It was several minutes before Jack realized he could no longer read.
The black wolf stared intently at the equipment's logo. He knew what it said, of course; he remembered seeing it before the accident. But the actual markings D-H-A-R-M-A no longer seemed to represent anything in his mind. And there were smaller marks below and to the right of the logo which he was certain had to be letters; but squint and strain as he might, he couldn't resolve them into anything meaningful.
Looking away, he gave a grumbling sigh. It wasn't like he felt he was getting stupider, as such. On the contrary, he felt like he was becoming more focused, more intense...as if everything unnecessary was being pared away, leaving him sharp and hard as the edge of a knife. But, he asked himself sarcastically, if you were getting stupider, how would you be smart enough to know it?
He looked over at Sayid, who was working behind the console. To his credit, Sayid hadn't wasted much time coming to terms with the situation. After staring silently at Jack for a few moments, he'd gotten straight to work, asking questions of Charlie and Hurley which they were, for the most part, unable to answer.
Sayid had been looking over the machinery for some time now, opening panels and poking around inside. His expression and the occasional muttered comment were a pretty clear indication that things weren't going well. And as a wolf, Jack could actually smell the man's anger and frustration; people's moods seemed to be written in the air, as obvious as if they were waving a sign.
But beneath these surface emotions, Jack could detect another, one that Sayid himself might not even have been aware of. It was fear.
This knowledge unsettled him, and made him feel vaguely embarrassed, like he'd been caught reading someone's mail. He's just afraid he won't be able to fix it, Jack told himself. That's how I'd feel. He can't possibly be afraid of me...
But he could smell the same fear coming off Charlie and Hurley--mixed with a heady stew of guilt and self-recrimination, of course. And as he glanced towards Charlie, who was holding the monitor up so that Sayid could adjust the cables attached to it, he caught Charlie quickly looking away from him, and sensed a brief spike of sheer primal terror.
Guys, it's just me, he wanted to tell them. Come on, it's not like I'm gonna bite you! But he checked himself, knowing that any vocalizations he could make would only make the situation worse.
With a frustrated sigh, he scratched vigorously at his neck with a hind leg. While the transformation had scattered the rest of his clothing to the winds, the key he kept on the cord around his neck had stayed intact. It sat high up towards his head, and while not painfully tight, was snug enough for him to be constantly aware of its presence. Glumly, Jack realized it probably made him look like he was wearing a collar with an ID tag. He snorted. Wonder if Kate would find that funny.
Thinking about Kate only made him uncomfortable, so he tried to divert his thoughts elsewhere. He flattened his ears and glared at the logo again, lowering his muzzle to sniff at it. Part of the problem was that his nose kept reminding him of what Sawyer had done on it, and consequently he had to keep fighting down a hideously embarrassing urge to do the exact same thing.
Don't even THINK about it, Jack ordered himself, planting his hind legs firmly on the ground. Unable to contain his frustration, he bared his teeth and pawed at the Dharma logo, claws leaving faint scratches in the metal...
Jack realized he was growling at about the same time he realized the other three had stopped working and were staring at him. His paw slid limply down the metal and landed on the ground with a thump. Chagrin radiating off him, he turned away and sat back on his haunches, rubbing at the side of his muzzle with a forepaw to try and hide his embarrassment.
Sayid looked at him for a moment. Then he said something to the other two, and got up and walked around the console towards Jack. Jack tensed slightly at his approach; something about a human walking directly towards him was unsettling.
Sayid crouched down in front of him, so their eyes were level. "Jack," he said carefully, with an undertone of disbelief to his voice, as if he still couldn't believe this was who he was really talking to. "I understand you must be very frustrated." The wolf's ears moved back and forth as he concentrated on understanding the human speech. "But believe me, we're working as hard as we can. And right now..."
Sayid reached out to him, then hesitated, as if uncertain whether this was a wise move. But finally, he placed his hand on the wolf's furry shoulder and firmly stated, "Right now, there is nothing you can do here." He glanced off to one side, as if suggesting a direction. "Do you understand?"
Stung, Jack pinned his ears back and turned his face away. However, he gave a grudging nod of comprehension. "Good," Sayid replied. Climbing to his feet, he assured, "I promise, I'll tell you the moment we need you for anything."
The moment we need you for anything, Jack repeated to himself as he sulked off to the other side of the platform, claws clicking on the metal with every step. Yeah, if anyone needs a hole dug or a stick chased, I'll be right on it...
As he reached the turf that bordered the clearing, he turned around in a circle and lay down, trying to ignore the palpable sense of relief emanating from the trio beneath the canopy. He sighed heavily and curled up, figuring he might as well try to get some sleep. Anything was better than just hanging around feeling useless.
As he closed his eyes, he felt a flicker of worry as he wondered what was taking Sawyer and Jin so long to get back. He thought about Locke, off on his own in the jungle, and hoped he was all right.
And just before sleep took him, he wondered, if Sayid and the others finally found a way to change him back, if any part of him would still be human enough to care.
--
Grumbling and flinching with every other step, Sawyer shoved his way through the jungle. His head throbbed, and the ant bites on his paw were starting to swell and itch. He fought down the instinct to chew at the paw, knowing it wouldn't do any good.
