Wowzee, I did a whole three chapters yesterday. I'll try and finish this one but I really do need to do a bit of revision on my Japanese. And finish my English Coursework. At least it's half term.

Chapter 16- Operation: Anti Luuurrve Rat

Tuesday June 5th

9.00am

Our much loved revered headmistress Slim is telling us about the wonderful treat coming up (The Disco). Her twenty chins are wobbling with wobblosity. But the only fly in the ointment is that it's a strictly boy free zone. And I'll tell you what I'd rather being doing than watching Herr Kamyer dance…and it begins with S and ends in nogging Dave.

2 minutes later

Even though it is getting a bit boring now. I don't mean it in a horrible way but I'm not used to snogging the same person every single day. But now Dave's my one and only and I have the particular horn. And that's good.

3 minutes later

But I don't have a Dave detector any more. It's faded. Which is bad…isn't it?

1 minute later

He still has a Gee detector. And a great big slap mark across his face. I hate Rachel.

Slapping my Dave.

5 minutes

Anyway, where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself? Oh, the getting a bit bored scenario. That makes me sound like a bit of a tart. And no one wants that.

Well, if Dave keeps surprising me, like with the ice cube snogging, and then I won't get bored.

3 minutes later

Which was vair vair groovy. I need to add it to the snogging scale. And I think detectors.

4 minutes later

Masimo snogs thong wearers anyway.

Arrggh! Why am I thinking about the Italian Handbag lover?! Get out! Get out!

1 minute later

I bet Masimo wouldn't do anything fun like ice cube snogging. I can't have a laugh with him like I do Dave. With Dave we're mates and snogging partners at the same time. Which is fabby. And I don't get as much stupid brain as I do with Masimo.

But Masimo is gorgey and he is a luuurrve God…

Arggh! Get out of my head! I have my laugh god, Loki Dave without the giant snake bit. I have chosen my Dave the Tart; I will not buy the Italian Cakey.

9.20am

Merde! I forgot I was supposed to do my Agony Aunt work for today. I was too busy snogging Dave last night to remember it. An excuse, an excuse. Err.

Hawkeye looked at me and said "Yes, Miss Nicholson, what is your excuse?"

"Err…my uncle was taken into hospital and I was visiting him,"

"Every day since Thursday?"

"Yes, miss,"

"I want it in by this Thursday, or you will lose your place in the School Magazine,"

Poo.

Blodge

I wonder whether Rosie will join me and Dave on Operation: Anti Luuurrve Rat tonight. If me and Dave are left alone to do it, it will probably end up as a snogging fest. Which isn't as bad as you might think.

At least I sit next to her in Blodge, and we're not doing any thing about babies now. Jas is talking to Miss Baldwin about mushroom species or something. She is the queen of the Swotiosity.

"Ro-Ro, me and Dave need your help,"

"Oo-er,"

"Rosie…"

"Why are we whispering?"

"Because I don't want Jas to hear,"

"Why?"

"Because it concerns her and her luuurrve rat of a boyfriend,"

"What?"

"Tom is cheating on Jas, but she doesn't believe me,"

"Non!? Tom's cheating on Jas?!"

"Me and Dave are going to follow him tonight and photograph him to catch him in the act,"

"Oo-er,"

"Stop it,"

"Ok, can I take Sven?"

"No,"

10 minutes later

It took me about a million years to persuade Rosie not to take Sven. Eventually she understood when I said he was too tall and would attract attention. I think. Also she made me swear that me and Dave wouldn't snog or anything because she'll be goose gog extraordinaire.

"Unless you'll share him,"

I like to think she's joking. That is what I like to think.

2 minutes later

Ro-Ro had the flash of the watsit! She came up with a brilliant plan for not getting caught. The nub and gist of her plan is that we dress up as chav (so it isn't suspicious were hanging out on the streets) but we have two hoodies and we change so it looks like we're a different group each time. Fabbytastic.

Lunch

I called a snogging scale update session.

I said, "Boys keep being surprising so we need to update the snogging scale,"

Jools said "What number have you got up to, Gee?"

"Seven,"

Jools said, "With Dave?"

"Yup," I looked at Ellen. Uh Oh, the Green Eyed Monster.

Rosie said, "So what do you want to add?"

"Ice cube snogging at number 6 ⅔"

"What?!"

I had to explain ice cube snogging to them. I couldn't tell whether they were disgusted or agreed it was yummy scrumboes.

Then Rosie said, "Well if your adding ice cube snogging, I want to add food snogging at number 6 ⅓,"

Erlack a pongoes.

I said, "Ok, but I'm not doing that, also we need to add Detectors at number 5 ½,"

Rosie said, "Oh, like your luuurrve bite you showed me?"

Mabs said, "I don't see a luuurrve bite,"

I said, "No, my Dave detector's faded now…but I gave Dave one back in revenge, last Friday,"

Jas muttered, "You are such a tart,"

I ignored her, "Anyone else got anything to add?"

