Timeline for Part 19:
This chapter sets on episodes 11x20, when a plane crashes and Owen is suddenly reminded of the accident he still holds himself responsible for. This happens right after Amelia has changed the rules of the game in their relationship just the day before. We go further to explore some events up to 11x22. I hope you guys like it!
The Journey – Part NineteenOwen arrived early at the hospital and as usual, got absorbed with the bureaucracy workload he needed to read and sign. But when he was notified a plane had crashed in the middle of the city, not too far from the hospital, he instantly dropped everything inside his office and grabbed his white coat, knowing the ER was where he was needed the most.
As he walked into the elevator, the chief of surgery assumed that dealing with memories and the familiar sensations of guilt and loss that a plane crash would surely bring was going to be the hardest part of his day. But when the doors failed to fully close as a petite brunette sneaked in, Owen second-guessed himself.
"Hey," He couldn't help greeting her.
"Hey," The neurosurgeon replied, and Owen noticed the way she avoided his gaze.
Amelia hadn't answered any of his calls, or make any effort to talk to him since their disagreement. He was still very much in the dark about her change of attitude just the day before, and the trauma surgeon desperately wanted to understand what was going on. Not only would he like to help her, but Owen also felt like maybe that day they could be on good terms. He could definitely use someone to talk to. Dealing with the massive casualties from the accident wasn't going to be easy, and as usual, he would have to stay at the top of his game, neglecting his own responses because he needed to lead and do what had to be done.
But the idea of finding some comfort in her arms when that day was over had ignited a spark of hope inside of Owen's chest. But given her obvious defensive attitude, he wasn't sure whether or not to encourage it. After seconds that felt like minutes, Owen couldn't stand the heavy silence any longer.
"Amelia."
The chief of surgery knew he wasn't the best when it came to words. Owen was well aware of how hard it was for him to properly use them, especially in emotional situations. But at that moment, everything he wanted to ask had already been asked. It was now up to her to start talking so he could understand what she was feeling and hopefully they could go back to being on the same page.
"I just don't think this, us, is a good idea." Owen frowned when he heard the first words coming out of her mouth. "Mixing work and play."
"Play?" Owen scoffed, trying to understand what kind of joke she was pulling on him. Surely Amelia couldn't be serious, could she? "Play?" Owen repeated, starting to get nervous as she seemed to shrink and get more defensive by the minute, obviously with no intention to rephrase what she'd just affirmed.
"What am I now, some screw?" He asked with a mix of confusion after hearing her words and watching her distant, cold attitude.
"I didn't say that."
In her tone, Owen noticed how she was holding back. Her cool manners finally alarmed him enough. Owen felt his pulse racing, refusing to believe what he was hearing. Amelia couldn't be serious. She couldn't actually say that nonsense after everything that had happened between them.
"This is more." He affirmed with conviction, unable to keep a physical distance any longer. "Amelia, you and I both know this is more." Owen held her hands, desperately trying to make her agree with what he was saying.
"I don't have any more to give!" Amelia pulled away, raising her voice for the first time. It was then that Owen noticed she sounded anxious and startled too and he frowned, unable to believe she really was saying that. She was actually breaking up with him. And without any explanation that made sense.
He simply could not understand how the same woman who had laughed in his arms, kissed him with so much abandon, loved him every night of the week and instilled so many different feelings in his heart could actually be the same cold, distant person who was labeling their relationship as something meaningless as a casual hookup.
Owen thought back about the vulnerability he'd spotted in her eyes countless times, about how from the first time he'd seen her, Amelia had unknowingly captivated him. From the moment she'd walked into his life, the young neurosurgeon had already thrown him off his game because with her, Owen had never been able to be indifferent. Not at work, and not in their personal lives.
Her smiles had always affected him; her charisma won him over and the brightness he'd thought to have seen in her eyes was suddenly gone together with every stupid idea Owen had about ever daring to think that unlike every woman he'd ever met, Amelia could actually be different.
