Snapping her cell phone shut, Nancy's hand shook slightly, raw nervous energy bubbling up inside her at the thought of seeing Ned again so soon. On one hand, she was almost relieved; since the moment she'd discovered she was pregnant, she had dreaded telling Ned about the baby, the thought occupying her every waking moment, but now he knew and Nancy would finally have some closure, would know how he really felt about her, and that at least was comforting. But another part of Nancy was terribly wary, nervous of the conversation that would ensue, distrustful of Ned but mostly distrustful of herself. As it was, she had absolutely no control of her emotions, was susceptible to breaking down in floods of tears at a moment's notice, and Nancy didn't relish the prospect of having another emotional outburst in public. To add to her woes, Nancy was positive she looked absolutely terrible and she dreaded to think of the puffy, red-eyed mess her face had disintegrated into. Spotting a towering department store, enthused shoppers spilling out of the revolving doors, Nancy sighed, glancing at her watch. She had a mere ten minutes to spare before she had to meet Ned in a neighboring coffee shop but she was damned if she was to see her former lover in her current disheveled state. Wandering through the sweetly perfumed makeup counters, Nancy smiled politely at the beautifully coiffed sales assistants slicking jewel colored lipsticks and shadows onto impressionable young girls, her efforts rewarded when she spotted the ladies restroom.
The bathroom was mercifully quiet, the only occupants a smartly dressed blonde woman accompanied by her equally fair haired daughter, the little girl's hand firmly in that of her mother, her free hand clutching a pink-clad Barbie doll.
"There's more chocolate on your face than in your belly," the young mother chastised her small daughter, tousling her soft curls. "What will Daddy say when he sees you?"
Moistening a tissue, she rubbed furiously at the little girl's chocolate smeared face, the child hilariously uncooperative, ignoring her mother and holding a full blown conversation with the doll.
"She's cute," Nancy smiled, catching the woman's eye as the child chattered on, completely oblivious to her audience.
"You wouldn't say that if you saw her this morning throwing a tantrum because I wouldn't let her wear her Snow White costume to town."
Chuckling at the image of the tot, Nancy stared into the mirror, gratified to find her face not as puffy and red as she had imagined it to be. Smoothing some concealer under her eyes and reapplying a fresh coat of mascara, Nancy looked as though the emotional turmoil of the previous hours had never even happened.
"Ah, she's a great child really," the woman sighed, gazing adoringly at the toddler as she pulled her into her arms. "A bit of a handful at times, but me and her dad wouldn't change her for the world, would we Jess?"
Staring at the blonde girl, Nancy couldn't help imagining her own child, his or her first words, first steps, school plays, birthdays, all the wonderful milestones that a parent experiences, and for the first time in her pregnancy, Nancy didn't feel panicked, anxious or worried, just really happy and calm.
She couldn't put this off anymore. It was time to talk to Ned.
xxxxx
Arriving at the coffee shop, Nancy paused at the open door, smiling when she saw Ned. He was seated at a secluded corner table, set purposefully apart from a boisterous group of giggling teenagers, school bags scattered all over the floor as they sipped their skinny lattes, gossiping about some poor, unfortunate classmates. Noticing his rigid posture , Nancy could sense Ned's nervousness, so she swiftly entered the richly scented cafe, eager to put him out of his misery.
"Nancy, I'm so glad you came," Ned smiled in obvious relief, pulling out a chair for her in a most gentlemanly fashion.
"You didn't think I would?" she asked wryly, collapsing on the chair gratefully, her feet aching from her too-high stiletto heels.
"Well, after what happened at lunch, I was sure you were really pissed at me," Ned shrugged, his demeanor cagey and slightly awkward, suddenly uncertain of how to act around the girl he'd loved for years for fear of hurting her or causing further upset. "Here, I got you some hot chocolate," Ned smiled, knowing Nancy's weakness for the sweet drink.
"Thanks, and you ordered extra marshmallows." Nancy noted gratefully, taking a cautious sip from the steaming mug.
"Well, I thought you could do with the extra sugar," he added with a concerned smile. "I really am sorry about earlier, you know. I was a little shocked, that's all," he explained, tentatively reaching across the table and touching her hand. "And I don't want you to think I'm not happy about the baby, I am, but it's just going to take a little while to get used to the idea."
"God, stop apologizing, please," Nancy said insistently, guilt-stricken at the look of desperation on his face. "It was totally my fault. I should have been more understanding and I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Ned smiled, reaching out and tentatively taking her hand. "I guess I'll have to get used to this now, right?"
"What do you mean?" Nancy asked hesitantly, hardly daring to believe there was a chance of reconciliation.
