Timeline for Part 21
This chapter continues to explore what happened to Owen and Amelia during the events of 11x22, when he left to a war zone and Amelia stayed behind working at the hospital. We will go forward and find out what they were up to in those long months apart.
Author's Notes: Kenan & Kel was a show I used to watch as a kid on Nickelodeon. I suppose most of you are not familiar with it. The scene in which Amelia remembers her dialogue with Owen is a part of chapter 12.
The Journey – Part Twenty One"Did you bring it?"
Amelia sneakily closed the door after herself, taking a good look at the eager little face staring back at her with enormous chestnut eyes.
"Of course I brought it," she revealed the bottle she'd been hiding in her white coat, watching with delight as a smile transformed the little girl's face.
"Who loves Orange Soda?"
Amelia heard the quote as she passed by the patient, receiving a high five before she sat down on the wardroom chair and propped both her legs on the frame of the bed, crossing them at the ankles.
"Am I late?" The neurosurgeon asked while serving two plastic cups with the bubbly drink.
"No, you're just in time," the girl replied with enchantment in her eyes, accepting the cup at the same time she turned up the volume on the TV.
Amelia kicked back on the chair with a smile on her face and focused on the small screen hung on the wall opposite to the patient's bed.
Jamie Donovan was an eight-year old girl with an aggravating case of cystic fibrosis. With a full time working mom who had to juggle two jobs in order to afford her daughter's medical insurance, Jamie spent most of her time at the hospital undergoing treatment. Amelia had met the girl a couple of months before during a neurosurgical consult for a particularly complicated lumbar tap. And since Amelia hardly ever left the hospital, she had slowly found out that spending her nights in the company of the kid was actually more enjoyable than spending it on busy on call rooms that had to be shared among other surgeons who were working during the night.
Amelia had gone back on two consecutive days for follow ups with the adorable patient and quickly become attached. After finding out Jamie spent most of her time alone or only with the nurses, Amelia instantly felt compelled to provide the kid some company, but it didn't take long for her to find out that she actually enjoyed those excursions more than she'd initially assumed.
Because of the side effects of some of her medication, Jamie's sleep pattern wasn't regulated, making the young patient often sleep throughout the day and stay up all night. Since Amelia had come down with a case of insomnia since her brother had died, it was actually entertaining for her to spend her free time with Jamie. The girl was easier to talk to than anyone else in Amelia's life at the moment because unlike the adults, the kid never demanded any satisfactions or criticized Amelia's behavior. On the contrary. Her conversations with the eight year old patient were often much more honest than the ones Amelia would have with her friends and co-workers throughout the entire day.
Just a few days before, even her favorite resident had offered to take Amelia on a support group for people who were grieving, and that made the neurosurgeon feel even more isolated and lonely. From there on, she'd have to tone down her jokes too, and the prospect of controlling her spontaneity was exhausting. She didn't want to have to measure her words, or think about everything she wanted to say before actually speaking.
But with Jamie, none of that had to happen. Amelia could just be herself.
In a matter of days, it had become almost a ritual that Amelia joined the young patient in the late hours of the night to play board games, read the Harry Potter books or simply watch old children shows on TV. Jamie's favorite, Kenan & Kel, had made the eight year old curious about the taste of orange soda, something she'd never tried before. Amelia had promptly stepped up to sneak the forbidden drink into the pediatric wing, but after Jamie had a severe fit of cough after laughing incessantly at the show, the neurosurgeon started to second-guess her decision.
"What are you doing, you little brat?" She belatedly realized. "Put your CPAP back on." Amelia commanded, referring to the breathing device Jamie must have on at all times.
"It's really annoying." Jamie complained with a scowl.
"It makes you breathe a lot better, so end of discussion." Amelia said with a firm but gentle tone.
"Fine…" Jamie sighed, knowing there was no counter argument. "Just wait until I get my new lungs, then I will run out of here so fast that you won't be able to catch me."
"I sure hope so." Amelia's eyes met Jamie's and when they did, both smiled at each other.
Half an hour later, the show was over and Amelia frowned when Jamie asked to change channels as soon as a series about a teenage couple began.
"What, you don't like this show?" Amelia asked tactfully, finding it strange. It was a typical silly school show with shallow, dreamy romance and more often than not, high pitched songs. It was obviously aimed at young girls and Jamie was exactly the target audience.
