I have no idea how I managed to get back to the Common Room. I definitely have no idea how I made it back without getting caught. I only realize where I am when the Fat Lady starts scolding me for coming back so late.

"You ought to be ashamed! Do you realize what time it is?"

"Shall we make better use of your time, then?"

I've been replaying the scene I had witnessed over and over in my head as I walked back to Gryffindor tower, replacing the unknown male voice with Brenden.

"Billywig," I manage, thickly. My throat feels dry and scratchy.

I stumble through the portrait hole and enter the Common Room, feeling dizzy and dazed. The room is nearly empty as most everyone has gone to bed.

"I thought they were supposed to be back hours ago," I hear a voice whisper from the direction of the fireplace.

"What about your little girlfriend?" Cynthia whispers sultrily.

"What about her?" Brenden answers without pause.

"That's what he told me," a deeper voice answers in an equally hushed tone. "If nothing else, I would have thought Mer would force him to get back on time."

Hearing my name draws my eyes slowly to the whispering pair. It's Fred and Rose. They are sitting with their backs to the entrance and seem not to have noticed my arrival.

The sound of the portrait closing firmly behind me causes them both to whip their heads in my direction.

"Mer!" Rose leaps off the sofa and runs over to me. She grabs my shoulders and looks full at my face. Her worried expression isn't lost on me, but I don't have the presence of mind to react.

"Don't worry about her," Brenden says playfully.

Rose grabs my arm firmly and pulls me to the sofas near the fireplace where Fred is waiting. "Mer, what happened? Are you hurt?"

I shake my head in response. Rose sits on the empty sofa next to the one where Fred still is and pulls my arm to get me to sit next to her.

"Where's James?" Fred asks, face set.

James? James who? I stare blankly into the dying fire, only barely hearing my two red-headed mates.

"She looks like she's in shock," Rose says, real worry layering her words.

"What happened?" Fred asks, generally. "Why isn't James with her?"

James! Hearing his name again triggers something in me and my brain seems to restart. James can't find out about this. He'll think I'm pathetic.

I begin breathing heavily, feeling panicked.

Rose is rubbing my back and Fred squats in front of me, his eyes wide and filled with concern. "Mer! Deep breaths!"

I try, but fail, to follow his instructions. Fred lifts his left hand and gives me a few firm, but not painful, pats on the cheek. The sensation causes me to flinch, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Meredith," Fred starts, his hand returning to resting on his knee, "what's going on?"

I can't tell the guys about this. I think in alarm as I finally register Fred's face blocking the view of the fire. They'll think I can't handle anything on my own. They can't know!

"Nothing!" I lie. I try to sound like I mean it, but even in my current mental state I can tell it's weak. "Please don't tell James."

"Tell him what?" Rose asks me with forced calm.

"She's not making any sense," Fred says to Rose, standing up straight. "You go ahead and take her to her room. I'll wait here for James."

"You know she gets around, anyway. I heard that she bailed on me tonight to go shag Potter."

Rose nods and stands slowly, her hand still on my back. "Come on, Mer."

I'm about to insist that I'm fine; that I don't need anyone's help, but before I can say anything the portrait hole opens and James himself comes dashing in noisily.

He stops as he sees us by the sofas and shouts, obviously flustered. "Fred!" Fred spins around with a look a relief. "Thank god, you gotta help me. Where's the Map? I've gotta get it. I lost Mer! We got separated and I couldn't find her when I went back to look and now-"

Fred cuts him off. "James! Where have you been?"

"What are you talking about? I've got to find Mer. I think Driscoll may have cornered her. I need to get the map and go and find Mer!"

Fred must be blocking James's view of me. He apparently has no idea I'm sitting right here. Good. Please, Merlin, don't let him see me. I can't face him right now.

"James, that is a terrible idea," Rose says, level. "What would you accomplish with that if she did get caught? Besides, she's right here."

Rose alerting James to my presence shakes me fully out of the funk I had fallen in.

I have to get my act together! If James and Fred, especially, start asking too many questions, they're going to figure it out. I jump up from the couch and smile. "I'm fine!" My voice is high and pinched. "I just took the long way around. That damn door still hates me." I force a laugh and James and Fred look at me with similar concerned expressions. "Sorry to worry you. I'm going to bed, now."

"Mer…!" I turn quickly towards the stairs to the girl's dorms as I feel a lump form in my throat. I can't let them see me cry. I've been able to avoid them seeing that so far and I don't want to ruin it now. "What's with her?" James asks Fred. I can imagine him scratching the back of his head making his hair stick up even more, but I don't turn around to see. The tears are already starting to escape my eyes.

