Chapter Nine

What Comes First

The next forty-eight hours were a long, repetitive string of Evy sleeping, refusing to eat anything, crying, and clinging to Sam. She refused to talk about what had happened. She answered every request, no matter how gentle, with a firm "I don't want to talk about it. Leave me alone." Dean seemed taken aback when he heard Evy call for her daddy, but he didn't say anything about it. Sam wondered how he felt about it, but honestly didn't care. He always had been Evy's father, and she had just chosen to make it official.

It was almost midnight on their third full day at Jody's. Evy had fallen asleep in Claire's bed, while watching a movie with her. Sam had offered to put her to sleep in the guest room, but Claire had threatened that if he moved her and woke her up, she would "gank him like a werewolf". Claire was just about to go sleep in the guest bed when a scream came from down the hall.

"NO! PLEASE, NO….!"

Sam raced down the hall, tore open Claire's bedroom door, and picked up a still screaming Evy. Sam woke her up, and she collapsed into his arms, sobbing all over again. Sam brought her into the living room. He sat down with her, calming her again. He made up his mind to try again to get her to talk. He didn't want to upset her more, but she had to talk about what was going on. Evy's nightmares were more than just fear and pain. Something was eating her up with guilt inside. Sam knew the feeling all too well. Evy shook against him, and Sam took a deep breath. He pulled her towards him, wrapping both arms around her stomach.

"Cricket, please listen to me." he said as he wiped her face. He pointed towards Evy's heart. "Something is hurting you. Something deep inside. Inside here. Right?"

Evy nodded sadly. "Yes."

"I know you don't want to talk about it. But you need to. It's the only way it'll get better." Sam said gently.

Evy shook her head. "Please don't make me."

"Are you afraid to tell me?" Sam asked.

Evy nodded again.

Progress, Sam thought. "You asked me that first night you were back not to make you tell me what you did. Are you afraid I'll be mad at you?"

"I don't want you to hate me."

Sam felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. "I could never hate you."

"No." Evy insisted. "You don't know what I did."

"It doesn't matter." Sam said. "It doesn't matter. There's nothing, nothing, you could ever do to make me hate you. Nothing. Do you understand?"

Evy nodded.

"So baby, please, please, please tell me. All of us are here for you. We'll help you get past it, just please tell me." Sam begged.

Evy shook her head again, and Sam was close to giving up.

"Evy." Cass joined Sam and Evy on the couch. "Is it too hard to talk about what happened?"

"Yeah." Evy said.

"I might be able to help with that." Cass said. "If you'd like, I can access your memories. See what happened in my own head and explain it to Sam. Would you like to try that instead?"

Evy thought it over. "Will it hurt?" she asked.

"No." Cass swore. "You won't feel a thing."

Evy looked to Sam. "It's up to you." Sam said. "If that's easier for you, it's okay with me."

"Okay." Evy said, turning slightly in Sam's lap so she was facing Cass.

"Alright. Give me your hands." Cass said.

Evy offered them to Cass, who took them in his own. Cass held her hands for close to a minute, leaving everyone in the living room on pins and needles, afraid to do so much as breathe. Finally, he released Evy, who had tears trickling down her cheeks again. Cass put a warm hand to her cheek, which she held onto as if it was a life raft.

"You did nothing wrong." Cass assured her. He turned to the other adults in the room, and proceeded to tell them the full, complete, ugly story. "The creature that took Evy from her bedroom was a Genai. They're cousins to the Jinn. Instead of inducing a pleasant life in it's victims, however, the Genai induce nightmares. They don't kill the victims, as they can feed off the fear they induce, even from a long distance."
"Cass, we know all this." Sam said.

"The situation he put Evy into was relatively simple. He put her in a room with the four people she loves the most. You, Dean, your father, and Evy's mother. And he made her choose." Cass said.

"Choose what?" Dean asked.

"Who had to die." Cass said. "He made her choose one of you to die, and the other three got to live."

"Oh, my God." Sam said, placing a hand on Evy's shoulder. She pushed it away.

"He repeated the scenario twelve times. Evy tried to refuse to make the choice eleven out of the twelve times. When she refused, the Genai killed all four of you." Cass explained.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean exclaimed.

"What happened the twelfth time?" Jody asked, though she had a sinking feeling she already knew.

"Evy made the choice." Cass explained. He turned to Sam and explained, "Sam, she chose you. That's why she thinks…"
"…that I'm gonna hate her." Sam finished.

"Yes." Cass answered.

Sam tightened his grip on Evy. She was looking back down at the floor, her breath coming in short hitches in panic. Her secret was out now. Sam squeezed her hands and she shut her eyes tightly, fear and guilt making her want to crawl away from him.

"I'm sorry." she whispered in a broken voice.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Cricket." Sam said again. "You know that wasn't me, right?"

"I didn't know when it happened." Evy said. "I thought I killed you."

