Chapter 13

Angela watched with bleary eyes as the numbers lit up on the elevator, one by one by one. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. It was so agonizingly slow it put her into a trance, which was the last thing she needed in her exhausted state. She yawned yet again as the elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open. She mindlessly trudged out of the elevator with a couple other people, not realizing until the doors closed behind her that she hadn't even checked the floor number. She sighed. Perhaps, by some stroke of luck, she'd gotten off on the right floor. She started slowly down the hall.

So many of the floors in the E-Corp building were identical. Angela had gotten a bit lost on her first day. But she couldn't place all the blame on the building. Mostly she hadn't been paying proper attention due to her nerves. It was the same situation she found herself in today, only now it was due to tiredness.

Angela stopped walking and forced herself out of her haze. This certainly wasn't her floor. On this floor there was a large window that looked into a meeting room, which was currently filled with the usual group of important looking men in suits. Angela turned to go back to the elevators, then immediately jerked to a halt as something caught her eye. Angela stood there frozen and stared into the meeting room. A familiar pair of green eyes stared back. The men in the room had started to push back in their chairs and get to their feet. One stood and blocked that piercing gaze from Angela's view. That snapped her out of it.

Move.

Angela hurried down the hall…going in the wrong direction. She was in a blind panic. Get a hold of yourself. Behind her the door to the meeting room opened, and the hallway was filled with the placid and all-business voices of employees. It was too late to turn around now. Angela attempted to breathe normally as she searched for an elevator. No luck. Nothing. Office, office, office. Stairs? None. There, a bathroom. That would do.

Angela pushed open the door and entered the bright white space. She braced herself on the sink, her heart pounding. All those things she'd said…No, she knew she had to calm down. It didn't matter what she'd said. He couldn't get her in trouble. Even so, she didn't want to see him. She'd just stay in the bathroom until he left the hall to go about his usual business, whatever that was. Angela took a deep breath. She was fine. Everything was fine. She'd wait just a couple more minutes and then—

The bathroom door flew open, bouncing off the wall with a resounding clunk. The footfalls on the tiles were the loudest sounds in the world.

Angela didn't move. She stared down at the sink, watching the faucet drip. Calm down. You're being paranoid. It's not him. Angela lifted her head and stared into the mirror. Her terrified eyes stared back at her. And he was there too, standing a few feet behind her, hands in his pockets.

"You're really something." Emanuel's quiet voice echoed around the room. "You're so full of rage." He sounded amused. "You can't even hold it in, you just—spill your guts to some stranger. And the arrogance too." He pulled his hands out of his pockets and took a few steps closer.

Angela watched him in the mirror, taking a few deep, shuddering breaths.

"You think I'm stupid, don't you?" he chuckled. "That whole drunk chick routine was pretty funny. I'm sorry you didn't reel in the rapist you were fishing for." He edged even closer. His gaze was sharp, his jaw tight. "I think it's in your best interest to watch what you say. Especially when you don't even know who you're talking to."

Angela trembled. He was right behind her now, so close she felt his breath on the back of her neck.

"I solve problems," he said. "That's my job. I hope you're not going to be a problem."

Angela tensed as he dragged his fingers through her hair. She let out a small, involuntary noise of fear she wished she hadn't, because then his eyes lit up.

"Don't worry," he said, his voice silky. "I'm not going to hurt you. I don't want you to be a problem." He curled his fingers around her hair. "I'm adept at reading people, and I think you'd make a great executive. You have exactly what it takes. Besides that…" He let out a breathy sigh. "You're a good lay. Though, if you want to know why you're still single, it's probably due to certain aspects of your personality." He chuckled. "I don't think most men like women that act like they're constantly having their periods."

Angela breathed fast, her throat aching from trying not to sob. She felt like a small animal in a bear trap.

Emanuel wrapped a lock of her hair around his finger. "Anyway, what you need to take away from our conversation is this—" He grabbed a fistful of her hair and yanked her head back "—don't be a problem."

Angela bit down hard on the inside of her lip to stop herself from letting out a yelp of pain. She wouldn't give him any more power over her. Her eyes were locked on the floor as Emanuel leaned close, his hot breath washing over her face.

"Do you understand?" he asked slowly.

Angela couldn't speak. She nodded as much as she could in her captive position. She just wanted this to be over.

"Good."

Angela let out a gasp of relief when he finally released her. She felt like her stomach and ribs and brain and every other part of her had been ripped to shreds. She listened to Emanuel's thundering footsteps as he left the bathroom. He spat out some insult akin to "stupid fucking bitch," only worse. Angela didn't think she'd ever have a day where being called that word would be the least horrible thing to happen to her.