He pushed his way forehead-first through a clutch of dangling vines that had the poor judgment to be in his way. For a moment, Sawyer wondered where Jin had run off to. They'd gone in different directions upon their ignominious retreat from the beach. However, he didn't dwell on it for long, telling himself, Jimbo's got his problems, I got mine.
The golden wolf clambered over a massive tangle of entwined tree roots, then paused to listen. Lifting his muzzle, he sniffed the air. His senses confirmed he was alone; no one had followed him from the beach. For a moment, he felt relieved, then quickly assured himself he wouldn't have really cared if anyone had.
He stood for a moment, catching his breath. His misadventure had left him hot and thirsty, and the thick, stagnant air made it difficult to breathe. He could detect a definite scent of rain, and the bright sky was slowly darkening; a storm was on its way. Sawyer figured it was probably the miserable weather that was making it harder and harder to think straight, too.
Great, he thought sarcastically. Flattening his ears, he gave a self-deprecating snort of laughter. Definitely woulda been a good day to just stay the hell in bed.
Oblivious to his mood, a bright yellow butterfly floated past his nose. He snapped at it, but it only fluttered heedlessly away.
Grumbling at the way the universe went out of its way to mock him, Sawyer lowered his head and started forward again. He could hear distant voices and the occasional metallic clang through the maze of trees ahead. Apparently Sayid was still working on the machine. Sawyer felt a flicker of hope; maybe he was close to fixing it. His pace quickened, gold-furred paws padding lightly across the jungle's carpet of leaves.
Finally, he could see the familiar clearing through the trees ahead. His nose told him Jack was the only other wolf in the area, and that Charlie and Hurley were still with Sayid.
Instinct made him hesitate before stepping out of the tree cover. Cautiously, he peered through the undergrowth into the clearing. The black wolf was curled up on the other side of the platform, apparently asleep. Glancing to his right, Sawyer saw Charlie aimlessly clearing off the branches and leaves strewn across the equipment, as if this would do any practical good. Hurley was standing off to the left side of the canopy, looking as if he'd like to be doing something useful, but had no opportunities to do so. And Sayid stood with his hands on his hips, staring down at the nonfunctional computer screen. He muttered something that didn't sound very complimentary, then crouched down behind the station and began to work at prying open a large panel.
Sawyer glanced at Jack again. The dark wolf's furry sides rose and fell with each breath as he slept. Sawyer's jaws parted in a canine grin as he had a wicked thought to sneak around to the other side and startle Jack awake. But before he could move in that direction, his attention was diverted as Charlie started to speak.
Scooping up an armload of leaves and twigs, Charlie complained bitterly, "Has anyone else noticed this little mishap has cost us--" He ticked off points on his fingers. "--one, the best hunter we've got. Two, the only person who can catch fish with any kind of consistency..." Hurley seemed about to protest this, but didn't get a chance as Charlie concluded, "...and three, oh, I don't know, the only bloody doctor on this whole bloody island!" He flung down his armful of debris as if taking personal vengeance on it, then wiped his hands on his pant legs and rubbed his sweaty face against his sleeve.
Hurley looked at him. "You forgot Sawyer," he pointed out, with no real enthusiasm.
"Oh. Right." Charlie cleared his throat. "Him too, of course."
"Speaking of whom." Sayid grunted with exertion as he finally forced the panel open, tossing it aside with a clatter. "I hope everyone appreciates the irony," he began dryly, "that I'm actually working to restore him to a state where he can speak again."
There were a few chuckles at this. Sayid went on, leaning into the machinery and fiddling with something unseen, "Of course, perhaps we should take up a vote. I suspect most people on this island would be quite content to leave him voiceless."
Charlie snorted. "Yeah, seriously." Without looking up, Sayid held out a hand palm-up as if expecting something. Hurley looked at the hand for a moment, then jerked slightly in comprehension, grabbed up a screwdriver that had been laying on top of the console, and plopped it into his waiting palm.
As Sayid went back to work, Charlie looked furtive, then gave a slight cough. "Does anyone think..." He hesitated, then went on in a furtive whisper, "Maybe we don't, you know, have to?"
"Have to what?" Sayid asked, his voice hollow from having his head down inside the machinery.
"Have to, well...turn Sawyer back."
"Dude!" Hurley protested. "That's not cool. I mean, come on."
"Right, right." Charlie looked properly abashed. "Sorry."
Hurley looked thoughtful for a moment, then went on, "Besides, you don't really want him a wolf either, right? I mean, he'd know it was our fault and..." He swallowed. "You'd wake up in the middle of the night and he'd be standing over you with...you know...dripping fangs and stuff..." He trailed off, evidently contemplating this horror in further exquisite detail.
Charlie, however, pointed out, "Yeah, but at least he couldn't hoard stuff any more."
"Yeah, that's true." Hurley nodded thoughtfully. "Or always be coming up with mean names for...you know..." He hesitated. "...people."
Charlie, warming to the subject, went on, "Or just generally make everyone's life more difficult for no bloody reason..."
