Egotism and Enmity

by originella

Felicity Darcy is the youngest child of Fitzwilliam and Elizabeth Darcy. When her father, a former war hero, is called upon by Sir John Conroy to produce one of his daughters for the household of Princess Alexandrina Victoria, the Darcy family jumps at the opportunity. Soon, Felicity realizes that London is a much larger place than she ever thought, and her heart shall too break.

5. Sweet Nothings

Chapter Five: Sweet Nothings

Victoria and I are each overcome with emotion for the other, now that we are both engaged to worthy German men. I bid farewell to Wilhelm before Victoria does so to Prince Albert, knowing that they will be in Coburg for at least a fortnight, yet I find comfort in knowing that they will write to us. Just as Victoria and I have returned indoors from bidding farewell to our intended, Baroness Lehzen quickly approaches the pair of us. She gives me a rather scathing look that Victoria does not see before handing over a letter.

"Delivered from Pemberley just a few moments ago, Lady Felicity," she says rather abruptly to me. "Your Majesty," she says next, turning to Victoria, "shall we take Dash for a walk in the gardens?"

"Lehzen, please," Victoria says, scolding her gently, watching as I break the seal of the letter myself and inspect the pages. "Leave me alone with Lady Felicity, please, for I fear she will have need of me."

I scan my mother's words, hardly knowing the woman who is writing them. Mama was always so confident in her dealings with everyone—Great Aunt Catherine, her mother and father, and especially her shamed sister Lydia—but now, something was quite different. There were blots to her ink as if she spilled the pot, or perhaps if she was weeping during the writing of the letter. I had never known my mother to weep in all my life, although I had heard tell that she had done so on the day of my birth, for I was so small that none of the physicians believed that I would survive the night, and when I did, joy rang true throughout Pemberley for several weeks on end...

My Dearest Felicity,

I wish you joy in your glad tidings of your upcoming marriage to Lord Wilhelm Marquardt, for although he is a German, I feel, if you love him, then he must be worthy of you. Although you are the youngest, you found fortune in winning the favor of a monarch, thus obtaining a place at court. I know that Lord Wilhelm will be a good a loving husband to you, and because of Her Majesty's favor, you too shall have a blessed life.

I also write to inform you that Fitzwilliam the Younger, along with Alexandra, have had a son at long last, thus securing the succession for Pemberley. They have called him James, for all the former rulers with that name, and believe him to be strong and healthy. I know you shall send them glad tidings for this wonderful news, as all your brothers and sisters have done.

Papa was overjoyed at this news before he took to his bed. The physicians claim it is merely a rheum—an ache in his muscles—and he bid me not to inform you of it, yet I felt that I must. Despite all that has passed between you, Felicity, you were always his favorite, as you were the only one he gave his blessing for me to give my name to you. He saw something in you at your birth, my darling, that he did not see—even in Fitzwilliam the Younger. He saw a rare determination that Bennet girls had—I had it, as well as your Aunt Mary and Aunt Lydia—to discover what we truly want and to seize it with both hands.

I know what with the parliamentary rule that you cannot leave Her Majesty's side, and yet I wish for your return home to Pemberley. I would not tell you to do so, my darling, but with your father so ill, and the physicians casting worried glances my way, I fear for the outcome. Can you not ask the queen to return home to us, just for a week, so as to assuage my fears that you cannot be delivered of your father's blessing, just one last time?

I shall look for a carriage or a letter from you, my darling.

Your faithful mother,

Lady Elizabeth, Viscountess Pemberley

"Felicity?" Victoria asked, her voice grave, as I merely stared at the letter before me with trembling hands. "What is it?"

"My father is ill," I reply, slowly handing over the letter to her. "My mother requests me home for a week, yet I know you need me in the days leading up to the parliamentary decision, ma'am, I quite understand—"

"No." Victoria's voice is so firm that it removes me from my fragile state enough to look at her. "No. If your mother commands it, you are to go immediately to Pemberley, Felicity. Do not worry," she says quickly, handing back the letter to me and clasping my hand. "I shall of course employ a carriage for you for safe conduct, which you will return in at weeks' end. You must go to your chambers at once and ready yourself, Felicity. I'll not have your mama banging on the doors of Buckingham Palace, demanding me to release you," she jokes.

