Everything Wrong With: Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney
Episode Three: Turnabout Serenade
"Rock concerts with twenty minute intermissions and a midsection solely reserved for a slow-ass ballad, utterly killing the rock and roll energy generated by what appeared to be a solid opening. Who did Klavier put in charge of planning his concerts? Fire that person." *ding
"Also if Klavier is anywhere near as big a deal as the game makes him out to be, twenty percent off isn't going to make his tickets affordable to Apollo or Phoenix. How are these two even here? Did Trucy pay for them?" *ding
(Romain LeTouse) "This character design." *ding
(Borginian) "Holy fuck, she's speaking in Wingding." *ding
"Lamiroir has to have her responses interpreted, but can understand what people say about her in English just fine. In other words, foreshadowing." *ding
"Also, Apollo makes entirely too many comments about how attractive his mother is. I know he doesn't know, but it's still creepy." *ding
("The Guitar's Serenade") "I sure hope you like this song. This case plays it more times than Star Wars plays the Imperial March. Let's count them together, shall we?"
*First time (no sin)
*As Lamiroir's theme (one sin)
*During Ema's testimony (two sins)
*Watching the video with Valant at the WAA (three sins)
*Explaining why Lamiroir was in the ventilation (four sins)
*The disappearing brooch (five sins)
*With the mixing board in trial former (six sins)
*With the mixing board in trial latter (seven sins)
*Klavier recapping the weird shit that happened to him (eight sins)
*At Daryan's request (nine sins)
*Third time with mixing board (ten sins)
"Did they really only book Lamiroir for one song?" *ding
"Klavier put a homicide detective who professes to despise both him and her job in charge of concert security. Between this and the weird ass performing order, I'm starting to think he wanted his concert to end badly. That, or Takumi told him what was going to happen ahead of time, and he just went with it. For some reason." *ding
(Trying to talk to Ema results only in her snacking loudly) "This goes on for some time. Again." *ding
(The murder is revealed) "Ema entrusts a rookie defense lawyer with no police training to watch a crime scene. She also doesn't search the room, confirm that the killer has escaped, or even check to see if the victim is dead. How is Ema still a detective afterwards if she's this bad at her job? She doesn't even face a pay cut for this." *ding
"How does LeTouse not know who shot him? He was facing Daryan and arguing with him, but doesn't know who he is? He's been assigned to Lamiroir for three months, her feature credit with the Gavinners was well planned, but... he doesn't know the name of one of the Gavinners band members? Are they not famous? Did he not investigate every connected party to the people he's investigating? Are all police bad at their jobs in this case?!" *two sins
"Also, if the murder took place in the second set, how long has LeTouse been laying here? Was he just waiting to die? Why didn't he call for help, or at least try to? Why didn't he redo his dying message in blood, try to patch his wound, move at all, or anything a Interpol agent might do in this scenario? Did Takumi also tell him to make his death as confusing as possible?" *three sins
"Also also... what guarantee did Daryan have that no one would find the body in here before he set off the firecrackers? And now that I think about it, why didn't they? He didn't exactly hide it. Wouldn't a normal person expect Lamiroir to return to her dressing room after preforming? Someone like Klavier to walk in between sets with the intent of congratulating her? It's not like he locked the door, right? Did he- I'm overthinking this when I could just as easily sin." *four sins
"Closing your eyes to symbolize dying cliche." *ding
(The gag order/investigation request) "Klavier is the only member of police competent enough to handle the situation with any sense of order. I'd remove a sin, if I weren't an asshole with higher standards than this." *but I won't add one either
(Investigating the crime scene, particularly the background poster) "...Susato Mikotoba? You're eight years early." *not really a sin
"No one bothered to check LeTouse's hand to see if it was holding anything, even though that's a cliche that every detective in this series ought to be instructed in. A coarse corpse course, of course." *ding
"Also, LeTouse supposedly wrote this message in blood, but his fingers are perfectly clean. This wouldn't bother me if it was supposed to be a contradiction we point out in court, but it's not. It's just a detail the artists forgot to include in the final version of the game." *ding
"Also also, LeTouse has been bleeding on the floor for about a half hour and died of blood loss, but the crime scene shows very little blood. Why?" *ding
"Ema leaves Apollo, soon to be the opposition lawyer, in charge of watching the crime scene again. See earlier sin." *ding
