Chapter 4: I suppose there are more secrets to be told.
Alistair grumpily gathered up his belongings as Tabitha Trevelyan ushered him out of her bed chambers, "I know of a place more suited for you, your majesty." She did not hide her grin as she led the Ferelden king from her side of the keep and into the library wing. Thankfully, Solas was still brooding in his study, but she took notice of Dorian's absence from his usual nook. She was too distracted with her thoughts as she nearly collided with the elven mage picking up a pile of books from the stone. "Ah," she got her bearings again, "Fiona, just the mage I am seeking. I am sure you are well acquainted with Alistair." She pulled the king forward for the mage to see properly.
He cleared his throat, glancing to every corner of the room, "Yes, um, I am sorry about our previous encounter. I hope you understand the position I was in at the time."
Fiona glanced at Tabitha, uneasy. She replied with a troubled frown, "I am fully aware."
Tabitha interjected the awkward reunion, "Yes, I am aware of both your positions as well. That is why I want you to spend time with each other and become familiar. I want no hard feelings amongst all of my allies." Tabitha turned to leave the two. She made it a few steps before turning to them once more, "Alistair, I highly suggest you consider having an Arcane Advisor in your council. None would gather you more reverence amongst the mages than the one before you. And Fiona, I hope you can accommodate his majesty, but try not to mother him too much." Her grin broadened as Fiona's pointed glare widened into startled eyes.
She jumped off the ledge in her hasty escape. Solas' shoulder raised a bit from the startled thump, but he did not turn around, far too accustomed to her childish ways. She felt him pulling at the fade. She could only speculate to the extent of his powers, but she knew who he was and what he intends for the near future. She noticed Cole wander into the room. Solas' connection to the fade was just enough for him to sense the spirit if he grew closer. In a sudden rush to protect her spirit friend, she dug her fingernails into her palm and cringed as the soft skin broke. She lifted her hand and blew on the blood gently, like that of a dandelion. It began to glow in red and then gold as it floated up and towards Cole. He nodded his thanks to her before he faded from her sight as well as her sense. Cole's words came in soft whispers to the elf. He reassured him, trying to console him enough to stay. The pain in her heart became more powerful than any wound. She knew the trust she had betrayed to keep Solas around longer. She knew the great task she placed on Cole's shoulders was more grave than he dared to carry. She knew she was becoming just as much of a manipulative monster as Fen'Harel and yet she judged him all the same. But that will not stop her from doing all she can to keep the world safe and that meant postponing the disappearance of Solas.
The words faded and so too did Solas as he drifted off into the fade. He fell asleep against the painted stone wall and Tabitha took her leave. She entered the main keep again, turning around in a circle as she tried to remember where were the stairs to the lower level. She eventually found the correct door and path. She entered the big room that was previously empty but now held many cots from the recently accepted Dalish. Some cots had stacks of books beside them, while others had some armaments. Most of them were empty, but she did her best to creep past them in silence. She made her way to the door across the way and cringed when it opened on strained hinges. She quickly turned on her heel and closed it fast with a low thud.
"You had me worried. I thought you would never come."
She turned to the calming voice of her dearest friend. She surveyed the room. It was as dusty as ever with books piled high, blocking most of the shelves of the little room. There was a pile of blankets in a corner with a folded up futon. She gave the mage a quizzical look, "Dorian, is your bed chamber simply just the filthier version of your frequent haunt?"
He snickered, "Any other day, I would happily engage in playful banter, but not tonight." He leaned on the desk and it creaked under his weight. She fidgeted as he asked, "Why did you not tell me?"
Tabitha leaned to stretch her back, "I honestly did not know your father would send a letter to the Trevelyan family. I should have known that, as distant cousins, he would play up our connections. It does show how much he cares for you, though. It is rather sweet."
He tilted his head, "Father sent a message? Oh, never mind. That is unimportant and not what I am asking about at all."
She now stretched her arms, "Then, I am not sure what you are getting at."
"I am a damn good necromancer. I felt it within you."
She dodged his glance, "Felt what?"
He stood straight, "Death. You are dying."
She nodded, "Yeah, but probably not for some time. Everyone is dying, you know."
He shook his head, "Not like you. You are dying at an exponential rate. I tried to pull at that bit of death, but it is rooted too far within you. Do you know what it is?"
She leaned her shoulder into the nearest wall, "It is something that has been a part of me for quite some time now."
He nodded, guessing as much, "It is the taint."