Still seeing Lehzen lurking beside me, her frog-like face smirking ever so slightly at my forthcoming departure, I quickly curtsy to Victoria. "Thank you, ma'am," I say quickly, not raising myself immediately. "I shall never forget this kindness and consideration towards me."

"You may go, Felicity," she says gently to me, and pulls me to my feet. "And Felicity?" she asks as I make my way off, before turning around to face her. "Do write to Lord Wilhelm before you go off to Pemberley, for I am quite sure he will wish to write you this first week," she tells me with a smile.

. . .

My Dearest, Darling Wilhelm,

My dear father is ill and I must leave Buckingham Palace for Pemberley at once, with Her Majesty's permission. Her Majesty advised me clandestinely that I send you correspondence telling you of my departure and I am—amid telling my maid about which dresses would be suitable for potential mourning. I would not have the letter arrive at the palace without someone proper to receive it.

I want not to bother you so quickly with my scribbles, and yet I felt I would prefer to know if you were to move house rather quickly and unexpectedly. I do hope the journey goes well for you, my darling, and I know it shall. You, my love, and Their Highnesses shall be kept in my prayers to ensure safe travel, as I fear I would die if something happened to you.

The carriage has been prepared for me, my trunks packed, and Flight is all but clamoring to go to Pemberley. I doubt she will remember it—I hardly know if she has even been inside the manor—but hopefully, next time I journey to my family home, you shall be in the carriage, or on the horse beside me. I wager we shall bring our children there on bended knee to greet my new nephew, James, and we shall all be merry upon our arrival.

Safe travels, my beloved.

Your betrothed,

Lady Elizabeth Darcy

. . .

The carriage ride took nearly five hours from Buckingham Palace back to Pemberley, and I feared that, perhaps, Wilhelm would be displeased that I'd left court. Of course, he would not return for another week by the time I returned, but surely, if he did return early, he would want me there awaiting him. As I watched the landscape go from high to low outside the carriage, I found myself stroking Flight absentmindedly, hoping that my letter reached Wilhelm safely. I knew he would be safe with the princes, yet I already missed him terribly.

I wondered if Lehzen would steal the letter and destroy it, and then gather up my letters from Wilhelm and write back as me, and then break our betrothal. I knew she did not like me, but I wished she would manage to make an error in her dislike and permit Victoria to see. If that were the case, and it came right down to it, I considered who Victoria would choose—Lehzen or I. I didn't wish to think about it, for the alternative, and what I suspected, was devastating.

I arrived at Pemberley just before supper, and hastily removed myself from the carriage, running towards the front doors, gripping Flight tightly in my arms, my traveling cloak billowing out behind me. "Mama?" I called, thundering through the doorway quickly. "Papa?" I yelled, my voice hinging on worry. As I looked about the entryway, I found myself listening for the age-old sounds of the house, and recalled running down the numerous hallways as a child with my brothers and sisters during moments when it was acceptable to do so. If I listened closely, I could still hear the sounds of my laughter...

"Felicity!" Mama said, immediately moving down the grand staircase and pulling me into her arms.

"Mama, Her Majesty bid me come at once," I say, hastily moving Flight to my other arm so as to properly embrace my mother. "I may stay the week, and then I must return, for the parliamentary ruling," I say, standing back and soothing Flight in my arms.

"And has your Lord Wilhelm returning to Coburg with the princes?" Mama asks, motioning for the servants to bring my trunk through from the carriage. "He will have gone back, wouldn't he have?"

"He has gone back, although the queen did suggest that I write him before my departure to inform him where to send letters for the next week," I reply, following my mother up the stairs to my old rooms.

My mother puts an arm around my shoulders. "She was right to inform you to do so—speaks to the true character of an individual if they are considerate," she tells me with a smile.

"Papa?" I ask, finding myself more exhausted from my journey than I'd originally anticipated to be. "Is Papa...?"

"He is well—well enough," Mama replies patiently, guiding me up the last of the staircase and towards my bedchamber. "We'll have you changed for supper, and then we shall eat. You may even meet little James beforehand if you wish—he is in the nursery—"

"I wish to see Papa now," I say, my voice firm, and Mama turns to look at me with a shocked expression. "Sorry," I say quickly, turning away from her and my cheeks flaming with regret. "Truly, I am. I was just so worried when I left London and the journey was so much longer than I expected..."

