Rosai-gryffindor, don't worry. This fan fiction isn't meant to be much of a heart wrencher. (My next one will be that). But I can't say much more or I'll give away the plot. And no one (especially me) wants that.

Yay! I've got my favourite three chapters coming up now!

Chapter 18- Did you Really go to a Male Prostitute?

Friday 7th July

Lunch

It's like hysteria here. All the year is jumping up and down because of the End of Exams disco tonight. Even Jas has cheered up enough to discuss outfits. I hope I'm not going to have another Dither Spaz on what to wear.

3 minutes later

Actually, what am I going to wear?

3.30pm

Dave was waiting for me at the school gates. Again. But that's ok because I love him. I do.

And he wasn't covered in custard this time.

He grinned and said, "Hey, Kittykat, you coming over to mine again, tonight?"

I said, "I can't, the school disco is on tonight, and we've got some Viking inferno to practice,"

He looked a bit disappointed, Then he suddenly smiled and said, "Can I come?"

"Dave, it's an all girls disco,"

Then he said, "I'll be there, you'll see,"

And he ran off. I have accidentally got un weirdo for a boyfriend.

4.30pm

Jazzy Spazzy came over to mine to get ready for the disco. She's cheered up a lot quicker than I thought she would. Maybe she was getting bored with being in a couple. She and Tom were practically married.

Eurrgg.

I really don't know what to wear.

"Should I wear Jeans?"

"Too plain,"

"Mini skirt?"

"Too tarty,"

"Floresant pink top?"

Jas just looked at me like I was mad.

Which I am.

10 minutes later

Door bell rang. As usual no one would get off their bums to get it so I had to trail all the way down.

It was Dave. And he was wearing a blonde curly wig.

"Dave?"

"Hey sex kitty,

And he walked in and went up to my room.

"Dave-"

"Eeeeeeeeeek!"

I hadn't told him Jas was getting changed in my room.

2 minutes later

"What's with the blonde wig?"

Dave poked my nose. I wish he wouldn't. It makes me wonder whether he's thinking, 'Cor, what a gigantibus conk!' or thinks it's cute.

"I said I wanted to come to the disco with you,"

"Yes,"

"But you said it was only for girls,"

"Yes,"

"Soooo, you're going to dress me up as a girl,"

Uh Oh. I have accidentally got a transvestite for a boyfriend.

1 minute later

But he is a laugh though.

5.00pm

We dressed Dave up in some of my clothes. A yellow top with a butterfly on it and one of my mini skirts. And then we put a couple of potatoes down his top to look like nunga nungas.

That was his idea.

He is vair vair criminally insane.

But very funny. I nearly split my tights laughing when he was trying to make his voice all girly.

We have decided that he's not going to speak.

3 minutes later

I think Jas has calmed down about him seeing her in the nuddy pants. She's styling his wig and I'm doing his make up.

He has quite long eye lashes for a boy.

5.30pm

Hahahahahahahahaha!

You wouldn't be able to tell whether Dave was male or female. It is actually quite funny. Especially when he was pretending to pout in the mirror.

He is such a laugh. And that is why I love him. Which I do. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Because they are lying.

7.00pm

Vati's driving us to the disco. He doesn't have a clue that it is Dave who is 'my new friend'. Which is ironic if you think about it. Seeing as he himself is no stranger to transvestism.

2 minutes later

The plan is that Dave is going to pretend to be my (very quiet) cousin called Davina to my friends.

And 'the new girl' to the teachers.

7 minutes later

Had to spend ages teaching Dave how to walk in high heels. He still walks like a duck.

He said, "I could get used to this,"

I said, "You better not,"

7.10pm

Miss Wilson is incharge of the bouncer situation. Which I personally think is the best piece of hilariousity I've had since…we were dressing up Dave.

Uh-Oh, she was ticking us all off on the register.

"Err, Jasmine, yes, Georgia, yes…err…who are you dear?"

Before Dave could give himself away by speaking I said, "She's Davina miss, she's new,"

Luckily, Miss Wilson said, "Oh, I'm so sorry dear, you obviously haven't gone onto the register yet,"

And let him in!

7.20pm

Found the rest of the Ace Gang in the middle of the dance floor doing Lets go down to the Disco.

Jools said, "Hey, Gee, Jas…who's that,"

I said, as cool as a cucumber, "That's my cousin Davina,"

Luckily they didn't put two and two together.

