Thank you for your reviews

Thank you for your reviews! I really had trouble starting this chapter…writers block! But I was determined. XD

God, Dave is so difficult to write. By the way anything is that is in "that's when it fell of in my hand" (in the USA it's "Away laughing on a fast camel) won't be included because that's the only one I haven't read.

Chapter 2-A Chavvy Slim, Cappuchinos and Daisies

Sunday, June 19th

6.15

Blimey O'reily's trousers! I was shocked like two shocked things when I woke up with to Dave the Laugh's face and it was attached to his body which was lying next to me. He'd fallen asleep too.

Merde, Vati's going to kill me. Oh well, let him try! I am on the brink of womanhood and I may sleep where I want. We didn't actually do anything; he is so full of suspiciousity.

1 minute later

Dave looks really cute asleep as in with kiddiosity, I can't believe I used him as a red herring once. He had put a picnic blanket over me because I was on top of the quilt.

30 seconds later

I wonder whether he sleep-laughs?

2 minutes later

I was staring at Dave like a staring thing on staring tablets. He is really gorgy; I had another ditherspaz on maybe-we-should-be-together-and-it-give-up-on-Masimo.

"Stop staring at me," he mumbled half asleep, opening his eyes. He stared back at me and I stared at him. I nearly had another nervous twitch. I hate these staring at you staring at me things.

Then he kissed me. Merde! The old kissing scenario had risen again. Just when I'd thought I'd put my red-bottomisity aside and Masimo was my one and only…

But it was marvy, beyond marvy even, like, in the beyond-marvy zone. He did the nip-libbling thing again and I did the neck nuzzling thing back. I should give into the Cosmic Horn and share my kissing talents far and wide. After all, I am a natural according to whelk boy. I should be the travelling Snog-Queen sharing my talents- brain, shutupshutupshutup.

Then he just looked me in the eyes (he's has super dreamy eyes) and then said "I love you," and stood up. I thought he was going to start another Dave the Unlaugh speeches but then he picked something up from the floor.

Then he turned to look at me, and with a grin said "You may want to put this on before I can't control myself," he threw it at me then walked out.

It was my top.

I had taken it off for the massage.

Dave had seen my nunga nungas.

I may have to kill him

1 minute later

Dave burst back in like a mad bursting thing on mad bursting tablets.

He said, "My mum and dad are downstairs,"

I said as I tried to get rid of bad bed hair in a mirror "And…?"

"They will see you, kittykat,"

"And…?"

"Stop saying that!" he gave me a cheeky slap on the bottom, "They will go ballisiticisimus,"

"Why?"

"You are Sex Kitty; the clue is in the name,"

"Oh,"

10 minutes later

Me and Dave were sneaking really quietly down the stairs to the front door. It was like we were watsits…burger burglars. Suddenly his mutti came into the front room and saw me.

"Who is that, David!" she said yelled. She was a chav version of our revered headmistress Slim. Honestly.

"Georgia," he answered and carried on down the stairs.

"And what is she doing HERE!" his mutti went all jelloid and Slim like at the end.

"Well there's breathing, moving, I'm not quite sure her brain is ticking-" Dave said with sarcastiosity and opened the door into the porch.

"OI!" I said, indigent.

"Shut up! You slut!" she screamed at me, nice talk.

"You slept with her didn't you!" she accused him. Adults are so suspicious. And hypocrites. Well my parents are. Snogging on the sofa then having a go at me for having boyfriends.

Dave was coolinosity personified, "Yeah," he said, "We used yours and dad's bed, hope you don't mind, it's just that bit bigger, you see, oh, and the bath after was quite fun, wasn't it Gee?"

I nearly choked laughing.

Unfortunately, Dave's mum didn't find it funny. She had the mother of all Nervy Bs and I thought she might have had to go to casualty.

We ran for it

5 minutes later

A few streets down me and Dave had a spontaneous laughing fit (quickly followed by a trip up to number 5 on the Snogging Scale.

