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WhereIsTheBlack

The sound echoed in her ears like a drum. The impulse of the bullet piercing through her body like an invisible force and pushing her back softly. Then the pain… then the numbness.

Sarah struggled to keep herself up as Joey ran away leaving her to herself. She looked down in shock and confirmed her fears when she saw a tiny black hole and spurts of blood gushing out of her and coating her stomach and legs. She trembled, as she fell to her knees, one trying to balance her body, the other attempting to rise without success.

Her hands went to the side of her stomach with delicacy, shaking. She felt blood push them away, but she kept them there.

I've been shot. She repeated on her head. I've been shot. I've been shot.

Joey SHOT me.

But no matter how many times she tried to assimilate it, she felt like if she were depersonalized. This wasn't happening to her. It couldn't. The pain would be unbearable, and all she felt was numb. The pain was there all right, but why didn't her body register it?

A door opened. Had he come back to kill her?

But she saw not a figure, but two.

"Sarah?"

She focused on them until faces stood out from silhouettes. Erin Lindsay stood still in disbelief, gun raised as she averted her eyes to check her surroundings. Beside her, a relieved-looking Connor Rhodes whose expression morphed into one of shock and desperation in a matter of seconds.

The medical student felt at ease once she saw him clearly. She felt safe she was okay now. She struggled to get up but crumbled trembling to the ground when she felt a flash of searing pain hold her and bring her back to reality.

Connor rushed to her side yelling, but Sarah couldn't hear him. She could barely listen to her own thoughts.

"This is Detective Lindsay, I need an ambulance and medical assistance right now!"

"She barely has a pulse," Connor panted as he placed two fingers on the side of her neck. He scanned the damage and felt uneasy at the sight. A bullet wound through the right lumbar region. He cursed under his breath and fought back tears.

Then he noticed it. The scar in the form of a J, hidden beneath slippery coats of blood. He looked at it, unable to formulate a coherent thought. He was functioning on automatic, adrenaline taking over his body. He gently moved her to her side and sighed when he noticed the exit wound. She could make it. She could make it if she an emergency surgery. If not…

"I need immediate backup, P.I.'s on the loose, we're below the Navy Pier, track my location," Lindsay hurried into her radio as she kneeled down beside Connor, his hands applying pressure to the wound to slow the flow of blood.

"I need to slow the bleeding," Connor said to Erin urgently. "Get over here, help me."

Erin did as she was told, pressing her palms to the wound and feeling the blood rush trough her fingers as Connor took off his jacket, the one Sarah loved so much so, and replaced Lindsay's hands with the fabric, applying force.

"Please Sarah, please… baby, please," he whispered at her, his voice breaking in the process. He cleaned off blood and the scar emerged again, mocking him, laughing at his situation. He turned to Lindsay, livid.

"Find him," Connor said, trembling with fury. "I don't care what you have to do, but don't let him escape. DON'T. Let. Him. Get. Away." Connor barked at her.

Erin nodded worriedly, catching a glimpse of the scarred flesh as well. Gun in hand, she rushed off to find him.

Connor looked down at his barely conscious fiancé. Now that Erin was gone, he allowed himself to feel a little more vulnerable. Looking at her like that, barely alive, pulled at him, and desperation clouded his vision. He wanted to reassure her that everything would be okay, that she would make it… but it would all be a lie. He knew that if the ambulance wasn't there in minutes, Sarah would certainly die.

He glanced around the room unable to find what to do and saw a small chain with her engagement ring attached to it. His eyes glistened at the thought of the past few months. How happy they both had been that it had seemed too good to be true. He closed his eyes at the thought of all coming to an end.

Suddenly, Sarah opened her eyes in a jolt and stared into a sea of blue. Was she dreaming?

"Baby?" she heard Connor say, hopeful. "Stay with me, sweetheart. It's almost over, but I need you to stay awake, okay? Just for a few more moments. I promise it will all be over soon," he managed out, stroking her hair with one hand. He didn't dare move her position in case she had damaged her head, but she tilted it back slightly to allow the entrance of more oxygen into her body.

Sarah felt a flash of pain soar through her again and she screamed, her eyes wide open and searching around in angst for a source of comfort.

"Don't move," Connor commanded. "It's okay, darling, I'm here," he reassured her as he tried to contain her. "I'm here, I love you,"

"Where- Joey-"

"Shhh, I know. He won't hurt you anymore, you're safe. I promise you Lindsay will get him. He won't get away with this."