"Gentlemen." Sayid sat up from his work, pushed his hair out of his face, and exhaled heavily. "Please. I am sorely tempted already. Don't make this any harder."
"Right." Charlie nodded. "Sorry." He didn't sound particularly apologetic, however. "I mean..." He paused. "After all, there's got to be some reason to want him back. Right?" He waited. "Right?" Sayid continued to work, not looking up. Hurley looked like he truly did want to say something, but couldn't think of exactly what.
So there was silence between the three of them, broken only by the noise of Sayid's tinkering and the ever-present ambient noise of the jungle. Thunder rolled somewhere in the far distance, as the wind began to pick up, bringing a promise of rain.
Sawyer sat motionless behind the trees, staring at nothing. One ear twitched, then was still.
Then he rose to his feet, turned, and began to walk away.
Then he began to run.
--
A distant peal of thunder rolled lazily through the air as a breeze set the leaves and branches to dancing. At the sound, the black wolf stirred from his doze, raising his head to sniff the air. For a moment, he couldn't remember where he was, or how he had come to be there.
Without turning around, he could tell that three humans were behind him. Half-understood fragments of conversation came to him; phrases like "severely complicates matters" and "essential connection severed" answered by things like "oh bugger" and "that was broken when we found it, honestly".
For a moment, he wondered what they were working on. Then he blinked as the memory came back to him. Oh. Right.
Jack glanced up at the sky. It had grown darker while he slept; soon it would be night. Iron-gray clouds hung low overhead, and the air crackled with an electric charge. The storm was still biding its time, but wouldn't hold off for long.
Then his muzzle wrinkled as he detected a familiar scent from the other side of the clearing. Sawyer?
But no...even from this distance, he could tell the scent was recent, but fading. Sawyer had been there, but wasn't any more. And from what Jack could tell, he hadn't been in a good mood when he'd left.
Why'd he do that? Jack wondered, rather muzzily. He rose to all fours and shook himself from head to tail-tip, then yawned widely and dropped into a back-curving stretch. Locke's gone, he thought irritably, Jin's gone, Sawyer's gone. For some reason, their absence caused him to feel a deep sense of shame and personal failure. He didn't understand these feelings, but then again, not a lot had happened today that he'd completely understood.
He was about to cross to where the other wolf had been and investigate the matter further. However, he was distracted as Hurley, who'd been trying to prop up one of the tilting canopy poles, suddenly dropped it with a loud clatter.
"Ow!" Hurley put his finger to his mouth, then looked down at it and frowned. "That hurt."
Cocking his head to one side, Jack made an inquisitive noise and padded over to him. He couldn't help but sense that Hurley grew nervous at his approach. But Hurley only assured him, "It's OK, I just pinched it. See?"
He held his hand down towards the wolf, who gave it a perfunctory sniff and sat down heavily with a grunt. Jack lifted a hindleg and scratched at the annoying key-cord around his neck.
Hurley looked sympathetic, then appeared to have an idea. "Hey, you hungry?" Jack looked up without much interest. "'Cause I've got some stuff in my pack..." He sat down with a thump and rooted around in the backpack's interior, muttering to himself. "No, you probably wouldn't like that...no...no...aha!" With an air of great triumph, he withdrew something that looked like a shriveled strip of shoe leather. "Official Dharma brand beef jerky," he declared. "Probably guaranteed to survive World War III." He held it out to Jack.
Jack sighed inwardly, but didn't have the heart to disappoint him. He reached out and took the jerky in his mouth, then lay down and clasped it between his forepaws, tearing at it with his front teeth. It felt like trying to chew through someone's belt, and didn't taste much better. However, Hurley seemed quite pleased with himself. "Right on! I knew you'd like it."
Hurley sat back and helped himself to an Apollo chocolate bar. Looking apologetic, he gestured towards it and said, "I'd share, but, y'know, dogs, chocolate, probably not a good idea." Jack tilted his head to gnaw at the jerky with his back teeth, then swallowed and gave him a look. "Uh, not that I'm calling you a dog or anything, um..." He trailed off. "I think I'll shut up now."
The black wolf made a snuffling noise as he continued to chew at the leathery strip. Hurley gave a hesitant smile. "Hey, was that a laugh? That was a laugh, wasn't it." Jack had to think for a moment of how to indicate 'yes', then bobbed his head up and down. "All right, cool. Seriously, dude? You really should try and laugh more. I mean when you're, y'know, human." He had the good grace to wince at what he'd just said.
Finally, Jack managed to choke down the last of the jerky, fervently hoping Hurley wasn't going to try to feed him a dog biscuit next. But the other seemed engrossed in his chocolate bar, and was looking off into the distance with a thoughtful expression.
"Don't worry," he said finally, wiping a bit of chocolate from the corner of his mouth. "Sayid'll fix this, and we can all get back to doing normal stuff. You know," he gestured broadly and went on in a sarcastic tone, "pushing the button of doom every hundred-and-eight minutes, running away from invisible monsters, getting randomly beat up and killed by the Others..."
The wolf's head jerked up. A white-hot streak of rage burned its way through his mind.