"I am not trying to hurt you." Her voice sounded broken when she added the words, but at that point, hurt and disappointment had already mixed with anger and confusion inside Owen's heart and for the first time since he'd woken up that day, whatever was going on with Amelia didn't interest him anymore.
"I am not hurt." He lied, too livid to look at her. "I get it." Owen thought about it, wondering how he ever had allowed himself to make the same mistake he always did when it came to his unrealistic expectations from people. He had actually dared to lower his guard enough to hope for something meaningful, to build a life and a relationship with a woman who was on board with the same dreams as him and actually challenged and interested him enough to make him fall for her. Owen had been significantly involved with other women before, but they either had different dreams or turned out to eventually bore him. With Amelia, for the first time he thought there was a chance he could have found exactly what he'd wished for his entire life. But never before had it happened. There was no reason why it should now. "And I'm done." He finalized, with a decided tone, feeling the start of a headache.
"Owen." Amelia stopped talking when she realized her voice was unsteady. His reaction had caught her by surprise and the neurosurgeon also had no idea what to say or do.
"You don't want real. You want the play." Owen resumed talking before she had the chance to process her own feelings. "You want the high. You want the rush. And I'm not doing that. I am not interested, so I'm done, Amelia." He added with certainty, making her heart sink in response. Amelia had never meant to hurt him. And she had never seen him like a meaningless fling. But even though rationally Amelia knew Owen had every reason to believe that she did, considering her attitude in the past twenty fours and her words to him just seconds before, it still hurt her harder than she anticipated the way he quickly made up his mind about the whole thing. "I've had enough." Owen informed her. Amelia was still thinking of what to say to let him know how she truly felt when the elevator doors suddenly opened, surprising her. And the second Owen stepped out of it, his usual professional tone of command replaced the obviously upset state of mind that had filled his voice with hurt just seconds before. "We need to set up a central triage area. Walking wounded can go to the ambulatory care center…"
His words faded from a distance, and Amelia remained motionless, unable to react. She had already noticed how good Owen was in crisis situation. He was an amazing leader, the one to look up to amidst a crisis. While everyone else was freaking out, Owen was always the serene one. And Amelia had always admired that about him.
But right as the elevator doors shut once again with Amelia in it, she stood still, wondering how could he have simply walked out and resumed working as if whatever had just happened and ended between them had already remained a part of the past, left behind inside that suffocating elevator.
.
Owen's day got progressively worse as he struggled to focus on work while everything around him seemed to be collapsing. He had no idea how his relationship with Amelia had gone from taking off filled with promises to crashing unexpectedly. Much like that airplane earlier today.
And much like the airplane that Owen had signed for once, carrying six of his hospital employees.
Even though the event had happened a few years before and all the legal implications of it were already resolved, today Owen had found out that the guilt he'd felt then was still very much present. As the victims of today's accident kept coming into the ER, he couldn't help seeing the face of the people he'd lost on each one of them.
Owen knew his constricted heart and intensified desire to see that each patient got the best available care came from all his unresolved feelings with the situation from years in the past. But he was also well aware of how much his confusion and anger towards Amelia and her sudden decision to change entirely what their relationship meant were affecting the way he was treating her that day.
If Owen were to be completely honest, he wasn't sorry that he was acting like a jackass. His pride would never allow him to admit how betrayed and hurt he felt, so it was easier to focus on his wrath and take out his frustration on her in the only ways he could. The moments he stood outside the radiology room nagging the neurosurgeon to hurry up with the CT reading were a proof of that. Amelia had every right to want out of their relationship, and even though inconsiderate, she also had the right not to tell him why if she wished. But he was still her boss, and she would still have to report to him. And if she wanted their relationship to be strictly professional, Owen would make sure to give her exactly that.
Deep down he knew he was acting immaturely, but Owen didn't linger on those thoughts much longer. Since Amelia had left him so powerless when it came to deciding about their relationship, he rejoiced in the possibility of getting back at her by reinforcing his authority at work at any chance he could. That also included calling her out in the middle of the hallway to reprimand her treatment of a resident in front of Stephanie Edwards herself.