"Well, I suppose, what I mean is, do you think there's any chance of us getting back together? And this is not just because of the baby," Ned assured her seeing the sudden flash of uncertainty on her face. "I love you, Nancy, I never stopped really, even when we broke up, even when I got with Rachael, you were still all I wanted. What do you think?"
At the heartbreakingly sincere look on his face, it took all her self control not to run into his arms and pledge her undying love for him, but there were a few matters Nancy needed cleared up before she fell back into their oft tempestuous relationship.
"Ned, I want to believe you, I really do, but if you love me as much as you say you do, then why did you leave the next morning? Do you know how hurt and used I felt, when I woke up to find you gone and all you'd left me was a note?" Nancy shrugged dejectedly, feeling slightly pathetic for the whiny tone her voice took on.
"I know, I should have stayed," Ned allowed, an apologetic expression on his face. "But I panicked, I was terrified you were going to hurt me again, so I left. Can you understand that?
"I suppose," Nancy replied in a small voice. "And what about Rachael?" she asked, Bess's accusations burning in her ear. "Are you still with her?"
"No. I broke it off with her the next day," Ned reassured her with a smile. "I couldn't stay in a relationship with Rachael, when I knew I was in love with you."
"How did she take it?" Nancy asked curiously, spooning melted marshmallows into her mouth.
"Okay, actually," Ned replied with a small shrug. "I think she knew for a long time that I wasn't as invested in the relationship as she was and I'd say she was almost relieved that it was finally over. Look, forget about Rachael and everybody else, all that matters is us," Ned assured her, taking her hand gently in his. "I mean, I know it's not going to be easy but I love you and want to be with you and our baby. What do you think about giving us another chance?"
Overcome with emotion, Nancy could only nod her agreement, happy tears filling her eyes as Ned came over and pulled her into his arms.
xxxxx
"That's it, Nancy, you're doing really well," the midwife smiled encouragingly, Nancy's whiteknuckled hold on Ned's hand tightening as she was gripped in the throes of yet another torturous contraction. The process which had started out as merely uncomfortable, the pain slight but perfectly tolerable, had now reached epic proportions of torment Nancy had not previously thought possible. In the course of her work Nancy had acquired a vast collection of dislocations, broken bones, and scars, and one gash so severe, the blood loss so furious, Nancy had felt sure she was going to bleed to death; but even that was nothing compared to this hell. Each contraction left her breathless with pain, wondering why the hell she hadn't insisted on an epidural.
"You're almost there, Nancy, honestly," Ned smiled weakly, pressing a cool, wet washcloth to her burning face as Nancy squeezed his free hand so tightly, it was a wonder it wasn't going to fall off.
"You said that ages ago," Nancy sighed, exhausted and weary by her efforts and beginning to doubt she'd ever meet this elusive daughter of theirs.
"I know," he reassured her tenderly, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "But just think that in another few minutes, we could be holding our daughter in our arms."
Although Ned had been eager to keep the gender of the baby a surprise, Nancy, being her usual overcurious self, couldn't bear to wait the requisite nine months to find out. Also, she had rationalized, it would make decorating the nursery a hundred times easier, so the decision was made and a few days later, Nancy and Ned discovered they were expecting a baby girl. Armed with that knowledge, they had spent hours pouring over baby books, thinking of a suitable name for their baby, considering some possibilities and vetoing others as too complicated or common. In the end, they settled for Sarah, meaning princess, which had been Nancy's own mother's name, and seemed fitting for the much anticipated arrival.
"Come on, honey, one last push," the midwife urged encouragingly, as Nancy pushed determinedly, her screams suddenly punctuated by the sound of her baby crying.
The surrounding nurses' congratulatory well wishes and Ned's excited cries barely registered as, wrapped in a pink blanket, bloodied and damp, the baby was pushed into her arms.
Staring at the screaming bundle, Nancy was rendered speechless by the perfection of this tiny person in front of her. Sarah's skin was an angry raw red, a fuzz of soft dark hair covering her head and her hands balled up into tiny fists, flailing angrily in the air, her cries slowly subsiding as she focused on the hushed words of comfort her mother whispered to her.
"Nan, she's so small," Ned chuckled, disbelieving, his tone awed as he reached out to touch her tiny hand. "I can't believe she's ours."
"I know," Nancy sighed happily, her exhaustion and agony temporarily forgotten as she held the baby close, relishing in the comforting warmth pressed against her skin.
"Can I hold her now?" Ned asked, chuckling in amusement at her protective hold of their baby.
"Of course you can, " she smiled, though she passed him the tiny bundle with some reluctance.
"Hello, Sarah," Ned cooed gently, trying out the unfamiliar name. "I think it fits," he smiled, tears prickling Nancy's eyes as she saw their new born daughter snuggling peacefully into her father's arms, her dark blue eyes slowly drooping as she drifted off to sleep.