She then moved to the chair and sat down in the cloud of dust, "Might as well make yourself comfortable. It all started at the Ostwick Circle. Damned place was better than I deserved, but they were a nervous folk. You see, I was too curious about blood magic. I told them that it made no sense that it would be bad. It was a self-giving and self-restoring fuel instead of stealing it from the fade and life itself. Well, such things were crazy for them to believe and thus they placed me in the safest and secluded spot in the tower. I was young then and I did not understand how they felt. I have grown more empathetic towards the living these days."
She sighed, taking a breath before continuing, "Anyway, I was thrown in the lower levels of the tower. Darkspawn often entered the tower from the Deep Roads which connected to our sewer. They were mostly hurlocks and I had learned enough magic to defend myself. But I was left down there for days with nothing to eat or drink. So I started stealing from the Darkspawn camps. I never knew that their taint was that infectious. When they found me, I was a quivering wreck hiding in a corner as I coughed constantly. It took me a while to recover. When no one was watching, I would use blood magic to push the taint back. Controlling the blood within your body was not easy to do, but I eventually succeeded. It was only due to that dire circumstance that I was able to control blood magic so precisely and completely. I never had a drop of lyrium in my life and the only time I relied on the fade for power was during my harrowing."
He looked shocked, "I have seen your adept connection to the fade. How is it that you have not been possessed by a demon?"
"You mean because I am a blood mage then I must be a horrible person who is easily susceptible to temptation?" She laughed, "Not quite. This might be a revelation for a man from Tevinter, but blood magic does not need a violent and painful death to become powerful. Instead, I suggest an ulterior idea: it is not the means, but the motive. When a blood mage makes a vicious sacrifice, the mage does so with extreme intent. When I use my life's essence, I do so with the same extreme intent, except mine comes from selfless and compassionate reasoning. The more altruistic the fuel, the more powerful the spell. It is quite simple, really."
He thought for a bit, rubbing his chin. He gave slight nods as he spoke, "Yes, yes, that does seem to be logical reasoning. Is it your blood magic that brings you closer to the fade?"
She shook her head. "You know that I specialize in spirit magic above all else. That is because I grew up seeing spirits. My father, as I have told you, was an elf, but he was a lot more than that. He ran away from his duties as a Keeper's apprentice so that he could marry the human farm girl he met. He warned me of the spirits, but I still saw them and made friends with them. I met them mostly in my dreams which allowed me to travel the fade. It is because of this knowledge of spirits and consideration towards their plight and being, that I am able to kindly ask them for assistance. If they are willing, then they lend me their strength to heal or shield my allies."
"I see," he nodded. "It now makes sense why you turned away those three teachers when they arrived. You had already decided your specialization long ago." She nodded. He paced the only empty space of the room for a bit. Finally, he stopped and inquired, "When do you plan on telling the others? I see now that you have been preparing the Inquisition for your death."
"I do not plan on telling anyone at all. You only know because you are my closest friend. And you also figured it out." She gave a light smile.
He sighed again, "What about Cullen?"
She crossed her arms in the chair, "He does not know and I think it best that he never knows. If he knew then he would latch onto me farther and never let me leave and try to cure me. There is not hope. Well, there is hope, but that is a last resort since it could still lead to my death."
"What is it?"
She smiled fuller now, "That is a secret that is not mine to tell."
Suddenly a pain shot through her spine, linking her heart and her brain into an agonizing circuit. She fell forward. Dorian moved fast, catching her before she could fall, "Inquisitor?!"
Her eyes rolled back into her head as her vision changed scenery to cliff covered in lush green. In the distance was a memorable sight: Skyhold. Her eyes wandered to the figure before her. Solas held a solemn face as he looked down to her. Her arm began to roar in pain and suddenly his own hand glowed. More pain came as the scene changed again and she stood on an ice capped hill in an unfamiliar region. She lifted her arm to block the snow flurries, but only a stump remained. Through where her arm should have been, she could see the sky. So many colors wiggled about in a chaotic pattern. Her trained eyes could see across the thinning veil. The fade was getting closer.
Her vision slowly came back, but her motor function returned quicker. She jerked her body hard, smacking her head into Dorian's jaw. He leaned back, startled, "What happened? Are you alright?"
She nodded, throat too dry and course to speak. She took many deep breaths, and soon she felt current herself again. She looked Dorian in the eye, "I suppose there are more secrets to be told."