Disclaimer: Brendan: Sup. SKF does not own Naruto, he just watches it and reads it and likes reading and writing fanfics about it.
End Disclaimer.
Fun Times in Konoha
Chapter 6: Complete Randomness One
Brendan, Ben, Josh, Zack, and Kyle were just sitting around the apartment, eating and waiting to receive their next mission. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Josh jumped up and answered the door. A delivery guy was there with a package.
"Hello, I have a package for Kyle." said the delivery guy.
"Well I got a package for that chick." the Todd said as he emerged for behind a counter.
"Todd, there isn't any women here!" Brendan said.
"Well, it's still funny, right?" the Todd asked.
"Just go, Todd. Just go." Zack said. The Todd left.
"Thanks," said Josh, ignoring the Todd. "Kyle, you got a package. I'll open it."
Josh opened and inside was…
Legs.
"Kyle! You're legs came in the mail!" Josh yelled.
"What about the rest of my body?" Kyle asked.
"They didn't come."
"Damn it."
Kyle's legs jumped out of the package and walked towards the head. "At least now I can kick people," he said.
"Wait a sec, you also got one of your arms!" Josh yelled.
"What the hell am I going to do with an arm that isn't attached to my body?" Kyle asked.
"Here, I got it." Zack said. He grabbed the arm from Josh's hand and slammed the end of it on Kyle's cheek. It stuck there.
"You look… fantastic. Just great. We have a head with an arm attached to its cheek and his legs. Just fantastic." Brendan sighed.
Then, there was another knock at the door. Josh got up and answered it again. Some random ninja was there.
"Who the hell are you and what do you want?" Josh asked.
"There's a weird magical ray coming down from the sky to the north of here. You might want to check it out. That's all I heard. Goodbye." the ninja said.
"Hey guys, there's apparently a weird ray to the north, and a ninja wants us to check it out. I say we go." Josh said.
Everyone agreed and they went north. After like thirty minutes, they found a giant ray that didn't seem harmful. It was very wide and radiant and was darker blue.
"I call dibs jumping into it first." said Josh.
"Who said we were jumping into it?" Ben asked.
"No one did. I just want to." Josh replied. And he ran and jumped into the ray. He disappeared into it. The remaining four waited, looking at each, trying to figure out what the hell just happened to Josh.
"Did he teleport home or what?" Kyle asked.
"It might be a portal, but we're probably not going to find out unless we jump into it too." Brendan replied.
But he was wrong. Suddenly, the sky flashed and Josh reappeared…but not as Josh. He was now a pale-green human-sized dinosaur with one weird wandering eye and another normal eye that was on the other side of his face, just four inches higher than the other one. His mouth was full of sharp teeth and a long tongue hung out of his mouth. He had claws now and had huge scaly feet with long, sharp toes. He had a very long tail that had spikes that were not organized by size at all. And, his speech seemed to be a little different.
"Mreh." screeched the changed Josh.
"Great, he went into his veloceraptor form," Brendan sighed.
"You mean his retarded veloceraptor form," Zack corrected him.
"Well, it obviously transforms you into an 'improved' form," Ben said.
"I'll go next, maybe I'll get my body!" Kyle said as he floated into the giant ray of transformation. His legs followed him into it. The veloceraptor form of Josh (I will now refer to it as the veloceraptor) waddled towards Ben, saying "Reh" after each step, turned around, and watched the floating head and the legs of Kyle go into the giant ray of transformation with wide eyes.
After about a minute, there was another flash and Kyle's head and legs appeared, but they were not attached. The only difference was that there was a cannon of Kyle's head, there was a golden sword in his arm, and that his legs had wings.
"Seriously, what the hell?" Ben asked.
"God damn it, just a cannon and a sword? And wings for my legs? What about my body? Please, gods?" Kyle asked the gods.
"Not right now, we'll give it to you in like Chapter 9." the gods replied in the booming voice from Chapter 2.
"Damn it." Kyle responded.
"Now I'm scared what I'll look like. Will I be skinny?" Brendan asked the giant ray of transformation.
"You'll have to come inside me to find out," The giant beam replied.
"Hehe, come inside. That's sexual." Brendan said.
"Hey, I'm supposed to be the guy who points out things that are sexual." said the Todd, who came out of nowhere.
"I'm sorry, it won't happen again." Brendan responded.
"It better not," said the Todd, walking away.
"I call next!" Zack yelled as he ignored the gods, the ray, the Todd, and Brendan talking and dived into the ray.
Again, after a minute, the sky flashed and out came a man with a giant chin and a very wide grin, wearing a Hot Dog Suit and holding a rubber chicken and crotchless earmuffs.
"Hey, it's Random Dude!" Ben, Brendan, and Kyle yelled. The veloceraptor screeched again and jumped twice without bending its knees.
Random Dude ran off to do random things at random times with random people at random places.
"Well, there he goes. Brendan, you're turn," Ben said.
"Fine." Brendan replied, walking calmly with his hands in his pockets into the beam of transformation.