Mama nods, drawing me close for a moment outside my rooms. "You know as well as I do that your Papa values tidiness," she tells me patiently, guiding me into my bedchamber. "Ready yourself for supper—the servants are leaving now, you see," she says, nodding to the men who leave my bedchamber and return down to the main floor of the house. "Your maid is awaiting you. Change for supper, and I shall be along shortly to bring you to Papa."

I nod, moving Flight around in my arms. "Of course," I reply.

Mama lowers her eyes to Flight, smiling indulgently at her and moving forward to scratch her behind her ears. "What food does she like? I'm quite sure the kitchens can make anything..."

"She is quite fond of chicken livers, like Her Majesty's spaniel, Dash. They are quite close, the pair of them, truly..."

Mama moves her hand slightly downward, pressing ever so slightly into Flight's firm belly. "You would tell me if Flight and Dash...?" She hesitates for a moment before speaking again. "Shall Flight...?"

At once, I catch her meaning. "Oh, no, Mama," I say quickly, shaking my head. "I know that Her Majesty keeps a close eye on Dash, and even if she is not there, she has him watched—Lord Alfred Paget has taken a fancy to them both," I say, and lean down, brushing my lips upon Flight's head.

"And not to you?" Mama asks, eyeing me closely.

I laugh at the thought of that. "Oh, no!" I cry out. "Lord Alfred is a wonderful servant to the queen, yet he likes to spend his time riding. He is close friends with Mr. Edward Drummond, and they act as go-betweens for Her Majesty and Lord Melbourne," I explain. I look at Mama askance then, and suddenly, I'm filled with an overwhelming sense of fear, and as I look her up and down, a new feeling of utter loathing. "Is your meaning behind your questioning of me an inference that you wished for me to marry an Englishman?" I ask her.

Mama's eyes turn downcast then, and she suddenly looks unsure. "It certainly would have been easier, had you fallen in love with one," she replies.

"Easier for who, Mama?" I ask, my tone as cutting as a snake bite. "Easier for me, or easier for you and Papa?" I demand, pulling myself from her grip and walking into my rooms, before slamming the door behind me.

. . .

As my time at Pemberley wore on, I found myself more and more of an outsider looking in, for Fitzwilliam, Alexandra, Honor, Grace, Mercy, James, Mama, and Papa were the only members of the Darcy family living at Pemberley anymore. I missed my other brothers and sisters, who had been married off to heirs from the Bingley, Wickham, Lucas, and Collins families over the last several years.

I spoke often with Alexandra, but she was as quite as my Aunt Jane, and never gave in to flights of fancy. Now that Aunt Georgiana was off and married raising children of her own, there was nobody to play the pianoforte for me whilst I sang, as my cross sister-in-law Alexandra didn't have a taste for it, nor did she allow her daughters to do so either. I believed she did not wish to be seen as an old maid, for my mother's next younger sister, Aunt Mary, had taken years to marry and when she had, she only had one small son and four frail girls to show for it.

The last days of my week had been a torment, the only salvation being when two envelopes arrived for me on my penultimate day at Pemberley. One was from my dear Wilhelm, and the second was from Victoria herself. My heart skipping a beat, I left the breakfast table—my bread half-jammed—and dashed off to my chambers to read them over in peace. I hastily paid the messenger from court to wait, telling them that I should have a reply within the hour.

I got to my bedroom quickly, shutting the door behind me and then ordering the maid to leave me alone. I was thankful that she took Flight out into the gardens for a morning runabout, as I moved towards my window embrasure for better light. I was quick in breaking the seal from court in London, and I scanned the words from our gracious monarch quickly.

Dear Felicity,

Parliament has unfortunately been delayed in their decision making and, as a direct result, Albert, nor Ernest, nor your Lord Wilhelm may return to court in London as of yet. Albert is still clamoring for a worthy allowance, and I wish to give it to him, as well as to make him King Consort, but dear Lord M believes that such a thing shall lead to an uprising. It is my job to form a government as I see fit, and yet they are dictating me as Conroy once did, as if I was a perfectly mad little girl who cannot make up her own mind.

