Chapter 7
Another mistake
Kise swallowed hard. His palms began to sweat and his heart accelerated. He should of just gone home, why did he even go to the locker room were the only things he could think of at the moment. He was going to die was the main thought he was having.
Kise should of just gone to a different bathroom. It didn't occur to him until now that the bathroom he was in was the one closest to the locker room. It was the only one the team used on breaks, he cussed in his mind, he made a mistake.
He stood there not wanting to turn himself around. He wanted to drop down into a hole and never come out.
Kise didn't expect to see Kasamatsu now. He wanted to wait a few days, months, before meeting the guy in the eye. Now he has to do that.
Kise knew the more he stood there, not turning around the more its going to bite him in the ass later.
Kise swallowed again and let out a sigh.
He slowly moved his body around. He took longer, the longer he took, the less he would have to see Kasamatsu standing behind him.
Kise honestly didn't know what to say to the man. He didn't know what to do. There were so many outcomes that it just scared him more at the thought of them.
When he finally turned around his heart stopped.
Kasamatsu looked pissed, his eyes were directly glaring at him. Kise wanted to run, run so much but that option was a no go. Kise's breathing began to get labored. Just standing in front of Kasamatsu, no words being spoken just having him glare at Kise could just easily send anyone running.
Kise gave Kasamatsu a good look. He was sweaty. Sweat dripped down from his face down towards his chest. He was breathing hard, heaving out puffs.
Kise almost went pale. Kasamatsu moved his head to the side, and then it was visible. All the hickeys that Kise left on him were there, being very noticeable. The only thing Kise could think of was that Kasamatsu hadn't noticed them there, or he just simply didn't care for them.
Kise's attention was brought back when he spoke.
"Why the fuck aren't you in practice today?"
Kise let out a rigid sigh, trying so much to calm himself down. "I-I don't feel to well"
Kasamatsu shook his head and laughed.
"That's bullshit and you know it!"
Kise pushed himself back against the sink. "I-it's no-"
"Yes it is!"
Kise jumped. Kasamatsu raised his voice. Kise didn't know what to do, he didn't want to say anything at all, if he did he would make things worse.
Kise looked away from the man in front of him and looked down at his feet. Kasamatsu was pissed. Kise had never seen him this mad before, that only made things more tense for him. What was he supposed to say, what was he supposed to do now, he can't run, hide, plead. Kise would have to stop being a coward, but at the moment that was the only thing he could do.
Kasamatsu let out a sigh and rested himself against the wall, crossing his arms. He and Kise had at least thirty feet between them both. Kise had the opportunity to run off and escape, but that seemed impossible, Kasamatsu would simply knock him to the ground and beat the life out of him from trying to leave.
From all the beatings that Kasamatsu had given Kise over the course of the year was the only thing that made the man still and in place. Even if Kise had gotten used to them, they did still hurt, a lot. And at the moment having Kasamatsu pissed out of his mind made Kise fear the beatings more.
"Why aren't you at practice Kise"
Kasamatsu's voice was cold. Kise didn't know how he had never feared the man until now. Without lifting his head Kise spoke.
"I said I don't feel good"
Kasamatsu stomped his foot making Kise jump.
"That's bullshit y-"
"No it's not!"
"You know it is so do I"
Kise let out a sigh. What was he supposed to tell him. The only reason why he didn't go to practice was because he didn't want to face the man he violated while he was asleep. Kise felt that was exactly what Kasamatsu wanted to hear, but he couldn't say such a thing. Saying it out loud made it worse, made Kise realize what he did is unforgivable and dirty.
"Well?"
"Because". Kise practically whispered the words out.
"Because...because what?"
"Because, because"
"because, because what?
"Because..."
"BECAUSE WHAT KISE!?"
Because he did something horrible. He did something unforgivable, something stupid and he too afraid to admit it to the person he did it to.
"Because..I"
"You?
"I...I did something horrible"
Kasamatsu let out a scoff and Kise immediately look up at him. Kise's heart was in pain, so much pain that he didn't know what to do.
"And what was that?"
Kasamatsu looked Kise straight in the eyes, waiting for his response.
Kise's voice began to waver. "I...did something to you"
Kasamatsu pushed himself off the wall and made his way over to Kise. The only thing Kise could do was press himself back against the sink. It was pressing hard against his back but he didn't care he wanted to be as far away as possible towards the man.
Kise was to scared to even stand next to him. Kasamatsu kept getting closer to him until he stood right in front of him. He slowly leaned forward, closing the gap between him and Kise. "And what did you do.."
