**I do not own Voltron: Legendary Defender!
After she had gotten changed and eaten something, Mari was finally ready to talk. Upon her request, everyone gathered in the observation deck, the thick and fluffy layer of pillows and blankets once again covering the floor. The Arusian sky was gradually getting lighter, the sun due to rise in the next half-varga or so.
Snuggling down near the window, the others joined her, Shiro reclining on her left and Pidge burrowing under a blanket to her right. Hunk, Keith, Allura, and Coran got comfortable next to them while Lance eagerly dove into the center of the soft and warm plush pile.
"Aw yeah!" he beamed, rolling over onto his stomach. "This is the perfect sleepover setting!"
"We already had a sleepover here, Lance," Pidge said, casting him a devious grin. "When you were in the healing pod."
"Whaaaat? You guys had a sleepover without me?" he pouted. "No fair!"
"Are you sure you want everyone here?" Shiro whispered to Mari as Lance continued to whine in the background. "You don't want this to be a one-on-one thing between us?"
"I've been causing all of you guys grief for the past few weeks; I think it's only fair for everyone to know the reason behind it all," she admitted. "Like you said, we're a team—we have to be comfortable enough to confide in one another. Besides, all of you guys already saw my personal memories. It's a little too late to make this discussion a private sibling thing."
She cast Shiro a pointed look and he winced. "Sorry, about that," he shrugged.
"Well, at least everything will be easier to explain now that you've seen them," she sighed. Then hugging a pillow closer to herself, she took a deep breath and said, "Okay…I'm ready now. Ask whatever you want."
A million questions had been building up inside Shiro's head since they'd watched her memories, but now he wasn't quite sure what to ask first. "I suppose we'd better start at the root of this problem," he finally decided. "When did all this verbal abuse being? Like, when did you start noticing what other people were saying about you?"
Mari squeezed her cushion tighter, unsure how to answer. "I don't know…When I was a little kid, I guess? I'd always hear a lot of people saying stupid stuff about me and praising you. There wasn't a specific time when I actually realized what was going on. It was just kinda…there."
"Okay, and how did you feel about it?" Shiro asked.
"It…It hurt. For a while I didn't really believe the crap they were saying. But hearing the same demeaning stuff—whether it was true or not—over and over again was really getting to me. And I guess with mom repeatedly seeming to agree with what they said, I started to believe their words. It was like, if even my own mother thinks I'm a bother, then maybe it's true."
She took a shaky breath and Shiro began to rub her back, encouraging her to continue. "I guess I was always kinda jealous of you," she murmured. "Everyone loved you, they practically idolized you. You were good at everything: grades, sports, talking to other people. And I just wasn't. I don't think mom would ever admit it, but it's pretty obvious she favors you more."
Shiro grimaced, sadly unable to deny it. But while they were on the topic of their mother, that brought them to his next inquiry.
"Mom, she…she hit you when we were in the hospital. Has she done anything else like that to you?"
"Not a thing," his sister shook her head solemnly. "After that she kinda just avoided me."
"Why didn't you try confronting her about it?"
"I didn't want to. I was honestly too scared of her," Mari admitted. Then chuckling bitterly she added, "That's why I began taking karate and judo after the accident: they got me away from her for the day, and I learned how to defend myself."
"You thought your mom was gonna attack you one day?!" Lance shrilled incredulously, earning him an annoyed glare from her. "Yeah she seems pretty mean, but I don't think she'd go that far!"
"I was six! My head was full of wild possibilities!" Mari snapped back defensively. "I'd always wanted to practice martial arts anyways, and this was my chance to finally take lessons."
"Why didn't you tell me or dad about how mom was acting?" Shiro asked, bringing them back to the discussion at hand before they could get too far off topic.
"I told dad everything a few days after your hospitalization and he'd nearly blown up at mom about it. I'd never seen either of them so angry before. It was probably one of their worst fights ever. Even so, mom didn't really seem to take anything he said seriously. She was still quick to anger and stubborn as hell."
"So you take after her then?" Lance chimed in again, and Mari silently socked him in the arm.
"Owwww…Rude!" he huffed, grumpily rubbing his new sore spot.
"Why didn't you tell me then?" Shiro asked, ignoring Lance's displeased grumbles. "About the details of the accident and what happened afterwards, I mean. I'm sure I could've talked some sense into mom."
"I thought someone had already shared the specifics with you, but I guess not…I didn't think you'd be able to do much anyways. It would only worry you and that was the last thing you needed while you healed. Then you were always busy with school after that and you needed to focus on getting into the Garrison. I just didn't want to bother to you with my own problems," Mari said, drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them. "What mom said and did to me that day affected me deeper than I realized. Reflecting on everything now, I think your hospitalization was what really pushed me to my limit."
Shiro nodded in understanding. The human mind was a fragile thing, especially when it came to children whose brains were still developing. Every bad thing that Mari had heard about her had been buried deep in her psyche, slowly chipping away at her until she'd been pushed too far and began to accept them as truth. They had been subconsciously driving her actions as a child, and even now she was still struggling to free herself from all of the lies and cruel words.
"So what happened after you were pulled out of the Garrison?" he continued his questioning. "Tell me what happened the year I was gone."
Mari pressed her lips into a thin line and she stared grimly out the window at the brightening sky, anxiously kneading her pillow as she contemplated her reply.
"Getting pulled out of the Garrison was really hard for me," she finally sighed, her voice quiet. "I was depressed. I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed, I had zero motivation, I didn't want to be around anyone. I just didn't care about anything anymore. I didn't know what to do or how I could make things better. It was like that for me for weeks. Then out of nowhere I was being dragged to your funeral. I hadn't even thought about you, I was so wrapped up in my own misery. During the burial I barely even knew what was going on and that got mom riled up. And then she'd said that awful thing."
