For Your Happiness
Chapter 5
Mamoru was beyond frustrated. He had immediately started pouring over his old journals upon arriving back at his apartment but, four hours later, he was still no closer to finding answers than he had been when he started. Beyond an initial entry when he was 8-years-old, about a 5-year-old girl giving him a rose to comfort him, he'd made very few entries about Usagi. When they had initially met at teenagers, Mamoru had been concerned about becoming Tuxedo Kamen every night as well as his dreams of the mysterious princess and had not written much about his day-to-day life.
Eventually he stumbled upon a gap in his journaling, a period of a couple months that was missing, most likely a result of being kidnapped by Queen Beryl. That period was followed by mundane entries up until an entry about a meteor landing in downtown Tokyo. Mamoru assumed that the meteor was actually the landing of Ail and En because the subsequent entries mentioned the two new 'exchange students' he'd seen around town. Usagi and the other Senshi also appeared in the entries though Mamoru noted, Usagi initially appeared as 'an insane odango atama' who accosted him with 'childishly drawn pictures of a stupid fairy tale'. Well, that certainly didn't point toward there being any affection toward Usagi from Mamoru's side.
The words 'Odango Atama' appeared frequently after that initial encounter but without any indication about how Mamoru felt about the blonde girl he kept bumping into. At that point, Mamoru began cursing is decision to be as matter-of-fact in these journals as possible. It was clear he had tried to avoid writing down his emotional feelings in regard to events and opted to just state the day-to-day occurrences as if he were filing a report. The only entries that seemed to indicate any feeling toward Usagi all seemed to be dated after the final confrontation with Ail and En, when he had once again regained his memories of being Prince Endymion. Motoki's suspicion that Endymion was controlling Mamoru's memories seemed more and more accurate by the moment.
It was clear that his journals were not going to give him any clear answers to his current dilemma so he carefully placed them back on their designated shelf and opted for a more extreme option. After putting away the journals, Mamoru made his way toward another bookshelf, one with a glass display case on top of it. Ignoring the books, he lifted the glass cover and took out one of the four stones displayed beneath it. With the kunzite stone in hand, he carefully replaced the glass encasement before sitting down on the couch. Placing the stone on the coffee table before him, he sat back and concentrated. Thankfully, it didn't take long for the spectral image of Prince Endymion's best friend and most trusted guard to materialize above the stone.
"My Prince, how may I be of service?"
"Hello, Kunzite. I would like to speak to you as Chiba Mamoru, if that's alright?"
"Of course, Mamoru-san."
"I was wondering if you could answer some questions about Prince Endymion for me."
"I can certainly try. What do you wish to know?"
Mamoru sighed deeply before responding, "I'm not sure, exactly. Usagi believes that Prince Endymion's influence is the foundation for my relationship with her because during the periods when I have no memory of being Endymion, I'm not particularly kind of Usagi. She came here early this morning telling me she would allow me to choose to separate myself from Endymion if I, as Mamoru, have no feelings for her. I tried asking my friend Motoki about how I might have felt about her prior to regaining Endymion's memories but he said I had never told him of how I felt. The conversation led to Motoki wondering if Endymion may have caused the accident that killed my parents and taken over my body, healing it and erasing all previous memories in the process."
"I see. So, you're wondering if His Highness is blocking your memories of how you felt about Usagi in order to keep you close to her as well as whether he would be capable and willing to kill in order to be reincarnated?"
"Yes."
"Well, I can assure you that Prince Endymion was a noble individual and would not have deliberately caused someone pain in order to further his own goals so I do not think he was behind the unfortunate car accident that killed your family. That being said, I do believe that he may wish to keep you away from Tsukino-san when she is not being associated with the Moon Princess."
Mamoru had breathed a sigh of relief at Kunzite's confidence in Endymion's inability to cause undue harm for his own gains. Unfortunately, that relief had been short lived when he finally processed the last part of Kunzite's statement. "What would Endymion have to gain by keeping me away from Usagi?"