"I don't like boys." The unwilling patient said, rebelliously folding her arms on her chest.
"Oh, you don't like boys?" Amelia teased, raising one eyebrow as she playfully added, "may I ask why?"
"Because all they do is play with their stupid toys or pretend they are superheroes and they never listen." Jamie complained, making Amelia laugh. "And also, they need help for everything."
"Surely not all boys are that bad?" The neurosurgeon asked with delight, without the faintest idea that one day, she would raise four boys who would perfectly fit Jamie's description.
"The ones in my school are." Jamie replied, still not convinced. Even though the girl had stopped going to classes a few months before when her condition had worsened, she still hoped to go back someday.
Amelia looked at the little girl with a mix of amusement and comprehension.
"Well, you see, the good thing is that even though boys seem horrible now, one day you'll grow up and you won't think so anymore." The neurosurgeon gently explained. "I know they can be immature and annoying, but they can also grow up to be quite nice."
Jamie squinted before staring at Amelia questioningly.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure." The grownup smiled, thinking about how Derek would pick on her when they were younger and how later in life they'd become closer and actually shared things with each other.
"I don't want a boyfriend, though." Jamie decided.
"You don't have to have a boyfriend if you don't want to." Amelia tried to contain a smile. Jamie would probably change her mind one day, but she was still at that age when boys and girls had constant feuds with one another and didn't mingle in any circumstances. "But boyfriends can be fun too." She added, hoping to sound encouraging.
"I don't see how." Jamie replied with disbelief, giving Amelia a sideways glance, almost as if hoping her new friend would contradict her.
Amelia quickly picking up on the act and realized Jamie was much more interested in hearing what she had to say than she was letting it show. Decided to keep the light atmosphere, Amelia focused on her own surprising confession.
"Boyfriends can come in handy because they usually reach the higher shelves." Amelia explained with a contagious smile, trying not to think about how, during the time they were together, Owen would often tease her by hiding the coffee pot in the top cabinet just so she would ask for his help in the morning. "And they give the best hugs, too." Amelia daydreamed, being transported back to a time when she'd fall asleep feeling the safest she'd ever felt even when a strong storm would hit just because she was in Owen's arms.
She tried to focus on Jamie instead of how much she missed those nights. Amelia couldn't remember the last time she'd had quality sleep.
"It's weird." Jamie decided, completely rejecting the idea of being at good terms with boys.
"Sometimes it is," Amelia smiled with patience, turning her eyes back to the TV. The young couple shouldn't be more than sixteen and yet they were exchanging love vows and making promises of eternal love.
Jamie noticed how Amelia's eyes captured the image on the TV and a smile lingered on her friend's face.
"Do you love a boy?"
Amelia was caught completely off guard. She looked back to the little girl and tried to think of something to say to dodge the unexpected question but couldn't. It was the first time in months that someone upfront asked Amelia about her feelings and the situation had become so unusual lately that she froze, unsure of how to react.
Her first instinct was to say no, but even though Amelia hadn't exactly been allowing her feelings to blossom lately, she knew there was no point denying them. And she couldn't lie. Not to Jamie.
"I do." Amelia replied, feeling her eyes slightly tearing up. Deep down, she'd always known the answer, but actually voicing her feelings for the first time had an overwhelming effect on the surgeon. Her throat suddenly got constricted as she admitted with a hoarse voice, "very, very much."
Amelia didn't add the fact that the "boy" she loved was over six feet tall and had the prettiest pair of crystal blue eyes she had ever seen.
Jamie noticed the subtleties in Amelia's reaction and her posture went from defensive to completely approving.
"Really?" She asked excitedly, eager to hear more. "Is he your boyfriend? Where is he?"
When Amelia realized she didn't have answers to those questions, she realized it was time to call it a night.
"I think it's past your bedtime, miss." The neurosurgeon got up with a gentle smile, mysteriously walking over to the bed to help Jamie settle in.
"You didn't answer my question." Jamie replied with a begging face, obediently getting under the covers.
"Maybe some other time, ok?" Amelia said with a gentle voice. "I have to go get some rest now, but tomorrow I will be back and we can watch more Nick at Nite."
"Will you stay for the Nicktoons tomorrow?" Jamie asked with a begging smile. "Please?"
"I'll do my very best." Amelia promised, blowing the girl a good night kiss before finally making her way to an on call room.
.