The skies flashed, and all that stuff from before. Brendan reappeared, but he looked exactly the same, but instead of a plain white t-shirt, it was a t-shirt that said 'RESPAWN MAN!!' with the exclamation points and everything on it.
"Cool, Respawn man. That's gonna be a great help." Ben said. The veloceraptor replied with a very elegant "RarograhtriluuRR".
"Damn right, Josh. Damn right." Kyle responded.
"Well, my turn." Ben said and he went into ray of transformation.
The skies flashed as before, and yadda yadda yadda, a squirrel appeared. And it had a walnut and it was going to town on it. The veloceraptor looked at it strange and said "Rururrr?". The veloceraptor reached out and picked up the squirrel, and then put it on its head. The squirrel just sat on its head and finished its walnut. But, as soon as the walnut was finished, a new walnut appeared in its hands and it ate that too.
Suddenly, an explosion bursted towards the south. The veloceraptor perked up and then jolted towards the explosion. The squirrel remained on the head of it, stayed calm, and continued eating the walnut.
"Okay, there goes Ben and Josh. Come on, Respawn Man, let's go." Kyle said.
The Todd came out from behind a bush, said, "Haha, you said come," and ran way.
"Alright, off we go." Respawn Man said, ignoring the Todd.. And they left.
Respawn Man and Kyle arrived at a completely changed portion of Konoha. Modern houses had randomly appeared and planes where flying randomly. Yes, planes. PLANES. People were running around frantically because the whole region of Konoha just suddenly changed into this. They were even wearing modern clothes and such. On one of the planes stood a man with a cowboy hat and wearing a wet suit. He was holding a plastic cow and a piece of pie. They saw the veloceraptor and the squirrel running down a road towards a skyscraper(yes, a skyscraper appeared in Konoha) with a man in a suit and a cape standing on top of it. He was holding a soda and a briefcase.
"Oh great. Random Dude's random juice has seeped into Konoha, and now everything is completely random. The random juices are even getting to me," Respawn Man said.
"I am A Specific Guy! I am here to fight the one called Random Dude in a specific but random form of fighting!" the man on the skyscraper yelled.
"You shall be destroyed, A Specific Guy!" yelled Random Dude from on top of the plane. The plane flew towards the skyscraper and Random Dude stepped off of the plane and in front of A Specific Guy. He took out a glove from his pants and slapped him in the face with it twice. He then put it back it his pants.
"I will best you in combat of some sort, you random evil being!" he said, as he took a sip of his soda. Random Dude slapped the soda out of his hands, and it immediately became a vacuum cleaner and a duck, and the vacuum was slowly going towards the duck, about to suck it up. Dramatic music started playing as the duck just sat there. Then, A Specific Guy grabbed the duck and fused it together with his briefcase and he formed a mug of coffee. He drank it. The vacuum cleaner fell off the skyscraper and exploded, causing three homeless people to be set on fire.
"Well we shall go battle. That's all we have on this report. And now Respawn Man with the weather." Random Dude said. Suddenly, Respawn Man was in a suit sitting at a desk right beside them with a green screen behind him. Kyle was still where he was floating/standing originally, and the veloceraptor was currently climbing up the side of the skyscraper, with the squirrel still on its head. And yes, it was still eating a walnut.
"The forecast is: Sunny! With a chance of brick!" Respawn Man said, pointing to the green screen. It showed a map of Konoha and a swarm of bricks was shown going from the western area and going in a circle into Konoha and then leaving through the south.
Then, a brick fell from the sky and hit Respawn Man in the head, going through his head and he fell down on the table. Then, three seconds later, Respawn Man appeared in his normal Respawn Man clothes next to the desk.
The veloceraptor then reached the top of the skyscraper. It pointed at A Specific Guy and yelled, "Rugurah?". Then, a sparkle came out of its finger.
"Holy crap, the veloceraptor is casting a spell!" Kyle yelled. He was now on the top of the skyscraper as well. His legs flew there with their wings.
Suddenly, a bucket of water appeared right next to the veloceraptor. The veloceraptor stared at it. The squirrel threw a walnut into the bucket of water, and then made a new walnut and started eating it.
"…A bucket of water?" Kyle asked.
The veloceraptor then pushed the bucket over, and the water spilled out and the flowed down the skyscraper. The veloceraptor picked up the bucket and looked inside. He took out a muffin. It smiled with a wide grin.
Some random modern ninja person, who was on the skyscraper because he was eating lunch on it, attempted to take the muffin. He grabbed it, but then the veloceraptor glared evilly at the ninja.
Suddenly everything went black. But, three seconds later, everything came back, but the only change was that the ninja had claw and bite marks all over his body and was laying on the ground very bloody, and the veloceraptor had the muffin back in its hand. It ate it.
"…Right. I think I'm gonna go lay down…" Kyle said.
But, a plane then crashed into Kyle's legs and they exploded.
"Seriously, what the fuck, God?" Kyle yelled to the heavens.