I miss you dreadfully, Felicity, for now I only have Lehzen and Dash at my side as trustworthy companions. Harriet has returned to the country to tend to her children, so I feel an absence of close friendship twofold. I have taken the liberty in sending you a basket of fruit from the winter orchards, in the hopes that it brings about your lord father's health. You did remark to me of his fondness of peaches more than once, I think, and perhaps they shall alleviate his symptoms sooner rather than later.

As parliament sees fit to keep me waiting, I am extending your time at Pemberley by another week, until this is sorted out. I want to make sure your papa is at least out of bed before I send for you again. Don't fret—I received a letter from Albert this morning, so I am quite positive one from your Lord Wilhelm shall arrive shortly. Please give my best to your family, and I shall see you the week after next, my dear friend.

Your monarch and friend, Victoria

This had to be Lehzen's doing, I told myself, hatred for Victoria's former governess flowing through me then. She sought to keep me out of court, yet I knew that if I remained evasive, perhaps Victoria would summon me back to her in a hastier manner. I wrote a quick reply to her, thanking her for the fruit from the winter orchards and explained about Papa's recovery process, yet said nothing about the parliament's delay, nor her refusal for me to come to court when it was originally decided for me to do so.

"Let that be a lesson for listening to her governess," I said bitterly, sealing the envelope and turning to my letter from Wilhelm. Breaking the seal, I hesitated before opening it, wondering if he was writing to break our engagement. Perhaps he saw this delay as a sign that we should not be married. Nevertheless, I promised myself to read the letter in its entirety before I went on and on making up stories about what could happen. I found that trepidation was stemming through to my fingertips as I opened it, staring at the words before me.

My Darling Felicity,

I wanted to extend my heartfelt apologies for returning to Coburg, while you yourself are too experiencing a crisis at home. I am terribly sorry about your father's illness—I don't wish pain and suffering towards any members of the Darcy family, especially you, my dearest. I will try to return to England quickly, for I adore your mother and father already for allowing me to wed you, and I should like to know them both. Might I suggest a hearty stew, full of meat and vegetables, for your father's swift recovery? As a little boy, whenever I would eat such a meal, I found my health and strength returning overnight.

His Serene Highness has informed me from Her Majesty that parliament is delayed in its decision to allow my master to marry your mistress. I find this news greatly distressing, as I wished for Her Majesty to marry His Serene Highness as quickly as possible. I wish this, for the sooner they are wed, so may we be. Happiness will happen for the four of us, meine geliebte, and if we must await a decision by parliament—a necessary one—then it will be a privilege, knowing that you are awaiting me on the other side of it.

I don't want you fretting about me meeting a young German girl with cascading blonde locks—I know that she would be leidenschaftslos, whereas you are leidenschaftlich, in every which way. As I said before I had to leave for Coburg to attend His Serene Highness, I wanted none but you, and that is still true. I am utterly in love with you, Felicity, and this past seven days without you have been a quälen, and all I wish to see is your face looking back at me, your hand in my own, and my family's ring upon your finger.

Please write to me and say that you are well, for I fear I will umkommen if I do not hear from you with haste. Do not forsake me, meine süße, for I fear my heart shall break if I do not see your words before me. Tell me all of Pemberley, so as I might paint a picture of it in my mind's eye, allowing me to believe that, for a moment, you are here with me, speaking of it yourself.

Farewell for the moment, meine liebling.

Your husband-to-be,

Lord Wilhelm Marquardt

. . .

I was at last summoned back to court, but the days continued to drag on as the parliament refused to come to an immediate decision. October dragged on and soon November had arrived, but no choice had been made. There was debate on whether or not Victoria would be permitted to remain Queen of England at all, due to Albert's not being Catholic. I found such a statement utterly ridiculous, and told Victoria as much, the words secreted behind my hand, while a laugh was secreted behind hers.

The letters continued—mine from Wilhelm and Victoria's from Albert—and we would read one another segments from them. There were portions of the letters, however, that we only read to ourselves, and we each respected the other's choice to keep the arrangement that way. As December dawned, Victoria grew more discouraged than ever before, as Dash was not fond of the snow and neither was Flight, and so walking in the gardens with them was out of the question. The pair of them would inevitably wish to be let down from our arms, and then they would whimper whilst standing in the snow, and we would have to take them back to the palace again to warm them up.

