them.

"I can't help but wonder if my article caused the problem."

"I don't think that had anything to do with it." She shook her head.

"But what if it did?" He asked sadly.

Thank you for reading. Let me know what you thought, if you like it or not and any suggestions etc. :)