"I am not sure, but the fact that you seem to act differently toward Tsukino-san when you are unaware she is Princess Serenity than you do when you have such an awareness is very strange to me. To your knowledge, did you ever treat anyone else in your life with the same hostility that you showed to Tsukino-san?"
"No." Mamoru responded before pausing to rethink his response, "I mean, I'm not particularly open and friendly with anyone, I prefer to keep to myself but I was never outright offensive to anyone either. Motoki seemed to find my behavior towards her odd as well and he knows me, as Mamoru, better than anyone else."
Kunzite seemed to mull over this information for several minutes before responding, "Prince Endymion often presented a detached persona when dealing with others, though he was always kind and courteous to them. It sounds as though you have the same trait. Thus, I find it very suspicious that you would treat a random stranger in such an unusual way which indicates that Endymion, while residing in your subconscious, recognized who Tsukino-san was and deliberately addressed her with hostility. I suspect that Prince Endymion knows something about the dynamic between Tsukino-san and Princess Serenity that we are, as yet, unaware of."
Mamoru considered this new information for a moment. Was it possible there was something no one knew about Usagi and Serenity's connection that made being with Usagi dangerous? It would certainly explain a lot of lingering inconsistencies about the information they learned in Crystal Tokyo. After all, Mamoru had never been able to swallow his future self's excuse that those terrible nightmares about Serenity's death had been a 'test of their affection' for one another. Come to think of it, in those nightmares, Mamoru had been marrying Usagi but it wasn't Usagi that was killed but Serenity and the voice has said to stay away from Usagi Tsukino, not Princess Serenity. "Something is wrong about all of this, that's for sure. Thank you for speaking with me, Kunzite. I think I know what I need to do."
Kunzite gave a curt bow, "Anytime, Mamoru-san. Before I depart, may I speak frankly?"
Mamoru paused as he reached for the kunzite stone, "Of course."
"In my time working with Queen Beryl, I encountered Sailor Moon and Tsukino-san on occasion and, what I witnessed on those occasions did not correspond with my memories of Princess Serenity. Tsukino-san definitely has her faults and often comes across as awkward and often seems unqualified to be Sailor Moon however, she has an ability to draw people to her and, more importantly, to change people's hearts to an extent that Princess Serenity could not. I hope that, whatever is occurring now, Tsukino-san will remain as she is now. I think the world, and you in particular, would be much better off." The Earth General gave a final bow before vanishing.
Contemplating Kunzite's final words, Mamoru picked up the now dormant stone and placed it back in its display case. The General's information had not gotten him any closer to discovering his true feelings for Usagi. Instead, it had hardened his resolve to find the truth as it seemed there might be much more at stake than just Usagi's feelings. Resigned that he would have to do the one thing he swore not to, Mamoru picked up his phone and dialed the number for Hikawa Shrine. After two rings, the line was answered by the reserved voice of the usually boisterous head priest, "Hikawa Shrine."
"Konichiwa, Hino-san. This is Chiba Mamoru. I was wondering if I could speak to Rei-chan?
"Ah, Mamoru-kun, it's been a while since you've called. Rei's right here." This statement was followed by a shuffling sound as the phone was passed from the elder Hino to his granddaughter.
"Mamoru-san, is everything alright?" Rei's concerned voice poured over the line. No doubt the priestess thought something had happened to Usagi.
"I'm not sure. Could you do a fire reading for me? I need some information and I think you may be the only one who can help."
Rei's voice sounded hesitant when she replied, "Of course but what's this about?"
"Usagi asked me to do something for her, something I don't think she mentioned to you and the other Senshi but I've exhausted all other resources and I think you're the only one left who can help. I'll explain everything when I get to the shrine."
"I'll be ready when you get here." That was the last thing he heard before the click of the phone receiver hitting its base. No matter how much Usagi and Rei fought and insulted one another, there was no doubt that the fire-wielding priestess had a soft-spot for her crybaby friend. Without another thought, Mamoru grabbed his jacket and left his apartment, heading for Hikawa Shrine and, hopefully, some answers.