Ego Operor Quis Volo

Warnings: none

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Jane didn't know how long they had her stuck in that room. It was a tiny square box, about five foot by ten, and containing only a table and three chairs. She'd reluctantly given over Erik's journal into some nameless, faceless agent's keeping, and had to endure hours of questioning.

She felt like she was going insane. It took physical effort to refocus her mind on the present, when it kept drifting over the crazy events of the past few days, Erik's death, Loki popping up on her doorstep, the kidnapping of her former in-laws and ex-husband….

Something was niggling at her, and she didn't know what it meant. It was always like this when the formation of a new theory began to take root in her mind, different variables all coalescing in her head but she couldn't yet see the pattern.

She was exhausted already and she couldn't stop wondering where Loki was. She hadn't seen him since she'd been ushered in here and left to rot. She wondered if he was okay, if more lingered under that coldly calculating mask than he'd let anyone see, that awful moment when 'H' had told them the news.

There had to be, didn't there? He might be a spy, but he was still human. Something in Jane's mind whispered that it wasn't exactly human to just lock their emotions away in a split nanosecond the moment they heard their family had been kidnapped by an international terrorist. It was a part that Jane was desperately trying to ignore. Of course, he had to hide his emotions. As a scientist, Jane could understand the futility of emotions. When she'd been working late hours, going over the math in her latest theorem with a fine tooth comb, it was always imperative that she kept her emotions under control, no matter how much she might want to just throw her coffee cup at the wall. She imagined it was far more imperative for someone like Loki, especially now. She couldn't imagine what he was going through.

Her only living family had been Erik, and she now knew he was dead. She knew it, and now she could come to terms with that fact. But Loki…his family were still out there. They might be dead or alive, and from the few half-hints she'd been able to glean from Loki and her interrogators, Jane was uneasily certain they'd be better off dead than in the hands of this Laufey. This Laufey who apparently had a creepy obsession with Loki, and killed her own mentor to get what he wanted. In that moment, Jane felt only anger and fear: anger for Erik and fear for her ex-in-laws and her ex-husband. They might not be married anymore, but she still cared.

Jane sighed and leant forward, resting her head in her hands. She knew there'd probably be cameras watching her every move, but hell, if they found her looking tired and pissed off, let them find that suspicious. She didn't have the energy to feel any fear for herself. She just felt afraid for Loki, and for Thor. And she was tired, so, so tired.

Before this morning, she'd had a comfortable, if mundane, life. Sure, she was a divorcee and had next to no social life, but she'd been content. Now she was thrust into a world of danger and espionage she wasn't utterly unprepared for.

Before, when she'd still been married to Thor and he'd been away on duty in Afghanistan, she'd often wondered what it was like to be a soldier. To live every moment wondering if it would be your last, to walk around waiting for the burn of hot metal piercing your leg, or your back. Jane couldn't fathom it, not then. She hadn't been able to understand, not when Thor came back from war broken and haunted, not when he awoke screaming from nightmares. Now, she thought she could. She already guessed she would have nightmares for months to come, and the things she'd seen in the past twenty-four hours was enough for anyone to require several months of therapy to come to terms with. Jane sighed into her palms

She hadn't been surprised, not really, when Thor had told he wanted a divorce and that he'd been having an affair with Sif. Not really, things hadn't been right between them for months. She'd still been hurt, and angry at the deception, but not surprised. She had known from their wedding day that Sif was infatuated with Thor, but she'd pushed that worrying notion aside for the truth that Thor had chosen her, not Sif. Tall, leggy, statuesque Sif with her dark hair, flawless skin and model looks. Not at all what Jane had expected when Thor told she was a soldier, and it was almost enough to give any woman an inferiority complex. But Thor had chosen her, at first.

She supposed it had been the bonds born in battle. Sif had been at Thor's side, the Logistics office attached to their battalion, and not even a gold ring on his finger and a wife waiting patiently at home had been enough to prevent that bond from forming. Sif could understand where Jane had not. It wasn't her fault, not really. What Thor had seen, and done, was the stuff of nightmares. Jane was a civilian, an astrophysicist with no knowledge of war. Death, yes, but everyone experienced death in their lives. Loved ones, friends, family, that little old lady who'd lived just down the road. No one should have to experience war in all its horror, and it was people like Thor who fought to try and prevent it spreading further. Thor, Sif and people like them, experienced war so other people wouldn't have to. And Loki.

