OMG! Sorry soooooooo busy at the moment. Had to take my mouse to the vets as all her furs falling out and the skin underneath is bleeding and sore. Poor thing.

Chapter 9- So that's When I Dropped Libby's Pooey Nappy on his Head

Sunday June 26th

8.15am

Woke up to Cross-eyed Gordon about two millimetres from my nose (which isn't as close as you might think). I shot backwards like a shooting thing. Well, I would have but I hit my head on the wall behind me. It is quite possibly the most scariest thing I have seen, two mad yellow eyes staring at me. Well one, the other was looking at the wardrobe.

1 minute later

I am going to sit in bed until my morning coffee comes.

10 minutes later

Still waiting.

8.30am

The phone rang and I charged down stairs as fast as a watsit.

Making sure my nose was nicely sucked in I answered the phone "Hi,"

Good, just like a normal human being,

"Can I speak to your mum please?"

It was one of her so called 'aerobic' mates. Mutti might say she is throwing herself around a gym but really I know she is dancing with men in the nuddy pants. Them in the nuddy pants not her because her nunga nunga's could give some old man quite a turn. She may be responsible for an elderly loon's death. Which isn't as bad as it might sound…

10 minutes later

Mutti is trying to make me baby-sit my darling little sister because she has an urgent appointment with the 'girls'. I think I heard baldy-o-grams being mentioned. I told her with full frontal politosity that I'd rather stick my head in a bag of eels and whelks.

I am not going jumping over spoons again.

1 minute later

Then again I might bump into Masimo; I always do when I'm making a complete and utter fule of myself.

2 minutes later

How casual is bumping into someone while jumping over spoons with the criminally insane (Libby)?

30 seconds later

No No and thrice no! I am not going back into the Cake shop of Aggers.

15 minutes later

I found myself waving bye to my mutti at the door. Aah, at least I can borrow her new channel lipstick. And bag.

Just as she was tarting up the road she turned around and shouted, "Oh, Gee, I forgot to mention, Cousin James is coming around, do him a sandwich or something,"

Erlack! Sandwich? The only thing I'll be doing with my pervy cousin does begin with an 'S' but ends in 'udden disappearance'.

I was wondering when there would be a fly in the ointment. And he is it. Erlack!

12.15pm or is it am? Well anyway, it's midday.

I feel strangely excited about the party. I don't know why, it's only about vegetables. I bet Jas is all excited. I bet she's going to wear some botty huggers with pictures of sweet corn on them.

I wonder what Dave the Laugh is going as?

Arrrgh! Get out of my head! You are not a luuurrrve God; you are a Dave God which is no God in anyone's book.

1 minute later

I hope another Truth or Dare doesn't come up like at the fish party. It was there I fell down the slippery slope to red bottomosity. Stupid Dave. Arrgh! Why does he keep popping up? Oo-er.

2 minutes later

On the plus side, I could make Jas put vegetables down her knickers again. Hahahahaha, a pineapple would show her the error of her ways vis á vis the bitten apple joke

5 minutes later

Hahahhahahahhaha.

There you go I'm laughing like a loon on loon tablets on my stairs.

Oh dear.

1pm

I was innocently sitting laughing to myself when Libby came in. I could practically hear the horror movie music start up.

"Me make nice nest for snuggles,"

"Not now Libby,"

"Buuuut it SUCH a naaaice nest Gingey,"

"No,"

"Rrrrrr bad boy!"

Ouch.

10 minutes later

This is my fabulous life. I am crammed under mum's vanity table with my little sister who is as mad as an earwig, scuba diving Barbie, Charlie Horse and our Lord Sandra, Cross-eyed Gordy who has something rather suspicious looking clinging out of his bum oley and Elephant who has replaced Angus.

"Libby, I am going now,"

"No, Bad Boy stay!"

"No, it's boring,"

"Okay, watch me,"

Libby pulled off the door (a blanket) and stood out side the nest.

"Haf a pound and a cup of lice,

Haf a pound of tickles…"

Oh dear, the return of 'Poop goes the Weasel'

"Libby, NO!"

But I was too late to stop her from taking off her nappy.

Eurgh…

1.30pm

The door bell rung.

Poo and Merde, crap Cousin James is here.

Libby said "Lets open that door now,"

And I said, "No, sssh, we hiding…it's a game,"

Libby had an uncontrollable laughing fit, "Heggyhoggyhoghog!"

The door bell rang again.

Then he shouted up "Gee, I know you're in there,"

I stayed as still as a trapped rabbit in the head lights. Stiller.

Then he said, "Your mum phoned and said you and Libby were home alone so I DO know your in there!"

Still Still.

"I have an awful lot of molesting to do,"

How DARE he? Anyone could have heard! Euurgh, I feel abused and dirty.

I poked my head out the window to see him below. He definitely has the badger-upper-lip syndrome which is so popular with the very very pervy.

I really hate him. I am a woman, I have been in and out the Cake Shop of Aggers more time than you can poke a stick at. I will never ever purchase a Jammy James and that is le fact.

So that's when I dropped Libby's Pooey Nappy on his head.

Sorry it's so short but I cannot wait for the party scene. Hoppy Yoppies away!!

By the way is midday pm or am?