Sarah swallowed hard, panting against the increasing waves of agony. "I'm dying, aren't I?" she whispered, unable to look him in the eyes.

"No," he shook his head with glistening eyes. "No, you're not dying. Don't worry about that, okay? I will fix you," he comforted her with a bright smile, so she could see he wasn't worried about her situation at all.

Sarah half smiled, but all hope had abandoned her eyes.

"These have been the best months of my life," she began, but Connor shook his head.

"Don't," he said, a few tears escaping him. "You're okay. I promise I'll fix you. I will fix this."

Tears flowed freely from her eyes. "I would have loved to be your wife."

Connor shook his head and looked up, forcing the tears to get swallowed back inside. He took a few breaths before he looked down again at the woman he loved.

"You will," he choked, contouring her face with a finger. "You will be my wife. We will get married."

Sarah looked at him and smiled through the pain. "I always knew," she whispered with difficulty as she held his face.

"What?"

"That I'd be yours forever."

"And I'm yours," Connor whispered back, holding her hand.

"Promise me you will be happy again."

Connor shook his head. "I'm happy with you. I love you."

Sarah closed her eyes briefly, struggling to breathe steadily.

"Sarah? Sarah, stay with me," Connor pressed on with insistence.

"Promise me."

Connor cried, shaking his head. He couldn't promise that. It would be a lie. But looking down at her… broken and barely breathing, he nodded.

"I promise, sweetheart. I promise I will if you fight. Fight for us, please, I beg you," he choked out frantically.

But Sarah didn't move. She didn't miraculously get up and speak back, nor she flinched or gave away any sign that she was listening. She just lay still, the color on her face fading quickly. Connor's world blurred as he stared down at her. As he held the girl he loved with all his might, heart and soul and watched her slowly but surely leaving this world and heading into the next. There was nothing he could do. He was powerless… defeated.

"Sarah?" he sobbed. "Baby, please. Sarah, wake up. Wake up. Please, I can't do this without you. Sarah. SARAH!"

His screams and begs echoed on the iron walls as the door opened revealing paramedics hurrying inside followed by medical gear and the sounds of ambulances. None of that seemed to register on his mind as he stared at the peacefully sleeping Sarah, all traces of pain or hurt away from her face.

She barely registered his pleas. She felt like she was fading away, but unlike before, she was calm now. She felt at ease. She was ready now.

Gradually she was overwhelmed by white noise and blackness.

Her eyes shot open.

A warm-lighted bulb of light hanging above her, blinding. The same white noise engulfing her surroundings. She closed her eyes again, unable to handle the setting pain on the back of her head. She stirred carefully, every muscle on her body aching. Something obstructed her right side and something poked at her arm. Where…? How…?

"Sarah? Oh, honey… Richard! Richard, hurry! She's awake!"

Sarah flinched as the screams of the woman pierced her ears. The room looked familiar… and then again, the voice sounded pretty familiar as well.

"Mom?" Sarah croaked, confused. It took a few seconds for her to adjust her eyesight. A woman with curly, short hair and pale, brown and heavy eyes stood at her side, her hand firmly clasped in hers.

"Yes, honey," she cried happily. "You're okay. I'm here now."

Was she dreaming again? She looked around and took notice of the hospital room's walls she had seen so many times now. The high-hanging TV, the visitors' couch.

Her father burst through the door and darted to her side. "Sarah," he said out of breath, taking his daughter's other hand. "You're okay," he said, kissing the back of it and not believing his own words. "You're alive."

Alive?

Images instantly started coursing through her at the speed of lightning, all too overwhelming to handle. Owen, Claire, Nat, Will, April, Maggie, Ethan, Joey… Connor. She trembled at the thoughts, her hand untangling from her mother's and hovering over her right side, reminiscing the pain inflicted.

"I think it would be best if we took it from here," said a voice from the doorway.

Erin Lindsay stood with arms crossed joined by Jay Halstead. They had stayed back for a few minutes, allowing Sarah's parents to have a moment to reconnect with their daughter.

"Of course, detective," Sarah's father said, pulling lightly at her wife's arm. Her mom caressed her face one more time before she got up and followed her husband out of the room. "We'll be right outside, okay?" she reassured.

"Sure, mom."

Once they were out, the atmosphere changed into a heavier one. Lindsay crossed the room and sat on one of the side chairs while Jay stood at the foot of the bed.