Loki might not fight with a rifle on the battlefield, but he was still a soldier. But he occupied a more shadowy battleground.

Jane knew they would come for her eventually. She knew a choice was coming. There was a price on her head and a bullseye on her back. She could either run and hide, or she could…

What? Jane still didn't know.

Suddenly the door of her box opened, and the blonde agent she'd met just before they got the bad news came in, holding a steaming Styrofoam cup. Jane smelled the heavenly scent of coffee, and felt her mouth water. The blonde, -Sigyn? Something Norse-sounding, Jane couldn't remember- smiled wanly and proffered the cup. "I thought you might need a drink,"

"Don't suppose you got any vodka, have you?" Jane joked half-heartedly, and the agent chuckled.

"Sorry. Fresh out," she replied, setting the cup down and watching as Jane almost scalded her mouth drinking it down. "Loki told me how you take it."

Jane paused mid-gulp, thrown by the revelation that Loki had taken notice of how she took her coffee. She shouldn't have been surprised, he was trained to be observant, but she wasn't one of his missions. It made something in her stomach clench warmly, and she set the cup down, cupping it so her cold hands could feel its warmth. "You work with Loki?" she asked, for want of anything else to say.

"Kind of. I'm more admin than fieldwork," Sigyn replied, running a hand through her hair. She was movie-star gorgeous, again making Jane feel small and mousy sitting opposite her, but now they were up close and personal, without distractions Jane could see she was tired and washed-out, with dark circles under those massive eyes. She could have just written it off as exhaustion and over-work, God knew she'd had her fair share of dark circles and puffy eyelids, but something niggled at her. Some instinct whispered no. It made Jane alert, put her on her guard.

"Should you have even told me that?" she joked, watching Sigyn closely now. She raised her gaze, and Jane knew she noted her intent, and suddenly the weariness, the exhaustion disappeared and she was cool, professional agent again.

"Oh, I'm sure they'll get you to sign the Official Secrets Act at some point," she waved her hand nonchalantly, as Jane sipped her coffee. The bitter taste pushed away her tiredness.

"Where's Loki?" she asked, trying to be as nonchalant as Sigyn. She suspected she wasn't succeeding. She wasn't a spy, for chrissake!

"Being briefed on the situation," Sigyn replied coolly. "He's very fond of you. I can see it in his eyes."

"He saved my life. We were brother and sister-in-law. That's all," Jane shrugged. There was no way she was going to sit here and dissect her complicated relationship with Loki, or his feelings for her. She especially wasn't going to talk about the way her heart leapt at Sigyn's comment. She could tell Sigyn didn't believe her, but as she opened her mouth to ask another question, the door opened again.

It was Loki.

Jane scrutinised his face carefully, but she couldn't see any sign of turmoil in his blank features. It unnerved her. He held a folder in his hand, and seemed surprised to see Sigyn there.

"Sigyn, what are you doing here?" he asked, frowningly.

"They left poor Jane locked up in here without even a cup of coffee," Sigyn explained, standing up so gracefully it made Jane want to puke. "I thought she'd appreciate seeing another human being and not those robots from Interrogation."

Loki chuckled, warmth in his gaze that made Jane wonder. But then he looked to her, and while his smile faded, the warmth in his eyes didn't. It made an answering warmth blossom right where it had before, and she mentally cursed. This was soo not the time, as her old intern Darcy would have said.

Jane also didn't trust Sigyn's excuse. More friendly and informal than her interrogators she might have been, but Jane had the feeling that Sigyn was just starting another interrogation when Loki showed up. Why, she had no idea. Maybe she was just being overly paranoid and sitting in a cell in the MI6 HQ was getting to her.

"What's in the folder?" she asked, as Loki stepped into the room fully.