When January finally arrived, the parliament finally reached an agreement, although it was not a pleasant one, and Victoria began to worry for Prince Albert's return to England because of it. The allowance which she had requested for him was reduced to almost nothing, as she feared that he would use it for actresses, as she had told me her uncle, King Leopold, had done. Neither was she permitted to name him as King Consort, and she began to fear that he would not appreciate the paltry allowance, nor her efforts to get him otherwise.

"He loves you," I assured her before she left for the throne room to greet him. "I am quite positive he shall be accepting of the alternative."

"Because it is in my gift?" she asks, her eyes meeting mine in her mirror, a smile passing between us. "A Knight of the Garter? Are you quite sure he will be tolerant of that, Felicity?"

"I shall take no credit for it, Victoria," I admonish her gently, before I allow myself to smile at her again. "Besides, you said yourself that he envied Lord Melbourne's position..."

Victoria sighed. "He has mentioned it..."

"Well, Lord Melbourne is not a Knight of the Garter," I replied with a rather wicked smile. "He shall certainly like that aspect of it."

Victoria smiled at that, before reading out and clasping me by the hand. "And you will not witness the ceremony?"

I shake my head. "Lord Wilhelm is anxious to see me," I reply.

"You will not marry without me there?" she asks, gripping me by the wrist and holding me there beside her. "I wish to attend the ceremony..."

I lean down, pressing my cheek to hers. "He has not proposed a date for the intended ceremony, although he gives me every intention that we shall wait until you and the prince—"

"You must not wait for us," Victoria says quickly, her eyes shining. "You must wait when the both of you deem it to be the correct and proper moment. All I ask is that you inform me of where and when, and allow me and Albert to be your witnesses. He thinks so highly of you, Felicity—Albert does. He wishes Wilhelm to be happy and if Wilhelm has chosen you, then Albert shall see to it that the pair of you are offered nothing but the best of everything."

"Second best of everything," I reply quickly, "for the best of everything should surely go to you and to His Serene Highness."

Victoria gets to her feet, looking me over. "I can see that you truly love him, Felicity, I do," she tells me. "And I shall see to it that your wedding is such a grand affair—"

"Small, please—Lord Wilhelm and I are agreed," I say quickly. "We wish for it to be in the chapel of St. James's Palace, with my mother, father, you, and His Serene Highness in attendance."

Victoria smiles at me then. "You have set a date!" she cries.

I sigh, lowering my eyes. "My mother and father are due to come to London next week, as you know, and Lord Wilhelm and I were quite hoping that you and His Serene Highness would be open to—"

"Next week?" Victoria cries, shaking her head. "Oh, my... After the ceremony this afternoon, the seamstress shall see you. You will need a new gown, and the archbishop—well, I shall attend to that. We will simply go over to the palace in the evening, and you shall have your wedding ceremony—in your new finery—while I come up with a wonderful wedding present for the both of you."

"You have given me a wedding present, Victoria—marrying for love," I reply, and find that there are tears in my eyes.

Victoria smiles. "Yes, but Lady Marquart sounds..." She shakes her head. "I have a mind to elevate you, Felicity," she declares.

. . .

Although he was cross about his lack of funds as the husband of the Queen of England, Victoria and Prince Albert agreed to put on kind faces the following week when Wilhelm and I were to become man and wife. It was quite funny to see how shocked Mama and Papa were at the prospect of attending my wedding so quickly, but, since consent had been given, there was naught to stop anyone. Victoria spoke to the archbishop, and my dress was made, and, quite soon, the day in question had finally arrived to greet us all.

I left the palace with Victoria that evening; she, Mama, and I all went into one of the unmarked carriages at our disposal, and made our way down the street and around the corner to the palace. In another unmarked carriage, Papa, Prince Albert, and Wilhelm came from the opposite direction, so as I would not be seen. I kept a good grip upon the parcel in my hands, which carried my new gown, so as I would not ruin it in the journey.

We enter St. James's Palace via the back door, making our way to a small room off the chapel, which the archbishop permitted for our use before the ceremony. I took off my gown with haste, standing there in my undergarments—also new from the seamstress—as Victoria and Mama painstakingly lifted the new gown upwards to put upon me. Victoria had insisted that her wedding dress to be white, and quickly encouraged me to wear one as well. She explained that since it was not a public event, she did not mind me wearing a white gown before she did.