I said, with as much sympathiosity as two sympathetic things in sympathy land, "Your mutti is going to kill you when you go home,"

The he produced a red nose out of his pocket, "Even though you treat me so bad you can have this as part of my will,"

"Dave, do you really love me?"

"Let's go do coffee and croissants," he said, avoiding the question, "I know this French café, my treat to my Sex Kitty,"

10 minutes later

I had a cappuccino. I still don't get them, but every one has them- well Dave doesn't. He had a strong black coffee- blowyourheadoffachino. He said it was more manly as he was no homosexual like a certain Italian Stallion. He is so short sighted, if the Italian men like handbags so be it, leave their ermm…italianosity alone!

We shared a croissant (O-er) because Dave said he was skint. After I saw him receive his change from a twenty pound note. Cheeky cat.

1 minute later

Dave was just nearly killed by his coffee. I thought I may need to perform the Heimlich maneuvore because he was choking so bad. But as I said to him, there is no-one to blame but himself, and that is the poonosity of life.

3 minutes later

He started this thing when we took it in turns to feed each other with the croissant. It was quite funny but nice at the same time. He pretended we were on a french version of an italian movie where you feed eachother. He said "In the films they always kiss at the end so I want to see my Kittykat puckered up and ready at the end,". He is such a flirt

Then Wet Lindsay, stick insect extraordinaire walked in with ADM following her like a sad shadow. Which she is.

ADM said "How did it go with Mas the other night,"

Lindsay said (flicking her hair at Dave in what she supposed with an attractive way) "The usual, he says that he doesn't want to get serious but, well you know the Italians,"

I could kill her.

Then Dave poked me in the eye with the croissant.

Ouch.

He smirked and said, "Well I was waving it front of your face and you were too busy staring at…oh,"

Yes, Oh.

I minute later

Ouchy Ouch. Croissants in the eye hurt! Dave may need killing.

30 seconds later

Or I could persuade him to give me an eye massage. ShutupShutupShutup

Sitting in the park

5 minutes later

There is an aroma of madnosity in the park and a lot of roller skate tracks.

That is how much my so-called 'friends' care about me.

They carried on without me.

I was telling Dave about Masimo and the one-and-only fandango.

I said, "So he was like, this is a big thing, caro, I will let you know in a week, but obviously he said it in a cute pizza-a-gogo land accent,"

"So you left you in a 'does he like me or doesn't he like me thing'?"

"Oui,"

"In a he loves me, he loves me not,"

"Oui, Oui thrice Oui!"

"Come with me then," and he took my hand and took me onto the grass.

I said "I'm not sitting down there; I'll get my bum wet,"

And he said, "And of course I wouldn't want to extinguish that red bottom," and he put his coat on the floor.

1 minute later

Did you ever do that "he loves me, he loves me not" with daisies, tearing one petal off at a time? Well that was Dave's 'brilliant' plan to find out the truth.

"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, merde,"

If I had to try another billion daisies I would, were they rigged to come out as 'he loves me not'?

Dave's doing it as well.

I asked him "How's yours going?"

He said, "I don't know. They keep coming out with 'she loves me' but I don't think she does,"

"Who is it?"

"I think it's more of a case of she's got bigger fish to fry but she likes knowing she's got a soft landing to fall on if she comes back down,"

"Wow! Did the flowers tell you that? How'd you know?"

Then he looked really pointedly at me. Like a big pointedly looking at you thing.

Like I supposed to know who he was talking about.

Ellen? Rachel?

Then I realised.

He meant me.

Welcome back, Dave the Unlaugh.

Thanks for your reviews so far! I'll update again as soon as possible. But I don't now how long that'll be because I have the dreaded Art Mock 5 hr exam so I've got loads of prep work to do. Merde. Then more mocks. BBC bitesize here I come…(not).

There's an vair vair interesting snippet of my life! Heh.

Oo