"Just some forms for you to sign, then you'll be relocated to a safe house," he explained. "Your story checks out, so you're no longer under suspicion, but we'll need to keep you somewhere secure until the threat has been neutralised."

"On that note, I'll be going," Sigyn stood up, with a patently false smile at Jane. "My break ended five minutes ago. Good luck, Jane."

She walked out of the room, and Jane breathed a little easier. She looked at Loki, who said nothing but Jane was sure there was a warning hidden in his eyes. He took some sheaves of paper out of the folder and tossed her a pen from his pocket. "It's just the Official Secrets Act. You won't be able to tell anyone about the things you've witnessed while in MI6 custody without risking prosecution. Take the time to read it thoroughly, Jane."

"Loki, what's going on?" she asked quietly, as she picked up the document and quickly scanned it. She'd always been a good speed reader, ever since college.

"I told you. We're moving you to a secure location until we've neutralised the threat," he replied repressively, and Jane rolled her eyes.

She felt a chill run down her spine at reading between the lines of the Act, but she had no choice. Besides, it wasn't like she was going to write a book about this whole crazy episode. Without hesitation, she signed the damn thing. Loki took it back from her and placed it back in the folder. "Right, come on," he gestured to the door. "I'm escorting you to the safe house."

He took her arm, and led her down the corridor. It was empty as they walked, Jane almost jogging to keep up. They didn't speak as Loki led her into a lift, where Jane wrested her arm away pointedly, glaring at him but he remained unmoved. They emerged into an underground car park, where a sleek black Mercedes waited. Jane slipped inside, and Loki followed. Jane waited until they'd cleared the car park and pulled out onto Vauxhall Bridge, turning right and driving along Millbank towards Parliament Square, before she spoke again. "Loki, what's going on?"

This time, he deigned to answer. "Not here," he grunted quietly. Jane remembered the warning in his eyes, when he'd walked into the room when Sigyn was still there, and rather than get angry he was still being so evasive, she took it as a hint they weren't safe and something was going down.

They drove right into the middle of London rush hour traffic, getting bogged down in moments. Jane looked uneasily out the tinted windows, wondering if they were being followed and if it was safe getting stuck in traffic. Her heart was pounding, and it felt like it had teleported to her throat. Random thoughts flitted around her head, and she didn't dare say anything in case she opened her mouth and started screaming from the pressure.

They got stuck for the tenth time at a red light, and suddenly Jane found her hand crushed in a steel grip, as Loki opened the door and yanked her out of the car. It was pouring with rain outside, and Jane was soaked in the three minutes she was out in the open. Loki bundled her into a dark green Land Rover waiting beside their Mercedes, and Jane finally let rip as the red light changed to green. "Loki, what the hell!?

"I'm sorry, Jane," he breathed, pushing his wet hair out of his face. He was as wet as she was. "It was too dangerous to explain what's going on while at MI6."

"What's going on?" she asked firmly, determined to get answers this time. "Why are you so jumpy? What's happening with Thor and your parents?"

"It seems certain Laufey has snatched them," Loki replied candidly. "But the how is most troubling. No one is supposed to know our real identities or the identities of our families outside of MI6, and sometimes, even within it. Which means…"

"There's a mole in MI6, feeding Laufey information," Jane finished for him, inwardly stunned. Moles? Feeding information? Good God, twenty-four hours in the company of spies and she was going native. Loki looked surprised but pleased she caught on.

"Exactly. Which means you're not safe with MI6. H tasked me to get you out of London and keep you safe. Two people alone are harder to track than a security detail," he continued gravely. "We had to switch cars in case the mole had it bugged."

Suddenly, it occurred to Jane. "Who's driving? And where are we going?" she asked, shivering slightly from the cold. Loki knocked on the partition between them and the front seat.

"Nat, do us a favour and turn the heating up? We're soaked back here," he called, making Jane jump then slump in relief as the redhead came into view, smirking widely.

"Sure thing. Nice to see you again so soon, Dr Foster," Natasha winked at her in the rear-view mirror.

"We can trust Nat," Loki answered Jane's unspoken question as she looked to him concernedly. "She's been cleared, both by H and by her own people. So has Clint."