Owen finished setting up the last bags of everything they were collecting to take onto the next trip. He couldn't believe he was going to the third mission in a row. Despite rewarding, the whole thing was also very exhausting.
Both he and April Kepner had once again extended their tours. At first, despite the physical toll the humanitarian missions were taking on them, they had kept their spirits high, driven by the instant positive response in the population they were helping. But as weeks followed, it became harder to face the cruel reality that the more people they helped, the more needed their help, or so it felt like.
The number of human beings living in unsanitary and poor conditions in that area of the world was heartbreaking. Being there and being able to help humbled Owen. He felt a reinvigorated sense of purpose and strived to do his best, to be better every day. Sometimes, a case slipped through their fingers and the team felt the helplessness associated with being in an improvised facility with a very precarious health care system. But in most days, Owen went back to his tent feeling like his presence and his work had made the entire difference and that filled him with joy and contentment after long hours of work.
But then he'd lay his head on the pillow and his thoughts would involuntarily shift to a familiar pair of silver blue eyes and a dimpled smile that even after all that time would still haunt his dreams nearly every night.
Owen would speak to his mother on the phone pretty much every week, and from Kepner he'd hear updates on how life was going on back in Seattle. Mostly, April gave him updates on Jackson, sometimes even on Alex and Arizona. But the only one Owen really wanted to know more about was hardly ever mentioned in his friend's conversations. He wasn't sure exactly where Amelia was right now, but he supposed she was already back home with her family. Owen only hoped that, wherever she was, the neurosurgeon was happy, safe and doing better than she was when he'd last seen her.
It was hard finishing a day of work and watching all the other guys and few women calling back home to their loved ones, hearing encouraging words from their spouses and sweet messages from their kids. All of that forced Owen to once again face the cruel reality that he would probably never get to have any of that.
"Are you ready to go?" His friend's voice interrupted his thoughts, bringing the trauma surgeon back to the present moment.
"Yes," Owen replied, staring deeply into her eyes. "April, are you sure you're up for this?" He asked carefully. Owen had witnessed several times how heated the conversations between Kepner and her husband had become over the months and the fact April was extending her tour yet another time had surely added more friction to the already fragile marriage. "I mean, maybe you should go back home, see Jackson… you can always come back, you know."
"I know, but I have to do this now." April informed him with resolution. "I have to, Owen." She lowered her voice a bit. "There are so many people who need us, much more than in Seattle, and I…"
As her voice trailed off, Owen gave her a discreet nod of understanding. He got her. Just like him, April had gone there because at home, her reality was as heartbreaking as some of the scenes they were witnessing. The only difference is that there, in mission, they could actively change that reality.
"Have you told Hill to hurry up and get that bag of syringes on the back of the truck?" April nodded her head in disapproval, walking up to the young army private who was also deployed in mission. "Hill, how many times do I have to tell you to be careful with the bag of…?"
Owen chuckled to himself, watching the scene from a distance. It was amazing how April had grown in those few months they'd been in the Middle East. The leader in her had finally been allowed to make an appearance, and his friend had come to find out she was actually good at it. It gave Owen joy to realize that and he smiled to himself, grabbing two loads and carrying them to truck before it became too dark for them to evacuate the area.
.
Amelia dragged her feet through the empty hospital corridor. The night was cold and a chilly air was blowing, making the neurosurgeon wrap her arms around herself, cursing the white coat for not being warmer. As it happened every holiday season, people tended to avoid going to the ER, unless they were really in need of it. And without a certain male head figure, the emergency room felt particularly empty.
It was nearly midnight and Amelia's shift had ended five hours before, but she'd stayed at the hospital as usual. That night, she caught up on all her charts and did some research for a paper she intended to publish, but the holiday spirits seemed to have contaminated everyone around her, and Amelia couldn't stand more than two hours at a cafeteria table hearing everyone around her making plans to be with their loved ones.
The neurosurgeon had finished her coffee, grabbed her journals and aimlessly walked around the hospital halls, deep down hoping for something to do to keep her busy. Amelia definitely didn't want go back home. She knew that at some point she would have to because the laundry was piling up and she was pretty sure she hadn't washed the dishes in about a week, but that night it had started to snow and something about the white fluffy flakes falling from the sky reminded her of home.