"Not sure," Fred responds, "but we should probably let Rose handle it."

I force myself to calmly climb the stairs, but only manage to make it around the first turn of the spiral, out of sight of my two mates in the Common Room, before I collapse in silent sobs, unable to hold my emotions in any longer.

What's going to happen now? How am I supposed to deal with this?

Why is this even happening?

What did I do?

Gentle hands grab my arms and help pull my body into a standing position. "Oh, Mer." Rose pulls me into a hug shushing me soothingly. We stand in the stairwell a few minutes as I try to regain control of myself, but continue to sob into Rose's shoulder, unsuccessful.

"Let's go, Mer," Rose says pulling me off her shoulder and leading me up the stairs. I rub my eyes with the back of my hands and breathe deeply in another effort to stop the tears and calm my breathing. I am more successful this time.

Rose and I make our way up the rest of the stairs to the girl's dormitories. I follow Rose silently down the hall while blankly staring down at the red rug covering the stone floor of the hall. Rose opens a door and guides me into one of the rooms and onto one of the beds. A realize as we walk past a dresser with framed pictures of the extended Weasley family that we are in Rose's room. The deep breathing from the other beds suggest that her roommates are all already asleep.

Rose closes the drapes around her bed and whispers "Muffliato." I tuck my knees into my chest and wait for her to ask me what happened and why I'm like this.

It doesn't come. I am actually relieved she doesn't ask, but it makes me feel all the more conscious of Rose's eyes on me.

Rose sits patiently at the other end of her bed giving me a sympathetic and expecting look. I shift uncomfortably under her intentional stare. It feels like she's reading me like she would her Transfiguration textbook.

I inhale a deep, shuddering breath. "Aren't you going to ask me what happened?" I ask Rose. I divert my eyes to avoid her gaze.

"Would that get you to tell me any faster?" She parries with a knowing smirk. "I would ask that only if I didn't want you to tell me."

I give a little hiccup of a laugh and bury my face into my knees. The final scene I witnessed fills my vision as if it were tattooed on my brain.

"Are you jealous?" Cynthia asks, gently stroking the hair on the back of Brenden's head.

His voice is low and gravelly as he presses his body ever closer to Cynthia's. "Not at all. Tonight, I get to be with you," he counters before catching her mouth with his own.

"I don't know what to do, Rose," I admit after a few more minutes of silence. My voice is muffled by my knees. "I just don't understand. Why would he do this?"

"James?" Rose's eyebrows rise in alarm, anger rising in her voice. "What did he do?"

I shake my head furiously. "Not James," I manage. "It was my boy-" another surprise sob cuts me off and I rub my forehead against my knees.

"Your boyfriend?"

"I just really can't believe he would do this. What did I do? Am I really so undesirable that he had to go elsewhere?"

Rose's eyebrows contract as she realizes what's going on. "Did you see him with someone else?"

It takes every ounce of strength I have left to nod in confirmation.

Without another word, Rose scoots down the bed and pulls me into another hug as I break down, again. I can't keep the pain in this time and my sobs are loud, releasing the hurt and betrayal I feel.

Rose lets me cry, stroking my hair and rocking me gently. It's a really good thing that she casted Muffliato when we came in. I probably would have woken up everyone in Gryffindor Tower otherwise.

I lose track of how long we're like this. Eventually I'm able to sit back up, tucking my knees into my chest once more. I sniff loudly and rub the tears out of my swollen eyes.

Rose stays close, now patting the top of my socked foot. "Why didn't you tell Fred and James?" She asks. Her voice isn't accusatory. I can tell she honestly just doesn't understand. "They're probably both really worried about you."

I shake my head emphatically against my legs. "They can't know," I insist. "I know they'll think I'm helpless and weak."

"That is absolutely not true," Rose tells me firmly. "They're your friends, Mer. They want to protect you."

"I don't need protection," I say automatically. Dad's face pops into my head and I clench my fists. "I can take care of myself, thanks."

"Meredith Blount," Rose starts forcefully. "You do not have to try to do everything by yourself!" Her tone mirrors that of Fred's from October.

What's with these Weasleys? Can't they just let me be independent?

Ever since Fred told me off, I've done my best to rely on the guys more. Honestly. But it's been a good deal harder than I imagined it would be, especially with my Dad writing weekly and reminding me to watch out for the guys around me since 'teenaged boys only have one thing on their mind.' Every time he writes, it makes me want to prove him wrong all the more.

"It's good to have people around that can take care of you," Rose continues when I don't say anything. "In return, you take care of them."