"Your legs were communist, so I had to destroy them." God boomed from above.
"Well, you're right. They did support the Red Party." Kyle responded. No one seemed to notice before that Kyle's pants were red and had the sickle and hammer symbol all over it.
Kyle then floated away into a random building and slept. Yes, he was able to sleep with people running around and screaming and planes crashing into buildings constantly.
After half an hour, all the buildings were destroyed except one very big hospital, all the planes were demolished, and all the people were in the hospital being treated by the doctors of Scrubs and House. (The Todd finally has a use!) Kyle was in the hospital, being treated for a cut on his cannon.
The only things standing outside the hospital were the veloceraptor, the squirrel, a bush, a box, and a tree. The veloceraptor took an interest in a certain shiny circular object on the ground and was staring at it. The squirrel was currently on his 134th walnut of the day.
Then, the object the veloceraptor was staring at exploded. It jumped a little and then looked around for it. Then, it got really mad and turned red. It ran randomly in a random direction. The squirrel was too focused on its walnut to notice this.
Respawn Man walked out of the hospital. He suddenly exploded.
Solid Snake revealed himself from under the box and said, "I planted a mine there. Sorry about that."
Respawn Man respawned and said, "No problem, Snake. What the hell are you doing here?"
"I don't know. I just kind of appeared here." Snake said.
"Well I'm looking for a guy who wears random outfits and does random things in random places and a different guy wearing a suit who is probably fighting the other guy somewhere. Probably in a randomly specific or a specifically random place." Respawn Man explained.
"I think I saw them. They were somewhere that way." Snake said as he pointed to the east.
"Well, I'm also looking for a veloceraptor with a squirrel on its head." Respawn Man said.
"Oh yeah, it got mad and started running in random directions. I accidentally exploded a mine it was took an interest to and it got angry because of it." Snake said.
"Oh, we'll run into it eventually. Well let's go." Respawn Man said.
Voice from above: Solid Snake joined your party!
"What the hell was that noise? Is this turning into an RPG with me as a main character or something?" Respawn Man said in response to the voices.
"What are you talking about? This is no RPG. Well, with that aside, we should go."
Respawn Man agreed, and they walk to the east.
TO A DIFFERENT RANDOM LOCATION!!
Random Dude and A Specific Guy were randomly in Itachi's hideout, which is specific because it is in Naruto. Random Dude was now wearing a shirt that said "I Got Wood", a Styrofoam jacket, and no pants. He did wear underwear though. He was holding a stick that was on fire and a bag of cinnamon buns. A Specific Guy was still wearing a suit, but now it was completely green and was holding a micro-sized briefcase and the mug of coffee from before.
Itachi was sitting on his couch, smoking marijuana and paying no attention to the other two.
"Do you see what you have done, you random evil being! You made Itachi into a hippie, you turned Konoha to a modern city with a high plane crash rate, and you put the hospitals from Scrubs and House together! You also caused characters from other anime or video games to appear here! You must die by the hand of A Specific Guy!" A Specific Guy yelled.
"What do you care? You don't live here. And I think Itachi's better off as a hippie. He doesn't even know we're here." Random Dude responded.
Itachi was currently trying to eat his couch.
"He's trying to eat a couch. That is too random to exist." A Specific Guy said. He then took out a regular-sized gun out of his tiny briefcase and shot Itachi, would fell over.
"And how is pulling out a regular-sized gun from a tiny briefcase not random?" Random Dude asked.
"There is a dimensional hole in my briefcase. DUHH!! You random evil moron." A Specific Guy explained.
"Oh, that makes sense." Random Dude said after he pulled out a sandwich from his non-existent pants and ate it.
TO SOMEWHERE ELSE!!
The veloceraptor was running around aimlessly, destroying anything in its path. It had already destroyed seventeen trees, six homeless people, four people with homes, and Mormon, and a black child. The squirrel sat on its head calmly and ate more walnuts.
BACK TO RESPAWN MAN AND SNAKE!!
Respawn Man and Solid Snake were walking down a random path that was made of yellow bricks for some reason, most likely because of the brick storm that passed earlier, and they were saying nothing. Suddenly, they saw a group of people walking the other way. They couldn't make out who they were though. Snake pulled out two boxes from nowhere, gave one to Respawn Man, crouched down, and put the box over his head. Respawn Man shrugged and followed suit.
End of Chapter!!
Sorry for the slow update. Eh, school sucks. But I'm out now! So more updates, maybe?!
There will be a continuation of this next chapter. I think it should end then, but I haven't typed it yet, so I could be wrong.
But anyway, there's something new I can do with this story!! You can add yourself/ a character to the story! All you have to do is either instant message me or email me your idea for you/your character in the story. You have to describe it. Non-crappily. And there is no guarantee for it making the story. And, if it does make it, it'll probably become a minor character. But, if it's really good, it'll be in every chapter!
So, here's my information:
AIM: SuperKibaFan
E-mail: same as AIM, but at yahoo.
There ya go. Review!!