For a minute, Amelia's heart felt a little less cold as she was assaulted by memories of a happy childhood when she would gather around a huge Christmas tree with her parents and four siblings, eagerly waiting for Santa to bring her presents. The memory was so distant and so deeply buried into the past that Amelia wondered if she'd really lived it or made it up. It just seemed completely unfathomable now, especially considering her present moment. Her remaining family members were all scattered around and Amelia had no idea if they were keeping the tradition of getting together for Christmas.
Months ago, Amelia had stopped answering her mother's calls and that had resulted in Carolyn Shepherd showing up at Seattle to check on her daughter. It had taken Amelia a couple of days to convince the woman she was fine and ever since, Amelia had been forcing herself to call her family in New York at least a couple times of a week to avoid similar reactions. She'd found out that five minutes of shallow dialogue over the phone did the trick and conditioned herself to memorized every answer her mother and sisters approved of, mastering the art of speaking a lot of words without actually saying anything at all.
At work, it was mostly the same. At times, Richard Webber and Maggie Pierce would check up on her. It didn't take Amelia long to figure out what they were doing and similarly to what she'd done with her family, the young surgeon forced herself to sit down for lunch with them every now and then as she mechanically smiled and told them everything the duo expected to hear. Amelia dutifully participated on every attendings meeting, eagerly oversaw and drafted residents' evaluations and at times, had even volunteered to conduct the presentation of cases in her department's weekly case discussions. It had quickly become very obvious that the more Amelia did and the more she engaged socially, the less people bothered her, because they would simply assume she was doing very well. That way, Amelia kept everyone happy while moving on with her life avoiding everything she could possibly feel and instead, focusing only on what was rational.
Soon enough, people had gone from worrying about her to actually admiring how tough and incredibly strong Derek Shepherd's sister was to so gracefully be able to handle his loss and the disappearance of his wife and kids while succeeding at keeping her professionalism and the quality of her work. Most people had no idea about her attachment to the former chief of surgery, so Owen's name was hardly ever mentioned to her, but in nights as slow as that one, Amelia couldn't help but to think of him and wonder if he was alive and well.
When all talks, discussions and procedures were over, and every voice in her head had been silenced, it became increasingly harder to ignore the void left untouched inside her heart ever since the day he'd gone away to join the Army. Amelia missed him more than she would dare to acknowledge.
Her gaze fell upon the nurses station, where the patient files remained neatly organized over the counter. Before Amelia could control her thoughts, a flash memory came to mind.
"Are you done here?" Owen had whispered very close to her ear.
"Nearly." Amelia replied, melting at his presence.
"You know where I'll be."
The memory faded together with the comforting feeling that had warmed Amelia's heart as she thought about the excitement she'd once felt to go meet him. There had been a moment in her life when Amelia knew exactly which place Owen was or would be. But now, she had absolutely no idea where in the world he was, or what kind of things he was going through.
As much as Amelia tried to obliterate her every feeling, every now and then she'd hear someone asking Jackson about April and the neurosurgeon couldn't deny the fact that hearing Kepner was okay gave her a sense of relief, because she knew that Jackson's wife was working alongside Owen. As long as Kepner had good news to tell, that had to mean her colleague was alive and well and Amelia relied on those little snippets of information to maintain the remainders of her mental sanity.
She had to make a superhuman effort not to ask Jackson directly, or even figure out a way to get in touch with Owen. For a few times, Amelia had drafted emails that she'd never sent. It was better this way, the neurosurgeon always told herself. The least involved she got, the less she would suffer.
After deciding to leave the ER, Amelia made her way to the elevators, thinking about going to see Jamie. The little girl's condition had worsened in the last couple of months as she caught one infection followed by another. Earlier that week, Jamie had been discharged from the PICU after two weeks of treatment for a complicated pneumonia, only to be readmitted four days later with high fever and low blood sats.
As much as Amelia tried to remain uninvolved with the case, it had become impossible not to get attached. She ran into Jamie's mother outside the PICU, instantly asking for an update on the case. After waiting for a couple of hours to see the young patient, Amelia finally settled for going to an on call room, already foreseeing the many hours of insomnia she'd face before a new day began.
.
Owen patiently waited until everyone was deeply engaged in heartfelt conversations and swiftly sneaked outside. It was nearly Christmas morning and that night, almost everyone was enjoying a break from work. The trauma surgeon had watched as the large team of healthcare professionals and volunteers reminisced about the past, talked about their family or suggested traditions they'd usually do at their own homes over the holidays.
