Numbly staring at the cheap, plastic stick, the black positive sign winking back tauntingly at her, Nancy felt physically sick. It had been a cruel shock to discover that the pregnancy tests bought simply to allay Nancy's growing fears, to reassure her for once and for all that she was most definitely not pregnant, had instead done the opposite and confirmed her worst nightmare.
At first, it had been relatively easy to explain away, to rationalize the early symptoms of pregnancy. She had been unusually tired in the previous weeks, constantly craving sleep and dragging herself from the bed in the morning when once she would have sprung out, eager to uncover some new clue or interview a promising suspect; but then, the case had been demanding, stakeouts often running into the early hours of the morning. The constant nausea, dizziness, and two missed periods had been harder to ignore, though, as now were the three pregnancy tests, screaming final, conclusive proof of her pregnancy.
Thinking about that night, Nancy felt conflicted. Although she couldn't bring herself to actually regret what had happened, what they had shared that night, Nancy felt utterly cheated when she considered the amount of times they had made love when they were still the perfect couple, happy and together, and she'd had the terrible misfortune of falling pregnant the one time they weren't.
Nancy didn't dislike babies; quite the opposite, she found most to be sweet, perfectly adorable creatures, but the thought of raising a child, possibly on her own, coupled with the sheer uncertainty of her future, absolutely terrified her. Nancy valued her independence and lived for her career. She loved what she did and enjoyed the sense of accomplishment and unpredictability that came with each and every case. The thought of working a desk job, counting down the hours and knowing exactly what monotonous tasks every day would bring, was more than a little depressing. It's not like I'll have a choice now, Nancy reflected miserably, gazing despondently at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. I can hardly drag a baby halfway across the country for a case. Those days are over now, and I'll just have to accept it.
xxxxx
Gathered in the untidy chaos of their living room, Nancy, Bess and George, too lazy to cook, nibbled contentedly on microwave popcorn, a box of sugary breakfast cereal, some salted crackers and other random cupboard staples, their attention half focused on the thriller that was showing on the television and Bess, who was now modeling a newly acquired purchase for the girls.
"I'm pregnant," Nancy informed her friends quietly, taking advantage of a much needed lull in the film. Swallowing a long gulp of her diet soda, Nancy braced herself nervously for the girls' reaction.
"You're what?" Bess and George's shocked voices echoed resoundingly around the room.
"I'm pregnant," Nancy repeated, a little unnecessarily, for she was quite certain by the horrified look on her friends' faces that they had heard her perfectly.
"Do you know what you're going to do, Nan?" George asked in concern, tucking her long legs under her as she regarded her friend worriedly.
"Not really," Nancy sighed. "I'm trying not to think about it, to be honest," she shrugged, her voice strangely calm, as though the reality of the situation hadn't sunk in yet.
"Nancy, I'm sorry. I just can't get my head around this," Bess spluttered disbelievingly, shaking her head. "I mean, I can't imagine you with a baby. No offense or anything," she amended hurriedly, catching the disapproving look that flashed across George's face.
"None taken," Nancy smiled wryly, cradling her face in her hands. "I'm having serious trouble with the idea myself, believe me. I mean, I don't even know any children and my sole experience with babies boils down to a few nights babysitting, where the baby was already asleep, so I don't think that even counts."
"It's Ned's baby, isn't it?" George cut in sympathetically.
"Yeah," Nancy sighed quietly, tears prickling her eyes at the cruel unfairness of it all. "We used protection and all so I still don't understand how it happened."
"And how did Ned take it?" Bess asked curiously, nibbling distractedly on the remains of the popcorn.
"He doesn't know, yet," Nancy admitted sheepishly, fidgeting nervously with her hair.
"Nancy, you need to tell him now, as in today, now," Bess informed her friend sternly, pushing the phone across the table. "It's not fair to keep him in the dark like this. You are going to tell him, aren't you?" she pressed Nancy incredulously, her eyes narrowing suspiciously at the following silence.
"I don't know," Nancy swallowed hard to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "He's with her now, why would he even care anymore?"
"Nancy, quit being so childish," Bess admonished her friend harshly, in a most un-Bess like tone. "You really hurt Ned last year and you need to face up to that fact. I know Ned loves you and you need to put a little faith in him. He deserves it."
"She's right, you know, Nan," George piped up in a kinder voice. "Ned loves you and you have to tell him about the pregnancy. Sure, he'll be shocked at first, but I bet when he gets a chance to think it over, he'll be thrilled to bits. I mean it," she added with a smile. "This baby might just be the thing to get you two back on track."
xxxxx
Seated in the quietly bustling restaurant, Nancy felt sick, imagining Ned's reaction to her news. Before, when Nancy had been more naive and she and Ned had still been together, Nancy imagined announcing her first pregnancy to him as a happy, teary-eyed scene, not this awful, awkward confession that was about to play out. Although Nancy knew Ned was a good person, and she loved him to death, the last thing she wanted was for him to feel pressured to stay with her for the sake of their unborn child. Nervously crossing and uncrossing her legs, Nancy noted with some satisfaction that at least she knew she looked good. Bess had generously given hours of her time the previous night, advising Nancy on a suitably gorgeous choice of outfit and experimenting with different hairstyles and eyeshadows until Nancy begged her to stop.
