A/N: I'm sorry this took so long. A lot has happened in recent months. I moved out of my apartment last fall and moved in with my friend and her husband...and then found out rather quickly that her husband is a giant asshole and I was forced once more to move after only four months of living there. Then there's my job which has been steadily exhausting me to the point that I've begun to burn out. There's also been a tremendous amount of pain in my arm recently which has made both my job and writing extremely difficult. Even with prescription painkillers it's been a struggle getting much done. Not to worry though, I finally was able to get in to see a specialist and he discovered the problem within the first 90 seconds of seeing me. The good news is it's treatable and I'll be seeing a physical therapist for the next several months. The bad news is it's apparently a genetic problem and so I'll be struggling with it for the rest of my life. Joy. Overall though, things seem to finally be on the up-and-up (which means more chapters in a more timely manner, hurray!).
Edit: So, for those of you seeing a new chapter and going 'wait, didn't I already read this?', well yes. You sort of have. I went back and completely rewrote all of my previous chapters and added a bunch of new stuff and as such the brand new newer material will be showing up next chapter. Now that's not to say that this chapter isn't worth reading, but many of the plot elements from the previous version shows up in this one so if you don't feel like re-reading you don't have to. But...you know...you totally should anyway. Because reasons.
History Will Be Kind To Me
From Lands Beyond
"If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters." - Nora Ephron
05. Lady Madonna
Lothlórien, 2998 of the Third Age
"If ever a day arrives when I decide to become pregnant again, slap me."
Alice's audience twitched, but otherwise ignored her, instead sniffing interestedly at the bowl of honeyed nuts on her desk. She sighed and nudged the bowl further towards the windowsill.
"Go ahead, I'm sure you have your own kids to feed."
The squirrel didn't even hesitate before bloating it's cheeks full with nuts and darting out the open window again. Alice watched it go morosely, her chin in her hand.
"Must be nice," she murmured jealously. She hadn't been able to move with that kind of agility in months. By now her stomach had reached cartoonish proportions and it was a trial just getting out of bed every morning, let alone sprinting across a tree branch. In fact her feet and ankles had swollen so badly in the last few weeks that she had barely been able to get out of bed at all. This, of course, had left her in an even more sour mood than ever.
"I hate being pregnant," she huffed childishly.
She also hated being bored. Unfortunately with her bloated figure and her Sindarin reading skills practically nonexistent her options were sorely lacking in the entertainment department. Normally this wouldn't be much of a problem since Celírion usually stuck to her like glue, however he was currently out of the city with a bunch of other elves doing...whatever elves did in the forest. He had been somewhat of a constant companion to her over the last six months and so his absences, few as they were, stood out to her all the more. And well...she missed the dork.
Not that she didn't have plenty of other companions to fill in the spaces he left behind. If anything she had a constant rotation of elves coming in and out at all hours of the day, so much so that Alice had begun to feel it necessary to install a revolving door.
"Alice?"
Speak of the devil…Alice glanced at her doorway and stiffened. Arwen smiled at her as she swept into the room, all glossy black hair and diaphanous gray linen. She had always had a bit of an inferiority complex around Arwen but now that she was roughly the size of a whale she was feeling a tad more lacking than usual. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she realized that it was the only one in the room. Arwen didn't seem to mind though, and settled upon her bed instead.
"Tinuthel tells me that you have grown weary all alone up here."
"Oh I've been growing alright…" Alice muttered darkly. Seeing Arwen's polite but curious look however, she switched back to Sindarin. "I am weary. I want baby out." She stressed the last word with particular intensity.
Arwen smiled reassuringly. "Surely it will not be so much longer?"
Alice shrugged tiredly. "Human baby born after nine months."
"Truly?" Arwen seemed surprised. "Elven babes are born after a year."
Jesus, she thought with a grimace. And I thought nine months was bad.
"I happy baby is human then."
Arwen laughed then. "You did not jest. You are weary, you poor creature."
Alice sighed.
"You have no idea."
"I not wanted to be mother."
Alice had never seen Tinuthel look so startled before.
"I do not understand."
Alice bit her lip. How could she possibly explain growing up with a taboo surrounding teen pregnancy when Tinuthel herself lived in a world where teen pregnancy was a normal (and celebrated) occurrence.
"Where I come from...people have babies when they older."
A strange look passed over Tinuthel's face and she eyed Alice closely as if she were seeing her for the first time. "You are...young."
"Yes," the girl looked away, unable to look her caretaker in the eye. "Very young."
"I had a daughter once." Tinuthel told her one night as they sat by the window. Alice didn't speak. She'd always suspected that Tinuthel and Brandir had children but had just assumed they had grown into adults and moved out. The way that she said it though...once. That was not a word that spoke to growing up and moving away…she swallowed and waited
"Many years ago." She continued. "Her name was Laerwen."
"Summer Maiden?" Alice said curiously.
Tinuthel nodded. "Brandir named her, because she was born in the summer. She was sweet and kind." She smiled at Alice then. "You remind me of her."
Alice frowned. "I not understand."