Usually, Christmas was a time of the year that Owen really enjoyed. He loved the spirit of solidarity and selflessness that seemed to take over people during the holidays. Just like magic, everyone became more attentive, generous and gentler. Over there in mission it was no different. Even though they were in a country with no Christmas traditions, most of the workers were clearing their heads enjoying the popular date, some of them having actually had a couple of drinks after dinner.
Owen left the main tent and rejoiced in the cold air outside. At the desert, the temperature could drop to a nearly negative at night, but he didn't mind. A couple of soldiers who were on duty that evening greeted their official as Owen passed by them and walked to a safe distance, enjoying his solitude on a top of a rock where he could sit by himself while still keeping an eye on the makeshift camp.
Owen let out a heavy sigh, trying his hardest to control his mood. It was almost impossible not to feel a bit depressed in a night like that, but he had no choice other than to toughen it up and remain on top of his game. After all, he had an entire unit to run, people who were relying on him, and letting them down was not a possibility.
As his eyes meticulously scanned the field looking for something slightly suspicious, Owen slowly relaxed in the quietness of the evening. From a distance, he could hear the soothing sound of the wind blowing against the tents, creating an inviting atmosphere to celebrate the fact they were all alive, well and almost ready to finally wrap up that mission. A few days following New Year's Eve, that mission would be over and most soldiers were going home. After nearly one year of being out in the field, Owen had finally decided to go back too. He was chronically tired and his soul was crushed after seeing so much pain and misery in the eyes of the civilians they'd helped over those long months. But what Owen really hoped to take back home with him was the sense of accomplishment of someone who'd done his duty very well and been able to help thousands of innocents with only the few resources they had.
As he thought about home, Owen wondered about his mom and realized he should take a few minutes to give her a call that night. It was Christmas, after all, and she would deeply appreciate hearing from him. As Owen made the decision to grab one of the stationed phones in a few minutes, his hand reached out for his pocket, grabbing a familiar folded photograph.
The trauma surgeon carefully opened it, seeing how worn out the picture was after so many months carefully kept inside his uniform. As usual, Amelia's smile didn't fail to dazzle him and Owen let out a heavy sigh. He thought about the evening in which she'd given him that picture, the way she'd met him at his place moments later and how they'd spent the night together. He'd had so many dreams back then. So much hope. And yet all had faded in a fraction of a second.
There hadn't yet been a single night when Owen hadn't spent long minutes thinking about her before finally falling asleep out of exhaustion. Every day he wondered how she was, if she was doing okay and the only thought that comforted his heart was that she was probably being well looked after by her mother and sisters.
But after a few months of deployment, Owen had casually heard Jackson including Amelia's name as he told his wife about a surgery and that had made Owen wonder what exactly the neurosurgeon was up to. When he'd left, Owen had been sure she planned to go to New York, because Amelia herself had said so. But so many things had happened ever since, that he'd had no idea of what exactly was the situation in Seattle. If Amelia was operating, it could only mean she was somehow okay. It was hard not having any confirmation, but for now, even though it killed Owen, that comforting thought would have to be enough because he knew that in order to keep focused and doing his job well, it was better if he didn't hear any details, or that could quickly escalate. As an experienced soldier, Owen had long ago learned that too much information could add an unwanted load of anxiety to his days, which would definitely compromise his ability to perform in duty.
But his time in the Army was soon to be over and Owen knew that once back at home, he wouldn't be able to simply pick up where he'd left off. Too many things had happened in the past year, life changing events, and he knew that drowning in work once in Seattle wasn't the solution. He wasn't sure what exactly, but Owen knew he had to do something with his life. He'd spent the majority of the past months focusing on his job and the first thing he'd do once back home was to give his personal life a much needed new share of his attention.
"That your girl, Major?"
Owen looked up to the owner of the voice that had distracted his thoughts. His eyes found the broad smile of a nineteen year old who looked way too young to even be there.
Danny Hill was a skinny boy who was deployed in his first ever mission. The kid was as naïve as he was willing to learn and while most people quickly lost his patience with his eagerness, Owen found it amusing that a guy that young was actually willing to risk his life to serve his country.
He wondered if Hill had any idea of what he was signing up for when he'd first enlisted, but Owen supposed that probably not. No one really did. Not until they arrived there and saw it for themselves.
"What are you doing out here, Hill?" Owen gave him a polite grin, on purpose dodging the question. "I thought you were on post for the night."