"How are you feeling?" Erin asked, sympathetic.

"Honestly? Like I got shot," Sarah deadpanned. She sighed when she saw Erin's worried expression and shook her head briefly. "I'm sorry… It's just…"

"There's nothing to apologize for," Jay eased. "We're here to help you, Sarah. Please tell us what you remember."

Sarah looked away, finding his question suddenly overwhelming. She searched the room trying to find reassurance… answers to her state. She sighed and bit her lip, deep in thought. She felt tears beginning to burn her eyes with every passing second.

"Take your time," Erin insisted gently.

"I remember everything," Sarah choked out after a minute or two, finally turning to them.

The female detective nodded understandingly. "I know this is all too overwhelming right now, but I assume you have questions."

Sarah nodded, wiping the tears away from her face.

Erin slouched closer to her, her hands on her legs. She took a breath, before addressing the situation head on. "First of all, I want you to know that what you did was very brave. No matter what you're thinking right now, or what happened… not everyone does what you just did for their friends. On the other hand, it was reckless that you didn't come to us first. We're here to help you, and always will be. We wanted you to know that."

Sarah felt a hand on her knee and nodded. She knew that what she did was perhaps not that smart, but she felt like she had no choice whatsoever. She was not about to leave Owen to his luck like that.

"Where's Owen?"

"He's safe, with his parents. All thanks to you."

Sarah nodded. She gulped hard. "Joey?"

Erin looked down, slightly biting her lip. Sarah frowned at the sudden silence and reluctance to answer the question. Jay took notice of it too and spoke for her girlfriend.

"He's… dead."

Sarah felt like if she were pierced by ice. She frowned, looking at him disbelievingly, time suddenly slowing down. "What?"

"He was put down. It was self-defense," Jay said, serious, like if he were protecting himself from any backlash.

Sarah didn't say anything. She just kept looking at him like he had grown a second head. Joey was... dead? He was… killed?

"What do you mean dead? How did he… I mean… who…?" Sarah asked, flabbergasted.

"It was me," Erin said, finally looking up. Sarah looked at her, confused.

She sighed. "Connor and I arrived together to where you were. He tried to reanimate you… and I set off to find Joey. I searched for about twenty minutes until I found him running away from the Pier. He was armed and he shot at me when he heard I was coming. But he missed... and I shot back. I didn't miss."

Sarah took a few seconds to digest the news. Joey was dead. It was all over. He wouldn't be back to bother her anymore. It was all over at last. She didn't honestly know what to feel. She was relieved, but… at the expense of death? It was all too confusing. She couldn't eve register it on her mind.

Death. A simple word… yet so complicated. Gone forever. Disappeared.

She then met their gazes again, another question prodding eagerly on her mind.

"Where's Connor?"

"Resting. I said I'd call him the moment you got up, but…"

"But?"

Erin turned to Jay. "Could you leave us alone for a second?" she asked him softly.

Jay looked confused, yet nodded. "I'll be right outside if you need me," he said, squeezing Erin's shoulder gently.

"What's going on?" Sarah asked once Jay exited the room.

"Look, I know this is the last you want to hear right now, but there are a few things I need you to know before we proceed with the legal aspects of your case," Lindsay began cautiously. "You need to know that while you were unconscious you underwent a rape kit."

Sarah grew dead quiet, her saliva getting stuck in her throat. "But he… he didn't…"

"The results came back negative," Lindsay calmed her. "But Sarah I need you to tell me… did he sexually approach you? Did he in any way…?

"No," Sarah shook her head. "I mean he kissed me… but he never… no. It was all hitting and… and…"

"Torture," Erin finished for her.

Sarah nodded, unable to restrain the tears that escaped her. Erin nodded, apologetic. "I'm seriously so sorry. I wish I..." she closed her mouth when she felt emotion take over her. She had grown fond of Sarah and to think she had been hurt like that… the fear she must have felt… "I'm so sorry."

The opening of the door brought both out of their emotional state. Connor Rhodes stood up front, joined by everyone else: April, Ethan, Maggie, Nat and Will. Connor looked at Sarah like if he were seeing a ghost. Sarah stared back, unable to issue a word. She heard Maggie break into tears, followed by Nat. Will smiled at her direction, tears also forming on the corners of his eyes. Ethan smiled to her as well as he placed a hand on April's back when he heard her sigh heavily.

"Guys. Erin. Could you please leave us alone for a sec?" Connor said to them on automatic.