Her guardian took ahold of one of her hands. "Laerwen was good and clever. I see her in you when you speak with Lady Arwen or when you try to sneak the last piece of pie when you think I do not notice."
She flushed. "You knew?"
Tinuthel smiled slyly. "I always know. Laerwen did it too."
"Really?"
"Yes," Tinuthel laughed.
Alice bit her lip, afraid to ask to obvious question…but then plunged ahead anyway. "What happen to her?"
A sad look passed over the elleth's face and it was several moments before she replied. "She went to live in Imladris for a time and when the Lady Celebrían decided to visit her parents, the Lord and Lady, Laerwen decided to accompany her. They were waylaid by a pack of orcs in the mountains. Lady Celebrían was captured," Tinuthel paused, as if she could not speak further…but then, "…Everyone else was killed."
They sat in silence for a long time after that…until Alice threaded her fingers through her guardian's and smiled up at her.
"So…you know when I sneak pie? "
Tinuthel laughed.
Alice was having a bit of an existential crisis.
Though to be fair it wasn't as if she hadn't been having one since the moment she woke up in a land normally relegated to the likes of lengthy fantasy trilogies and big-budget blockbusters. Then again, it had also been rather easy to compartmentalize all of her problems what with all of the distractions she had. Like learning a new language. And figuring out how to shave without a safety razor (actually she was still trying to figure that one out). Yes, Alice had always been very good at avoiding her problems...unless she was stuck inside with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company.
If there was one thing Alice did not enjoy it was being locked up in her room like a princess in her proverbial tower. She was a creature of action, of doing, and yet it seemed that her pregnancy had robbed her of doing anything at all. In fact, it seemed the only thing she was able to do was sit around and think...which was exactly the one thing she had been avoiding for the past six months.
The closer to D-Day she came the more she was unable to stop her thoughts straying towards the future. But that was exactly the problem. What kind of future did she truly have here? Play mother to a child she had never wanted in a world she had no real place in? Sure the elves had been kind to her and Alice was positive that they wouldn't be booting her out of Lothlórien anytime soon but she had no real purpose here. Was she expected to rely upon the charity of the elves for the rest of her life? And suppose she did decide to set off on her own, how exactly was she supposed to take care of herself? It's not like she had any viable skills in this world (something told her that being able to quote her way through Monty Python and the Holy Grail didn't count for much here), though Lord knows Tinuthel had tried her best. And that was completely ignoring the fact that she would soon be caring for an infant and it wasn't as if she could just drag it along with her while she tried to figure out what the hell she was going to do with her life.
So, suffice to say, Alice was freaking out.
And frankly, what else was she going to do? It's not as if she had a whole lot of options open to her right now what with the swollen stomach and swollen ankles and well...swollen everything. She was miserable and useless so it was no wonder that she had turned to sulking and panicking.
Irritably, she kicked at her blankets. "I just want this to be over."
She should've known not to tempt the Powers That Be.
It came in the middle of the night. One moment she had been dreaming of lying on the beach and then the next she was jolted awake by a strange 'popping' sensation between her legs. Alice lay mortified as she felt a gush of liquid soak her sheets. Had she just...did she just wet the bed?
She groaned. "Ugh, you've gotta be kidding me…"
Awkwardly, she attempted to roll out of bed so she could take care of the mess...and felt a familiar stabbing pain in her womb. For a moment, she was sure that she was just getting menstrual cramps...until she realized that she couldn't possibly get menstrual cramps and looked back at the mess soaking her sheets and wasn't able to spy the tell-tale dark spotting of blood. Frowning, she patted her hand on the wet linen and gingerly brought her fingers just under her nose. It...didn't smell like urine either. So...what was it?
Alice felt her stomach sink just as another pulsing pain shot through her abdomen again.
"Oh no…" She leaned against the wall and felt tears spring forward, unbidden. "Oh no no no no noooooo!"
It was only a handful of moments later that her guardians appeared in her doorway, alert and anxious.
"Alice?"
And that was when Alice decided to burst into tears. Concerned, Tinuthel laid a hand on her shoulder as the girl sunk to the floor.
"Tinuthel," Brandir called, and to Alice's horror she noticed him standing before her bed, examining her soiled sheets.
"No no noooooo!" She wailed incomprehensibly.
Something passed between the couple as the girl cried between them and then suddenly Brandir was crouching before Alice and laying a kiss upon her brow.
"All will be well child." And then he was gone, out the door to who knew where.
"Come," Tinuthel murmured softly, coaxing Alice upwards. "Let us get you cleaned up."
"But…" She protested, panic and anxiety leaking from her pores.
"I know," the elleth assured her, speaking gently as if to a frightened animal. "But it will not be for some time yet. Now I think a bath will do you good…"
Labor, as it turned out, was not at all like the movies made it out to be. The moment she had felt the first stabbing pains in her womb Alice had been convinced that screaming and excruciating pain were soon to follow. So she was confused and almost disappointed when it turned out that the process was far longer and less dramatic than she'd been led to believe.