The Others!
Hurley froze with the chocolate bar halfway to his mouth at the sound of a long, low growl.
Like a row of falling dominoes, thought crashed after thought in Jack's mind. Walt. Michael. The kids from the tail section Ana Lucia couldn't save. Memories flashed in sequence, stoking his fury. Charlie hanging from a tree. Ethan looming over him in the driving rain. A bearded man half-hidden in the shadows, mocking Jack's helplessness, drawing a line in the jungle...
...but no more. He could find them now. He could hunt them down. He had senses he'd never had before, he had strength and endurance and power.
He could find them.
He could stop them.
For the wolf, thought equaled action, and he leaped to his feet with a vicious snarl that made Hurley scramble away. "Whoa, whoa! What'd I say?" Ignoring him, Jack whirled around and lunged into a gallop towards the edge of the clearing. The shouts from behind meant nothing to him; no words could penetrate the blood-red fog of hate filling his skull. But then a new voice made him skid to a stiff-legged halt, paws flinging up leafy debris. He darted a glance over his shoulder.
He saw Kate at the edge of the darkening jungle. She stood staring at him with shock and horror and something like awe. A few drops of rain began to fall, the pattering sound loud in the heavy silence. For a moment, he hesitated, staring back at her.
Then the wolf dismissed the sight from his mind, turned, and ran.
--
"What did you say to him?" Sayid shouted at the cowering Hurley. The rain had begun to fall in earnest, plastering Sayid's hair against his forehead as he demanded, "What did you say to him?"
"Nothing! Nothing, all right?!" Hurley babbled, raising his hands as if to ward off an attack. "I was just talking about stuff and then he growled at me and took off!"
Ignoring Kate, who was looking from one of them to the other with her mouth open as if she really wanted to say something, Sayid ranted, "Do you realize we may never find him again?"
Kate started to speak, but was prevented by Charlie. "But he'll come back, won't he?" His expression pained, he ran a hand through his wet hair, pushing it back from his face. "I mean, why wouldn't he?"
"Charlie, he may not want to come back! We have no idea what's going on in his mind! And now we have four of them to track down instead of three!" Sayid looked exasperated, but before Kate could break in, he went on, "Don't you understand? We need all of them for this to work!"
Kate began, "What are you--?"
Hurley overrode her. "How come? If you fixed it, can't we just, y'know, turn 'em back one at a time?"
"Turn what back?" Kate demanded, wiping rain off her face with her sleeve.
"No, we can't!" Sayid answered Hurley, shaking his head. "The connection that controls the parameter settings is beyond repair." Kate was the only one who noticed Charlie's guilty wince. "The device is set for four individuals." He held up four fingers to emphasize his point. "I cannot change this. And damaged as this equipment is, there's virtually no chance it will work more than once."
"So, ah..." Charlie's voice was very small. "You're saying either they all come back...or none of them come back?"
Sayid turned a near-lethal glare in his direction. "That, Charlie," he said, "is precisely what I'm saying."
Finally, Kate could stand no more. "HEY!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. Everyone looked towards her with surprise, as if they'd forgotten she was there. Slowly and dangerously, she demanded, "What...is...going...on?!"
The sound of the driving rain was her only answer. Kate looked from one to the other, and her expression faltered at their silent stares. "What's going on?" she asked again, almost in a whisper.
Sayid exhaled slowly. "Kate," he began, gesturing towards the canopy, "I think you need to sit down."
--
The gold-furred wolf was a flicker of light in the darkening jungle. His paws splashed through the puddles forming at his feet as the rain cascaded down. He slowed to a walk as the ground sloped steeply in front of him, placing his feet carefully as he made his way down the rain-slicked incline. Reaching the bottom of the narrow ravine, he paused, looking left and right, ears rotating as he listened. Hearing nothing but the sound of the rain in the leaves, he shook himself vigorously, sending a spray of water in all directions, then moved on.
Sawyer had no idea where he was going, and didn't really care. A sort of dull apathy had settled into his mind, and he had no thought beyond the instinct to keep moving.
However, the rain was cold, and he wasn't enjoying getting wet. He stopped again and shivered, deciding to seek some kind of shelter. Casting his gaze around, he saw nothing but towering trees surrounding him, their dark trunks glistening with rain. High above, gently swaying branches were briefly etched in stark blackness against a flash of lightning.
The wolf flinched at the crack of thunder, then spotted a fallen log not far away. It lay between a pair of thick trees, overgrown with bushes and clinging vines. It appeared to be hollow, and big enough for him to fit inside.
Sawyer dipped his head and padded over to it, paws splashing across the muddy ground. Poking his nose into the dark space, he sniffed at it carefully. He smelled nothing but the musty odor of decaying vegetation and a couple of bird droppings. Satisfied that it was safe to enter, he stepped inside, head ducked low. Then he turned around in a circle, his wet sides brushing against the crumbling wood, and pawed at the leaf-covered floor to gather together some semblance of a bed. He flopped down with a thud, then yawned and stretched out, resting his head on his forepaws.