Tonight's events with James come to mind. He'd been trying to take care of me when he thought I was rowing with my boyfriend and I took care of him when he almost froze to death. Phrasing it like that doesn't make it sound like these events are relatable, but it sorta makes me understand what she's saying.

"I can't tell them," I insist again. "At least, not yet." I take a deep breath, strengthening my resolve. "I'll take care of everything and tell them after. They don't need to be involved in the messy part."

James's voice suddenly echoes in my head:

"Why didn't you tell us, yourself?" The tone in his voice suggests that he really wanted to ask 'Why didn't you tell me?'

This is different, I justify to myself. I'm not not telling him. I just not telling him yet.

"It's up to you," Rose says, a tinge of disappointment in her voice, "but don't exclude them from your life so much. It's not right to keep such big secrets from people you claim are your best mates." She removes her hand from my foot and places it on my shoulder. "If no one else, you should at least tell James."

My stomach drops as I imagine trying to admit this to James.

Tell James? Absolutely not. James is the last person I should tell about this.

"I'll have to think about it," I tell her out loud. "I'm going to try to sleep on it and figure this out tomorrow."

I make to get off the bed, but Rose stops me. "You should sleep here, tonight. I don't think you should face the lion's den like this."

We exchange a glance and say simultaneously, "Julia."

Ugh. She and her flock of bitches are probably all still awake. Walking into that looking like this does not sound appealing in the slightest.

"Fine," I concede. "At least I won't have to feel like I need to sleep with one eye open here."

"Shhhh!" I say to the fourth-year girl's dormitory door as it gives a small creak when I open it. I tiptoe gently out of Rose's room and shut the door slowly behind me. I make my way down the hall quickly and do my best to open the door to the fifth-year girl's dorm without making the door creak.

The door swings silently open and I take a breath of relief.

My relief is short-lived. Upon entering the room, I'm met by Symphony Brooks, Julia's right-hand harpy, who is sitting on her bed applying a coat of nail polish to her left hand. I shut the door behind me, no longer trying to be discrete even though our remaining roommates are still asleep. There's no reason to. I've already been seen. It doesn't make any difference anymore if Julia sees me, herself. Symphony will tell her anyway.

I brace myself for some sort of snooty remark, but none comes. I can feel Symphony staring at me as I cross the room to my bed and pick up my uniform which the House Elves had cleaned laid out for me at some point since last night. The accusation in her glare is apparent. I'm definitely glad that I stayed with Rose and didn't have to face this from all four of my roommates.

I shower quickly and pull on my uniform. I apply my normal routine of translucent powder, neutral eyeshadow, and minimal eyeliner and dry my hair using the warm air spell that had so obnoxiously escaped my memory last night. Why can I remember it when it's something trivial like this, but I couldn't remember it when it was crucial? I ask glaring at my wand which shoots off green sparks in protest.

"I know," I tell it out loud. "It's my own damn fault."

I leave the bathroom, grab my school bag, and cross the room once again just as my other roommates are stirring. I catch a glimpse of a ruffled and bleary-eyed Julia and snort a laugh as I shut the door loudly behind me. No one would probably believe me if I told them how Julia Carter looks when she gets up in the morning. It is quite the sight to behold.

I practically sprint through the Common Room to the portrait hole. I need to get to a quick breakfast and then head to the library to finish the Potions homework I wasn't able to get to last night.

At least, that's what I keep trying to tell myself is the reason. Deep down, I know that I'm doing it to avoid the guys. James in particular. I'm not ready to face them. I've got a bit of a plan to try to address my current situation.

"I'm telling you, Phillip, we have no hope for the match next month."

This is not part of the plan.

As I begin my decent down the first of many staircases, I hear Roger and Phillip at the bottom of it. What are those lazy prats doing up so early? I was sure I would beat them to the Great Hall.

I'm about to turn around and go a different direction when… "Mer!"

Damn.

Roger has spotted me and is now waving enthusiastically. I give a little wave in return and slowly make my way down the stairs to where both Phillip and Roger and beckoning me.

"Gooooooood morning, Meredith," Roger greets as I catch up with them.

The three of us start walking down the corridor together as I give a small grunt. "What are you two doing up so early, anyway? Why can't you go hide yourselves in your filthy excuse for a room and leave me alone?"

"Uncharacteristic, Mer," Phillip tells me. "Aren't you usually the chipper one in the morning?"

"I didn't really get much sleep last night."

"I would have guessed as much," Roger says seriously. "What even happened last night? James and Fred came up to the dorm really late saying how odd you were acting."

Ugh. Why did those two have to go open their big mouths to these idiots? Can't anyone keep out of my business?