"Also, Apollo and Trucy are put in charge of keeping a crime scene secure, and their first instinct is to leave it completely unguarded. Why can't one of them stay behind while the other investigates? Is it any wonder this case gets declared a mis- wait, you mean this case doesn't get declared a mistrial due to its shoddy investigation? Why the fuck not? This investigation has barely started and I can already count at least five- (the rest of this rant was cut off for your convenience. It's too early in the case for me to lose my shit)." *but still three sins
(One of the Gavinner's hit songs was titled "My Boyfriend is the Prosecution's Witness") "Klavier Gavin is implied to have a hit single about having a relationship with another men. Naturally, this flies over everyone's heads, in-game and out. What did he say about Apollo in the last case again?" *sin on me for originally missing this
(The mixing board) "The Gavinners are a five person band, but we only ever meet two members. What are the others doing all case? Why do we never talk to them, or hear about them, or anything else that gives them a role in this case? They can shoehorn a magician into a music show, but can't introduce us to the rest of the band?" *ding
"Machi also only responds in Borginian, but understands Lamiroir talking to him in English perfectly fine. See earlier sin." *ding
"Lamiroir's theme song. Variation of Guitar's Serenade or no, it fits her really well." *removes a sin
"How did Daryan carry LeTouse and Machi out to the stage by himself without being noticed? That's never explained." *ding
(In the courthouse) "This huge ass gun is so powerful, its kickback can dislocate the shoulder of a grown adult using it, and break bones in anyone weaker. So naturally, the tiny fourteen year old boy with no gun experience or injury to speak of is the perfect suspect for a killer who shot the gun not only once, but twice. Most people are well aware of this sin, so I won't get into it beyond that, but-" *five sins
"Climbing in an airvent cliche." *ding
"The judge calls Rock and Roll kid's music in 2026, despite the fact that it rose to popularity in the 1950's. I would say it's the music of his generation and not the other way around, but I don't actually know how old he is, because we never see him age." *ding
"Ema claims the only reason Machi missed the first shot was because he was blind. Because that's the only reason anyone could have trouble firing a .45-caliber revolver with no training, it seems." *ding
"Apollo steals my argument from above... and uses it to do the prosecutor's work for him. You go, Apollo." *ding
"Message in blood cliche. A twist on the usual, but the core of the cliche remains." *ding
"Case about a rock concert evolves into case about secret agents at the drop of a hat. Am... am I still playing the same case, here?" *ding
(Trial day ends in chaos) "Game tries to parallel with Rise from the Ashes and give its first day of trial something notable to end on. It fails miserably." *ding
("Words are overrated! Feelings are what matter, Apollo." "It's kinda hard to build a court case on feelings.") "Game pokes fun at its sequel six years before said sequel comes out." *ding
"Valant Gramarye." *removes a sin
"...But as much as I love his character, his appearance to give us background on Trucy comes at a really weird time. We just finished a day in trial talking about secret agents and rock concerts, so naturally, our most burning question... is where Trucy gets her magician side from? Can this case not focus on a single direction for more than five minutes?" *ding
(The video) "There is no way to skip this the first time you view it." *ding
"Also, how did they ensure the cape would fly to Lamiroir? That's the only thing in this video that never gets explained. And considering how many times they show it later, you would think it'd come up." *ding
("A Fate Smeared by Tricks and Gadgets") "This song." *removes a sin
"Trucy objects to game's stage directions, which is funny, but... how? Can she see them? Is there a disembodied voice reading them out loud for all the characters to hear? This is never explained." *ding
("Why can't we have a normal, straightforward killing once in a while in this country!?") "Because then this series wouldn't exist. Neither would you." *ding
"Apollo tries to light Ema on fire. The fact the game treats the occurrence so normally should tell you everything you need to know about how crazy these games are." *ding
"Daryan Crescend's hair." *ding
"Daryan offers to bake us pie, but we never get any." *ding
(In Gavin's office) "Gavin is an American prosecutor with a German fetish, but reads his case files in Japanese. Between this and Rise From the Ashes, the localizing team really slacked on this series for a while, didn't they?" *ding
"Klavier says he'll never perform the Guitar's Serenade again... until Turnabout Academy, when he performs it with Juniper Woods. Not sure which game I'm sinning here, but A-plus for consistency." *ding
"How did Klavier get his hands on a newspaper printed in Borginia? I can understand if he printed an online article, but... it looks exactly like a newspaper. Is there evidence that can traverse space as well as time in this game?" *ding