"Only until midnight, sir." The boy cheerfully replied, taking a seat next to Owen while handing him a generous portion of chocolate chip cookies. "I brought this for you, Major." Hill added considerately. "I saw you out here on your own and I thought you could use some comfort."
Owen raised one eyebrow and thought it was probably better not to ask. But when he took the first bite and tasted the delicious flavor of the homemade goodies, his expression transformed. Before he could ask, Hill's face lit up with a proud smile as he explained.
"Delicious, aren't they? My girl Annie cooked them." The eager nineteen year old grabbed a picture from his pocket and proudly flashed it at Owen. "She baked those for me and sent them because she knows they are my favorite." The boy affectionately informed, looking from the picture to his official with enchantment in his eyes.
"She sounds like a catch." Owen added with reluctant amusement, contaminated by the effusive joy in the young man's words.
"Yeah, she is." Danny Hill looked back the image of the smiling girl with a round face, shining eyes and a large white apron wrapped around her body. "She is studying to be a cook, you know? But not those fancy restaurant cooks, I am talking about a real cook, that makes all sorts of homemade stuff. You know, the kind you'd only find back at home in Indiana. She bakes the most delicious things, you wouldn't believe it, sir." He added with visible pride. The boy was so chatty that Owen thought if he just stayed there without saying a word, Danny Hill could probably go on all night. "You know, I asked Annie to marry me before I came here." The boy held his head high and sat up expanding his chest. "And she said yes." He added with unmistakable pride, talking as if he'd just achieved the world's greatest accomplishment. "When I go back home to Indiana, I am going to marry her and we are going to live in a house that has a big porch. One of those wooden porches, you know, I am going to build it with my own hands." He flashed Owen a smile. "And then someday when I am done building it, we are going to have our own family."
Owen saw the effusive joy in the young man's face and his amusement transformed into affection. Danny Hill was just a kid who was going through the hardest of times in a dangerous zone, and yet he could find happiness and a reason to smile in a world that was filled with viciousness and evil. Owen desperately hoped that boy kept his positivity, because the world needed more people like him. He only hoped the cruel reality of life didn't corrupt him, because the way Hill spoke about his fiancé back home and the dreams he had for them made Owen root for his plans to work out.
"What about your girl, Major?" Danny asked, not discouraged by Owen's sullen silence. "What does she do?"
Owen breathed in heavily. He knew the right thing was to tell Danny that Amelia was not his "girl". Maybe she had been once, but not anymore. And he had no idea where exactly she was at the moment. But the idea of crushing the boy's childlike dreams of happy endings after such a long mission went against everything Owen preached about group support. He knew that the promise of a happy ending was probably what kept the boy going and he just didn't find it in himself to break such positive expectations.
"Hm…" Owen hesitated, unsure of what to say exactly. "Her name is Amelia. She is a doctor too." He added, watching as Danny smiled with contentment, obviously pleased to be hearing the information. The boy's face had a mix of appreciation and flattery to be having a one on one conversation with the male figure he'd come to look up to during those longs months in deployment. Danny kept staring at him, as if patiently waiting for Owen to give out more information. "I left her home in Seattle and I really, really hope that I will see her again when I go back."
"It sucks to be gone this long, doesn't it?" Danny said and Owen belatedly realized the boy was trying to comfort him, obviously assuming Owen was hurting too much to even talk about the woman he loved. The idea brought a smile to Owen's face. "Don't worry, sir, you're going to see her in just a few days."
"Yeah." Owen replied with consternation, unwilling to contradict the kid, even if he wasn't the least bit sure.
"I can't wait to go back to Indiana." The boy resumed his chatter. "When I get there, first thing I'll do is… Major! Look out!"
And then it happened so fast that Owen acted more out of instinct than anything else. After the first shot had been fired, he immediately jumped on Hill, knocking the boy on the ground as a group of rebels opened fire against their camp.
What had just seconds before been a party became a horror movie scene as the soldiers on post shot back against the insurgents that had for some reason attacked the Medicaid group. All the military personal inside the main tent quickly went out and before Owen could clear the scene, he felt something moist and warm staining his shirt.
And just like that, he knew.
"Hill!" he rolled over to the side, knowing the boy had been hit even before his eyes could see it. "Hill, talk to me!"