"They were really worried about you," Phillip says, indifferently.

"We are too," Roger adds quickly, elbowing Phillip in the ribs, "even though we don't know what's going on."

I can feel them both looking at me from the corner of their eyes, but I don't respond immediately. We descend another flight of stairs in silence. "I'm fine, guys," I respond levelly when we reach the bottom of the staircase. "There are just some things I need to work out. I'll tell you about it later." Roger nod silently in acknowledgement. Phillip sniffs and rolls his eyes.

"Where are we going to sit?" Roger asks as we enter the Great Hall.

"Actually, I'm just going to grab something quick. I need to finish my Potions work before class. I wasn't able to work on it last night since I got back so late."

"I think I'll join you."

I jump about a foot as Fred appears behind us. Eyeing him suspiciously I ask, "Didn't you have enough time to work on it last night? You weren't out doing anything."

"I didn't get to the last couple of questions because the first few were difficult. And besides, wouldn't you like some help?"

I grit my teeth, conflicted. While it would be nice to have someone to work with, I get the feeling Fred and James talked things over last night and Fred isn't one to leave things alone when there's a problem. "Fine," I agree, warily.

Fred and I grab a small stack of toast each and head to the Library, munching as we walk. Fred finishes first and brushes the crumbs off his shirt and hands. I continue to eye him suspiciously. There's no way that this was an innocent request to join me in working on homework. He's way too meddlesome for that.

I'm not going to give him a chance to ask. "I'm not going to talk about what's going on with my boyfriend that your nosy self told everyone about," I say when I sense he's about to speak.

Fred gives me a look. "I wasn't going to ask," I tells me with mock offense. "Besides, I know that the harder you're pushed for something you don't want, the harder you dig your heels in and refuse to comply."

"You make me sound like a mule."

"Yeah, something like that."

I shoot him a glare and he laughs in response.

"Mer," Fred starts and I look to him questioningly. "Did you spend the night in Rose's room last night?"

"Yeah. Is there a problem with that?"

"Not for me, but other people seem to have a problem."

"What do you mean?"

"I heard a rumor fresh-off-the-presses this morning that you got back to you room early this morning after being with James all night." Fred's voice is even, but I can tell he's pissed with this development.

I roll my eyes. "Why would they say something like that?" I ask rhetorically. "I bet it's Julia and her gang," I add. "Symphony Brooks saw me come in this morning and I had a feeling something stupid like this would happen. But honestly… the 4th year girls could refute this easily if anyone bothered to ask."

"Yes," Fred says, irritation now noticeably creeping into his voice. "But when do Hogwarts rumors need facts and logic?" Fred clenches his fists and shakes them in front of his face. "Gah! Teenagers are so stupid. This is why I'm going to stay single for the rest of our time here."

"Big words there, Fred. Will you be able to live up to them when you're so desirable?"

"Is that so? You interested or something."

"Don't flatter yourself, Weasley."

Fred lets out a loud laugh and throws his arm around my shoulder as we walk. "You are something else, Mer. Whatever guy you end up with should consider himself lucky."

"You think so?"

"Of course."

Fred releases my shoulders and I can't keep back the smile that spreads across my face at his words. A sudden image of Brenden and Cynthia together causes the smile to fall and the return of a ball of dread that I hadn't even noticed had gone as I have been walking with Fred.

Brenden's probably heard this by now. From his words last night, he seems to be under the impression that James and I are…

James.

Damn it. This could be really bad.

"Has James heard what's been going around?" I ask warily.

"Probably not," Fred says bluntly. "He doesn't pay much attention to anything if it doesn't have to do with Quidditch or pretty, stupid girls."

"He's probably going to lose it if he hears it," I say, concerned.

"Likely. That impulsive idiot…" Fred scratches his chin inquisitively. "Maybe I should tell him and make it like it all sound like a joke?"

The scene in the bookstore in Diagon Alley with Phillip and James comes to my mind. "Not a good idea," I tell him, warningly. "When we went to do our school shopping in August… well, if we hadn't been in the bookstore, I'm pretty sure James would have slugged Phillip for making a similar joke about the two of us – specifically about me. Philip was mostly trying to take the mickey out of him, but James was not amused."

'Hoooo boy… Should we just wait and see? Deal with any aftermath instead of heading it off?"

"I'll tell him. I owe him, and the rest of you guys, an explanation, but I need to take care of something first."

"Alright, Mer," Fred says, bumping my cheek affectionately with his fist. "Just be sure to let us know if there's anything we can do to help."

"Thanks, Fred," I say bumping his arm with my own, genuinely touched. "I won't forget it."