Owen realized his action was backfiring when soon enough, he found himself in the position of being the one who was getting a lecture. Edwards exposed so easily what was going on between the two attendings that for a moment, he was caught off guard. The resident's earlier comments while in the OR and her obvious innuendo to his love life had already contributed to Owen's sour mood, but now, as she stood there accusing him and Amelia of not figuring out "how to date", the chief wondered how much exactly people knew about his involvement with his head of neurosurgery and how that would affect the way he was seen by his employees from there on.
As Owen dwelled on those thoughts, he noticed Amelia looking as embarrassed as he was. She had just probably reached the same conclusions as him and without making a fuss, the neurosurgeon made an excuse and left, making him wonder if they'd ever be able to stand in the same room again without that awkwardness and actually have a real conversation.
.
Amelia finished typing down her notes on the patient's chart, pleasantly surprised that the woman had shown such promising signs of recovery. It was probably the first happy moment about that day, the neurosurgeon realized with a sad grin.
As it had been happening so often in her life lately, her mind shifted to Owen and Amelia felt her heart constricting. She felt awful.
For the last couple of days, she had been telling herself that it was better to put a brake on her involvement with her boss while there was still time. Amelia knew that allowing such a deep, emotional bond to grow would eventually only expose her to more heartbreak. She couldn't risk that. But it wasn't fair that he took the toll and suffered because she couldn't correspond to the expectations.
Amelia knew that deep down, Owen had done nothing wrong. He'd never meant to get her out of her comfort zone, much on the contrary. For all the time they'd been together, he'd treated her with nothing but respect, decency and care.
And in return, she'd broken his heart.
During the entire day, she'd fed on the fact that he was being rude and uncivil towards her as a way to fuel her decision to step back from their relationship. But it didn't take her two hours away from his presence to make her feel even worse. Amelia had shut him down and hadn't even offered an explanation. She knew that if she told him how she really was feeling, Owen would probably forgive her and understand.
And that could be even more dangerous.
Because if he offered her comprehension and forgiveness, Amelia knew she was at serious risk for putting her entire decision in jeopardy and running straight back into his arms to pick up exactly where they left off. She had hurt his feelings and he didn't deserve it. But right now, Amelia had herself and her well being to think about.
Rationally, Amelia knew it was better to keep her distance and give him some space. After all, everything was too recent and he probably needed time to process it too. But seeing him pass down the hall with his powerful, poised walk made Amelia reconsider. She couldn't go home and sleep in peace knowing he was that angry with her. Not Owen. He'd always been considerate with her. And nothing made her feel worse than seeing cold indifference in his eyes while feeling like a total disappointment.
"Chief!"
The word left Amelia's mouth before she could contain herself. She hurried to catch up with Owen, seeing as he was finishing giving instructions to a nurse.
"Tell Kepner I'll be down soon to help triage the stragglers."
Amelia noticed how he didn't stop to hear what she had to say. He simply kept on walking and going his way obviously maintaining his earlier attitude to avoid her presence and make her feel like an annoyance. But Amelia didn't let his passive aggressive response withhold her from sharing the news she hoped would make his day at least a little bit better.
"I thought you'd like to know Kate's memory is coming back." The neurosurgeon started as she walked beside him, trying to appear positive and maybe make up for some of what she'd put him through. Owen was much bigger and Amelia had to take two steps to keep up with every one of his and she wondered if he was going that fast on purpose. "It's still incomplete, but I'm expecting a full recovery."
She stole a peek sideways, hoping to hear at least a few words of encouragement or to see that he acknowledged the effort she was putting into making the situation as comfortable as possible for them both, but Owen kept his hands inside his coat pockets, barely looking her in the eyes as he replied unaffectedly:
"Thank you. I'm glad to hear it."
Amelia lost her patience completely. She really was trying the best that she could, but never before had she been around someone as stubborn as that man. Owen could intimidate everyone else around them with his proud, tough guy attitude but he didn't scare her. And she wasn't going to let him walk away carrying so much negativity about her because Amelia really did care about him and his well-being.