I lifted up my arms before the gown was placed over my head and moved into place, whereupon it was laced expertly by Mama, while Victoria removed a pearl necklace from her bodice. I gaped aloud and she grinned; she had seen me gazing upon this particular pearl necklace for years, and she leaned forward and clasped it around my neck. I gazed at myself in the mirror, fingering the pearls which now rested along my collar bone, and peeked at Victoria in the mirror as she placed a small, pearled coronet upon my hair.

"It is too much..." I whispered.

She smiled and shook her head, taking me by the hands. "Albert is informing Wilhelm as we speak, but I have spoken to parliament and they are in agreement of your title."

"My title?" I ask.

"Parliament has formally agreed that I might make Wilhelm and yourself...Earl and Countess Marquardt," she says, smiling at me.

"I would be a countess?" I whisper.

Victoria nods. "Yes, and you would receive a London residence, and a house in the country... I have taken the liberty of purchasing Rosings Park in Kent for you and for Wilhelm to live. Since your great-aunt has died and her daughter, Anne, was unmarried and left no heirs, it reverted to the original landowners. I have bought it for you, so as you may live in a home which belongs to your family, and you may have a place to retire whenever you wish."

I turn to Mama, who smiles at me; she'd known the entire time, and had kept it from me, yet I understood why. Turning back to Victoria, my dearest friend in all the world, I went to my knees, taking her hand and kissing it. "There is nothing I may say or do that shall ever express my gratitude..." I whisper.

Victoria effortlessly pulls me to my feet, reaching into my parcel and puts my veil upon me. "Name your firstborn after me," she jokes, looking me over then. "Are you prepared?" she asks.

I nod. "I am," I reply.

Victoria and Mama take me by the arms and back towards the long hallway, which takes us to the entrance of the chapel, where I spot Papa awaiting us. Mama gives Papa a kiss on the cheek before walking into the chapel, and Victoria does the same, where she will stand with Prince Albert. Papa takes my arm and walks with me into the church, and I place my hand beneath his own. He peers at me through the veil and smiles at me, and I feel happiness that he is well enough to walk with me down the aisle as I go to marry Wilhelm.

"Do you like him?" I whisper, looking about. "Remember, to lie is a sin, and we are in the house of the Lord."

"Very much," Papa replies. "It was very generous of Her Majesty to create you a countess—and to buy you Rosings." He beams. "It is wonderful to have it in the Darcy family again."

"Of a sort," I reply, turning to look up as I hear a boys' choir singing. Turning back to my father, I ask, "May we?"

He nods, stepping forward. "We may."

The walk into the chapel of St. James Palace is not a daunting one, and yet I feel my heart skip a beat when my eyes find Wilhelm's for the first time. I find that I tighten my grip upon Papa's arm, yet hastily turn it loose, so as not do frighten or hurt him, so quickly after his recovery. We continue through the church, and my eyes first meet Mama's, then Victoria's, and then Albert's, before settling upon Wilhelm again. My heart skips a beat one last time as we approach, and Papa then removes my arm from the crook of his and hands me off before he moves to go and stand with Mama.

With every fiber of my being, I wished for Wilhelm to take my hand, and, mercifully, he did. He smiles at me and I return the smile, and hope that he can see me beneath the veil. I barely listen to the archbishop before us, although I know my time to speak will come, yet I find I am completely enraptured with Wilhelm that I cannot bring myself to look away. It is only when Wilhelm begins to speak again do I finally come completely back to life.

"I, Wilhelm Marquart, take thee, Felicity Darcy, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; any thereto I plight thee my troth," he says.

Immediately, I move to say my piece, not wanting anyone to think for a moment that I don't wish to marry Wilhelm at any moment. "I, Felicity Darcy, take thee, Wilhelm Marquart, to my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, to cherish, and to obey, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth."

The archbishop hands over the ring, placed upon the page of his bible, instructing Wilhelm to take it from him.

His hand steady, Wilhelm smiles at me before going solemn, slipping the ring onto my finger. "With this ring, I thee wed, with my body, I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen."

