For Your Happiness
Chapter 7
Mamoru climbed the steps to Hikawa Shrine as quickly as he could. When he finally reached the top, the raven-haired Rei was waiting for him already dressed in her priestess robes her arms crossed across her chest, "Before you take another step you had better tell me what's going on."
It was clear that Rei was going to be uncooperative until she found out the whole story so, after taking a deep breath, Mamoru explained everything to the best of his ability. As he talked, he saw Rei's eyes widen with every new revelation. When he finally finished, Rei was looking contemplative.
Eventually, she spoke, "So, what exactly do you want the fire to tell you?"
"I want to know what's truly at stake with this decision, whether or not Endymion has been affecting my feelings for Usagi, and what those feelings might really be."
"Well, you're not asking for much, are you?" Rei sighed, "Very well, follow me. I can't guarantee that the flames will be able to give you all the answers but they should at least help clarify things a bit." With that, she began walking towards the temple with Mamoru following closely behind.
As they approached the room containing the Sacred Fire, Rei gave Mamoru instructions to follow during her pyromancy session, "You must be as quiet and as still as possible. Breathe slowly through your nose to insure that your breathing doesn't disturb the flames as that could result in a false reading. Also, you're in tune with the Earth so you may hear things or see things in your mind as a result of that connection so be aware that the things you see and hear may not mean what you think they do. I will tell you what I learned when the reading is done."
"Alright. Out of curiosity, how likely is it that I'm going to see and hear things?" If the things he might hear during the fire-reading session might bear any resemblance to the nightmares he'd had during the Black Moon incident, he wasn't entirely convinced he wanted to experience them.
"It's highly unlikely since we're dealing with the fire element in an enclosed setting but I thought I should mention it, just in case. Don't worry about it too much. Instead, I want you to focus on the questions you want answered. Clear your mind of anything and everything else." With that, Rei entered the room with the Sacred Fire and took up her position in front of the fire. Mamoru settled on the floor behind her and worked to slow his breathing and clear his mind. Even as he heard Rei chanting the sutras, he could feel himself relax as the questions he wanted answers to became the sole focus as his thoughts. Eventually, even the priestesses' voice faded from his awareness and a calm quiet settled over his mind.
What felt like only moments later, Mamoru was drawn out of the stillness of his mind by Rei gently shaking his shoulder, "Mamoru, the reading is over."
Mamoru shook himself back to reality before leveling a curious gaze on the priestess, "What did you learn?"
"Quite a lot, actually. However, I don't think this is the best place to talk about it. We'll go into the tea room and discuss it there. You go on ahead, you remember where the tea room is, right? I'll go ask Grandpa to brew us some green tea. Mamoru quickly nodded and headed off to the room Rei had mentioned. Rei, however, hesitated in the fire room, staring into the flames. She had found the answers Mamoru had wanted but she hesitated to tell him everything. It would be easy enough to tell Mamoru whether or not Endymion was altering his feelings for Usagi and equally easy to inform him of what the fire had disclosed regarding what those true feelings were. However, the truth about what was at stake, what truly depended upon his decision, was something that Rei couldn't bear to know, let alone disclose.
Knowing Usagi better than the other Senshi, understanding her better, Rei understood why Usagi had not wanted her friends and Mamoru to know the truth. She also knew that telling Mamoru that Usagi's very existence might depend on his choice would inevitably influence his decision. If Mamoru made his choice knowing what was truly at stake, he may choose Usagi out of obligation to keep her soul alive and Usagi deserved better than that. At the same time, Rei was dying to share the information with Mamoru because she couldn't bear the thought of losing the bouncy, energetic Usagi that she knew and loved. In the end, it was Rei's desire for her friend's happiness that ultimately solidified her decision. The priestess would not tell Mamoru that Usagi's existence may ride on his choice. Instead, if her friend was truly fated to fade from existence, Rei would make sure that those who surrounded Usagi until then were those who truly loved her for who she was.
Squaring her shoulders, Rei made her way to the tea room. She took a moment to fetch some freshly brewed tea from the kitchen and brought it with her, knowing that the hot liquid would help ground her and Mamoru. Upon entering the room, she found Mamoru sitting at the table, staring out at the garden. Rei quietly approached the table and set both teacups on the wooden surface, on in front of Mamoru and the other in front of herself.
The sound of the cups connecting with the table's surface must have stirred Mamoru from his thoughts and he turned his hopeful gaze on Rei, "What did you learn?"
Rei gracefully took a sip of the steaming tea to steady herself before responding, "Endymion did, in fact, influence your behavior toward Usagi while you were unaware of his presence."
"Why would he do that?"
The priestess had been hoping Mamoru wouldn't ask that question, "Though I know the answer to that question, I cannot tell you."
"What?! Rei, this is important. I need these answers if I'm going to decide what to do."
"But that's just it, Mamoru. Usagi wants you to make this decision based on your feelings as Mamoru, not based on what might happen because of that decision. Don't you see? If I tell you why Endymion did what he did… if I tell you what is at stake, those pieces of information are going to influence your decision. If that happens, you may end up choosing to stay with Usagi not because you love her but because you're afraid of what might happen if you don't choose her." This statement seemed to stun Mamoru into silence so the priestess continued, "Usagi doesn't deserve to spend the rest of her life wondering whether she's loved for who she is or whether you're merely staying by her side out of some kind of obligation. I wish I could tell you, Mamoru, I truly do… but in the interest of Usagi's happiness, I can't."
Mamoru opened his mouth to argue and then thought better of it. As he considered everything Rei had just said, he began to see the reasoning behind her decision. Taking a deep breath to regain his composure, he nodded slowly before nodding, "You're right. I'm sorry I freaked out at you, Rei. This whole situation is stressing me out and now I'm at yet another dead end." Pausing, he ran his hands through his hair in frustration, "I just don't know what to do. Did you at least find out how I feel about her, as just Mamoru?"
Rei sighed, "Unfortunately, no. You see, technically, in the entire time you've known Usagi, you've never been 'just Mamoru'. Ever since your parents' accident, you've been Endymion and Mamoru. Endymion's influence has kept Mamoru from being able to develop any feelings for Usagi."
The raven-haired man hung his head in defeat. Rei had been his last hope and now even that had been snuffed out. "So, what am I supposed to do Rei?"
The priestess shook her head, "Only you have the ability to answer that question, no one else can answer it for you. I would suggest, however, that you think about your options carefully before making a decision. You might even try talking to Usagi and seeing what she thinks."
"She's the one who put me in this situation in the first place."
"True, but she probably didn't fully realize how complete entwined you and Endymion's life experiences have been up to this point. It wouldn't hurt to ask, after all you know Usagi will do anything to ensure your happiness and well-being."
"You're right. I'll use the time Usagi gave me to think things through and, if I don't have a solution by her deadline then I'll talk to her about it." Mamoru stated before downing his now lukewarm tea and standing up, "Thank you, Rei, for all your help. I really do appreciate it."
"Anytime. Take care of yourself and make sure that whatever decision you come to that it's something that will make you happy as well."
Mamoru nodded, "I'll try." With that he gave Rei a formal bow and headed back home.