By the time she made sense of her feelings, he'd already walked away out of her reach. Why did Owen have the power to irritate her so effortlessly?! Amelia knew she wasn't the easiest person. And communicating well surely wasn't her strength. But that guy took her patience to defying limits. If he was keeping that broody, sullen mood just to get back at her for the way she'd treated him before, Owen surely was more difficult than she'd initially imagined.
"You say I'm playing games?" Amelia had to nearly run to catch up with him again. "I am here, ready to talk, but you are pissed at me, so I'm getting punished." The neurosurgeon complained, hating the way he kept his cool while she was one step away from jumping on his neck out of frustration.
"I'm not punishing anyone," Owen informed her with a condescending look, taking one step ahead with the clear intention to leave, "and I'm not doing this."
"I want to." Amelia bravely stood on his way, not bothered by his display of cold authority. "I want to do this because this is unfair!" Grabbing his arm, Amelia forgot all about the line between personal and professional and opened the door to the first room she found on her right, resuming her talking while she pulled him inside. "This is…"
"Amelia, back off." Owen interrupted her before she could go any further. He'd allowed her to trap him inside the empty on call room because she was visibly worked up and he wasn't about to be part of a scene in front of his staff. The neurosurgeon seemed angry and he wasn't sure what to make of it, adding to his frustration. "You wanted professional. I'm giving you professional."
"No, you're not." Amelia stood up to him, taking one step closer. "You are hardly being civil. I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. I am, but…"
"This is not about you!" Owen snapped, for the first time raising his voice. Hearing her talk about hurting his feelings set him off but he wasn't ever going to admit it. "Everything isn't about you!" He shouted louder, hoping to scare her off so they wouldn't be having that conversation.
"Then what is it?" Amelia didn't give in, satisfied that he at least hadn't kept his indifference. Even though angry, shouting Owen could be quite intimidating, she'd rather have him voice out his feelings and actually use words than seeing him shutting down in silence, refusing to talk while treating her like she was his punching bag at work.
"There was a plane crash." Owen admitted
"Yes, but…"
"Not the one today." He raised his voice, finally silencing them both. Amelia stopped coming up with arguments to why he should talk, apprehensively waiting for him to explain why he was so angry. "I'm talking about the plane that had Meredith and Derek and Arizona and Mark and Lexie and Cristina." Owen admitted with a sheepish tone. He sighed heavily as he said the words, feeling too emotionally drained to even try to contain his emotions. "I put them on that plane. I signed the requisition for the airline. I paid for it." He confessed, finally saying out loud the thoughts that had haunted him for so long and today had so unexpectedly been brought to surface with every feeling of guilt that came along. "I was in charge. I don't care how long I've been out of the service. It was my watch, and they were my men." Owen added, nodding his head in disapproval to himself. "And…" He closed his eyes in order to control his emotions, struggling to keep looking at the same woman who'd offered him comfort and comprehension before. "I failed them." He sighed heavily, feeling the weight of the words as he spoke them. Too overwhelmed with his own emotions, Owen sat down on the nearest bed to get a hold of himself. "It was my fault." He admitted, taking a deep breath and regaining control. With a renewed disposition, he swept away all those uncomfortable feelings the memories had brought and added a conclusion to finally be over with the subject. "So, when something like this happens today, it brings it all back up."
Amelia noticed the way he nodded his head, almost as if condemning himself for a mistake she knew hadn't been his.
The neurosurgeon knew about the accident Owen was talking about. Her brother and sister in law had been on it, and because of the consequences of Derek's injuries, one of Amelia's sisters had had to donate some of her neural tissue to help their brother regain function of his hand and resume operating.
Amelia knew about the repercussions of the accident, how it affected people and especially, the lives it had taken. Mark Sloan had been on board that day and his death still constricted Amelia's heart every time she thought about his smile and how growing up, he'd always had her back whenever one of her siblings was picking on her.
But she also knew there was no way that could be on Owen. She might be the one reconsidering defining what they meant to each other, but she didn't doubt his integrity one bit. Amelia seriously doubted Owen would ever hire a company to provide a service if he so much as thought anyone's security could be compromised.