"So we've got some people who won't want to kill us at least," Jane sighed tiredly. "You still didn't answer my question. Where are we going?"

Loki sighed, watching her closely. "My parents' house. I'm going to look for clues, any possible sign we might have missed. You'll stay with Nat and Clint. They'll keep you safe."

Jane felt it like a punch to her gut. The choice had arrived. And it was far easier than she'd anticipated. "Like hell, I will. I'm coming with you."

"Jane, it's too dangerous," he argued. "Laufey might have men watching the house."

"In which case, you could lead them back to us anyway, so I'm in danger wherever I go. At least there, I'll have Clint, Natasha and you to protect me."

"Jane, don't fight me on this or so help me, I will tie you up and gag you if it means you'll stay safe," he retorted heatedly, apparently losing his temper. Far from frightening her, it just riled her up and made her perversely pleased he was showing actual human emotion again.

"Actually, Jane could help," Nat piped up from the front. "She's untrained, I know, but an untrained but observant eye could pick up clues even we might miss, or dismiss as insignificant at first glance."

"Oh cheers, thanks for that Nat. Take her side, why don't you?" Loki muttered through gritted teeth, eying both females glaringly. Jane met his glare determinedly, refusing to back down. She didn't know why, but it was the right thing to do. She felt it in her gut. "Fine. On your own head be it!"

All three lapsed into silence, and Jane felt the warmth of the heating wash over her, drying her clothes and hair, and making her sleepy. A thought flashed across her mind, and she sat bolt upright, fully alert. "Erik's journal! I gave it to some agent back at MI6, they'll have it and if Laufey wants it, the mole-"

"It's ok, Jane," Loki held up his hand reassuringly, before reaching into his jacket and pulling out the journal. Jane snatched it from him, as he continued to explain. "H gave it into my keeping before we left. If there is a mole, better it goes off the grid with us than stay somewhere the mole could snatch it or leak information on its whereabouts to Laufey."

"But, couldn't you use the journal to trap the mole?" Jane asked, prompting a laugh from Nat and a swift glance from Loki. "What?"

"Nothing just…you'd have made a great spy. You've got the mind for it," the Russian shook her head teasingly, but Jane looked to Loki, who just looked away and explained.

"The information contained in that journal is too dangerous and too valuable to risk it. We have other ways of trapping the mole. Don't worry, Jane. We know what we're doing," he stated coolly, and Jane got the feeling he was annoyed about something. Well, he could just go and suck it up for all she cared. At her irritated sigh, he glanced in her direction and the annoyance lifted immediately from his eyes. "Sleep, Jane," he whispered gently, reaching into the boot and pulling out a tartan blanket. He tucked it around her, and Jane fought not to let her heart race at the feeling of being so close to him. "You must be exhausted."

She was exhausted, and it was a long drive to Loki's parents' house. She curled up as best she could in the backseat, pulled the blanket tighter around her, and closed her eyes.

Loki remained silent throughout the drive to his parents' house. He was angry with Natasha for encouraging Jane and he was angry with Jane for being so damn brave and stubborn. Thankfully, fully aware of his ill-temper, Natasha ignored him as she drove.

They reached his parents' house by midday the next day, after stopping to change cars three times and sticking to the country roads, off the motorways and the beaten track. Jane slept for most of the journey, only waking long enough to put her seatbelt back on in the cars Nat procured for them, until they finally reached the house. So much for his tentative plan to leave her in the car with Nat guarding her.

She stirred beside him, stretching her arms as far as the low roof would allow and he saw her shirt ride up slightly, giving him a view of her navel. Unlike Nat, or most of the women he'd ever desired, she was not the uber-toned, sleek-figured athlete. She was a scientist, a civilian and innocent of the world he'd just dragged her into. She was soft and yielding, but she had a core of steel that would put any other to shame. He'd expected a breakdown, honestly, but he should really have known better. Not Jane, never Jane. Not even when her marriage broke down and her world was tipped upside-down overnight, she never broke down.