(Lamiroir is attacked) "Am I the only who thinks it might have been better for the series if she died here? It's been ten years and two main games since this came out, and she still hasn't told Apollo and Trucy they're related for no apparent reason. Her dying here would solve that. Nothing about the story in Turnabout Succession would change if Lamiroir was dead when her true identity was revealed, only that Phoenix's jury wouldn't have been so obviously biased by including her. Sure, this case would suffer, but it's not like it can get much worse than it already is going to. Am I alone in thinking they wasted a perfectly good plot, here?" *no sin, just me thinking
"Incuritis. I've already sinned stupidly named people, but stupidly named diseases? That gets a sin of its own." *ding
(Trial day two) "We get a flashback to a scene less than a minute after said scene happens. Who thought that was necessary, and why?" *ding
"Instead of using the thirty minute delay to prepare for the case, Trucy and Apollo read the newspaper. In 2026. Who reads actual newspapers now, let alone nine years in the future?" *ding
"Game plays us the scene in the detention center for the third time in under ten minutes. Were they worried we had the same attention span as the case?" *ding
"Judge says having an interpreter for a witness is most unusual, but... is he saying he's never had someone who doesn't speak English fluently on the stand before? In one of the most immigrant-rich cities in all of America? How has he not encountered this before? If it's the Lamiroir thing, just ask for a different interpreter (like whoever they were using for Machi's interrogation, or Cammy Meele). Why is this such a big deal?" *ding
("Is that one of those new-fangled phones they invented while I wasn't looking?") "This line was written about the iPhone, and no one can convince me otherwise." *ding
"Apollo also tries to light the judge on fire. Are we sure Mr. Reus isn't actually his dad?" *ding
(Apollo argues the case took place during the second set) "Why does Apollo wait until the worst case of the game to do his best lawyering? His argument in this case is better presented and more solid than anything Phoenix presented himself until (I would say) Farewell, My Turnabout, and he does it all without the help of a mentor ex machina. But because the case it's a part of is, well, this case, it goes completely unappreciated. Even if I do remove sins for this, it isn't going to help the case that much." *Still, I take three off
("Logical? I don't think this word means what you think it means, Herr Forehead!") "Hey, what did the Process Bride do to deserve mention in this case? Leave that movie out of this!" *ding
"Lamiroir can't explain to us how her teleportation trick worked because blah blah contract blah blah reasons. Pretty sure murder trials top performance contracts in real life, but hey: it gives Apollo and the player something to do for another few minutes or so. Because this case really needed to go on longer." *ding
"Valant Gramarye cross dressed as Lamiroir for his illusion extremely convincingly. I'd be impressed... If I wasn't more curious where he developed his cross dressing skills in the first place. Was he a drag queen on the side when his magic career slowed down? I... almost want to see that more than this case." *ding
"Apollo's been carrying the mixing board around with him the whole time? That's convenient, but... Why?" *ding
"Also, Klavier was all in a rage about the missed cue in Guilty Love... But completely didn't notice that Lamiroir forgot a word in the middle of her performance? And don't give me the "he was more distracted by the burning guitar", because she forgets the word before that happens, while Klavier is just standing onstage next to Valant. If Klavier is as perfectionistic as this game wants me to believe, he should have been frothing at the mouth long before this." *ding
"Phoenix shows up in this case for two minutes, just to foreshadow his role in the finale. And to prevent Apollo from receiving full credit for his plan to win the case, but I digress." *ding
"Also, Ema found crucial evidence (the firecracker fragments) at the crime scene, but gave them to Phoenix instead of the police. Because that makes sense." *ding
("Lying must be a national pastime in Borginia!") "That's racist." *ding
(Klavier mentions the headset in the hallway) "Prosecutor makes our argument for us cliche." *ding
"Speaking of hearing the faked gunshots... How did no one besides Lamiroir hear the real gunshots in the second act? Lamiroir mentioned a stage hand helping her into the passage, and it would make the most sense for the other Gavinners to be next door in the Gavinners dressing room at this time. But if that's true, then how did they miss this shit? Are you telling me the entire backstage was deserted during the second set? If so, why? This game answers so many persnickety questions, but none of the important ones." *ding
(Klavier connects Daryan's bad playing to shooting LeTouse) "Prosecutor makes our argument for... Didn't I just write this sin?" *ding