Angela took a few shaky breaths to calm herself. She wanted to get out of this room. But she didn't want to go out there and do her job like normal and act like everything was fine. But that was exactly what she was going to do, what she had to do.

Angela took the briefest moment to compose herself. Then she left.

At the end of the day, Angela found herself in front of a familiar door. A door with chipping dark green paint and dirty bronze numbers hanging loosely from the scratched wood. Angela shifted her bag onto her shoulder and raised her hand to knock, then she hesitated. She'd told her not to come around here. Neither she nor Elliot wanted her too near to everything during this sensitive time. They'd done it, hadn't they? She strongly suspected they were behind the hack. If they weren't solely responsible, they at least helped in some way. That's why they didn't want her around. But they were being a bit silly, weren't they? Angela just wanted to talk, and not about anything to do with the hack or any future ones. She needed this right now. She'd made her choice.

She knocked rapidly on the door.

It was quiet a moment. Then footsteps sounded from inside, getting louder and louder as they approached the door. Then the lock clicked and the door swung open.

Angela smiled at her friend. She was glad to see her face, even if it was currently crumpled with displeasure. "Hi, Darlene."

Darlene rolled her eyes. "Bye, Angela." She slapped her hand on the door and backed into her apartment.

Angela stopped the door with her fist. She stared at Darlene's scowling face and tried to ignore the pain in her hand. "I just wanted to talk for a bit," she told her calmly.

Darlene leaned out the door. "I'm busy." She tried to close the door again, but Angela wouldn't let her. "Why?" she whined.

"Please?" Angela begged, wishing she had the energy to say more.

"I am busy!" Darlene repeated, drawing out the last word to a ridiculous length. "And—shit, can you not remember anything either? You and my brother are a match made in mentally ill heaven! I told you: don't come around here and just, like—"

"Come on!" Mobley yelled from somewhere inside the apartment. "Just let her in! You're being paranoid!"

Angela smiled, pleased that someone was on her side. "You're being paranoid," she echoed coolly.

Darlene groaned loudly. She stormed back into the apartment, throwing her arms up in frustration. "Shit! Fine! You can come in! Is everyone done ganging up on me now?!"

Angela followed her in. Trenton and Mobley were sitting on the couch, eyes glued to their laptops.

Mobley shot her a brief, amused look. "She's gone full E-Corp."

Trenton grinned at the comment.

Angela just stared at them, stone-faced. She wasn't in the mood for those sorts of jokes today.

Darlene sighed. "I need some air." She eyed Angela as she hurried to the door. "You wanna talk or what? Move your ass!"

Angela caught up to her in the dimly lit hallway. Darlene sped up as they climbed down the cracked stone stairs, and Angela struggled to keep up with her. Obviously Darlene had been wanting to get outside for a while, and this was the perfect excuse for doing so.

Darlene pushed open the front door and plopped down on the stoop. Angela sat down beside her. It was nearly nighttime. A nearby streetlight flickered, desperate for the dark.

Darlene breathed in deeply, relishing the cool air. She cocked her head towards Angela and studied her face. She snorted.

Angela blinked. "What?"

Darlene smiled knowingly. "You got laid last night, didn't you? Come on, admit it."

Angela scoffed, but Darlene's smile was contagious. "Yes, I did."

Darlene nodded approvingly. "Nice. Was it any good? Don't hold out on me. Give me those deets."

"It…it was fine."

Darlene huffed and shoved her friend in frustration. "Come on, give me something! Anything! At least tell me if you got off."

Angela smiled in faint amusement. "Aren't we a little old to be talking about this stuff?"

"Old? Pff! Are you kidding me? What, you think you're so above it all? Please. 'Ooh, look at me,'" Darlene spoke in a ridiculously high-pitched voice, "'I'm Angela! I've done every guy in the city but I'm not gonna tell my friend anything 'cause I'm a grown-up now!'"

Angela was not so amused anymore. "Every guy in the city, huh?" she muttered.

"Hey, you remember when we first got here? You banged your way up and down Fifth Avenue!"

"That was two guys."

"Yeah, but—"

"And that didn't happen on Fifth Avenue."

Darlene waved dismissively. "Okay, obviously you're not here to talk about this shit." She smiled warmly at her friend. "What's up?" Worry flashed in her eyes. "Everything okay?"

"Not really," Angela admitted.

Darlene nodded in understanding. "Work sucks, right?" she guessed.

"Kind of, yeah."