For a while, Sawyer lay quietly, gazing out at the rain. Then he gave a heavy exhalation that sounded very much like a sigh.
He knew the human part of his mind was fading. It was getting hard to think in words, or to remember anything beyond the recent past. This didn't bother him as much as he would've thought. There wasn't much about his life that he wanted to remember.
His head twinged with pain as he shifted position. Kate, he thought, the memory more an image and scent than an actual word. He had a vague memory of a sudden, unexpected pain, and a flare of anger. But then the feelings drained away, and he was left with a dull, aching sorrow, and a deep sense of rejection that he couldn't explain. He was alone, and instinct told him being alone was shameful, that he was an outcast even from his own kind.
The golden wolf sighed again, and gave something like a shrug. He couldn't bring himself to rejoin the pack, and the idea of living among humans was unthinkable. So from now on, he was on his own.
It was quite dark now, though his lupine vision easily adjusted to the dim light. The driving hiss of the rain slowly faded to a soft murmur, then died away to random drips and drops as tree frogs and insects began their nocturnal chorus. The wolf dozed, breathing in and out, his nose keeping him informed of all that went on around him. Most of what he smelled was just mud, waterlogged plants, and the occasional wet bird. But there was a faint trace of another scent, something strangely familiar...
The wolf's head jerked up, his black lips curling up in a snarl. There was a sound now, growing nearer. He heard the crunching of something heavy pushing its way through the jungle, accompanied by a low, snuffling grunts. The smell grew stronger, closer, seeming to fill the entire world. It was hot and rank, a smell of dirt and hair and filth, saturating his mind, maddening him.
It was a boar.
Moving soundlessly, the wolf crept to the opening of the hollow log. He peered through the dangling vines that obscured the entrance as the other animal came into view, shoving its way free of the bushes that lined the roots of the trees.
It was big, much bigger than any boar he'd seen on the island. His instincts told him it was an old creature, most likely the patriarch of its herd. But it was still healthy and strong, muscles visibly shifting beneath the matted pelt of gray-brown hair. It trotted forward a few steps, then stopped. Pinprick eyes glinted beneath a thick, dangling forelock. The boar's dripping snout quivered as it snuffled the ground, huffing and grunting as it stirred up the muddy earth with a forehoof.
Boar. The wolf's muscles tensed, drawing him up into a crouch, ready to spring. Some distant rational part of his mind wondered what the hell he was doing. The boar had nothing to do with him. He should just ignore it, let it go by.
But some less rational part of him hated the creature...hated its smell, hated its sound, hated its very presence. A dim memory flickered in his mind...something about revenge, and guilt, and hate...and a deep, black certainty that what he truly hated was himself...
A low growl emerged from his throat. The boar jerked its head up with a grunt, piggy eyes blinking as its snout wiggled up and down, sniffing the air. It tossed its heavy head and stamped the ground with an angry squeal. The wolf growled again and emerged from his hiding place, head lowered and teeth bared as he stalked a slow circle around his prey.
The boar stood its ground, its reeking breath steaming in the damp air. The wolf stood facing it, head down, muscles tensed, ready to spring.
Part of him didn't want to do this. The boar was big and tough, with long, sharp tusks and a strong instinct to survive. Not only was it possible that he might not be able to kill it, he might not even escape with his life.
And at this thought, the dark place deep inside him replied: Good.
He bared his fangs, snarled out a challenge, and charged.
--
Kate slowly sat down on a fallen log, her expression blank.
Sayid's shoulders heaved in a sigh. "I'm sorry. I know this is quite a shock."
Kate looked up at him. "So that..." She tilted her head to indicate the edge of the jungle where the black wolf had vanished. "That was really...Jack?"
Sayid nodded, his expression grim. "Unfortunately, yes."
"So the one on the beach was..." Her voice trailed off.
"From your description, most likely Sawyer."
She moaned and buried her face in her hands. "Oh God." She rubbed her face, then looked back up at Sayid. "I hit him in the head," she admitted.
Charlie perked up at this. "Did you?" She glowered at him, and he forced his expression into something more properly somber. "I mean...that's terrible."
For a moment, Kate rested her chin on her hands, staring off into space. "When I chased him off," she confessed, "he looked at me, and for a moment, I saw..." She swallowed. "In his eyes, there was this hurt, and...betrayal...but I couldn't believe that..." She trailed off again, then looked up at Sayid. "So how do we bring them back?"
"First," Sayid said firmly, "we need to find them." He looked up and around; the storm had subsided, but the surrounding jungle remained black as ink. "Can you track them in this?"
She stood up, her expression determined. "I can try."
"Good." He nodded. "I'll prepare some torches." Looking towards Charlie and Hurley, he went on, "You stay here. If any of them come back, do not let them leave again." His voice was steely. "Understood?"
Hurley nodded vigorously as Charlie assured, "Right, right. No worries. We're on it."
Kate stared off into the jungle, her expression unreadable. Charlie opened his mouth as if to say something to cheer her up, then seemed to realize that anything he could say would most likely be putting his life at risk, and closed his mouth again.
