Well that Prep work didn't take too long (I'm doing the story of the Ugly Duckling in Aboriginal Dreaming Style). I've only got about 20 billion dots left to do. I am actually ENJOYING writing this fanfiction- touch wood, : )

Chapter 3-Back in the Bakery of Pain

8.00am

Dave walked me to the end of my street. It was really awkward as we walked back, one of those silences that make you want to scream "BLOODY TALK".

I was on the edge of a F.T. when he said, "Well, TTFN, my Kittykat of first water, remember to drop in at Dave's Massages any time and free massages for my favourite customer," And he kissed me on the cheek and walked off.

5 minutes later

I was expecting to be roasted on a spit and eaten when I got in. I was just sneaking up into my room when Mutti (up for once) saw me.

I thought I was dead.

Though that will save me from the moment of humiliation next Friday.

She said "Had a nice time at Jas's?"

I nearly burst out laughing with reliefinosity.

I said, "Yes, err…it was dandy, err…as dandy as two dandy things in dandy land,"

"But next time can you tell us before you leave? Rather than get Jas to do it at 10.00 at night?"

Have I walked through into a parallel universe where Dave is serious, Jas is a good mate and Mutti cares about me?

"Okay,"

I may need to phone Jas and tell her she is my bestest pally.

1 minute later

Can't be bothered

In the bed of pain

10 minutes later

Why did I have to ask Masimo to be my one and only? I tell you why, two fools who shall not be named told me to be myself. Two fools have ruined my life.

I feel a bit on the homicidal side.

1 minute later

I now must be forced to either be a lesbian or a nun. Or a teacher.

2 minute later

Maybe Hawk eye was once a fun loving girl like me whose evil parents and friends ruined her life and drained the funosity from her. I will look to her with less hate in future.

1 minute later

I think I may need to rent a tent in the cake shop of pain been as I visit so often

1 minute later

What did Dave mean I've got bigger fish to fry?

30 seconds later

And the 'she doesn't love me' thing. How I meant to tell him how I feel when I don't know myself?

11.25am

Jas phoned.

I said, "Hello, Agony head quarters,"

Jas said, "Bonsoir,"

There was this long silence. What is it with these silences?

Jas said, "Well?"

"Well what moi petite chummy,"

"Aren't you going to thank me?"

"For what?"

"For telling your mum you were at mine when you were doing God knows what with Dave the Laugh!"

She is vair irritable.

"…What WERE you doing with Dave the Laugh anyway?"

I put the phone down on her.

That will teach her for intruding into my private life.

3.00pm

Uncle Eddie came round in his prehistoric motorbikes. He was wearing the most ridiculous tie-dye green top. As I said to mum, is it really necessary?

Libby treated them to her new favourite song that she learned in Nursery.

"Lipple Miss Moppet,

Sag on a toffee,

Eating her curls and wee"

Do I really need to continue?

5 minutes later

Uncle Eddie came in my room with Vati. To look at me, in my bed of pain. Just looking at me. Then Vati said, "You'll get obese sleeping all day," and left.

Fat Chance (get it?) of getting obese in this house. When I last dared venture downstairs for food all I found was an empty bottle of wine. No wonder my elbows stick out so much.

1 minute later

Maybe Masimo will say 'no' because of my sticky out elbows. What is 'no' in Italian?

30 seconds later

In my Italian for complete fools book it says no in Italian is no. What a brilliant thing to waste thirty seconds of my life looking up.

What are elbows?

2 minutes later

I have sticking out elbows in Italian is 'ho attaccare verso l'esterno I gomiti'

1 minute later

Neck kissing is baciare del collo. I couldn't find nuzzling in the book.

3 minutes later

I was soaring amongst the star when I was kissing Masimo on Friday. He is the most fabby kisser.

1 minute later

Dave the Laugh is the King of Lip nibbling.

1 minute later

Why do I keep thinking of Dave the Laugh? I must learn to control my thoughts through mediation. Ohmmmmmmmmm.

6 minutes later

How can I meditate with all this noise? Some complete fule has let Libby and Angus get hold of a bottle of vino tinto. Luckily they only drank a bit.

Libby is a very violent drunk.

So is Angus.

8 minutes later

What did Dave mean 'a soft landing to fall on?'

Sorry this is a bit shorter than usual but didn't have much to write in here, just need to put Georgia in the Cake shop of Aggers and the Bakery of Pain etc.

Sorry if the Italian isn't good italian, i was using babelfish translations as i'm only learning German, Spainish and Japanese (yes, i am offically a language freak, i love languages. Apart from Chinese. I gave up on that because it is REAllY Hard but once more i'm babbling)

S

Update soon, xx