He tore his eyes away from the sight of her bared stomach, forcing himself to re-focus on what he had to do. Ignoring the niggling thought in his mind, relegated to the dark corners where such insignificant thoughts belonged, wondering how her skin would taste beneath his tongue. Now was not the right time.

He met Nat's knowing gaze in the mirror, and scowled. She just quirked a brow and shook her head despairingly. Jane's soft, sleepy mumble almost made him smile before he suppressed it. "Are we there yet?"

He was still annoyed with her.

"Clint's arrived. He'll be waiting for us," Nat said, from the front, as he eyed Jane narrowly. She took one look at him and rolled her eyes. "He says the place is clean."

"Could still be a trap," Loki offered, grumpily. He mentally winced, hating how unprofessional he sounded this morning. Like a kid who's had his toy snatched by another kid. "We need to be careful. Which means you stay in the car until Nat tells you it's safe."

Jane sighed and muttered, "Fine."

He took one look at her mutinous face, and sighed, mentally cursing. Aiming a quick warning glance at Nat, who looked away tactfully, he reached out and clasped Jane's hand. She glanced at him, shocked, as that familiar undercurrent of electricity that had always existed between them flared. He'd barely touched her during the years of her marriage to Thor. Now, he surmised she was guessing why.

Damn. Not helpful right now.

"Jane, listen," he started quietly. "Laufey could have men waiting for us. The house could be booby-trapped. It's dangerous. I apologise if I seem overbearing or patronising, but I only want to keep you safe. I need to keep you safe."

Jane's face softened at his admission, even as Loki mentally winced at his own candour. He hadn't mean to reveal that much, but around Jane he'd never been good at dissembling and deception, which made him glad she'd never pressed him about his job before. He'd have revealed all to her in a heartbeat.

Jane daringly raised a hand to his cheek, nestling it against his cheekbone. "I know," she whispered, and he tensed as he watched her pupils dilate and her lips part. Lust roared through him, but he fought it off, forcing himself to only press a brotherly kiss to her palm. Only it didn't feel at all brotherly to Loki, or to Jane if the hitch in her breathing was any indication. He leaned back, away from her, before he did something stupid as Natasha cleared her throat, making Jane flinch.

"We're here," she muttered, putting the handbrake on and turning the engine off. In the doorway, beside the flapping remains of police tape, Loki could see Clint lurking in the shadows of the portico, as he exited the car first, drawing his gun and checking the shadows. "Me and Clint will patrol the perimeter. We'll have comms on at all times."

His parents' home was a sprawling mansion at the northernmost edge of the Cotswolds, several miles from the nearest village, surrounded by parklands and woodland. As he looked up at the house he'd been born in, he felt that sick sensation again in his gut when he realised anew that his parents were gone. His brother was gone. Held captive in the hands of that bastard, Laufey. And Loki knew the price if he failed to catch him this time. He knew it all too well.

He signalled to Nat, and he heard the car doors open as Jane and Nat joined him, the latter with her guns drawn. He caught and held Jane's hand, pulling her behind him as he moved quickly into the house, ducking through yet more police incident scene tape.

Inside, the front hall looked like a disaster zone as they moved slowly through it. He stopped, felt Jane squeeze his hand, as he stared at the damage. There were gunshot holes in the walls, and plaster dust covering the floor and banisters of the stairway. "You ok?" she whispered, and he heaved in a breath. "Where should we look first?"

"This was messy," Loki began, forcing himself to let his training take over, pushing aside emotion so he could focus. "It was meant to send a message, specifically to me."

He thought hard for a moment, before he nodded. "The library. We'll start there."

With a nod to Clint and Nat, who tapped her ear to let them know she'd be listening, they ventured further into the house. Jane tried not to wince at the sights that met her eyes, of violence and a certain clear delight in needless destruction. They found no bloodstains though, so presumably Loki's family had been taken alive and largely unharmed. Jane hoped so.