When Sayid approached with two burning torches, she accepted one without comment. Sayid leaned in towards her, and lowered his voice. "You must know," he said, "that when we find them...if we find them..." He hesitated, then finished quietly, "There may be nothing left of the men we knew."
Kate's mouth set in a grim line. "I'll take that chance." Without another word, she turned and strode into the jungle. Sayid followed close behind, and Hurley and Charlie were left alone with the Dharma station, looking at each other without much to say. A sound of distant thunder rolled in, then faded away.
Hurley sagged in a posture of utter misery. "Dude," he said morosely, "this is all gonna end up red and bloody, I just know it."
--
Sawyer landed hard, ribs twinging in pain as he slammed into the ground. He rolled over and scrambled to all fours, barely evading another strike. Tongue lolling out as he panted for breath, he stumbled backwards, and growled low in his throat.
The two adversaries faced each other. The boar tossed its head and squealed in defiance, its tusks stained with blood. The wolf's golden fur was streaked with red along his left side, the thick fur spiky with mud and blood. The boar was wounded, too, bloody droplets seeping through the matted hairy mane on its neck. They circled each other warily, both knowing this respite wouldn't last long.
The wolf's legs quivered with weariness, and his sides stabbed with pain every time he took a breath. This fight was a standoff at best. He'd tried again and again to land a killing bite, but the old boar was quick and wily, and its tough leathery hide had protected him against the wolf's fangs. Another gouge of its tusks might smash in his ribs, or rip open his belly.
His instincts told him he couldn't bring this prey down alone. Not if he wanted to live.
The wolf wanted to live.
He sat back on his haunches, threw back his head, and howled.
--
The black wolf pushed his way through the undergrowth, branches snagging at his rain-soaked fur. Undeterred by the darkness of the jungle night, Jack made his way resolutely onward. His head was lowered, nose almost touching the ground, sniffing for any kind of sign. He had only one impulse now: Find them. Find the Others. Find them.
A distant voice in the back of Jack's mind was shouting that he had no chance of finding anyone, he didn't even know what he was looking for. But he was finding this voice easier and easier to ignore.
He smelled the traces of birds, animals, insects. Find them. A distant roll of thunder surged, then died away. Find the Others. A gust of wind rattled the branches, shaking a spray of droplets free of the leaves. Find them.
He cast his head this way and that, eyes slitted in concentration, nose straining for any hint of scent. Find them. He didn't care if he had to search all night, or all the next day, or for days on end. Nothing would stop him. Find th-
His head snapped up at the sound of the howl.
Ears pressed forward, he locked onto the direction of the sound. The howl triggered an instinct beyond conscious thought: a pack member was in danger. Without hesitation, he whirled in that direction, and began to run.
The wolf ran, paws flying over the sodden ground as he wove between rain-glistening trees. Muscles bunched and lengthened under his pelt as he leaped over a fallen log that lay across his path. He touched down with a splash in a shallow, muddy puddle, not even slowing down as he gathered his legs under him and surged forward.
He ran with head high, eyes fixed straight ahead, tail streaming behind like a banner. Hot breath rushed in and out his lungs as his paws beat a thudding rhythm against the earth. He ran, whiplike branches lashing him in the face, trees blurring past him in the darkness. The wolf ran knowing what he was, what he was meant to do, beyond any doubt or question.
There was no thought, no hesitation, no fear. There was only the run...and the hunt.
He charged at breakneck speed down the slope of the narrow ravine, landing in the trodden mud where the golden wolf faced the boar. The black wolf didn't even break stride at the sight. He leaped at the boar with a snarl, body lengthening as he soared through the air. Startled, the boar recoiled from the attack, but not fast enough. The wolf's fangs tore into the thick, matted hide, ripping lines of blood down the boar's shoulder.
It squealed in rage and spun around, bringing up its tusks, trying to gouge its attacker under the belly. But the golden wolf was already there, snapping at the boar's flanks as it spun. Maddened with pain, the boar whirled like a dervish, tossing its head and stamping its hooves. The wolves drew back, one on each side, circling at a cautious distance, eyes fixed on the prey.
The black wolf's ears moved as he heard the approach of the rest of the pack, drawn by the summoning howl. A slender wolf with a striking black-and-gold pelt came into view, moving at an easy trot. Finally, from the other side, a gray wolf padded in silently, head lowered, staring down the boar with pale blue eyes.
The pack circled slowly, keeping its distance, biding its time. The boar seemed uncertain, and jerked its heavy head back and forth as if it couldn't tell which way to look. It grunted once, then lowered its head and charged at the nearest enemy. But the black-and-gold wolf danced effortlessly out of the way, and the gray lunged in to snap at the boar's unprotected sides, drawing blood. It squealed and whirled around to defend itself, only to scramble away as the other wolves drew in again.
The boar spun in lunatic circles, churning the mud into a bubbling froth, tusks ripping through the air. Any way it turned it faced an attacker; any move it made to defend itself was evaded and met with an attack from another side. The boar's sides were visibly heaving as its legs began to quiver with weariness.