"Also... I get what the case is trying to go for with the 'you need decisive evidence' thing, but... Hasn't this been an aspect of the series since day one? In the trilogy, Phoenix won several times with evidence that wasn't conventionally decisive. Phoenix would make cases much like Apollo and Klavier's right here, and it would be more than enough to send the culprit into breakdown confession mode. If such a thing wasn't a problem then, why is it a problem now? Is there something that changed in the seven year gap that we just aren't aware of? Either way, it's a sin." *ding
"Daryan laughs at a guy he recently murdered... For getting murdered. Asshole, much?" *ding
"How has Daryan never been overseas? Detective career aside, he's been in a popular rock band for seven years! Are you telling me they've never had an international tour? Or, they did, and just left their guitarist behind? And what about... I'm overthinking this when I could just as easily sin." *ding
(Gavin describes leaving Borginia) "Scene of Gavin stripping naked in an airport did not make it into the final version of the game." *ding
(Gavin is shocked to realize he was unintentionally party to cocoon smuggling) "Wow. It's almost like he shouldn't have abused his power as a prosecutor for the sake of a thirty-seventh guitar or something. I'm not quite saying Gavin had this coming, but really?" *ding
"Maybe I should have sinned this earlier, but... How did Gavin not notice there was something inside his guitar during the show? Would having stuff inside the sound hole not affect the sound produced? I have a hard time believing this went unnoticed, but unnoticed it went. And that is a sin." *ding
("With great accusation comes great responsibility.") "You had to drag Spiderman into this too? (Sighs)." *ding
"How did Gavin not notice his guitar on fire right away? He's staring at it and holding it. Didn't neither the heat nor light give it away immediately?" *ding
"Klavier saves our asses for the third time today. I like the lack of mentor ex machina, but is rival ex machina really much better?" *ding
("Man man man! How many times do we have to listen to the same damn thing?") "Daryan speaks for every player ever at this stage of the case. Too bad no one listens to him." *ding
"Klavier and His Honor both argue that Apollo's case isn't good enough under the current legal system (even though cases comparable to this were perfectly fine in the trilogy and the prosecutions case was less decisive, especially at the beginning of the trial) because... We need a lead up to the Jurist System in the finale, I guess. Because the legal system in this series doesn't have enough real flaws that we have to point out ones that have never existed before this case, it seems.
"Still, it leads to a cool scene where Apollo gets Machi to confess to a lesser crime and save his own ass, so I'll only give it one sin." *ding
"Daryan's breakdown is pretty stupid, but it means the case is finally over, so I won't sin it." *no sin
"Also... Some people may find it odd how willing Klavier is to let Daryan go down for murder, but think about it: Daryan was willing to light Klavier's guitar on fire while he was playing it just to hide his smuggling plan. If Klavier hadn't removed the guitar in time and put out the fire, he could have been badly injured, or even killed. Unlike his dealings with Wocky, Klavier actually has a reason to be cold here. This case has a lot of problems, but Klavier's motivations aren't one of them." *more a commentary than a sin
(Machina without his sunglasses) "I get the sense this was supposed to be cute, but honestly, it looks more creepy." *ding
(After the trial) "Lamiroir promises to paint Apollo and Trucy for us, but we never see it." *ding
Total Sin Tally: 135
Sentence: Bleeding on the floor for a half hour (while listening to Guitar's Serenade)
A/N's: Well, I'm glad that's over. Sorry my return to fanfiction writing wasn't with something more enjoyable, but hey: consider this a Christmas present. Or if you'd rather wait and consider upcoming updates for Miracle and AAI3 late Christmas presents, that's perfectly okay. I want to update as much as I can over winter break, and maybe even break into the Star Wars fandom with a one shot I'm planning. I wasn't much of a fan until I went to see The Last Jedi with friends, but now I love it and want everything to do with it.
Anyway, expect Turnabout Succession to take a while. It's really long, but I don't quite have a good place for dividing it into parts. If someone has a suggestion, please leave it in a review.
Speaking of reviews... I'd like to give a special shout out to a certain guest review. Thank you for your encouragement. After finishing my nonfiction book outside, I realized how much I'd rather be watching CinemaSins and playing my favorite video games. I was in a bit of a slump for a while, but doing so really ignited my motivation and made me want to push through this case and its review. So again, thank you.
Sorry for the wait, Merry Christmas to all, and to all... I'll see you on the far side. Stay tuned!