Kise's breath hitched. Kasamatsu was too close, way to close. Kise regretted not moving from where he was when he had the chance, because now he had no room to move. Kasamatsu made it so. He moved so close to Kise that their faces were only a few inches apart.
Kise didn't want to speak, he didn't want to say it. He knew the worst will happen if he spoke about it. He was scared and only that.
"I..."
Kise didn't want to say it but he had to, there was no other choice.
"I...Violated...you.."
Kise's eyes were slowly starting to water. Kasamatsu didn't say anything.
"I touched y-you...without permission...i-i did things to you...violated your body"
Kise was at the point of crying. He wanted to cry, he was holding it in the best he could. He did horrible things, things that made him hate himself, hate his whole being.
Suddenly without warning Kasamatsu gripped Kise's face. He held it tight in his hands, making Kise figit around from the pain that was surrounding his jaw.
"Why?"
Kasamatsu's voice was low, cold and deadly. Kise didn't want to say why because he honestly didn't know why he did it. It was a spur of the moment, his mind was clouded by the thought of having him, that he actions acted first.
Kasamatsu gripped his face harder when he didn't hear and answer. "Why?" he asked again.
Kise began to tear up, he sniffled and a few tear drops fell from his face. "I don't know". His voice was weak. He grabbed Kasamatsu's hand from his face and tried to pull it away. It was hard, Kasamatsu was holding him in a death grip that won't budge.
"What?". Kasamatsu held Kise's face tighter.
"I don't...I don't know why.."
Kasamatsu gripped his face harder one more time before harshly letting go. "Bullshit" was the only thing he said.
Kise touched his face and tried to sooth away the pain. He took his other hand and began to wipe away the tears.
"There has to be a different reason why, has to be!"
"Senpai..."
"Shut up! I don't want to hear your fucking voice."
Kise twitched. He didn't want to anger Kasamatsu even more, but he knew he had to explain himself.
"Sen-AgH"
Kasamatsu punched Kise in the gut. "I said I don't want to hear your voice!"
Kise clutched his stomach and heaved to get some air. Tears began to fall from his eyes again. It hurt, it hurt badly. Kasamatsu hit him with so much force that knocked air out of Kise's lungs.
"Don't...don't...YOU DISGUSTING BITCH!...Who...who does something like that...WHO!"
Kise dropped his head down in shame. Of course Kasamatsu would say that, it was disgusting, it was something dirty and horrible.
"Who would touch another man...Are you gay?"
Kise looked up and shook his head to afraid to speak.
"Then what Kise"
At that moment all Kise could think about was confessing. That only seemed like the right thing to do at a moment like this, but Kise couldn't do it. He never wanted it to be like this.
Kise always though that when he had the courage to confess it would a good day. He would've made the right moves and please the small man, after that he would take the chance to invite him out. He would bring him to a small 'romantic' shop, enjoy a small dinner and chit chat.
It would be perfect. After finishing the meal they would walk around to the park. He would confess and give him a small peck on the lips the rest was up to how Kasamatsu would react.
But, Kise knew that wasn't going to happen, not in an eternity. With the way he messed up so badly, there was no way on earth Kasamatsu would consider his feelings, nor could Kise even confess.
It would be better if Kise could lie to the man, but that also scared him. It scared him that Kasamatsu would see right through his lie and make the situation worse.
Kise loved the man, he adored him, wanted him so badly, so much, but he fucked everything up and now what was left, he didn't want Kasamatsu to hate him, but what was he supposed to do.
Kasamatsu began to tap his foot on the floor in annoyance. Kise snapped out of his thoughts and look at him completely, maybe the first time throughout the whole conversation.
Kise took a deep breath, he still had no idea on what to say the guy. It was hard to come up with something when his mind wanted to focus on the idea of confessing his love to the man.
Kise took another deep breath. What was he supposed to say. 'I love', 'I like you', ' your mine'.
Kise knew he couldn't tell Kasamatsu that he's his at all.
"Kise!"
Kise swallowed hard. It's better to get it over with. That way maybe, just maybe things would get better.
Kise took a deep breath. "I...Senpai...I like you"
Kise looked up at Kasamatsu to see his reaction. It wasn't a bad reaction, but it wasn't good.
Kasamatsu looked confused but unhappy. "What" was the only thing Kasamatsu said.
"I like you, I really do."
"This must be a joke Kise. Don't joke with me were having a serious conversation here"
"I'm not joking!. Kasamatsu-Senpai Iv'e liked you for a really long time"
"So...Just because you like me you think you could do whatever you want with me?"