Heavy breaths steaming in the air, the boar finally slowed its mad circling. Blood dripping from its wounds, it stopped, lowering its head until its snout almost touched the earth. It was exhausted, spent. The wolves watched in impassive silence, eyes glinting in the dim light. Finally, the pack leader lowered his head and took a step forward, moving in for the kill...
Suddenly, the wolves whirled in unison at a rapid sound of approaching footsteps, crunching through the foliage along the top of the ravine. The boar took advantage of this distraction to whirl around and run for its life, vanishing into the underbrush. The pack leader could smell smoke, and see a glowing orange light moving through the trees. There was a human voice now, a female, shouting, and a deeper male voice from behind. Then the nearest figure slipped, and gave a high-pitched yell of alarm...
A human came tumbling down the ravine and crashed to the ground right in front of the black wolf.
He reacted the only way he knew how.
--
Kate landed hard, face-down in the thick mud, knocking the breath out of her lungs. Spitting mud, she raised her head with a groan...
...and looked straight into blood-drenched fangs, inches from her face.
Instinct froze her in place, not even daring to breathe. She heard a deep, dangerous growl, felt hot breath against her face.
She swallowed, hard.
For a moment, neither human nor wolf moved a muscle. Then, Kate's eyes flickered downwards as something glinted in the darkness. It was a silver key, half-hidden in thick black fur.
Kate tried to speak, but her throat was too parched for words. She swallowed again. Finally, she managed to whisper, "J-Jack?" Her gaze moved upwards as she dared to look him in the face.
The wolf stared back. There was no recognition in those eyes.
"Jack," she pleaded softly, as her eyes began to sting with tears. "It's me. It's Kate." There was no sign that her words held any meaning. She heard growls from around her, and knew she was surrounded by predators who considered her a threat, and had no good reason to let her walk away alive...
--
Sayid had watched in horror as Kate lost her balance and fell down the ravine, landing in the center of the pack of wolves. She'd lost her torch in the fall, and now lay surrounded and helpless, with nothing to defend herself.
Moving without thinking, Sayid drew his gun.
He held it out before him, then hesitated, staring down the slope at the scene before him. Torn with indecision, he watched as the black wolf--Jack, he reminded himself forcefully--stared at Kate with fur bristling and fangs bared.
If he didn't shoot, Kate could die. But if he did shoot, he would cost his fellow survivors their doctor, their leader, and a man he'd come to think of as a friend.
But if nothing human remained in the creatures before him, Jack was lost to them anyway...
Sayid's face reflected the struggle within him. If he killed their leader, the wolf pack would scatter. But then what? Hunt the rest of them down, one by one? Should he let them live out their lives in the jungle, or would it be kinder to grant them a quick death?
All the wolves were growling now, leaning in towards Kate. Sayid could no longer afford to hesitate. He could kill one friend, or let another die before his eyes, knowing he could have saved her.
His eyes grew hard, and he took aim.
--
Unaware of what was going on above the ravine, Kate tried to prop herself up, her arms trembling with the effort. She moved with exaggerated caution, knowing that any sudden motions would likely mean her death. The wolves still stared and growled apprehensively, but made no further move to attack. They seemed to be wondering what to do with her.
Her eyes darted sideways. The torch lay on its side just out of reach, still burning. If she could reach it, she could defend herself, hold them off. But if she drove them away, she might never find them again...only the sound of the howl had led her here in the first place.
But if she angered them any further, they would tear her apart...
Suddenly, a cold nose and whiskery muzzle touched her right arm. Kate couldn't hold back a shriek as she jerked away. The gold-furred wolf recoiled at her motion, bristling and growling. The other three jumped back, then moved forward again, heads lowered and ears pinned back. Clearly they weren't pleased by her sudden movement.
Kate forced herself to remain still, trying to slow her pounding heart, knowing that the wolves could sense her growing panic. She took a deep breath, then quietly said, "Sawyer?"
The golden wolf stared at her. His muzzle wrinkled, showing his front teeth. Kate swallowed again, pleading softly, "Sawyer, come on, you remember me, right?"
The wolf put his head slightly to one side, looking puzzled. His ears moved back and forth as his eyes narrowed almost to slits. He shook his head back and forth as if trying to throw something off, then growled again. Belatedly, Kate realized that Sawyer's most recent memory of her wouldn't be a good one. "I'm sorry," she whispered, not knowing what good it would do. "I'm so sorry I hurt y--"
Suddenly, the golden wolf's eyes shot open, and he jumped back with a surprised-sounding grunt. The other wolves turned towards him, and the black wolf swished his tail once with a low growl. Sawyer's gaze stayed locked on Kate's, and his tense pose began to slacken. Ears sagging to either side, he made a noise like a growl mingled with a whine, sounding almost like a question.
Kate didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Yes!" she almost sobbed. "Sawyer, it's me, you remember..." Without thinking, she reached out to him. Then she jerked back with a gasp as the black wolf snapped at her, coming within inches of taking off her hand.
Sawyer turned to face the black wolf, and stared at him for a moment. Then, seeming to come to a decision, he forced himself between him and her. He locked eyes with the other wolf, and gave a long, challenging growl.