The kid's large brown eyes were nearly invisible under the moonlight glow, but Owen could see the expression of panic in them as the teenager took his hand to his wounded abdomen and then to his face, spotting the red stains on his fingertips. His once blissful expression became a mask of sheer terror, and Owen easily lifted the skinny boy in his arms, sneaking out behind the barricades to safely access the inside of a medical tent in the opened camp.
Quickly enough, his trained team saw what had happened and in seconds, a gurney was brought over just as one of the nurses started to get a line on Hill's arm while Owen assessed him. The gunshot wound to the abdomen had probably lacerated the patient's liver and judging by the paleness in his face, the boy was losing too much blood, way too fast. Owen knew his condition required immediate intervention. Ignoring the gunshots being fired outside the tent, he looked up and saw Kepner at a close distant, holding her phone near while obviously being caught off guard by the rebels in the middle of a call.
"Kepner, we gotta pack up and bug out." Owen said with authority, turning around to summon the anesthesiologist who was with their team. There was no time to be lost, if he didn't act immediately, it was very likely the young man on the table would die. "Hill, look at me!" Owen commanded, staring deeply into the boy's eyes with the intention to keep him conscious. "You're going to be fine, okay? We are going to get you all fixed up, you hear me?"
"Major…" Danny Hill's weak voice resonated in the room, and Owen had to lean over a little to be able to hear him. "Major, please…" The boy was nearly whispering. "You tell my girl that I love her, okay? You tell Annie that for me?" Danny's eyes seemed to lose focus each second more, startling Owen. "Tell her that she doesn't have to blame herself… That I did this for us…"
"No!" Owen held his hand and fiercely squeezed it, hoping with all his heart that Danny didn't let go. "You're going to tell her yourself, Hill…" Owen said with an authoritative voice, unable to believe that was actually happening. The life of a good, decent kid was on the line and Owen hadn't even properly processed how that had happened yet. But one thing he was sure of, Hill was not going to die on him. "You're going back to Indiana and you're telling her yourself."
"I… I…" The boy's face twitched in a scowl of pain when Kepner helped Owen cut his clothes and access his wound. The anesthesiologist was ready to put the patient under, but properly waited until the surgeon gave him the okay to do so. "Tell Annie I love her, sir… Please… You have to promise me."
"You will tell her yourself, Hill." Owen reinforced, too determinate not to let that boy go. Life was too fragile. It could end in a heartbeat. And it was too short to be wasted in stupid things like pride and fear. Perhaps making the most impulsive decision he'd made so far, Owen commanded. "We're going to do it together, okay? You and me." He tightened his grip on Hill's hand, feeling the young man faintly squeeze his back in agreement. Encouraged by the positive reaction, Owen reinforced it. "We'll both tell our girls when we get home, alright? Are you with me?"
"Promise?" Hill's breath collided like vapor against the oxygen mask the anesthesiologist had put on his face. Instead of the determined eyes of an Army soldier, all Owen could see was the scared face of a terrorized nineteen year old boy. "Do you promise, Major?"
Owen knew the job very well. Medicine wasn't an exact science. Doctors were trained to never make promises.
"I promise." He held Hill's hand and gave his colleagues a head nod, informing the anesthesiologist that he should begin the procedure.
For the following hour, Owen heard gunshot wounds outside but none of that mattered at the moment. It was Christmas and a young boy with a huge heart had his life hanging by a thread. He relied on Owen completely to save his life and the surgeon wasn't letting go.
That kid couldn't die. He deserved to live. He had to live.
And with that thought, Owen finally figured out that Danny Hill wasn't the only one who needed the promise of a happy ending to endure the few days left until they finally went back home.
.
Back in Seattle, Amelia watched as everyone hoped for an early finish at work to go home spend Christmas Eve with their loved ones. Unsurprisingly, the neurosurgeon had volunteered to take the night shift at the hospital. Amelia finished the late rounds and sat by one of the stations, listening as a faint radio in the distance played Stevie Wonder's Someday at Christmas.
The melody unconsciously added to Amelia's depressed mood. It was the first time she was completely alone for the Holiday.
During every other day of the year, being on her own had been a welcome situation. But that night specifically carried too much meaning to be spent in such a depressing mood.
Alex Karev had organized a reunion to at least invoke what was left of a holiday spirit in the discouraged group of surgeons. Amelia initially hadn't planned on accepting the invitation, but on a second thought it looked more appealing than spending the evening alone at the hospital.