The pain, though extremely unpleasant, didn't completely incapacitate her as she'd thought it would (that would come later, as she was to learn) and only came every now and then. In fact, they had plenty of time for Tinuthel to drag Alice off to the bathhouse and then back home again to clean her sheets and fuss about the talan (well, Tinuthel did anyway. Alice mostly just wrung her hands and babbled in English). By the time the sun had begun to rise Brandir appeared once more, though this time with Faendis in tow. All she had to do was take one look at Alice's hyperventilating form and before she realized what was happening Faendis was snapping orders at the other two elves as if they were in her house.
"Fight the others off if you have to," the elleth ordered Brandir. "Cugulir heard us on our way here and you know how she is. I am sure half of Lothlórien knows by now."
Alice choked. "What?!"
Brandir only grinned. "Of course." And then he was gone again.
However, before Alice was given the chance to panic over the news that the entire population knew she was about to pop, Faendis took ahold of her arm and drew her down to sit where she could poke and prod at her.
"Now tell me, when did the pain begin…"
And so the day went with Faendis poking and prodding at her some more, Tinuthel periodically attempting to force food or drink upon her, and everything interspersed with increasingly painful contractions that always kept her from getting too comfortable. By the time things had finally progressed to the whole pushing and screaming portion of the day, Alice didn't even have the energy to be embarrassed when Faendis pried her legs open.
"Ugh!" She grunted as she felt another contraction rip through her abdomen. "I'm never having sex again!"
She screamed some more.
When Alice finally felt the queer feeling of her child slipping from her body she felt nothing but relief, no matter that her skin and hair were clammy with sweat and that she had never felt more unattractive in her life. All she cared about in that moment was that it was over.
Faendis gathered the tiny wailing creature in her arms and distantly Alice heard someone say, "It is a girl!" and then "She is so pale!"
She lifted her head to catch a glimpse of the noisy thing in the elleth's arms but was instead surprised by a sudden contraction that ripped through her like lightning. The pain startled all of the air out of her lungs and she let her head fall back again heavily.
As if through water, she heard someone say, "Lady Arwen was right!"
And that was how Alice found out she was having twins.
The second child was easier than the first though no less agonizing. Her daughter's sibling arrived in a much quieter fashion than her first child had, with barely more than a whimper as it was pulled free of her womb. Exhausted, Alice couldn't bring herself to do much more than glance at the ellyth and their wriggling bundles. In Faendis's arms she spied dark fingers and toes and a fuzzy black head and as Tinuthel moved forward she glimpsed pale pink skin and wispy hair.
"Huh," She murmured sleepily. "That's weird."
Alice slept.
A/N: Did you know my outline for this story is now officially 47 pages long? And that there are going to be a total of 79 chapters (80 if you include the epilogue)? Yeah, you saw that right. 79 chapters. I'm insane. Why do I do this to myself?
Once again, I have to apologize for this chapter being a bit short (and sloppily written) and I'm very sorry for that. Honestly though I was sick of staring at it. I needed to post it if only so I could move forward with the story (and I'm sure you can't blame me for that) so here we are. I hope you forgive me. I might go back to it at some point and tweak it a bit so it flows better but otherwise I'm done with it and will be glad to move onto more interesting things. I mean, can I just say that this chapter was a pain in the ass to write? No, I know I say that about lots of chapters but this one...ugh, this one was the worst. I don't think it'll surprise anyone to know that I am not a mother. I've never given birth myself so writing this chapter involved a lot of researching on the internet as well as drawing upon the knowledge bestowed upon me by all of the women in my life who have been pregnant and given birth (and they all tend to overshare when it comes to the details, which is great for this chapter but not always for my imagination). Needless to say there are probably some inaccuracies somewhere in here and you can blame all of those entirely on me.
Chapter Timeframe: November 20, 2998 T.A. - January 6, 2999 T.A.
Today in "Middle Earthean History, Culture, and Geography Notes AKA Stuff I Feel Like Talking About":
- The title of this chapter comes from the Beatles song of the same name.
- Laerwen is important. I won't say why though, that would just spoil the fun (for me).
- Celebrían was the daughter of Galadriel and Celeborn, the wife of Elrond, and the mother of Arwen and the twins Elladan and Elrohir. In the year 2509 of the Third Age, on her way from Rivendell to Lothlórien, she was ambushed and captured by orcs. Her sons eventually rescued her but not before she had been tortured to the point that even her husband, the most famed healer in Middle Earth, could not heal her broken mind and spirit. She never recovered and soon sailed across the sea to Valinor.
- I always find it funny that labor and childbirth are shown to be so chaotic and quick in film and on TV. One moment the woman's water breaks and then 'BAM' she's screaming as she pushes the baby out. In reality, it takes hours for labor to get to that point. Especially for someone's first pregnancy and especially if it's twins. We're talking anywhere from 10-20 hours on average. Thus while Alice is sitting here panicking and going all, "OMG what am I going to do?!" Tinuthel is just like, "Bitch please."
Sindarin Names and Their Meanings/Pronunciations
Laerwen - Summer Maiden (lair-when)
Celebrían - Silver Crown-Gift (kell-ebb-ree-ahn)
Cugulir - Dove Song (coo-goo-leer)