And Jas said, "I'm going on a date with Hunky tonight at five, so I'll let you know if he's does anything new,"

More like if he meets anyone new.

3.30pm

Rollo and Dave were waiting at the school gates. Phoar, Dave does look gorgeous.

Jas said, "Why's he not in his school uniform?"

I said, "He's suspended,"

"Typical,"

I wanted to throttle her but she s soon to be on the shelf of life again so I resisted. Just.

Rosie said, "Where is his Gee detector?"

I said, "On his neck, where else?"

Rosie started laughing like a very criminally insane person. I don't know why.

When I got up to the gates, Dave gave me a kiss on the cheek and put his arm around my shoulders.

Uh oh, Ellen looked like she wanted to kill me. So much for her not liking him anymore.

"Miss me Kittykat?"

"You betcha, like two betting things in a betting shop,"

His slap-bruise is nearly gone. Which is good.

3 minutes later

Rosie said, "I'm joining in on the detecting work tonight, by the way, Dave,"

Then she started laughing like a loon. Which she is.

Dave looked trés confused.

Then, when she stopped wetting her knickers she said, "Mabs, on the maths test paper was the answer to b) 5 ½?"

And started laughing her head off again. She is very mad. I think Dave guessed it was something to do with the Gee detector though.

3.45pm

Just me and Dave now, ambling along. Then he turned around to me and pulled me really close to his face. Our noses were touching. He just looked straight into my eyes. Like he was trying to read my thoughts. If he could he would hear, 'Quit staring and snog me you great big sexy laugh god,' But he didn't.

He said, vair, vair close up, "What was all that 5 ½ stuff about? Is it something to do with this snogging scale thing of yours?"

I lied, "I really don't know,"

He was really, really, close up to me, millimetres apart, my lips started puckering up.

Then he stepped backwards. The tease! "I know you're lying. Bad, bad kittykat,"

I nearly fell over.

To stop him asking questions I said, "Rosie wants to join us on the Operation: Anti Luuurrve Rat tonight, and she has a brilliant plan how not to get spotted,"

7.00pm

Hiding around by Jas' house, waiting for her to come back from her so called date. I must say, even though I am bit orange, I look fabby as a chav. But on the other hand, Dave looks like a complete and utter prat. But I still love him.

5 minutes later

Waiting.

12 minutes later

Sill Waiting.

6 minutes later

Dave has pretended to fall asleep on my shoulder. Making snoring noises down my ear. He sounds like a great big snoring snog. I mean slug.

10 minutes later

Jas and Tom alert!

Back from their 'date'.

I feel really sorry for Jas, she doesn't know what her boyfriend is.

And that stood by her door and snogged. Then they would talk, I think about badgers. Then they would snog again.

I would have felt like a lesbian stalker pervert if I didn't know I was standing next to by boyfriend. Who looked like le biggest prat on earth. But I'm too nice to tell him so.

After they snogged for about a year, Jas went inside.

Time to follow him.

5 minutes later

Tom keeps looking back at us. I think he's realised he's being followed. By yobs. He probably thinks we're going to happy slap him. Which incidently we should.

3 minutes later

Hid in an alley way and changed the hoodies. Hah, he will never know it's us. Now, to get the photographs.

6 minutes later

Merde. I think we've lost him.

Rosie said, "I'll run ahead and see if I can find him,"

Leaving me and Dave alone.

He did look like a complete twat dressed up as a chav.

But still vair vair gorgey. I know I promised Rosie I wouldn't snog him because she didn't have Sven but one tiny kiss wouldn't hurt...

8 minutes later

"Hem, hem,"

Me and Dave jumped apart like two jumping things at a jumping festival.

Uh-oh, Rosie was back. Luckily, she wasn't mad. Well she's mad in the loon way but not in the angry way. If you know what I mean. And I think you do.

Dave said, in what I think he thought was a chavvy voice, "That was well good, ma bitch, get in there"

So I said, "You'll be well dead if you talk like that again,"

But I he knows I love him. Because I do. Just him. No one else.

10.00pm

We have got the photographs!

1 minute later

We followed him around for about a year. It was full of bordiosity and it was really tempting to say 'sod it' and go back to Dave's.

But Dave kept making me laugh by saying, "Chav 001 to Chav 003, have located target, over and out,"

That shows you how bored I was.

But then Tom came up to a door the other side of town.

And it was answered by one of those blonde bimboey types. And they snogged in the middle of the street.

So Rosie got the camera and took some photos, "I've got the legs for it," she said. But I don't know what legs are to do with it.

Then Tom noticed us, "Oi! What you-"

So we ran for it.

11.00pm

Tomorrow we are going to break Jas' heart- err…I mean, be good friends to Jas and show her the truth.

Sorry if this chapter's a bit rushed, but I didn't really have much to say in here, well I did but it only needed snippets. I have written for this fanfic a brilliant total of 65 word document pages in size 10 Arial font. How brill is that?