Her voice trailed off and the others recalled that single awful phrase they'd heard during the memory of the funeral:
It should have been Mari instead.
"I know she probably didn't really mean it and just said something thoughtless out of grief. But having my own mother say that about me, wishing that I was the one who had died…" Mari paused to take a deep and calming breath; she couldn't cry, she wouldn't cry. She'd already cried enough today.
Glaring harshly at the ceiling, she continued, "That was the snapping point for me and reality came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks. All of that time and energy I put into studying so I could graduate early and get into the Garrison had gone to waste. I wasn't allowed to enroll in any space exploration programs at other academies. My dream was crushed all because my older brother had disappeared, and I was so, so angry. It felt like the world was against me and I started blaming you for everything, for all the misery in my life. For a moment, I really, really hated you."
Mari couldn't stop the tears now, her guilt too overwhelming and her chest aching. "I-It was so selfish of me!" she wept in frustration, her voice breaking. "I was in denial and I was being so inconsiderate and childish about everything, and I hate myself for ever blaming you. Everything just hurt so damn much without you. I wanted you to come home so badly and it was all my fault that you were gone, and—and I'm so sorry, Takashi!"
"It's okay, it's okay," Shiro tried to calm her heaving sobs and he embraced her tightly once more, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "You don't need to apologize for anything. I know you didn't really mean any of the stuff you said. My disappearance wasn't your fault either."
"It is my fault though," she whimpered, pulling away from him. "I forced my interest in space exploration onto you. And when you were first offered the Kerberos mission and asked me what I thought you should do, I kept encouraging you to go. After I'd tried so hard not to be a burden to you and cause you trouble, you ended up getting lost in space all because of me."
"None of that makes it your fault, Mariko," Shiro said gently, brushing several loose strands of hair out of her eyes. "Not even in the slightest. Yes, you may have peaked my interest in space exploration, but I seriously considered other career paths before deciding that I wanted to be a pilot. You helped me figure out what I was passionate about and what I wanted to do with my life, but in the end, it was my own choice to go to the Garrison.
"As for the Kerberos mission, I was having some doubts about it. I was going to be away from home for a long time and I'd never ventured that far away from the Earth before. It was a little nerve wracking to say the least, and I felt like I needed to talk to you about it. And when you told me to go for it, knowing that you had faith in me and my skills really gave me the confidence to accept the mission."
"Yeah and because of that you got kidnapped by a bunch of tyrannical purple aliens," Mari muttered, rubbing her damp eyes. Her sobs had died down a bit and she was frowning at Shiro, the guilt still heavily evident in her expression.
"But you're not to blame for Shiro's actual disappearance," Keith spoke up and the others nodded.
"Yeah, you can thank the Galra for that," Lance chimed in, pronouncing the name of their enemy with disgust. "Besides, if Shiro hadn't gone on the mission, none of us would be here."
"Uh huh. We'd all probably still be on Earth," Hunk agreed. "And the Galra probably would've attacked the planet and taken the Blue Lion by now."
"Coran and I would still be asleep in the cryo-pods," Allura piped up.
"I wouldn't have figured out the truth about what happened to my dad and brother," Pidge said. "Matt could've been killed in the Gladiator arena if Shiro hadn't been there with him."
"Voltron wouldn't have been reformed and Zarkon would be even closer to completely controlling the universe," Shiro said finally. "Mari, we're all here now because of you. You shouldn't feel guilty or blame yourself for anything because rather than cause me or any one of us trouble, you continue to motivate us and hold us together. That's your purpose on this team."
Mari was quiet as she took all of this information in. Was everyone right? Even though she wasn't a paladin, was she really helping the team out?
She'd met Keith and helped him interpret the message written amongst the lion carvings. Then she had helped save her brother. She'd relented the opportunity of becoming the Red Paladin—her chance to finally be a pilot—to Keith for the team's sake. In their first battle against Sendak, she'd inspired everyone to keep fighting and they had formed Voltron. When the paladins had been having trouble training and reforming Voltron, she'd spurred on a food fight that had ended up being a bonding activity. Her friendliness during her first meeting with Klaizap had led them to gaining the Arusians as their first allies. She'd helped to take down Sendak and save everyone and the lions—she'd helped to save the future of Voltron.
"You know, I'll never regret getting hit by that car for you. I don't think I could've lived with myself knowing I could have prevented something bad from happening to you," Shiro said softly, bringing her into another warm embrace. "I am so, so grateful that you are still here in this world, alive and thriving. I missed you so much my talented and beautiful imouto, and I'll always love you."
You're not troublesome, Mariko. You're not troublesome in the slightest.
It felt like an enormous weight was being lifted off of Mari as years worth of self-hate and the pain of the past began to subside. A warm and pleasant feeling replaced it instead, blossoming inside of her chest and spreading throughout her body. She had opened up to all of them (albeit a bit by force) and had received nothing but love, acceptance, and forgiveness. It felt too relieving for words and this time joyous tears pricked the corners of her eyes.
"I love you too, niisan," she whispered, hugging him back. "Thank you. Thank you, thank you!"
"Awww…Group hug part two!" Hunk cheered, and all at once the siblings were nearly tackled by the six other members of their team, with Keith less reluctant to join in this time around. Surrounded by a caring family made up of fun and unique individuals, Mari couldn't help but smile to herself as she cherished the moment.
**Author's notes: Yay! One more chapter left until I'm done with this second story! Feel free to add a comment/review down below, they're always appreciated :D
Translations:
imouto=little sister