Hey all, I want to thank everyone who is still reading this for bearing with me. I know I update slowly and everything, but I really love you all. And thanks so much for reading. This chapter is a little bit short, but actually have another chapter I just have to send it to my beta, the lovely Danielle, and then I'll post it!
Peace!
Dragon Pants.
Petting the Mountain Lion
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Have you ever felt like you are living the wrong life? I'm not talking about being trapped in another body or wanting a sex change. I'm talking about me, in my entirety, living a life that is different from my own. I know I'm not making much sense now, but it will, hopefully.
Sometimes it's just not good enough to be satisfied. It is too easy to follow a daily routine, fall into a pattern and be comfortable. And it's easy to say that one is happy. However, if one is not actively seeking out happiness, then how can one know whether they are truly happy? I believe the problem is that there is a conflation between the feeling of happiness with just the feeling of being satisfied. Happiness is kind of on a scale. However, that scale is completely arbitrary. How happy something makes one or how much pleasure is retained is relative. This is not to say that happiness is bad or undesirable, just that it is subjective.
That subjectiveness, is what makes me wonder. I believe that someone else living my life would be infinitely more happy than I am. After all, I am part of a state championship team, I have a great girlfriend and I do well for myself.
So, why do I feel merely satisfied and not happy?
And if someone living my life could maximize it to its full happiness potential, then what life would make me so entirely ecstatic?
This is why I feel my life is wrong.
Maybe it's because it is too perfect.
In my life I don't strive for perfection, but for things that interest me, to challenge me and make me think.
Unfortunately a mindset like that may lead to me never being happy, because constant change does not constitute constant happiness. Though it could be because the person is too perfect and it is not what I need to be happy. So then the question one must ask themselves is, "What do I need to be happy?" That answer I'm not sure of, but I know that where I am now, I am not happy. The ways to become happy are different for every person. And to find a way to be happy is as specific and unique as the person.
Then the problem, is not the situation, but perhaps the person. Maybe it is because I am forever unsatisfied then the fault is not in the other person, but in me. The arbitrary nature of happiness means there are people who will never be happy, the opposite of course means people are perpetually happy.
Those people sicken me.
How is it possible to be completely happy? And if someone is always in this state of happiness, then are theytruly happy?
I suppose the whole reason for this is because I'm wondering that maybe the real answer to all my questioning is that I should search for other ways to be happy, and then life will be so much better.
Feeling anything, I suppose, would be better than the status quo.
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Questions, Comments, Concerns, Criticisms, Anything else?
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And thanks for reading.