The other wolf seemed incredulous at this defiance. The fur along his neck rose and his tail lifted high as he snarled back. But Sawyer didn't back down. He growled again, but this time it sounded insistent, like an urgent plea. He looked back at Kate, and she saw Sawyer in those eyes, so clearly it seemed unbelievable she'd ever failed to recognize him. He looked around at the other wolves, growling insistently, the stuttered sounds almost resembling human speech.
Slowly, comprehension seemed to dawn. The gray wolf on her left began to back away. He blinked several times, then sat down and lowered his eyes, exhaling slowly. "John?" Kate asked. "Do you remember me?" He gave a grunt of comprehension as his eyes flickered briefly towards her, but he wouldn't hold her gaze.
On her right, the gold-and-black wolf came closer, looking dismayed, almost apologetic. "Jin," Kate said, reaching out to place her hand against his thick ruff. "It's all right." His ears drooped sideways, and he gave a soft whine and lowered his head in a sort of bow.
Finally, she looked towards the black wolf. He stared back with fierce, unblinking eyes. "Jack," she whispered. She glanced down at the key that still hung around his neck, the one thing connecting this creature with the man she remembered. "Jack, I know you're still in there." She looked back into his eyes, begging, "Please remember. Please...come back."
Slowly, the wolf's angry expression began to falter. His hazel-green eyes blinked once, then again. Spiky black fur settled back against his neck as his tail lowered. Slowly, he sat down. He shuddered all over as his ears sagged, and a small whine came from his throat.
Kate shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. "Jack," she said, very quietly. It wasn't a question.
He looked away sharply, refusing to meet her gaze. She opened her mouth to speak again. Then, without warning, the black wolf flung back his head and howled, a deafening cry of anguish and remorse that echoed off into the distance, then slowly died away.
Heart pounding with shock, Kate remained motionless for several long moments. There was no sound but the steady drip of the damp leaves, and the roar of her pulse, loud in her ears. Finally, her voice quivering, she tried to assure him, "Jack, it's OK. It's all right."
He lowered his head almost to the ground and squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to look at her. "It's all right," Kate soothed again, her arm shaking slightly as she reached out to him. He didn't pull away, and she patted his neck, running her fingers through the velvety fur of his ruff. "Don't worry. It'll be OK."
There was a soft exhalation from her right. Still touching Jack, she glanced over her shoulder and saw Sawyer staring at her, his bright blue eyes fixed on her hand.
The expression on his face could have meant anything.
--
Slowly, Sayid lowered his gun.
He holstered his weapon, and, with a deep sigh of relief, began to descend the slope.
--
Kate...
Jack shivered as memory poured back into his mind. He struggled to think past the fog of the past hour. He remembered running, and the fight with the boar, and Kate crashing through the trees and falling...
And he knew, for that span of time, there had been nothing human about him.
He squeezed his eyes shut against the memory. Guilt and terror of what might have happened twisted in his gut. I almost... His eyes snapped open again, and he stared at the woman climbing unsteadily to her feet in front of him. Kate...I didn't know who she was, I could have... He shut his mind against the thought, refusing to imagine what he might have done.
He heard footsteps now, and looked up to see Sayid carefully approaching them, holding a torch in one hand. His expression was grim, and his posture was tense and wary. Obviously he didn't entirely trust them. Jack couldn't blame him.
Jack looked over at Sawyer. The golden wolf had turned away, nearly bent in two as he licked at the blood-matted fur on his side where the boar had wounded him. Jack felt a flicker of concern. You all right? he asked, forcing himself to think in human words.
Fine, Sawyer replied shortly, not turning to look at him.
But Jack could sense that the other was as shaken up as he was, maybe even more so. Jack tried again: Sawyer, are you...
Sawyer whirled to face him. I'm FINE! he snarled, teeth bared and eyes slitted. He paused, seeming to realize how incongruous his response was. Then he sighed, and finally made eye contact with Jack. Just... He paused, seeming to be struggling for words. Let's not...do that again, OK?
Jack shuddered. Yeah. He turned to look at Jin, who gave an acknowledging nod. Jack nodded in reply, then turned towards Locke. The gray wolf's head hung low, and he would only turn the briefest of glances towards him before looking away again. Locke remained silent, keeping his thoughts to himself.
Jack looked up at Kate and Sayid, who had moved away from the pack and were conversing in low voices. He could sense their concern, and the lingering fear of the recent encounter. But he had to struggle to make out the meaning of their words, and to remember who they were and how he knew them. Jack knew, without a doubt, that he'd only regained a temporary measure of humanity. If it slipped away, if he lost himself to the wolf again, he would never come back.
But he could barely remember what it felt like to be human...
He lowered his head and stared at the ground. He saw blood swirling in the muddy puddles, smelled it in his nostrils, tasted it in his mouth. The intensity of his senses was far more powerful than mere reason, and had a siren call that was hard to ignore. The run, the hunt, the pack...these things were real. Everything else was distant, abstract.
Blood in his mouth, under his tongue. Blood that might have been human...
Finally, the black wolf raised his head, and looked around at his pack. They watched him, waiting for his decision.
We're going back, he said.
No one argued.