The best way to have inspirosity is to sit at your desk and half eleven at night chewing hubba bubba. Like I'm doing. Heheh

Chapter 11- It's Hungry Work being Wise

Monday June 27th

Treading not so lightly in the Land of Confusiosity.

8.50am

Rush, Rush pant pant. I am REALLY REALLY late. I don't see how I got to sleep in the first place last night; I am so full of worriosity about the Drunken Dave Fandango.

1 minute later

And the Tom Fiasco. Should I tell Jas? She'll be heart broken…think of all those voles she'd miss.

2 minutes later

What do I think about Dave? I don't love him; we're just mates, matie matie mates.

1 minute later

Mates with benefits. He probably was so drunk he wouldn't remember it anyway.

But he did sober up pretty quick…

8.55am

I just saw myself in a car mirror. Blimey O'Reilly's novelty under crackers. I am vair vair ugly. And my nose is the size of Dingo-a-go-go land. Still, unless Masimo decides to make a surprise appearance, things will be trés quieto on the boy front.

RE

Rosie sent a note to the Ace Gang.

Dear my dear it's

I have something vair vair coolio to tell you at break. It is about me accelerating up the snogging scales.

Je ne regrette rien!

Ro-Ro

Good at least I won't have the third degree from Jas about Dave. I mouthed to Rosie, 'What number?' but she just waggled her hands on top of her head like rabbit ears then flicked her nose. She is sensationally mad.

Break

We all crowded into the Science Storeroom. Some stupid fool didn't get a decent lock. And that is how we managed to put some scissors in the key hole and twist it. It isn't our fault that we broke the lock and can be with all these 'dangerous chemicals'.

At last the Hitler Youth can't find us.

I said "So, what is this coolio extravaganza?"

Then Rosie said, "Me and Sven got up to number 10!"

We were as agog as two gogs in gog land.

"Non!"

"Oui!"

"What was it like?"

Rosie laughed what she thought was an attractive laugh but actually made you want to call the white coats, "I'll let you find out for yourselves,"

"Did you do it at the party?"

"No! We did it about a week ago- but GUESS what!?"

I said, "Isn't that news enough?"

Then Rosie said something I could not believe. It is unbelievable that is why.

"I'm pregnant!!"

Jas nearly choked to death on her midget gems.

She said "Oh god, are you going to have an abortion?"

Rosie looked at Jas as if she was wearing floresant yellow pants on her head. Which is excessive even for Jas, "Non!"

And she started stroking her tummy, smiling at it.

Vair vair mad.

Jools said, "Does Sven know?"

Rosie said, "Yes, he snogged the milkman when I told him,"

I said, "Ro-Ro, you are only 16; you are on the brink of womanosity and full of youngoisty,"

Rosie said, "It's okay, Sven won't have to go to jail now I'm 16"

Ellen said, "Did you, you know, I mean, you must have, err, you know, it's…err…did you see it?"

What?

Then Jas said, "Didn't you use a condom? Me and Tom ALWAYS use a condom when we do it, an-"

Then she realised what she had said.

And went bright red.

5 minutes later

It turns out that Jas was actually the winner to the top of the snogging scale. With her unfaithful boyfriend. Merde.

Hometime

If Tom is waiting at the school gates I may have to kill him.

I haven't told Jas about him and the girl. I don't know how to say it. I would usually ask for Dave's advice but…he…err…might have a hangover. Yes, a hangover. Because nothing happened and we're just good friends.

1 minute later

Blimey O'Reily's complete set of undies and overs and topsy turvies! Masimo was at the school gate! And I hadn't got any makeup on (apart from on the love bite which STILL hasn't gone). Poo.

But then, as I was hip waggling and hair flicking. Lindsay, the bride of the jellyfish came stick-insecting over to him. He kissed her and she started putting on the spare helmet.

It was horrible.

Jas and Ro-Ro linked arms with me to steer me past him.

Jas said, "He's not worth it,"

Dave said that. Why am I thinking about Dave? But he was right. Masimo doesn't care about me, he's just interested in playing around (oo-er).

I've got to stop this. I will not go back into the rack of Luuurrve.

It was like my body had a mind of it's own, and I unlinked arms with the Ace Gang and walked back over to Masimo and Lindsay.

Lindsay gave me the evil look, "Oh, hasn't mummy come to pick you up? Need a lift?"

What a prize bitch.