We are then told to kneel before the archbishop, and I do so willingly. The warmth of Wilhelm's hand in mine causes my heartbeat to flutter in my chest, for I still cannot believe my good fortune. With my future secure—married (or nearly so) to a wonderful man, we also had worthy income, a place to live and to raise our children together, and titles that were considered respectable.

Although I should not have, I considered Lehzen's expression, and how it would look to her, now that the girl she hated was now a countess. I knew it was not an acceptable, nor a ladylike thing to consider—especially in the House of God—but I found I could not help myself. Baroness Lehzen was nothing but a jealous harpy, and while I possesses a great love for Victoria, I believed she would fully grow up and become the queen our good country deserved once she was dismissed. The very epitome of a viper, she was cruel to anyone who presented a barrier between her and Victoria. I did not envy Prince Albert's future position.

Finally, Wilhelm and I were permitted back onto our feet, and he turned towards me then, lifting my veil carefully. I lowered my eyes, my lashes sweeping my cheeks and the cheeks themselves blooming at the notion of what was to come next. Wilhelm leaned forward then, and my eyes rose to catch his before they shut themselves and he brushed his lips with mine. I wanted more—in fact, I hungered for it—but such impure thoughts would not be rewarded.

Wilhelm's hot hand upon my skin sent waves of pleasure flowing through me, and I had eyes for no one but him as we seemed to glide back up the aisle together. The ring did not feel heavy on my finger; rather, it felt weightless, although large enough for people to see that I belonged to him. Such a notion was breathtaking to me, as I'd never believed that such a one would come to pass for me. I was only twenty years of age, and my entire life was just beginning. With a stunningly handsome man on my arm, I immediately felt safe, knowing that Wilhelm could protect me from anyone and anything that came across our path, wishing to harm or to know us, and I was bound to him for life.

. . .

I find my heart is racing once the ceremony has ended.

We have already had supper at Buckingham Palace, so when we return, all that is left to do is go to bed. Victoria and Prince Albert quickly separated after a quick good night, and Mama and Victoria accompanied me to my chambers to prepare me for bed. I was undressed quickly, and soon was relieved of my undergarments as well, before Victoria produced the beautiful nightgown for the night, with a lovely green silk ribbon, a color which had become my trademark. It was promptly put over my head, and then I was guided to the vanity table.

My hair bun was taken down, the raven locks going down around my shoulders, tickling my arms. I recalled Conroy doing this same thing and I shuddered, and Mama and Victoria, naturally, believed it was from the cold and from fear. Mama hastily put another long onto the fire, as Victoria removed the coronet and necklace and placed them into my jewelry box. I looked up at her and found my mouth falling open in shock.

"I cannot—" I whispered.

Victoria smiled. "Think of it as another odd trinket," she replied.

I nodded, turning to see Mama pulling down the coverlet of my large bed, large enough for two, and I fit my lip, gripping the back of the chair in a moment of anticipation of the events ahead. Mama and Victoria urged me into bed and I obeyed, the floor cold upon my feet as I stepped towards the bed, careful not to awake Flight from her spot on the window embrasure. I sat in my bed, pulling up the coverlet to nearly my neck as I heard footsteps outside, and Mama turned to look at Victoria.

Victoria smiled and waved to me, before pulling Mama outside the other door, hidden behind a tapestry. I turned to look at the door, which opened slowly, and Wilhelm himself stood there, candle in his hand. There was a second candle upon my vanity table, and a third beside me on my night table. I lifted my candle to my face as Wilhelm did to his own, and we shared a smile in the semi-darkness. He crossed the room then, blowing out the candle upon the vanity table and crossing to the other side of the bed, hesitating.

I reached out then, gently pulling the other side of the coverlet back. "Will you not join me, husband?" I asked, softly.

Wilhelm smiled, setting his candle on the other night table. "I would like to."

"Please," I said softly, placing my hand in the empty space beside me.

Wilhelm smiled, gently pulling at his jacket and trousers. Next came his boots and his socks and soon he stood here in merely his nightshirt. He let out a lighthearted chuckle as I looked away with a slight giggle of my own, at the sight of his legs beneath the long shirt. He removes this as well, and hesitates before getting into bed beside me, before I look at him again. Wilhelm then reaches out, taking my face into his palm and kissing me, and I feel a wave of comfort in this loving, yet simple, gesture.