The detective nodded and smiled when she saw Jay behind them all, presumably responsible for them being here. She turned to Sarah again. "I'll come back later. Try to get some rest."

Sarah didn't reply as she watched her leave and closed the door behind Connor.

They were alone at last.

She felt… strange. Her heart began to beat faster like it did when they barely knew each other. She felt nervous all of the sudden as he approached her bedside slowly, not saying anything, his gaze fixated on her. Her chest rose and fell quicker when he sat beside her, her breath getting caught in her throat when she saw tears began to form in his eyes. She shook her head and stretched her hand to caress his hair, but was intercepted by his own hand.

He kissed the back of it, them her palm, her fingers. He then lowered it to approach her face and capture her lower lip gently between his. His kiss was soft… frightful to hurt her in any way. Both let out a breath once they drew apart slightly, inches of space between their faces. He kissed her cheek gently, her closed eyelids, her nose, her chin. Sarah felt her breath stop as he roamed her face with his lips, leaving ghosts of butterfly kisses.

Connor drew back considerably and caressed her face and neck with his hand, obliging her to keep her stare on him.

"I thought I had lost you, baby," he whispered.

Sarah shook her head when his voice broke. "I'm here because of you," she said warmly, but Connor clenched his jaw.

"I wasn't there on time. I could've stopped him… I could've-"

"Hey," Sarah stopped him, her own hand going to caress the side of his face. "We've been through this before. Taking the blame for things won't do any good. We're okay now. We're okay."

Connor didn't reply, he just stared at the ground. Sarah searched his eyes, but he didn't look back at her.

"Babe?"

"Why did you do it?" he lamented. "You should've called me…Erin… anyone… I thought…"

"I'm so sorry baby…"

"I made a promise to you I knew I couldn't keep. I promised I'd move on… that I'd be happy again. But I lied. I can't be happy unless I'm with you. I love you. Don't you understand that?" he said, visibly upset. He looked angry and hurt… and Sarah knew it was all because of how scared he felt.

She didn't reply but joined their foreheads together. They stayed like that for a few moments, both relishing in the fact that it was all over at last. That they had each other. That they were… free.

"I can't tell you how much I wanted to go after… him. I wanted to kill him. When I saw…"

"Saw what?"

Connor sighed, upset. "What he did to you."

Sarah's hand instantly went to her side. She remembered the branding. The pain and smell of burning flesh, the shock of the bullet wound. Her frightened look pulled at Connor's heartstrings.

"I can promise you one thing," he said, serious. "I won't let anyone hurt you again. I swear. I'll take care of you until the day I die. I'll protect you with everything that I am. I promise."

Sarah nodded, his words comforting her.

"I won't let you go," he whispered before he kissed her again. Sarah returned the kiss, her mind still elsewhere. She had been through so much… and healing would be a long process. But she was determined to work hard. She would get better.

Sarah intertwined their hands and felt the gold ring around his finger pressing against her own naked ones. Connor quickly dug into his pocket, retrieving a similar ring dangling from a chain. He pulled at the chain quickly until it broke, the ring standing on its own. He looked up at her, asking permission silently. She nodded with blurry vision as Connor slid said ring into her finger, both their hands now matching and holding the promise of a bright future together.

"I love you," Connor whispered. "I adore you, princess. You are everything to me. You are my light. You are the brightest star." He kissed her. "My sweet." He kissed her again. "My darling." He kissed her one last time. "My love." He drew back before piercing her eyes with his blue ones. "I'll love you forever."

Sarah looked down at their joined hands. "Forever," she echoed back before both finally engulfed in a passionate kiss.

There would be time for everything else. For explanations, hugs, good cries and laughter. There would be time to talk, to walk, to get back to work, to heal, to love, to live. She had time.

She was ALIVE.

4 MONTHS LATER

"No word from your dad, then?"

"Nope. I guess we'll just have to wait and see if he shows up at all."

It was a quiet Sunday morning at Connor's place, sunshine coming through the windows like a welcomed guest. Sarah was covered head to toe with sample invitations for their wedding as she rested on the couch, drinking a glass of cold orange juice and sorting them out. Connor dropped beside her, tired, and propping her feet on his lap as he ran down his hands across her pant-covered legs, soothing her.

"Careful, Doctor Rhodes," she warned dismissingly as his hands started getting higher when he got distracted.

Connor laughed. "How long until the wedding, again?"