She was about to open her mouth to tell him that when his next words echoed through the air.
"There was a plane crash."
Amelia frowned, noticing the subtle changes in his expression. Owen looked lost, defeated, as if he'd just realized something else. And the confusion on his face gave Amelia a bad feeling.
"Owen." She reached out for his hand, unsure of what exactly she was asking for. But his sudden change of attitude made Amelia feel an uncomfortable shiver running up her spine. She tried desperately to hold on. Because she had a feeling he was about to let go. And somewhere deep in the cold lump on her stomach, Amelia foresaw what was about to happen.
Owen held onto the fingers she was offering, hoping to feel her warmth one last time before they inevitably parted ways.
His mouth felt dry and his insides were churning like he was going to be sick. That hell of a day had been insufferable, but the part when he would have to break ties with the woman he'd invariably come to love was definitely going to be the worst.
Because just like the airplane collision, Amelia had walked into his life unannounced, uninvited. Despite all his careful planning and all his meticulous precaution, with her, he'd exposed himself once more. Owen didn't see it coming, but he had fallen for her and before he could get a hold of what was happening, she had unexpectedly changed their course, crashing what little they had built.
Not too long before, Owen had sat on a boat and envisioned a life for them. He'd actually allowed himself to make plans. To hope. Her smell still lingered on his pillow. Her lipstick still stained his favorite coffee mug. And just earlier today, Amelia had made it pretty clear that, unlike his initial assumption, her vision of what all of that meant was entirely different from his.
Owen took a deep breath, refusing to believe it.
Let me know if you, you know… if you need people… I'm around.
He'd embarked on it, utterly fascinated by her personality and her looks. Owen had been careful at first, but Amelia was so amazing and so completely enchanting that little by little, her charisma and charm had knocked down his defenses and before Owen could realize what was happening, he'd already fallen head over heels for her. It had taken weeks, but little by little, Owen had started to believe in the possibility of his biggest dream ever coming true again.
I just don't think this, us, is a good idea… mixing work and play.
And just like that, all the fire that had been burning in his heart, fed by how much she'd seemed to return his desires and affections had suddenly crashed, disappearing like it hadn't even existed before.
Owen took a deep breath, struggling to say what he knew needed to be said.
"And I won't survive another plane crash, Amelia." He informed her, thinking back about how much pain and heartbreak he'd endured in the past for trying to convince someone of something that was his desire, and his alone. If Amelia wasn't in synchrony with what he wanted, then it was better if they each went their ways while there was still time. While they could still survive the collision. Because Owen knew that soon enough, it would have already been too late to go back maintaining the least bit of mental sanity. "And that's all we are."
Amelia felt the weight of his words and struggled to accept the meaning in them. Somehow, she'd walk out of that room feeling even worse than when she'd first entered, something she hadn't considered to be possible.
But as she pulled her hand, having to use all her strength after Owen hesitated to let her go, Amelia realized that no matter how hard this was on the two of them, at least breaking up was something they both seemed to agree on.
.
For the rest of his shift, Owen tried his best to get rid of the awful sensation consuming him. He was aware of how intense his feelings for Amelia were, but even so he hadn't expected to feel so devastated.
As one hour followed another, it became more flagrant that when he made it back to his trailer that evening, Amelia wasn't going to join him. He wouldn't wake up to her easy smiles and affectionate kisses in the morning. He wouldn't have to tell her to hurry in the shower or they'd risk being late for work.
None of that would matter anymore because she simply wasn't going to be there.
As anger slowly faded, his heart felt progressively emptier. Owen hated the feeling and rejected it with every ounce of strength he had. But soon enough he'd come to find out that the dark cloud hanging above their heads apparently had come to stay.
The chief of surgery knew that if he went home, there would be no distractions and he'd have to deal with his feelings so he chose to spend the night at the hospital instead. In the morning, Owen had just showered, shaved and was finishing dressing when he walked into the attendings lounge, looking for Callie to join him in an early morning procedure.
