I don't own Criminal minds

Aaron somehow made his way back to his house. The house he used to share with Haley, and then Haley and Jack before she'd packed up everything and moved out. Before he was served divorce papers. Before his life fell apart. He didn't even bother turning the light on. he just sat heavily on the couch in the dark. The ghost of memory's past swirling around him.

Haley screaming with excitement when she showed him the pregnancy test that was proof Jack was on the way. Then only moments later falling down and crying on the floor.

Aaron gathering her into his arms and carrying her into their room tucking her in and whispering soft words to her in the dark.

His mind went back farther. To things he'd locked away in the way back recesses of his brain. A tiny baby all swathed in blue. So tiny so sweet. He had his chin. He his eyes close to his but not quite his hair a mixture between his and Haley's and he wanted nothing more than to keep him. To hold onto him for the rest of his life and never let go.

He knew he couldn't. Neither he nor Haley were done with school. They both had goals to reach before they were stable enough to raise a child. They both knew that. It didn't help that neither of them had support from their parents. No both sets of parents had told them either give the baby up or find somewhere else to live.

Aaron wasn't going to let his child suffer, he wasn't. Aaron also knew that being in the dysfunction that was the Hotchner family even with his mother's help and that of the Brooks had its own drawbacks so with all the pressure to choose adoption and knowing he wanted better for his son then he could at that time provide he'd agreed to sign the papers and hand the tiny bundle over.

He remembered holding Jack for the first time looking down at the little boy that to the rest of the world was his first born but who he knew was really his second son. He tried to see if he could see any of that first baby in Jack. His hair was lighter more toward Haley. His eyes darker where the first baby was a good mix Jack favored Haley more. Then Aaron felt sick to compare his two children. He knew it wasn't right it wasn't fair.

He poured some scotch and he held it in his hand in the dark. Memories fighting each other as he thought of how he would ever tell Haley. How would Jack react? True he only just turned three so in the long run jack more than likely would never remember a time without Spencer. That is if Spencer even agreed to allow himself or Haley into his life. Of course Aaron would be in his life in a professional manner but would he allow a personal connection. Then a horrible thought crossed his mind and it felt like he'd swallowed an ice cube hole. What if Spencer quit what if he transferred? What if Aaron lost him completely." He threw the scotch back and closed his eyes. The ghost taunting him with every decision he'd ever made that led him to this moment. He dreaded work tomorrow.

Spencer made it back to his apartment somehow. He wasn't sure how. He knew he'd taken the subway. He knew that route by heart though so he hadn't had to put much thought into it. He'd stumbled his way home. Unlocked his door. Kicked off his shoes and fell fully clothed into his bed. He stared up at his ceiling. His boss. His somewhat friend. He was his father. He felt queasy.

The whole office knew. The whole office and he was upset about that too. He knew Garcia wanted him to have support but at the same time he was mad at her. He felt raw exposed. How was he supposed to walk back into that building tomorrow with all his coworkers knowing something so personal to him. Something he himself hadn't even had a chance to digest yet. It was like there would be a giant blinking sign on him saying look at me. Look at me. The man who life just got blown apart.

Certain things made sense now though. Whispered fights between his parents. Hearing words he didn't understand at the time but made sense now. Threats to tell him. His mother crying begging his father not to. His mother holding him tightly and telling him that no matter what he'd always be hers that no one could take him away from her.

It made so much sense now and he felt heartbroken for the woman who had raised him loved him. Even if she hadn't been a perfect mother even if she really shouldn't have been a mother. She'd given him the best she could. He could resent her. Resent his father. Resent Aaron and Haley for putting him in that situation, but he just couldn't bring himself to hate any of them. No if anything he felt sorry for them all. Yes even William Reid who had a perfect family built in his mind and had it crumble all around him. The family not as perfect as he'd hope not able to live up to the picture he'd painted in his mind.

Spencer thought of the two young people who had given him up for adoption. What had they went through? What were they still going through to this day? Did they think about him? had they always thought about him. about who he'd be today? He had so many questions and he knew he could ask Hotch, Aaron. He wasn't sure how to address the elder man anymore. This man who share half his genetics.

Thinking of Genetics he wondered if it was horrible of him that one of the first thoughts he'd had after finding out the truth was that he could have kids without the worry of passing Schizophrenia onto them. That he himself could stop worrying that he'd have a break. He had always figured he'd gotten his IQ from his mother being a college professor and all but now he wasn't sure. Yes he knew Hotch was smart how couldn't he be look at where he'd gotten himself at such a young age but then Spencer thought of the unknown person in this equation. Haley Brooks Hotchner. His mother. Of course he'd met her. Had a few talks with her. He didn't know much about her though. The other person who shared half his DNA. He felt his eyes grow heavy as all his questions and observations ran through his head.

A/N thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter the response was amazing. Nothing like I expected. I hope you enjoy this chapter.