"Two months. 60 long days. Think you can handle it?" she said through her reading glasses and arching her eyebrows playfully.

Connor smiled gently. "Oh, I can handle it."

Sarah grinned and lowered her feet until she was sitting on his lap. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed him lovingly as Connor's hands dragged across her sides gently. He stopped, though, when he came across the scars that adorned her side.

Sarah sighed and drew back. After all this time it was still hard for him.

"I love you," she said in a tone that told him that what had happened was definitely not his fault. She had to reassure him from time to time. Connor sighed and pursed his lips before he captured her bottom lip one last time.

"You're so hot when you wear glasses," Connor said in a sultry voice which was met by a laugh from her and a gentle smack on his arm. She was wearing pants, a messy ponytail and reading glasses. She was far from hot right now. She got back to arranging the invitations while Connor poked his head from above her shoulder, his arms wrapped lightly around her waist.

"So how are we doing over here?" he asked, kissing her shoulder.

"Well, we have to mail these to the Martinos, and these are for Claire's friend, Amanda."

"Why are we inviting Claire's friends again?"

"Because! She's one of my bridesmaids, she has every right to invite whoever she wants," Sarah argued, leaving no room for discussion.

"Fine," Connor sighed.

"I still can't believe you haven't reached your dad."

"You know we haven't spoken in a long while. I'd find it odd if he'd answered right away, honestly," Connor said as he looked through wedding brochures with a quizzical face.

"Are you upset about it?" Sarah said looking at him, adjusting her glasses.

"No," he said after a while. "I mean, sure, I'd like my dad to be at my wedding, but the only thing that matters is you and me. That's all I really care about."

Sarah nodded in thought and kissed his cheek before resuming her work.

The doorbell rang and both groaned at the thought of having to leave their positions.

"I'll get it," Connor sighed before briskly sweeping her fiancé off him and placing her gently on the other side of the couch. He leaned down as Sarah laughed and captured her lips between his own. He groaned again when he heard the second ring.

"I'm coming!" He opened the door and arched his eyebrow when he was met with Claire, April, Nat and Owen and Maggie carrying several bags of stuff and rushing right past him and making their way to where Sarah was.

"Well hello to you too…" he said as he followed them with his eyes. He then shook Will and Ethan's hands, who just now had become visible to him.

"What's going on?"

"We came to rescue you," Will said. "You, me and tiny right here," he motioned Ethan, who looked at him and shook his head, "are going golfing."

"Golfing!" Ethan said. "You told me we were going to a bar."

"You want to go to a bar at ten in the morning," Connor said to him disbelievingly. Now that he said it out loud, Ethan looked down, in thought.

"It doesn't matter where. It's all about leaving before this becomes operation bridezilla," Will said.

Meanwhile, the girls all flaunted around Sarah, who was surprised by their visit.

"So," Claire said as she placed scraps of magazines for them all to see. "What about having the reception here?"

"Woah…This looks… Nice," Nat said in awe as she looked through the pictures of a landscape facing the ocean.

"Yeah, but the cost, though…" April said in thought.

"I know someone who could help us out," Claire said simply. She then looked at Sarah. "Just say the word and it's yours for the wedding."

"Daaamn girl… remind me to always get on the good side of this woman," Maggie said surprised and everyone laughed.

"Oh! Guess who I ran into the other day!" April said excitedly.

"Who?" Sarah asked.

"Kyle. The guy from Maui"

"Oh, for Heaven's sake," Sarah said with a laugh as Nat and Maggie groaned.

"Who's Kyle?" Claire asked.

"Only April's summer crush," Nat said in a teen, girly voice.

April rolled her eyes playfully and ignored her. "He's in town because he has family here! What are the odds! And he remembered me! Well, he remembered all of us… and you, Sara! He was keen on all of us meeting… until I told him about the wedding. Haven't seen him since."

They all laughed but flinched when they heard the men laugh heartily as well at a joke Will said.

"Honestly, why do mean have to laugh so loud?" April said as she brushed them off and continued searching on her laptop.

"Teeeell me about it," Maggie said with a shake of her head.

Sarah just smiled at it all. Her gaze met Connor's from afar and time stopped for a moment. She felt unbelievingly happy and loved. He winked at her and she winked back before she resumed her talk about her wedding.

Her wedding.

Life couldn't be sweeter than it was at the moment… but she was wrong. In just a few months it was about to get sweeter.