The neurosurgeon had just made up her mind to go see other people in a social event for the first time in an eternity when her phone started buzzing.
Noticing she was being paged by Pediatrics, Amelia immediately dropped her plans for the night and ran upstairs. The message didn't specifically say it, but Amelia was pretty sure what the pager was about.
Jamie.
Rushing into the PICU, she found the little girl's mom moving around in panic as a team of doctors and nurses gathered around the bed.
"What's going on?" Amelia frantically asked, but no answer was needed. As soon as her eyes fell on the patient, she watched as the eight year old's body contorted in uncoordinated movements. "When did she start having seizures?" The neurosurgeon asked, making her way among the other professionals at the same time one of the doctors ordered another round of drugs.
"In the past ten minutes." One of the attendings replied. "We rounded on her just a couple of hours ago and she didn't have this periorbital edema or unilateral ptosis… she's on day three of treatment for a sinus infection, but…" the PICU doctor looked as confused and taken aback as Amelia, and he was visibly distressed by the unseen complication. "Her liquor culture was negative, she had no neurological deficits, she couldn't possibly have evolved with meningitis and gotten this worse in just two hours, I…"
"Book an OR for me, now!" Amelia interrupted him as she asked one of the nurses, immediately focusing her attention back on the attending. She knew he was telling the truth because just that afternoon she'd seen Jamie too and despite her nasty infection, the girl wasn't presenting those critical conditions. Amelia quickly did the math and reluctantly spoke, hoping with every fiber of her being that her diagnosis didn't represent a death sentence. "It's not acute meningitis. I think Jamie has a cavernous sinus septic thrombosis. I am going to confirm it with a head CT, but I am pretty sure." Amelia declared after a quick physical exam, knowing the awful complication was the likeliest possibility under those circumstances.
"Dr. Shepherd!" Jamie's mom came running behind them as Amelia and the PICU team rushed with the patient to radiology. "What's going on?" The desperation was visible in the mother's eyes and the woman broke down crying, obviously worried sick about her daughter. "What's happening to Jamie? Why… why is she having seizures?!"
Amelia felt her heart constricting and tried her best to remain as neutral as she could while speaking to the woman she'd inadvertently grown close to.
"Her intracranial pressure is too high, Mrs. Donovan. I need to take Jamie now to try to fix it before it's too late." Amelia explained feeling like she was being punched in the gut. "Her sinus infection formed a clot and it traveled to her brain. It's compromising the blood flow. There is no time for anything, if I don't do this now Jamie is not going to make it." Amelia explained with sorrow in her voice.
"But… but…" The woman ran to catch up with them, lost for words. "Dr. Shepherd, please… Jamie is all I have. She is all I have." The woman begged, watching as the team prepared the girl for the emergency CT. Grabbing Amelia's elbow, Mrs. Donovan looked straight into the neurosurgeon's eyes as she pleaded. "You have to save her. Please…" The woman broke down again, unable to control her emotions. "It's my daughter… it's my baby girl… Please…!"
The words hit Amelia harder than she anticipated. It was like once again a cold dagger was being buried into her heart. The neurosurgeon knew too well the pain of losing a child and she could relate to Jamie's mom entirely.
A clot stuck in such a delicate portion of the brain most likely meant disastrous effects, including imminent death. Amelia had dealt with cases like that a few times in her career and nearly every patient had died from it. From what she'd just seen on the scans appearing on the screen, Jamie's thrombosis was massive and it matched the way her symptoms had quickly progressed. The fact the girl had a severe underlying condition that compromised her oxygenation also didn't help.
But Amelia was determined to achieve the only outcome that mattered: keeping Jamie alive.
And the surgeon could only hope she was able to evacuate the area in time.
"I am going to do everything I can, Mrs. Donovan." Amelia said with honesty, hoping for the best but expecting the very worst, feeling her heart break into a thousand pieces as she dodged the crying mother. "We have to go now."
"But…"
"Now!" Amelia said, helping to push the gurney with a decisive tone.
Her entire system was on the verge of a collapse and Amelia knew that if she stopped to process what was happening, it was likely she would freak out. So instead, the neurosurgeon focused on the task ahead, keeping unusually calm because she knew the ultimate goal required every bit of her serenity.
That Christmas was already the worst one of her life.
And Amelia wasn't about to let it get even worse.
—
who lives? who dies?