In the darkness, I found my hands wandering to touch him, and find I like what I am feeling. Carefully, his own hands reach out to me, and I gasp at his touch upon my arms and legs. He giggles into my mouth, and I find my hands finding his in the semi-darkness, and pull them to the hem of my nightgown, before pulling back and nodding my assent as his hesitation. Finally, his grip upon the hem tightens and he pulls it up and over my head, gazing at me in the candlelight for the first time, as I do to him.

"Meine geliebte," he whispers, touching the back of my neck.

"Mein Wilhelm," I whisper back, before pulling him close to me as the candles are soon snuffed out on their own.

. . .

We are permitted to go to Rosings Park before the week is out and, although willing for us to leave, Victoria is very sorry I shall miss her wedding. I send her my love and swear to write to her, and she agrees to allow me to leave court. I feel satisfied, riding out of there just two days after my wedding to inspect my new home, as a countess. On the road to Kent, we hear the townspeople speak of almost nothing but Victoria's wedding, and I smile at the notion that both the Queen of England and I have achieved great happiness.

Their wedding day comes and goes, and I send my best wishes, as does Wilhelm, and promise to return to court soon. I send away to London for a beautiful necklace to replace the one Victoria gave to me, and she sends me a beautiful letter in return, letting me know she received it and adores it. I feel badly for taking Flight away from Dash, but know that their friendship can stand the separation, as can mine and Victoria's. The rest of February flits by quickly, and March looms large, and then April, and I have never been happier.

It is one evening in the early weeks of May when Wilhelm has been in London for the entire day and I am worried because I have been ill for weeks and I feel as if I shall surely die. I summon a physician from London and ask him for a remedy, and, after bleeding me and asking me a series of questions, he made a diagnosis. I found I was sobbing thereafter, and the physician promptly took his leave, not knowing what to do with a weeping countess in Kent. I sent for Wilhelm as quickly as I could, after the weeping had subsided enough to get a good grip upon a pen.

Wilhelm—

Return to Rosings Park at once.

I need you home.

The physician has come, and we need to speak.

Your wife,

Lady Felicity, Countess Marquardt

I did not even bother to remedy the fact that my tears had made contact with the parchment, and quickly sealed it with wax and with my new ring. I sent if off with my messenger to London, and Wilhelm returned with him in under two hours. I was sitting in the drawing room—my second favorite room in the house—with Flight just beside me. She had not left my side since the physician had left, and I think she feared my silence and my sobbing. When Wilhelm entered the drawing room, he immediately knelt at my feet, concern etched into his face.

"Meine geliebte, what is wrong?" he asks, clutching at my hands. "I see you have been weeping... What has happened?"

I raise my eyes to his, fighting for no more tears to come. As I speak, my voice cracks from my sobs, and I manage to clear my throat to say what needs to be said immediately. "Wilhelm, I am with child..." I whisper.

Wilhelm pulls me into his arms. "Meine geliebte..." He whispers.

I throw my arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder. "I never feared childbirth until I served Victoria... She fears it, you know," I say, muffling my sobs into his expensive jacket. "I fear I shall die..."

"Nein," Wilhelm says immediately, pulling back and taking my face into his hands, looking up at me with such warmth and affection. "You shall not die, Felicity, I swear it. For I shall be with you..."

"The physician said by October," I say softly. "We shall have our baby in October..." I trail off, gripping at his hands. "I don't want you going off to London and leaving me again, Wilhelm. I need you..."

Wilhelm smiles. "Her Majesty and His Serene Highness did not summon me to court for nothing," he replies.

I blink. "What?" I ask him.

"Her Majesty is with child as well," he replies. "The physicians have stated that she shall have it in November."

I let out a small gasp then, lowering my hands to my belly, a small curve to it already, and find I am smiling down at it. "Victoria," I whisper to it. "We shall call it Victoria if she is a girl..."

"And Albert for a boy?" Wilhelm asks.

I smile at my husband. "Perhaps, although I rather like the sound of Wilhelm Franz Bernard Rudolf Marquardt," I put in.

Wilhelm immediately grabs me then, planting kiss after kiss upon my mouth, while I laugh, he chuckles, and Flight barks.