Spotting Ned crossing the crowded room, Nancy could almost sense his nervousness. He looked so self-conscious and uncomfortable that it made her feel terribly sad. When had things gone so disastrously wrong in their relationship, that they could hardly bear to be in the same room together, much less enjoy a civilized conversation?
Pulling out his chair with a noisy scrape, Ned gave Nancy an apologetic smile before sitting down uncertainly, unsure if his presence at the table was at all welcome.
"Hi, Nan, I was so glad when you finally called," Ned began hesitantly, his tone sincere and heartfelt. "I've been trying to call you for weeks, and was starting to wonder if you were avoiding me when I didn't hear anything back. Glad to see I was wrong," he finished with a wink, flashing her an easy smile.
"I've been busy," Nancy answered shortly, her gaze intently scanning the grease-stained menu. It was a pointless act; Nancy was sure that under present circumstances, she'd be unable to eat a single bite.
"Nancy, about that night," Ned broke in, desperate to clear the air.
"Look, just don't, okay?" Nancy snapped irritably. "You've already made your feelings perfectly clear on the matter. It's okay, I understand," she shrugged, though from the sharpness of her tone, it was obvious she didn't.
"Nancy," Ned sighed, about to say something before thinking better of it, his words trailing away as he sensed her rather obvious hostility.
Smiling at the kindly waitress, who cheerfully plonked two steaming bowls of soup in front of them, Nancy took a deep breath and forced herself to stop bitching and sniping at Ned and level with him for once and for all.
"I asked you to meet me here today because I need to talk to you about something."
"Okay," Ned shrugged, confusion growing on his face as he waited expectantly for Nancy to continue.
"Ned, you know, that night..." Nancy began hesitantly, stumbling awkwardly over the words as though to delay the inevitable. "Well, as it turns out, I'm actually pregnant."
"You're pregnant?" Ned echoed in shock, his face paling considerably as the heavy implication of the news sank in. "What the hell?" he mumbled, looking as though he was going to be sick. "We were careful. Are you definitely sure?" he asked, his voice barely audible.
"Well, three pregnancy tests and a doctor's visit have all come back as positive, so yeah," Nancy replied, her voice deceptively calm, though inwardly she was panicking at the horror so evident on his face. "Say something, please," Nancy begged, her eyes pleading with him to give her some reassurance that everything would be okay.
"I'm sorry, Nancy," Ned managed after an awkward pause. "I'm just shocked, that's all. When you asked me to meet you, this is not at all what I was expecting."
"And just exactly what were you expecting?" Nancy demanded angrily. "That we'd kiss and make up and end up in bed together? We did that before and look where it got us," she reminded him with a sarcastic smile. "Look, forget about it, okay?" she sighed wearily, grabbing her bag and pushing out her chair. "It's not your problem anymore."
"Come on, please don't do this," Ned pleaded with her urgently, completely oblivious to the curious stares of the other diners. "Stay, we need to talk, you can't just run away from this."
"I'm not sure I really want to listen to anything you have to say, Ned Nickerson," Nancy retorted angrily, tears welling up in her eyes. "Just stay the hell away from me, okay?"
xxxxx
Her cell phone clutched tightly in her hand, Nancy sighed resignedly. Ned had been annoyingly persistent in his efforts to talk to her, and after the tenth missed call, Nancy hastily switched it off and buried it in her bag, unable to deal with him in her present condition. Though the busy Chicago streets were crowded with shoppers and enthusiastic day-trippers and the lunchtime traffic was in its usual gridlocked state, spawning a litany of irate horn-honking as people showed their distaste for the delay, Nancy had never felt so utterly alone. Suddenly homesick, Nancy longed to spend a few days at home in River Heights with her father, lounging around in her pajamas, watching crappy daytime television and bingeing on Hannah's infamous chocolate-chip cookies and homemade ice cream; but considering Carson had no idea of the predicament his daughter had found herself in, that was completely out of the question. Telling her father she was pregnant was a complication she certainly could do without at the moment.
Spotting the elegant wrought-iron gates that allowed access to a local park, Nancy allowed herself a small smile, remembering the many happy hours she herself had spent as a child clambering up monkey bars and slides and playing long, drawn out games of hide and go seek. Wandering into the vast open space, Nancy felt instantly calmer. It was such a beautiful day, it was hard to feel too dispirited for long. The sun shone brightly from a mostly cloudless sky and the trees were resplendent in their blaze of autumnal glory. Leaves fluttered aimlessly from the trees, coloring the land below a rich palate of purples, golds and reds, and made a satisfyingly crunching sound as Nancy walked along. The park was alive with activity; mostly people out walking, taking advantage of the unseasonably warm weather, but also teenagers rollerblading and skating, enjoying the opportunity to show off some recently acquired skills to friends and younger children, running excitedly after squirrels and ducks, bundled into too-warm coats by their overcautious mothers.
Remembering the way Ned had pleaded and begged with her to stay and talk, Nancy realized that her behavior at the restaurant had been completely unreasonable. Of course Ned had been shocked by the news; he had every right to be. Hadn't it taken Nancy herself weeks to come to terms with the pregnancy? But the utterly irrational, hormonal person she'd suddenly morphed into had expected Ned to accept it instantaneously. It was time to put things right. Rummaging in her bag, Nancy swiftly withdrew her phone and switched it on, hastily dialing Ned's number.
"Ned, it's me," she said after a pause, her heart clenching as he kindly made concerned inquiries about her. "I'm sorry about earlier. You're right, we need to talk. Where do you want to meet?"