September 22nd, 2012- Five days after the blackout

The early dawn hours found our group rising from a wooded area nearly 25 miles outside of Philly. We had walked through the night until hunger and blisters slowed the group and Joe had called us to a halt.

Hannah and I had huddled together in Joe's tent, my arm wrapped around her waist, Joe's back to mine. I saw the looks that people had given us when we went into the tent, but a few well placed glares from Joe had displaced the whispers.

The morning was freezing, frost lay heavy on the ground as we moved out and chatter was at a minimum from the group. It was only another 7 miles to the farm, but it felt like a million. My legs and feet were aching from all the walking the day before, and the breakfast of a power bar and some scrambled powdered eggs was hardly the meal of champions.

Hannah and I stuck close to Joe, our meager weapons of pepper spray leaving us feeling inadequately prepared for really any attack that could happen.

By mid morning sweat was running down my brow, and my legs were on fire. "How much farther Joe?" I murmured, glancing up at him.

He smiled at me and nudged my arm with his, "We gotta work on that conditioning if you're tired already. It's only another quarter mile."

I nodded, grateful it wasn't much farther.

As we crested a large hill, the farm came into sight. I sighed in relief and no little amount of happiness; it was beautiful. Joe led us up the front stairs and unlocked the door, waving us in. "Spread out guys, there are four bedrooms, and three bathrooms, so let's try and use them well. We have room downstairs in the living room and basement for people to sleep as well."

People nodded and spread out, claiming rooms to share. Hannah and I decided to stay in the living room since we wouldn't be staying for more than a few days to rest and help out before we got on the road again.

I sat down on the floor beside Hannah and pulled my boots and socks off, wincing at the burn of my blisters. I pulled some antibacterial cream out and wiped some on before wrapping clean bandages on and pulling my socks back on.

While Hannah tended to her feet I went to the kitchen and found Joe cleaning out the fridge. I silently moved next to him and began helping, tossing the rotten food out and placing what could be kept on the counter.

"We'll leave in two days. I need to get people here set up and learn how to run this place. It's not hard, but most of them are city rats and have no idea how to do something like this."

I nodded and tossed a moldy package of bacon into the trash, staring at it wistfully. My stomach grumbled loudly and Joe chuckled, tossing me a package of ham lunchmeat. "Here kid, eat."

I looked down at it and frowned, "What about everyone else?" I asked. It wouldn't be right to eat if anyone else couldn't.

Joe shook his head, "Don't worry, it's gonna go bad, and there's not enough there for more than one sandwich. So, grab some bread, and eat."

I nodded slowly and grabbed some whole wheat bread, slathering mustard on and a slice of cheddar. I quickly cut it in half and called out to Hannah who came in the kitchen a moment later. Holding out half the sandwich to her I smiled, "Eat up."

She grinned and took it, wolfing it down just as fast as I did.

Joe smirked at us, "Alright now that you've eaten, I'm going to need your help. Can you clean the fridge out, check the pantry, and coordinate with everyone to bring their supplies in here so we can make a list of what we have and let me know how long you think it's all going to last."

My brow furrowed, "How do we figure that out?"

Joe grabbed a pen and paper, "So, each person is used to eating three meals a day, we have forty people. Everyone will need at least a gallon of water each, and a serving of food a day, at the least. We can use power bars for breakfast, or oatmeal. Take your time, and figure it out."

Hannah and I nodded and each took a pad of paper and pens. Joe smiled at us and stood, "Good, I'm going out to the barns to see how the animals are doing."

I frowned, "How are they alive? I mean…who has been caring for them?" Joe hadn't mentioned his parents or family…so who was caring for this place?

Joe smiled, "Where did you think I lived? In the gym?" he asked with a grin.

I flushed at my ignorance. Of course I hadn't thought of it. Joe grinned, "Don't worry about it kid." He clapped a hand to my shoulder briefly and then strode out the front door.

I exchanged a look with Hannah and sighed, "Well, let's go figure this shit out." She nodded and we spread through the house, letting people know that Joe wanted all supplies in the kitchen for inventory.

There was some grumbling, but eventually everyone passed through and emptied their supplies onto the counter. As Hannah wrote down what they gave us I worked my way through the pantry, taking stock of what we had, and trying to figure out how long it would last for forty people.

I paused…Thirty-seven people once Hannah and I were gone and Joe returned. Sighing, I flipped to a new page and began to calculate how long the food would last, once again. Nearly an hour later Joe came back, sweaty and smelly, but smiling.

He leaned against the counter, "So, how did it go?" he asked.

I sighed and slid the paper across the counter, "I think I figured it out." Hannah nodded and slid her paper to him as well. Joe studied them for a few minutes and then grinned.