Small talk with other colleagues followed and Owen didn't feel the least inclined to take part in it. He was sitting by the computer desk in the corner of the room when Meredith Grey interrupted the lighthearted conversation among her colleagues, dropping the news that Owen didn't yet know would change everything.
"Derek is dead."
The world became a turmoil around them and while everyone freaked out, discussing what was going on and trying to make sense of Meredith's bombastic news, Owen took charge of the situation after the general surgeon passed out.
While Webber, Callie, Alex and Maggie tried to understand what was going on, Owen overheard the exchange of information that followed, unable to believe all of that really was happening. Involuntarily, his mind shifted to Amelia and he wondered how she'd taken the news. He still couldn't process the loss and since Meredith wasn't in a proper state of mind to share any details, Owen was left guessing.
Moments later, after updating Webber and Bailey on Meredith's condition and finally getting to the bottom of what had happened to Derek, he found out that Amelia didn't know yet.
As chief of surgery, Owen knew the protocol. If Amelia was operating, they couldn't interrupt her. He felt his stomach twisting in knots when he realized that soon enough, Amelia's world was about to become darker and more painful.
Owen didn't want to tell her what had happened, he didn't look forward to it at all. But at the same time, someone had to do it and he wasn't going to let a sole random person share the news he knew would devastate her. The trauma surgeon had watched first hand how Amelia was close to her brother and he cringed just to think of the heartbreak and pain he would add to her life with the devastating announcement.
Owen knew it too well himself. He'd lost a sibling too. He'd never forget how his entire world had changed from one minute to another after he found out the chopper his sister was in was missing. But Megan had never been confirmed dead and the lack of closure could add up to anxiety and trigger emotions Owen was familiar with. This time, with Amelia it was different because they knew for sure what had happened.
But it didn't mean it would be any easier.
The chief of surgery walked into the OR where the young neurosurgeon was finishing operating. After his gaze met Callie's, Owen had the confirmation that Amelia was still completely in the dark.
The entire situation was too impossible to process. Owen felt like he was somehow living a nightmare. One of his closest friends had died and none of that made any sense. But soon enough, Amelia would find out and it was better that she heard from him than someone who might deliver the news in a cold, impersonal manner.
"Can we have the room, please?"
Amelia heard her boss's voice and turned around, noticing the way Callie and Edwards silently retreated from the OR. Everyone was alarmingly silent, with heavy frowns on their faces. Something was going on and Amelia had no idea what.
"Did you need something?" She asked Owen, trying to sound as indifferent as possible.
Ever since she'd sat beside him on an on call room bed and heard the words that ultimately broke her heart, Amelia had disconnected from everything and everyone around her.
All her life, she'd heard how much of a disappointment she'd been. But very few times it'd come close to hurt as much as when she'd had to hear from the man she loved that their relationship was as disastrous as a plane crash. Amelia had had intense relationships before, but after Owen brutally told her what he felt, she'd realized that never before she'd been so deeply involved with anyone. No other guy had ever had the power to make her feel like that.
Her initial reaction had been to crave a drink and Amelia hated herself for it. She had to use all of her strength to keep her sobriety, too determinate not to slip. Especially not because of a heartbreak.
Owen's words and the sad truth in them had hurt deeper than Amelia could have ever expected. But she didn't blame him for her pain.
Instead, Amelia blamed herself. It was her fault for feeling this close to someone, for not knowing better and being seduced by everything Owen had to offer to the point of being blind whenever he was around.
To the point of actually letting her guard down and leaning on him for comfort, when she knew too well from experience of how loving someone ultimately only caused sorrow and pain.
She had moved to Seattle to focus on her life and her career. And after her brief and yet intense relationship with Owen, Amelia had closed off completely, too determinate to never let herself feel as close to having a relapse again as she felt just hours before.
"Maybe we should have this conversation in my office."
His look was stern and firm as he said the words. Amelia wondered if she was seeing too much into it, or if Owen really was having a hard time keeping his composure.
Knowing him, Amelia supposed probably the first option. Owen was too annoyingly contained to ever be affected by something enough to compromise his performance at whatever he needed to do.
