And the secret comes out...
Disclaimer: I own nothing
WARNINGS: BLOOD, MENTIONS OF MISCARRIAGE, NON CANON CHARACTER DEATHS, AND SUICIDE ATTEMPT
Now that it's over
I just wanna hold her
I'd give up all the world to see
That little piece of heaven looking back at me
Now that it's over
I just wanna hold her
I've gotta live with the choices I made
And I can't live with myself today
-"Lucy" by Skillet
"Tucker," I sniffle, wiping the tears from my face. "How'd you find me?"
"I was in the flower shop and saw you buy those flowers. I'm your best friend, Ben; I could see you were upset, so I followed you," Tucker replies, concern ringing in his voice. "Now, Ben… tell me what's going on. Who are Elizabeth and Michael?"
"Elizabeth… was the love of my life," I tell him, my finger tips grazing the smooth stone, tracing her engraved name, "and Michael was… my son."
Tucker blinks. "Come again?" he asks, puzzled. After all, we were best friends. He probably assumed I would've told him.
"Tucker, when you were traveling a lot, I met a girl," I recall. "We hit it off and fell in love. She was the girl I was going to marry. When she got pregnant, we weren't scared like most young couples would be. We loved each other so much that not even such a big, scary change could throw us off balance."
Tucker stares at me. "What happened?" he asks, hesitantly. He can practically see my fragile mental state through my skull, and he's scared one wrong move will shatter it.
"When she got pregnant, we were so happy. I proposed to her the day we discovered the sex of our baby; we came up with a name, and time went on. We never fought; we were never angry with each other; we had a romance that was even better than one out of a fairytale." More tears burn trails down my cheeks, but I don't even attempt to wipe them away anymore. Any that I wiped away would just be replaced by fresh tears.
"But then, when she was eight months pregnant, we had a fight. A really bad one, the worst we'd ever had. I stormed out and wandered around for hours while I calmed down.
"I realized I was being stupid and returned home to apologize and talk things over with Elizabeth, but when I walked inside…"
Blood soaking her clothes… scarlet staining my hands and shirt as I leaned over her, holding her close… her eyes, usually so lively and excited, now dull wandered in a numb kind of confusion…
"There was so much blood, Tucker… I called her name, but she didn't even acknowledge me."
"Stay with me, Beth!" I sobbed, lifting her off the kitchen floor…
"She was dying in my arms, and I was so worried that the baby wouldn't survive either. The amount of blood between her legs… there was buckets of it, Tucker. I've never seen that much red in my whole life…"
"Baby, baby… Beth! Come on! Stay awake, baby!"
"I got her to the hospital, but Elizabeth and the baby… they both died."
"I need you… please, don't leave me."
"That's why I was so nervous around Emma. I failed my first child, and I was afraid I would fail her, too. The doctor told me if Beth had gotten to the hospital soon enough, the baby and her could've survived without any health problems. The baby would've been born healthy, and Elizabeth would have been fine. But Elizabeth couldn't reach the phone, and I wasn't there for her like I promised I always would be."
"Ben, you can't blame yourself for something like this. You had no way of knowing," Tucker points out.
"Wouldn't you blame yourself, Tuck?" I ask, my eyes fixed on the ground instead of glancing at him. After revealing a secret I'd kept bottled up for so long, I didn't want to have to see his expression. I was already crying, and I was afraid seeing the look on his face might make me break down entirely. Again.
Tucker remains silent. He sees my point there. Even if I had no way of predicting the future, I would always blame myself. After all, I was Elizabeth's husband and Michael's father. My job description was simple: protect them. Never leave them. Love them with every beat of your heart.
I had broken every rule that night. I had left Elizabeth alone and had failed to protect Beth and Michael, resulting in their deaths. My anger clouded my judgment, and therefore, I didn't show the love that I felt.
I'd lost everything because of the choices I'd made.
My thoughts are so loud, I'm sure Tucker can hear them. My suspicions are proven when Tucker wraps his arms around me. We've never been the mushy kind of guys, the ones that hugged it out or even talked it out. We were the kind of people that solved our problems with drinking so much beer, we forgot about it all together.
Tucker doesn't speak. He doesn't even try to understand or relate to my pain or use words to try and make it better. He knows that nothing he can say can take the pain away, so he does the only thing he can do. He stays with me. He doesn't leave me alone. He lets me know that he cares about me just by staying when others would've left. That's the best thing he could've done for me at that moment.
I'm glad Tucker embraces me, though. I really needed a hug after that confession.
I return the embrace, my eyes burning with tears and my throat aching from the sobs I release. Tucker still stays silent, but hearing his heart beat in his chest and feeling his chest rise with each inhale and fall with each exhale is more than enough. It reminds me that I haven't lost everything. Tucker is alive and is always here for me, even in my darkest hour.
The hug makes the pain and grief better, but no amount of embraces can erase the fact that I still had to live with the choices I'd made, the choices that cost me everything…
Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Chapter 7 will be the final chapter!
Thanks for reading! Goodbye, everyone.