Darlene grinned, nudging her friend with her elbow. "You go full E-Corp yet?" She chuckled through her words.

There it was again. Is this what they joked about when she wasn't around? Angela felt herself smiling though. She found more humor in the joke when Darlene was the one saying it. "Not yet," she replied. "But when it happens, you'll be the first to know."

Darlene gave a thumbs-up. "Cool." She took a moment to look out at the street, the dark pavement and buildings now illuminated by streetlights and neon. She sighed quietly and stared down at her nails, picking at them absentmindedly. "I miss him," she murmured.

Angela felt a pang of sadness. "Me too."

Darlene groaned and rubbed her stomach. "And the low blood sugar is not helping my shit mood. Can't remember the last time I ate anything."

Angela slid her bag off her shoulder and unzipped it. "I have a salad," she told her. Angela had planned to eat it for lunch as usual, but the incident with Emanuel had left her feeling too nauseous to even think about food. She also didn't want to run the risk of having to converse with Winnie again. She hated pretending to be cheerful while listening to her babbling.

Darlene frowned. "Salad? Thought you hated salad. It's like I don't even know you anymore."

Angela pulled out the plastic container and handed it to Darlene, who very reluctantly took it. "I do hate salad. But the dressing's really good."

Darlene stared doubtfully at the container. She popped the lid, pinched the dressing cup between her fingers, and examined it.

"Really, it's good," Angela insisted.

Darlene shook her head as she opened the cup and squished its contents into the salad. She took the fork and shoveled some lettuce into her mouth. She chewed slowly, her eyes narrowed. Then she opened her mouth and let the food fall back into the container. "That's freaking disgusting!" she yelled, spitting and gagging. "You like this shit?"

"Yeah," Angela muttered, simultaneously distressed and amused by her reaction.

Darlene shoved the container into Angela's hands. "Tastes like jizz."

"…Okay."

"That's probably what it is. Like, leftover bull semen that never got into the cow or whatever." Darlene raised her eyebrows. "Hey, since we're talking about bodily fluids—"

"Umm, 'we?'"

"—So this guy you banged…" Darlene shot her a doubtful look. "Nothing serious, right?"

Angela shook her head. "Just a one-night stand." Her heart raced. Her mind kept replaying the incident from that morning again and again. Calm down. It's over now. It's over.

Darlene clicked her tongue. "Yeah, uhh, don't take this the wrong way, but…that's probably a good thing? All of your boyfriends have sucked ass."

Angela felt the need to defend her love-life, but she found she was having great difficulty with that task. "Not all of them," she said vaguely.

"Most," Darlene said. "You kinda have shit taste in men, sorry."

Angela let out a small chuckle.

Darlene shook her head in confusion. "It's not funny." She gasped and clapped her hands together. "Oh my god! You remember that guy you dated in high school?"

Angela felt a rage she'd thought had died long ago burn bright again. "You mean Brandon?"

Darlene gave her a look of horror. "Oh, shit, no, not him. I mean that other guy. The blond guy you were talking to on the trail." She sighed wistfully. "That camping trip was crazy. You know I just remember, like, the whole time, I was nervous about some stupid math class I was gonna have to take in the fall. God, I'd give anything to have those problems again."

"What was wrong with Reggie?"

Darlene snorted. "He was a gawky weirdo. Can't believe you ever dated him." She glanced around the street, looking thoughtful. "Guess I thought…I donno. 'Specially after that camping trip, thought you and…" She trailed off, blushing slightly.

"What?" Angela asked, though she had a feeling she knew what Darlene was getting at.

Darlene looked at her, her eyebrows crumpled together. "So, uhh…that Saturday night…"

Angela's heart pounded. Darlene knew, didn't she? "Yeah…?"

Darlene frowned. "You and my brother, like…You guys banged, right?"

Angela's face was on fire. "No!"

"Yeah, but like, close enough, right? Like halfway to horizontal?"

"No," Angela said again. And that was the truth. She hoped Darlene believed her and calmed down, because she looked like she was about to vomit all over her.

Darlene huffed. "So nothing happened? For ten god-damn years I thought you guys had screwed each other's brains out while I was sitting five feet away."

Angela sighed. Her face still burned. "You could've just asked me back then."

"Yeah, no. Would've been way too awkward. Case in point."

Angela chuckled weakly.

"But seriously, you can't blame me for thinking that's what went down, okay?" Darlene's stare was intense. '''Cause way before that trip, shit was brewing. I remember thinking, 'wow, this is what puberty does to people. It messes them up.' Like, I caught you giving Elliot the fuck-me-now eyes a lot."