"Look, I don't have time for…" She started out, still thinking he'd come to talk to her about work and was hesitating because of their conversation the day before. But when Owen walked into the room, calmly standing in front of her without breaking eye contact, Amelia realized something was seriously wrong.
And in his eyes, she saw the truth.
Ripping her surgical mask with one determinate movement, Amelia inhaled deeply and forced herself to control her heart rate, refusing to feel anything whatsoever other than anger. "Who died?"
"Amelia…" Owen took a deep breath, wondering how in the world he was going to deliver the news but her words interrupted him.
"I know the face. I've been here before." She confessed, adding contempt to her list of allowed emotions. It was easier to despise everything than to actually let herself be affected by whichever news he had to give her. "Everyone thinks they are the first person in the world to ever look at a human being like that, but… It's always the same face." She added with impatience, thinking back about the many times she'd seen the same facial expression in the eyes of people who loved her whenever they shattered her life with bad news. Amelia was not going to let it happen again. She couldn't control other people, but she sure as hell could control herself. And the lack of denial from Owen as she spoke the words pretty much confirmed her initial assumption. "Who is dead?"
Owen couldn't bear it any longer. He could see in her eyes she was torturing herself, defensively putting up a wall to cope with the news he was about to deliver.
"Derek." He said, feeling nauseated as he struggled to contain his emotions. "It's Derek. I'm so, so sorry." Owen gazed at her, hoping more than anything that she didn't have to go through all of that. But he was powerless over the situation. All Owen could do was to be there for her and to make sure she knew things would be okay. "It was an MVC accident, and he wanted to help."
"I don't need the details." Amelia broke eye contact with him, startling Owen. "Dead is dead."
Owen frowned, trying his hardest to do the right thing. He'd prefer it if she cried and broke down in his arms, because then he would be able to do something. But the way Amelia coldly stood there, staring at him with indifference as if she'd heard something as mundane as her surgery being cancelled scared Owen, because he knew that reaction wasn't at all healthy.
"I am so, so sorry." He repeated, giving her time to process it. Owen couldn't judge. He knew the news had barely sunk in for him yet. And Amelia was Derek's sister. It was exponentially worse on her than it was on other people. Taking one step closer, he tried to touch her and get to her in the hopes that would inspire her to have a reaction. "I wish there was something I could…"
But Amelia stepped back, clearly rejecting his comfort and his touch.
"Thank you. For telling me." She looked into his eyes, speaking the words with unnatural calmness.
Owen wanted to hold her and make sure she knew that just because they'd broken things off the night before, it didn't mean he wasn't there for her anymore. Much on the contrary. Amelia would now go through something awful and he wanted to do everything in his power to ease her sorrow.
"Amelia, if there's anything I can…"
"I'm good. I've done this before. I know the drill." Amelia tried to inflict a lighter tone in her voice, as if trying to convince him as much as she tried to convince herself. "It's not a big deal."
Owen watched as she turned back to the sink and turned it on again, resuming washing her hands like the information she'd just received had barely affected her.
Feeling helpless, overwhelmed and unsure of what to do, Owen looked around, spotting Callie inside the OR, obviously giving the news to Stephanie Edwards. The resident broke down in tears, being promptly held by the orthopedic surgeon while she cried.
Owen watched the scene and looked back at the woman standing beside him, who bravely kept her chin up while refusing to succumb to pain.
"Amelia, I…"
"If that's all, chief, I have some post ops to get to," the neurosurgeon interrupted him, looking at Owen with a mix of defiance and what he interpreted as pity.
The chief of surgery reached out, this time succeeding in touching her shoulder.
"Are you sure you're…"
But Amelia once again stepped back, this time reaching the door and grabbing the handle with the clear intention to leave.
"I am fine," Amelia gave him one last look before finally exiting through the door.
Owen knew it was a lie. There was no way she could be fine. Not in these circumstances. But while Amelia kept lying to herself, there was nothing he could do other than wait.
Because when she finally allowed herself to process the news and feel the loss, Amelia would invariably break down.
And Owen would make sure to be there to catch her when she fell.
—