"N-No not at all"
"OH really, then explain to me why the fuck did I have to wake up only to find you roaming and groping my body!"
"It was...it was a mistake!"
"How the fuck was it a mistake. You think so great of yourself that you had to go and touch me. What! What was it supposed to be some kind of joke, some kind of blackmail"
Kise couldn't believe what he was hearing. Blackmail? Why would Kasamatsu say such a thing.
"NO...none of that"
"Then why!"
Why?, why did Kise do that stuff. He was caught up in his own thoughts of wanting the man before even know he was doing something wrong. He wanted to touch him so badly, it was unbearable.
Was Kise supposed to say that to him. Say to him that he wanted to touch his body, touch it because Kise always imagined doing it, imagined taking the man to be his?, make him feel good, have him in his arms in pleasure.
No way was Kise going to tell him that, no way in hell he was going to do that. But what was he supposed to say when that's exactly the reason why Kise violated him.
"Well im waiting."
Kise swallowed hard. "I-I wanted to touch you"
"Touch me? Simply touch me?"
"I wanted to touch your body!, but you have to understand that I wan't thinking at all! A-All I could think of was touching you...making you feel good. I wanted you so badly, have you in my arms...an-"
"Make me...feel good?"
"In a way...yeah."
"So you have to attack my sleeping body because of that. Do you think I want another man to make me feel good!"
"..."
Kasamatsu creeped closer to Kise, suddenly punching him in the face.
Kise stumbled back, touching the spot he was just hit. It stung.
"Do you want to know how I felt, do you?"
Kise didn't answer, he didn't move.
"I-I felt horrible. It was weird, and..and disgusting. Why does it have to be me! Why not a girl?"
"It..It has to be you!"
"Why! Why! you have so many girls to chose from, chose them not a man"
"I don't want them. I want you"
"Why?"
"Because I do! OK! All these days iv'e only wanted you!"
"Do you not know how that makes me feel. Having a man l- lust over me like that!"
"...Yes. But I can't change my feelings"
"Change them. Do anything to change them"
"I can't and won't
"Kise..."
Kise couldn't believe that he was standing his ground just a little bit. It seemed that Kasamatsu had calmed down a bit and that made things easier for Kise to handle. Kasamatsu was acknowledging in a small way Kise's feelings and that made Kise happy.
Even if Kise wanted the man to accept him fully he knew that at least Kasamatsu was considering what was going on.
Kasamatsu rubbed his eyes and sighed slowly walking back. Kise knew this must of been difficult for him. Not knowing what to do nor wanting it to happen, but Kise couldn't simply change his feelings just because he told him to. It was to late to change his mind now and Kasamatsu was going to have to accept it no matter what.
Kasamatsu let out another sigh. All Kise could do was look at him and nothing more. He wanted Kasamatsu to accept him so badly. In his mind Kise thought that he should kiss him. He knew it could be a bad idea, but what else could he do. It was talk when he wasn't allowed and get beat, leave get beat, kiss him possibly get beat, but Kise could easily slip away.
Kise mind was set.
He took a few steps closer to him. Kasamatsu didn't notice. Kise took a few more steps until their was at least five feet between them. Kise let out a slow sigh.
He then lunged himself at him and quickly grabbed his face. Kise pressed his lips against his never letting go of Kasamatsu's face.
They stumbled back to hit the wall. Kasamatsu was shocked, he couldn't move, the only thing he could do was grasp Kise's shirt in a tight grip.
"Ki-" Kasamatsu tried to speak.
Kise took the opportunity to shove his tongue inside his mouth. It vaguely tasted like oranges and it made Kise smile for some reason.
Kasamatsu gripped Kise's shirt tighter and let out a low moan the moment Kise began to explore the inside of his mouth. Kasamatsu wasn't happy about that, he let go of Kise's shirt and punched his again in his stomach.
Kise hurled towards the floor where Kasamatsu got the best chance to punch him right in the face making Kise fall back and hit his head on the floor.
Kise hissed in pain. Slowly getting up.
"Don't...don't fucking do that again. What the hell Kise, you know that I'm not comfortable with this shit!"
Kise turned his head away. He knew it was bad but what else could he have done.
"You know what...Fuck you Fuck you Fuck you! I don't want to see your disgusting face, hear your fucking name.., or hear your fucking voice. Don't come near me, in fact don't come to practice anymore. Just! Just! disappear! You fucking shit!"
After that Kasamatsu left the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
Kise stood there not looking at the door. He knew he messed up, messed up badly again.
Tears began to stream down his face
and he began to cry.