"Nice job girls. Very nice. We should be able to feed everyone for at least two weeks from what you've figured out." He studied the numbers for another moment and shook his head, smiling. "Maybe even two and a half weeks if we ration. If we send out a group now and try to get supplies, we'll get more time before winter sets in."

He sighed and then a light came to his eyes, "Wait…the root cellar. I can't believe I didn't think of it. We have canned food, dried meats, and I have MRE's." He shook his head, running a hand over his face, "I should have thought of it. Sorry girls. I'm just tired."

I shook my head, "Don't worry Joe, its fine."

Joe nodded, "Why don't you two go get some rest. I'm going to show the others how to run this place."

Hannah and I nodded and went to the living room, sinking down on the couches. I kicked off my boots and swung my feet up, my eyes closing the instant my head hit the pillow. My breathing slowed, and the exhaustion from the past days caught up to me.

My last thought before my brain slipped into a dreamscape was that I was glad Eddie wasn't there to see this.

September 24th, 2012

Hannah, Joe and I were resting on the side of the road, 15 miles from the farm. It was late afternoon, and it had been raining steadily all day. My limbs felt frozen, despite the fact that I was wearing a sweater, a thermal jacket with a hood, and a baseball cap.

My hands were covered in gloves and still felt stiff. I flexed them as I chewed on jerkey, sipping on water, trying to ration my food. My stomach growled for more, but I knew that I needed to make it all last for the trip to DC.

By Joe's estimations it would take us probably three days of walking to get to my parent's house if we rested and kept up a steady pace. The idea of two more days of walking…I rubbed a hand over my face.

I was already so tired.

I looked over at Hannah and gave her a tired smile. "How you doing?" I murmured.

She smiled weakly and shrugged, "Tired. You?"

I nodded, "Same."

Joe stood and waved a hand at us, "Come on guys, I know you both are tired, but we gotta make a few more miles today." We both groaned softly but stood anyway. I continued to snack on jerkey and stared down the road ahead.

We had passed a few groups of people, but most of them had kept to themselves. A few had asked us where we were going, some had tried to trade with us. Only one had tried following us and stealing our food.

Joe had broken the guy's wrist and punched the other guy in the face. After that they backed off and we moved ahead quickly. I wrapped my arms around my waist, remembering the sound of the man's nose crunching under Joe's fist.

Was this what the world had turned into in just a few days?

The rain began to fall again as we continued to walk, the sky growing darker the farther we progressed. Eventually Hannah began to fall behind, her steps limping and her face drawn in pain.

Joe glanced over his shoulder and frowned, slowing to walk back to her. I could hear them talking softly and after a moment he called up for me to stop. I slowed and leaned gratefully against the traffic barrier, waiting for them to catch up.

Hannah smiled painfully at me as she hobbled up. "Hey, sorry. I just can't go any farther."

I shook my head, "Don't apologize, it's not your fault. You can only do so much in a day." I couldn't blame her, but part of me was still annoyed. I wanted to leave her behind and keep walking. I wanted to find my parents and make sure they were okay.

The idea of leaving my best friend behind me was simultaneously shocking and banal. I knew that if she couldn't keep up, I might have to leave her behind. Things were already falling apart, and I couldn't risk something happening to my mom…my dad would be fine, he was a survivor.

My mom though…she had nearly killed herself after Eddie died. The loss of the entire world, normalcy? It just might be enough to destroy her. I couldn't let her think that I was gone too.

I followed Hannah and Joe further down the road to a turnoff and into a wooded area where Joe set up the tent. He and I quickly got the fire going and dinner ready while Hannah unrolled our sleeping bags and cleaned her blisters, her face lined with pain the whole time.

My heart ached for her, it really did. My own feet were throbbing and my legs were on fire. But I knew we had to keep pushing if we ever wanted to make it home to our families.

She was going to have to toughen up.

I sat beside the fire, watching the flames while Joe was in the woods relieving himself. Hannah lay in the tent, snoring softly. DC still lay two days away, and I was worried that with no GPS, no way to tell the weather, and no way of knowing where my parents were; we were running into a dead end.

I ran a hand over my face and grimaced at my grimy hands and sweaty face. Quickly digging through my pack I pulled out a wipe and scrubbed my hand, neck and face until I felt cleaner than before, but still I felt like I needed a shower.

It had after all been 5 days since I had taken an actual shower. My hands paused in wiping my neck…if the power never came back…I would never take a shower again. It would only be wipes, creeks, and boiling water over fires for baths.

I shuddered and prayed that someone out there could get the power back on.