Masimo looked gorgy. Down bottom down! I need to stop this once ad for-

"Nnugh,"

Nnugh?

"Ciao, caro, I am, how you say sorry for not giving you my answer with quickness, I-"

"Don't bother, I don't care about you anymore, you're just interested in playing the field. You know your drop dead gorgy and you know that you can pretty much get any girl you want. Well, I can't be bothered to wait for you any longer. Lindsay, you can have him, I hope he sticks with you. Have a nice life,"

Gott in Himmel. What did I say?!

Even Lindsay looked amazed but she was still trying to be attractive. If you call catching flies attractive.

"Caro? I don't understand, I am playing the field? I do like the football but I do not think that is what you mean…"

Then Octopus said, "She's dumped you,"

And she tried to hug him but he just got off the bike and tried to follow me.

"The lovely Georgia is cross?"

"Yes, Georgia be very cross with Masimo, because he is uno prattio, and he needs to learn to speak the English, ciao, je ne regrette rien,"

He looked like he was going to cry.

I may have been a bit too harsh.

The Ace Gang were doing their best impersonation of some fish.

Then Rosie said, "Shame I didn't have any pop corn,"

1 minute later

Did I just make a complete and utter twat of myself?

2 minutes later

I think the answer might be yes.

5 minutes later

I just dumped a luuurrve God. And told him he can't speak English.

4.00pm

Should I run back begging his forgiveness?

2 minutes later

Merde. I basically said what Dave said to me. It's his fault.

1 minute later

He said he loves me.

He said he cared about me.

He said I didn't love him back.

Do I?

3 minutes later

He is vair vair groovy looking. And he does give me the horn. And entices me into the ways of the red bottom. But do I love him? I don't know.

2 minutes later

I need some help. Not the psycho sort. I'll phone Jas.

4 minutes later

No I can't. She probably strangle me with her knickers. I'll phone The Pregnant One.

5 minutes later

"Ro-Ro"

"Do think Freya is a nice name for a girl? It's a Viking gode-"

"Ro-Ro, I need your help,"

"Really?"

"Yes,"

"Absolutely?"

"Yes,"

"Completely?"

"ROSIE?"

"Ok, Ok, come round,"

At Ro-Ro's

5.00pm

I was amazed to find Sven not Svening around. Or snogging Ro-Ro.

Erlack, I've just got a mental picture of Sven and Rosie doing number 10. Erlack. Erlack.

Rosie was in her bedroom reading through Mum's Weekly, "Bonjour, moi petite fule"

"Why are you reading that?"

"Do you think I should breast feed?"

"Eeew, no!"

"It's says-"

Then I blurted out, "Dave was drunk and threw up on me and then he said he loved me but he said he thinks I don't love him then ran into the shadows and I do love him, I think,"

"Was that what this Masimo thing was about?"

"Yes,"

"He threw up on you?"

"Yes,"

"Okay, hang on,"

She walked out then came back in with her beard.

"Rosie…"

"I am the Wise One,"

"Yes, I know, but-"

Then Rosie's mum came in, with a plate of toast.

"Here you go, now your eating for two!"

And walked out.

Gott in Himmel.

5.10pm

Munching the way through the toast.

I said, "What should I do?"

"Tell, him you love him,"

"He'll probably thin I'm trying to use him for a red herring again,"

Rosie stroked her beard, "Hmm…"

Then she stroked her belly, "Hmm… I think you need to speak his language,"

"Huh?"

"Like for Masimo, you learnt Italian for him,"

"Yes, but Dave is English,"

"I know, I said HIS language,"

"Did you learn Swedish for Sven, then?"

"No, because Sven's language is eating fish and snogging, do you see what I mean?"

"No,"

"You have to talk to boys in a way that they communicate naturally, Sven eats a lot of fish so I ate fish too, that is HIS language,"

I said, "This is confusing, why can't boys learn girl language?"

Rosie said (stroking her beard), "Because, child of first water, that means they will have to wear make up, and no one wants that,"

"So what is Dave's language?"

"How does he communicate with you?"

"He just snog attacks me,"

"So that is how you must speak to him,"

"Snog attack him?"

"Yes, Dave is a shameless flirt,"

She's got a point.

"MUM, MORE TOAST, IT'S HUNGRY WORK BEING WISE!"

Go Georgia, Go Georgia. I really don't like Masimo, he's too flash. Georgia loves Dave! Yippee!