"Do you know how I know it wasn't real?" Sam answered.

Evy shook her head.
"Because I would've died of my own free will before you had to make a choice like that." Sam explained. "Dean would have too."

"That's right, kiddo." Dean said from the other side of the room.

"You mean you don't hate me?" Evy asked. "Even though I picked you?"

"Never, baby. Never." Sam said.

"I didn't know what else to do." Evy said.

"I know. I know, baby. You did nothing wrong." Sam said again.

Evy started sucking in big, gulping breaths, as if she had been stuck underwater and was just coming up for air.

"Let it out, baby." Sam said. "Let it out. It's okay, we're all here for you."

Evy let out a wail that suddenly dissolved into big, gasping sobs. Sam had tears of his own running down his face now. Evy had watched him die, watched their father die, her mother, and Dean. Not once, not twice, but twelve times. And she had been forced to make the choice the last time. Evy was a seven year old girl having to deal with a case of guilt that would have crushed most adults. Sam held her on the couch well into the next morning, hours after she had fallen asleep and everyone else in the house had too. He eventually fell asleep himself, only to be awoken a couple hours later by the sound of Dean talking on his cell phone.

"Yeah. I'll be there soon. Thanks. Bye."

Sam stood up and carefully placed Evy onto the couch. He breathed a sigh of relief when she didn't wake up, and followed Dean into the kitchen. Jody was sitting there, cup of coffee in her hand. Dean started to pour himself one when Sam asked,

"You'll be where soon?" Sam asked.

"I just picked up another hunt." Dean said casually. "I'm leaving for Tacoma in a minute."

"Dean!" Jody exclaimed from the table.

"Jody." Sam said. "Would you go to the living room and make sure Evy stays asleep, please? I need to talk to Dean alone."

"Sure." Jody said, picking up her coffee cup and shooting death glares at Dean. "If you're gonna kill him, though, make sure you drag him outside and bury him before you tell me."

"Will do." Sam promised. As soon as Jody was gone, Sam shut the door to the kitchen and exploded. "What the hell are you thinking?"

"What?" Dean asked, honestly lost.

"Evy is traumatized, Dean. And you're doing exactly what Dad would've done in this situation. You're packing up and leaving."

"You seem to be comfortable enough as her dad right now." Dean answered bitterly. "You don't need me."

"Is that what this is about? You're jealous?" Sam asked.

"No. I just don't think she should…" Dean started to say.

"You don't think she should what, Dean? Call the person who's been there for her, fed her, taken care of her when she was sick, hurt, or upset daddy? Is that what you think?" Sam asked.

Dean said nothing.

"You know, I wanted to call you dad when we were growing up." Sam said. "The only reason I didn't was because I didn't want to make dad mad."

Dean was floored. "What…?"
"Yeah, Dean. I wanted to call you dad. Because you were my real father. You were the one who was there for me. So no, I'm not gonna tell Evy she can't. Because I am her father." Sam said. "And if you don't like it, you can go to hell."

"You're right." Dean said. "You're right."

"And as for this hunt…" Sam said, preparing himself mentally to give Dean the ultimatum he had been considering all night. "You need to make a choice, Dean."

"What kind of choice?" Dean asked.

"Between Evy and hunting." Sam said. "This is it. Too many times now she's been hurt by this lifestyle. That was it. If you want to keep hunting, you need to pack you stuff up at the house and move back to the bunker."

"You'd cut me out of baby girl's life?" Dean asked, hurt by the mere suggestion.

"No." Sam explained. "You can still visit, come for birthdays, holidays, whatever. But if you want to be there, full time, you need to quit hunting."
"What do you suggest I do?" Dean asked. "I don't exactly have the job skills for much else."

"Dean, any garage would hire you as a mechanic in a heartbeat." Sam said. "I don't care where you get a job, as long as it isn't hunting."

Dean felt the entire foundation of his life coming apart. Hunting had been the only constant in it, the one thing to never leave him. His mom, dad, Sam, too many friends, and even Evy had left him before, but hunting had always been there. He didn't know how to respond to Sam, who stood there waiting for an answer. Before he could say anything, a knock at the kitchen door startled both of them. Jody stood there, holding the hand of, to Sam's delight, a smiling Evy.

"I have a very hungry little girl here demanding pancakes from her daddy."

Sam smiled. "You do, huh?"

Evy walked over to Sam, who picked her up and held her tight. "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah." Evy answered. "Just hungry."

Sam laughed. "Okay, baby. We'll work on that."

"Can I help?" Evy asked.

"I would love your help." Sam said. He sat her down and pointed to Jody's bottom cabinet. "Grab the mixing bowl."

Evy turned to Dean and took his hand. "Uncle Deanie, will you help too?"

Dean's eyes shone with happy tears, his decision already made for him. "Sure, kiddo. I'll help. Let's go."

Next Chapter: Evy celebrates Father's Day at Jody's.