Snapping branches alerted me to Joe's return and I looked up to see him crouch under a low hanging branch. He smiled at me before sitting down next to me, his large form pressed against mine, providing extra warmth against the cold breeze that blew.

I smiled and leaned my head against his shoulder. "Do you think we'll still make it in three days?" I asked softly.

I could feel him stiffen slightly and then he sighed. "Hannah is having a hard time. A lot of people will. You have to be prepared for that." He turned his chin and looked down at me, his expression serious.

I sighed and lifted my head, staring back. "I understand Joe. I'm just worried about my mom. She lost it after Eddie died. She tried to kill herself, and has been on anti-depressants since then. If she thinks that something has happened to me…" I trailed off and bit my lip.

Joe sighed, "I gotcha kid. We'll hurry."

I nodded and stood, smiling softly down at him. "Why don't I take first watch?" I offered.

Joe shook his head, "Nah, just go sleep. I'll watch and come wake you when I need rest."

I frowned at him and he smiled at me reassuringly, "Don't worry kid; I've had years of no sleep. You need the rest. Get it while you can."

I sighed and shook my head at him, smiling ruefully. I punched his bicep softly, "Thanks Joe. For everything."

He nodded and waved me off, "Go sleep Becca."

I wrapped my jacket around me and crawled into the tent, sliding into the sleeping bag with Hannah, wrapping my arms around her, trying to get warm. As my body thawed, my eyes grew heavy.

As I drifted off to sleep I heard Joe humming softly out by the fire and I smiled.

September 25th, 2012

The next day passed much the same as before, except we made it farther than we had the day before. I had helped Hannah wrap her feet in bandages and secure her ankles tightly so they wouldn't hurt so badly while we walked, and it seemed to have helped.

While we made camp that evening, she and I practiced running through our chemistry, political history, and Russian. We had decided on the road that we wouldn't let our knowledge go to waste, and as such, we took turns quizzing each other.

Joe eventually joined in and surprised us with a vast knowledge of military history, strategic and battle planning skills, and survival skills. I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised at his depth of knowledge, he was a Marine after all—I guess it was just how quiet he was all the time.

While Hannah collected firewood and Joe scouted the area nearby I put dinner together. It was nothing more than a mash of and MRE, jerkey, and some wild leeks I had managed to find. It smelled delicious.

Hannah dumped a load of wood beside me and sank down, sniffing appreciatively. "That smells great!" she exclaimed.

"Yea kid, you're getting good at that" Joe commented, emerging from the woods.

I flushed, "Well, it's mostly the MRE doing the work. Eat up." I filled their plates and we all dug in, enjoying our one true meal a day. The rest of the time we enjoyed protein bars, jerkey and water.

I looked down at my body and swallowed. I had gained the "freshman 15" and then a couple more—stress, alcohol, and shitty food did crazy things to your body. But I had never really cared…and neither had my boyfriend.

Now, walking nearly a marathon's distance and more every day, and rationing our food, it was looking like those pounds would be dropping off quickly. I felt tired each morning, and I knew instinctively that my body was going into starvation mode, pulling energy from my fat stores.

It wasn't sustainable, and it wasn't healthy.

"Alright, come on, you both need to learn how to protect yourselves." Joe waved a hand at us until we stood, shaking out our limbs- easing away the soreness from the day.

Joe laid a hand on my shoulder, "I know you think with the things I've taught you that you can protect yourself, and against most people, you probably could. But a lot of people are going to be desperate, have weapons, and some are even going to try and kill you."

His eyes were serious as they held mine and I swallowed hard, his words making my stomach curl. He turned and looked at Hannah, "You have to accept that someone will try and kill you. At that point, you have to fight harder than them to stay alive, and believe with everything inside of you that your life is more important. Otherwise, you'll be the one who dies."

Her eyes were wide as she nodded and Joe sighed, "I'm not trying to make you think everyone is trying to kill you. I just want you to be prepared." He gave us a gentle smile before lifting his hand from my shoulder and filling it with knives from his pack.

He handed one to each of us and kept another for himself. "Okay, now keep a firm grip on the handle. I want you to get used to the weight of it in your hand." He nodded and twirled his knife. I could feel my eyes widening at the sight and I glanced down at my own knife, my stomach sinking.

I would never be that good.

Joe smiled, "Alright, you two face each other, and I'll tell you how to attack each other and ward off attack."

Hannah and I exchanged worried looks but did as Joe instructed, lifting our knives cautiously. He nodded and lifted his knife, showing us a proper grip, which we mimicked. Slowly, he instructed us on how to fight, defend and attack.

