Diana spent most of the next day with Cullen. They took hikes in the hills and walked the perimeter of the nearby lake; it was a much safer place to have a conversation about her true identity than inside the walls of the inn. Roger, of course, joined them but did occasionally venture off to chase after bird or investigate a particularly alluring patch of grass.

The conversation was hard sometimes. He would ask her questions about where she had been and why and when her body would tense with an uncomfortable feeling he would distract her by pointing out a rock he thought looked like Iron Bull.

It was… pleasant.

Suddenly, she felt a little guilty. For months, Rosalie had been doing the same thing as Cullen. She had been taking Diana on errands, making her go on walks, getting her out of bed, and making sure she was bathed regularly. But it hadn't ever felt like this; she had always been Lena with Rosalie. Every response to Rosalie was always guarded and calculated to maintain her lies.

With Cullen, she didn't have to think about lies and she didn't have to worry about her Lena mask slipping. She could just be Diana, for the first time in months. What that meant - and who, exactly, Diana was now - she didn't know.

"We, ah," Cullen cleared his throat suddenly, stopping to pick up a sizable stick from the footpath they were walking. He grunted as he threw it for Roger and the muscles in Cullen's back and arms flexed against his maroon tunic. "We leave tomorrow."

Diana nodded in acknowledgment. He had told her all about the sanctuary he was establishing near Highever; it would be home to templars who had left the Order and needed help, whether that help was coin or shelter or health treatments. The construction of the facility was near completion and he needed to return to oversee it.

"I didn't really plan on how to ask you this," he said, looking very uncomfortable. He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. "I probably should have. It's a big thing to ask - and don't feel, ah, obligated to say yes, it's only an offer, but I…. was wondering if you might want to accompany me - us! - to Highever."

Diana could feel her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. She must have looked alarmed, because Cullen quickly continued.

"You don't have to stay forever and if you don't like it you can return here - or anywhere, you're obviously free to come and go wherever you please and - Maker, Rosalie should have asked you this, she would have done it much better..."

Cullen looked miserable, embarrassed, and more flustered than she had ever seen him before.

"I - I can't," she muttered, gaze dropping to the ground. Anywhere but his face. She didn't want to see the disappointment. "I'm sorry. I need to get back to the inn."

Diana turned and ran.

She ran and ran and ran. Her lungs were on fire and her legs, which weren't used to this kind of exercise anymore, were screaming in protest. She ignored them and continued at a merciless pace. Alec, who had been outside chopping wood, called out to her as she bolted past the inn without stopping.

The small wooded area near town slowed her down. Thin branches whipped in her face and she could feel beads of blood pooling on her cheeks and then dribbling down her face before falling onto her shirt. She very nearly lost a boot when she stepped into a deep mud puddle, but with a furious tug it came free and Diana finally lost her balanced and tipped into a tree. The rough bark scraped her palm as she tried to steady herself.

Her breaths came in painful gasps.

Her legs hurt and her heart hurt and she cried as she sank to the ground at the base of the tree, drawing her legs up to her chest. She was so tired. So tired of feeling like this, of feeling lost and angry and sad and hurt all at once or perhaps even worse - feeling nothing for weeks at a time. It was too much for her, too much for one person. She was tired of remembering all the terrible things that had happened to her, tired of pretending to be someone else.

Cullen had returned to her life and things had been better because of his soft voice coaxing her back to life, but he couldn't stop everything entirely. He could only be a temporary fix. She was tired of getting temporary fixes from the Rutherford family. It was selfish. How could she distract him from his work - his good, honorable, selfless work with other templars? But how could she stay with Rosalie, who was starting a family soon and didn't need some ragged stranger sapping her attention from the baby she'd eventually have? Where was her place?

Diana cried for a long while before she pulled herself up from the ground. Her conscience was tugging her back to the inn. Rosalie would be worried if Cullen returned without her and she would be extra worried if Diana wasn't back by nighttime. It wasn't quite dark yet, but the sun was sinking low to the horizon and catching the clouds aflame as it did so. The third feast would be starting soon, if it hadn't already.

She started back, walking this time instead of running.

The sun had fully disappeared by the time she drew near to the inn, but the cheery lanterns Rosalie and Alec lit every night marked the path well enough. Alec was sitting on a bench outside the front of the inn, whittling something in the candlelight. He stood as he heard her approach.

"Rosalie's been worried," he said, but his voice was warm and kind. "I'm glad you're back."

"I just needed time alone," Diana said, stepping into the light of the inn. Her face, scratched and lightly bloodied from all of the tree branches, made Alec wince. He pulled a kerchief from his pocket and handed it to her so she could try to dab the blood from her face.

"Looks like you spent your alone time in some thorns," he said, studying her carefully. He paused, sat back down on his bench, and then motioned for her to join him. She did, still blotting away at her bloodied skin. "I suppose you were upset because Cullen asked you to go with him to Highever."

She blinked. "You... knew he was going to ask me?"

"Of course I did. He asked Rosalie and I what we thought about it and we told him we thought it was a good idea."

Her heart sank. "You did?"

Alec held up a hand. "Hold on a moment, let me explain. I want to make sure some things are clear to you. Rosalie and I love you. We've enjoyed having you here, we like your company, and would be happy if you stayed. That being said... we gave our opinion to Cullen because we want you to be happy. You looked happier since he arrived and if he could do that in a few days, imagine what a few weeks or months could do."

She looked down at her hand and the bloodied handkerchief clenched in her palm.

"Cullen has been through a lot. He doesn't talk about it much, but I know he has. And I know you have, too, even if you don't tell us, either. I think you're birds of a feather, somehow."

Diana swallowed hard. She could feel her heart thumping in her chest and something warm rising with each beat: hope. "I don't want to be a burden to you or Cullen."

"If you were a burden, we wouldn't have let you stay. And Cullen wouldn't have invited you to go," Alec said patiently. "I'm not upset that you didn't go with him. I'm only sad that you seem so certain nothing can ever be better than this, Lena."

The words fell out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"My name isn't Lena. It's Diana Trevelyan. And... I think you're right. I should go with Cullen."

Alec didn't look surprised by her true identity; he only look sad. "Oh, love... a messenger came about an hour ago. It must have been important; he didn't tell us where he was going, just took his men and-"

She didn't hear the rest of what Alec was saying. Cullen was gone. And she had missed her chance to go with him.