As they walked, memories came and went. Jane had had her wedding reception in that massive room that resembled a ballroom. She'd baked cookies and cakes for a charity sale with Frigga in that kitchen, on one of her rare days off. They'd got cookie dough all over the counters and ended up eating most of it themselves. Standing with Thor in that library, huge and echoing, cloaked in dark mahogany where the Odinson family patriarch always sat and brooded, telling them they were getting married. Now, that was a scarifying experience. She'd never understood what Oliver's problem with her had been, but at the time, she hadn't really cared. She'd been as happy to see the back of him when she divorced Thor as he'd been happy to see the back of her.

Unlike the rest of the ground floor, the library was virtually untouched. The great wingback chair behind the desk was at an angle where it had been pushed back in haste, and there were scratches on the floor near the legs. The fire had long burned out, and the hearth was covered in soot. All the books were in place, all neatly categorised by author and subject. Oliver had always been a stickler for organisation and neatness. Everything looked in place. It didn't look like a promising place for any more clues.

Except…

Jane experienced that niggling sensation in her mind as she ran her eyes over the bookshelves, Loki having long ago released her hand to check the laptop on the desk, and the desk drawers. This time, she focussed intently on the bookshelves, certain she was missing something. Oliver was such a neat freak…

There!

She moved towards a book that was lying on the shelves, cover up, seemingly abandoned there beside its fellows. "Jane?" Loki called from the desk as she picked it up. It was an old book, heavy and cumbersome, something to do with Arctic explorations as she flicked through it excitedly. Nothing.

She felt disappointment lance through her, as she felt Loki touch her shoulder. "I thought…" she began, before shrugging. "Oliver always used to keep his books in perfect order. One in, one out, and always in alphabetical order. This one was left lying about, and in the section on horticulture and the 'T's when the author's name begins with an 'S' and it should be in the biography section. I thought it might be relevant."

Loki took the book, flicking through it thoughtfully. "You've got a point, Jane," he murmured, "Dad always did insist on putting books back in the right place…wait!"

"What is it?" Jane asked, staring as he took the book and rushed it over to the desk, placing it so it opened to the back cover.

"A false back," Loki muttered, bending his head and sniffing the paper. "Newly glued too."

He reached into his pocket and withdrew a pocket knife, slicing through the paper and leather. Sure enough, inside there was a small compartment and an USB stick. Jane waited impatiently while Loki powered up the laptop again, almost jamming into the drive in his haste. Jane sat on the arm of the wingback for a better view as a window popped up, showing only a single file, an audio file. Loki clicked on it, and the media player programme opened up. It began to play.

"Zdravstutye, Loki Odinson," it began. The voice made Jane shiver; it was deep and husky, like it had smoked too many cigarettes, but it was the relish, the cold delight in every syllable that made her shudder. "You found my little clue. Congratulations. You have always been a worthy opponent but now I find our little game of cat and mouse boring. You will have discovered by now that I have taken your father, mother and brother. No doubt, you will make every attempt to find me. Good luck with that, son. It will be amusing to watch. You may find your search to be illuminating, revelatory even. Ahh, even the mighty Odinson family has its secrets. Some worth dying for, some worth killing for. I know I would, with this one. Oh, and say hello to Dr Foster for me. Selvig sent his regards before he screamed his last. Dasvidanya, son."

The audio stopped, and Jane finally let out the breath she was holding. She glanced to Loki, noting the paleness of his face and the way his eyes were unfocussed and unseeing. His chest rose and fell in harsh gasps and his fists were clenched. Jane knew for certain now that he felt his family's kidnapping. She also knew he would do everything in his power to get them back. She knew Laufey stood no chance now.

Laufey's comment about Erik made her want to throw up. It was meant to frighten her, to weaken her, to make her useless. She pushed back the nausea, and reached for Loki's shoulder.

His earpiece burst into life. "There's someone approaching the house! ETA two minutes. Possibly hostile. We're moving to intercept!" Nat's voice came over the comms, sure and calm. Loki burst from the chair, leaving Jane stunned and open-mouthed in his wake. On instinct, she grabbed the USB stick and rushed after him, leaving the lonely, dark library behind.

A/N: Apologies for the probably incorrect Russian spelling. I was doing it from memory, and it's probably crap. Tell me and I'll sort it out.

To be continued...