He had us fight each other and him until we were barely able to stand and then took the knives, ushering us into the tent. I turned and grabbed his wrist, "Hey, let me take watch." He furrowed his brow and shook his head.

"You guys are wiped, get rest." Joe ordered.

I frowned, "You aren't? Come on, you need rest too."

Joe sighed and smiled at me, "I appreciate that kid, but I've been doing this longer. You get some rest, and I'll let you take watch tomorrow."

I nodded and smiled tiredly at him before crawling into the tent, sinking gratefully into the sleeping bag. My eyes were shut and sleep was dragging me under with its hungry claws before I had zipped it closed.

September 27th, 2012

My feet ached as we walked down Route 95 into DC. The sun had finally come out, and it was warmer than it had been the last two days. I turned my face up to the sun and sighed happily, enjoying the warmth.

The farther south we came the more apparent it became that the power outage was widespread, and the feeling that the power was out everywhere grew stronger.

Hannah and Joe walked ahead of me, discussing plans for how to get to Atlanta. She had grown more worried as we walked that the power would be out and she would be unable to get a car, train or airplane to make her way home.

I couldn't blame her. It seemed that everywhere we looked people were becoming more desperate, and more stores and homes were being looted. It made my stomach churn with worry. We were less than a few hours from my parents' house by Joe's estimations and I was growing afraid that anything we would find would be terrible.

The first thing I saw as we crested the hills above the community my family lived in was smoke, billowing upwards. My stomach clenched and my feet stuttered, bringing me to a halt. I stared down at the smoke and devastation, my mind awhirl, and jumped when Hannah's hand clenched firmly around mine.

I looked up at her, my face stiff, and gripped her hand back. "It's going to be okay" she whispered. I nodded numbly, trying to have hope.

Joe gave me a sympathetic look and led us quickly down the roads to the large gate of the community. My stomach sunk further…

The large iron gates hung wide open.

I took off, sprinting to my house. I could hear Joe and Hannah calling out my name behind me, but I couldn't stop. My feet flew, pounding into the pavement. House after house passed by—doors hanging open, possessions strewn out on lawns, smoke streaming from windows.

I skidded around the corner and came to a grinding halt. The front door to my house hung wide open.

Fear pounded through my veins, heady and sickening.

Hannah and Joe caught up to me, their steps echoing loudly in my ears.

I couldn't move, could barely breathe enough air into my lungs.

I barely felt Hannah's hand on my arm.

"Becca?" she whispered.

I shook her arm off and walked forward, my heart pounding painfully in my chest, my stomach roiling painfully. My fingers trailed up the railing of the steps and I remembered chasing Eddie up them so many times it made my heart hurt.

The breeze made the porch swing creak and I could picture our parents swinging on it, watching us run in the front yard, chasing fireflies.

The sight of a bloody handprint marring the door's pristine paint made my stomach turn. I could still clearly remember my mother picking out the perfect shade of eggshell blue. Now it was smeared with red handprints.

I couldn't move.

If I went inside, everything would change. Nothing would ever be normal again.

Normal

Normal

Normal

The word pounded in my head.

Who was I kidding? Nothing was ever going to be normal again, whether I went through the door or not.

I stepped forward slowly and heard Hannah and Joe behind me. It looked like the house had been ransacked, but only after someone had carefully cleared out our food and few medicines. My feet trudged slowly up the carpeted stairs, my stomach twisting at the smears of blood on the walls and carpet.

The bloody marks lead down the hall to my parent's bedroom.

Pushing open the door, I tried to prepare myself for what lay behind the door, feeling sick. The sight of the bloody sheets on their bed sent me reeling backwards, heaving. I fell to my knees, sobbing and retching.

Hannah's arms wrapped around me, her soft, comforting words washing over me in a haze as I sobbed.

"Becca, look at this." Joe crouched in front of me, holding something out for me to see. I took deep breaths, trying to steady myself. When my vision finally cleared of tears, I saw it was a note, written in my father's hand.

Becca,

If you find this, I am so sorry. Your mother is gone. She was not strong enough. I know you are strong, just like your brother. You must get out of the city, and find someplace safe to stay. I will come back for you.

Love,

Dad

I stared at the letter in shock.

My father had abandoned me.

My mother was dead.

Something inside me went cold, hard.

I stood and stared at Hannah and Joe, wiping my cheeks off. "We should go. It's a long walk to Atlanta."

I walked slowly down the hall, feeling their eyes on me.

"Are you okay Becca?" Hannah asked, her footsteps hurried, catching up to me.

"I'm fine."

We walked out the front door and out of the community, the silence growing larger between us.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

If you repeat a lie often enough, it'll become the truth.