Angela spluttered in shock. "I-I-I didn't—!"

"Oh, yes you did," Darlene cut her off. "For years I was busting my ass doing damage control, just trying to shield Elliot from all that crap. At that point he was way too anxious to even have a sexuality."

Angela smiled slyly. Now she could get back at Darlene for making her feel so embarrassed. "Well, I don't know about that. He seemed pretty—"

"No!" Darlene snapped, her eyes wide with horror. "Shut the hell up!"

"I mean, that Saturday night—"

Darlene clapped her hands over her ears. "Stop! I'm gonna be scarred for life, dipshit!"

Angela chuckled.

Darlene dropped her hands to her sides, her face bright red. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," she grumbled. She grew very quiet then, watching the cars go by with a thoughtful gaze. "So," she drawled quietly. "You still…I mean you still like him, right?"

Angela's words caught in her throat. She jumped when Darlene let out a shout of frustration.

"God! Then just do something about it already! You and my brother are so the same: you make things way freaking harder than they need to be! You're both a couple of drama hounds!"

Angela didn't want to talk about this anymore. She was glad that Darlene was so supportive, but this conversation was making her heart ache. She got to her feet. "I think I should go," she said. "It's been a…a long day, and I'm pretty beat."

Darlene stood up as well. "Yeah, I feel you," she breathed, climbing the stairs to the door. "Guess I'll see you…whenever I see you." She shot her one last melancholy glance before disappearing into the building.

Angela stood on the stoop just a few moments more. She hoped she'd see her again sooner rather than later. She sighed forlornly. Then she walked quickly down the steps and made the trek home.

Angela didn't see Emanuel the next day, as she'd feared she would. She never saw him again.

At lunchtime she sat outside as per usual, picking at her salad, but her mind was somewhere far away from that bleak stretch of concrete. Just as she had that Saturday night on that ill-fated camping trip, she thought of the future. But this time, her friends didn't cross her mind as much as she expected them to. Instead she thought of herself. Her job, her life, her path.

She was really in it now: the belly of the beast. She never could have imagined that she'd end up here. E-Corp and the Washington Township Leak: the bur that had been buried inside her long ago, too deep to ever be dug out. Until now.

Still it wouldn't be so simple. In fact it may be more difficult than anything she'd ever undertaken. She may have to answer some tough questions. What was she willing to do? What was she willing to give up?

Perhaps just about anything. Angela hoped that wouldn't be the answer. Lately things had been frightening though. Not just out there in the post-5/9 world, but also in her mind: the storm that raged within. The chaos so often threatened to consume her. Even now she felt herself slipping away slowly.

Isn't this what she wanted, though? Of course. Of course it was. She wanted—needed—to stay on this path. She just hoped she'd still be in one piece when she reached the end of it.

"Good morning, Angela!"

Winnie. Angela didn't say anything. She just stared at her, eyes betraying no emotion. She felt it: she was going to take out her frustrations on her.

"May I sit with you?" Winnie asked, though she was already sitting down, not even waiting for an answer. Obviously she expected a yes.

Wrong.

"No," Angela murmured.

Winnie blinked at her. "Is everything all right?" she asked softly. "What's wrong, honey?"

"I don't want you to sit with me."

Winnie spluttered in surprise. Her nervous fingers tugged on the stack of napkins beside her sandwich. "I-I…Why not? I'm sorry, was it something I-I said—"

"It's everything you said," Angela snapped. "Moreover the problem is just you."

Winnie's bottom lip trembled. "Wha—? I don't—" Her voice broke. "Angela—"

"I'm sick of listening to your babbling. Maybe if you'd spent less time mindlessly chit-chatting and more time doing your job, you wouldn't be twice my age and still a pathetic peon making half of what I do."

Winnie stared at her, eyes glistening, mouth agape. Then she made a small, sad sound and dropped her gaze.

Angela watched her reaction with satisfaction. Good. Let one of the E-Corp drones feel like prey for once. A moment later, Winnie left without a word.

Angela ate her lunch alone. Then she returned to her desk. She reached into her bag for her earbuds and phone, but then she hesitated. It was time to get serious. She didn't need music to keep her mind in the right place. She could do that herself.

Angela typed, listening instead to the sounds of the office. Ordinary sounds. But it wasn't an ordinary place; she didn't know why she'd foolishly thought that it was. On the surface was the all too common corporate sheen, but just underneath it was a festering waste.

Angela focused on her work, but in the back of her mind she let her rage quietly simmer. Before long she didn't even notice the room around her, full of its dull sounds and dreadful people. She'd let her buried feelings swallow her up.