7.30pm

Dancing the Viking Disco inferno dance. Dave looks very funny trying to stay upright on the high heels. Only me and Jas know Davina is actually Dave.

In the madnosity of the situation I shouted, "You can tak' our lives but you cannot tak' our freedom!"

I don't know why.

Tart's Wardrobe

8.00pm

Re-applying make up after dancing.

Dave whispered to me, "You girls are very very vain,"

Then Jools said, "Me and Rollo nearly got up to number 10 last night,"

I said, "Non?!"

Mabs said, "Why didn't you?"

Ellen said, "Did he, err, you know, he could have, err, yes, well,"

We all looked at her.

Jools said, "Yes, we nearly did but…his mutti walked in on us,"

Rosie said, "Oh my giddy god,"

Jools said quietly, "I don't know whether he'd want to get up to number 10 with ever again,"

Jas said, "If he loves you then he would,"

Rosie said, "Have you got yourself a proper boyfriend yet, Mabs?"

Mabs said, "No, I'm still practicing on them,"

I said, "That's very tarty,"

And Mabs said, "Well you went to the whelk boy/male prostitute, Gee,"

Dave looked like he couldn't believe his ears. Still, he said he wanted to find out all this girly stuff.

Jools said, "Rosie have you and Sven done number 10 again yet,"

Rosie said, "Yes, he is a sexy man beast and I can't keep him off me, when we do, he-"

I said, "Rosie, please don't tell us anything,"

Rosie said, "Have you got any further than seven with Dave yet, Gee?"

And Mabs said, "Have you done anymore ice cube snogging?"

And Jools said, "What about the infamous nip-libbling?"

Jas looked the other way so they couldn't see her laughing. She is defiantly over Tom.

I said, "Hahahahahahaha,"

That seemed to satisfy them.

5 minutes later

As I was getting some snacks from the table, Dave came up to me.

He said, quietly, "I dunno, girls get mad at boys boasting but you girls are just as bad,"

I said, "You wanted find out,"

He said, "Girl world is very scary…did you really go to a male prostitute?"

I said, "Oooh, look Elvis is twisting again,"

10.00pm

Me and Dave said "Tatty bye," to the ace gang and he with me.

He said, "Ouch, how can you girls stand walking in these shoes?"

I told him about the shoe feet incident.

He said, "You're mad,"

I said, "No you're mad,"

And it was the old tickly bears then number five fiasco.

When he finally let go of my face, I saw nauseating P Green staring at me from the other side of the road.

Uh-Oh, here come all the lezzy rumours again.

10 minutes later

Me and Dave the Drag Queen finally came to the bit when we go different ways. He is vair vair funny. I can't imagine Masimo dressing up as a girl. Though according to Dave he already does.

I took a short cut through the alley way from Partridge Lane.

"Hey, Gee, show us your nunga's,"

Oh merde. It was Mark Big Gob and the blunder boys. I can't believe I ever went out with him. He is the most chavviest and thickest guy in town.

I walked past and ignored him.

"Oi, Gee, come back here, you can't go past us dressed like that then expect to leave us,"

I carried on walking.

Then I felt someone grab me from behind.

It was Mark Big Gob.

I shouted "Get off me!" I hate him, I hate him, why can't he go and molest some midget?

And then he pushed me against the wall. All his mates were laughing.

"Get off me!"

Then he shoved his hand down my skirt. Oh my god, number 9. No way am I getting to number 9 with that creep.

"GET OFF ME!"

He smirked, "You were asking for it,"

Oh my Giddy God…he wasn't going to, was he?

"GET OFF ME!"

30 seconds later

"Get off her!"

Blimey O'Reily's Trousers! It was Dave! He'd come to save me! I love him, I love him!

Even if he was still dressed like a girl.

Mark Big Gob said, "Oh, another girl to join in, Carl you can have her,"

Dave realised he was still in drag so he pulled his wig off.

Mark Big Gob and his lardy lads nearly wet themselves.

Dave ran up to us and punched Mark Big Gob straight in the face. He fell over but all the other blunder boys started attacking Dave. And there were about 8 of them. And one Dave.

I couldn't see much but it was in the dark but I could see Dave getting tossed around, against the alley wall and thrown on the floor. Then I realised I was screaming.

Then I saw it.

One of them had a knife.

3 minutes later

Oh wow! Fabbity Fab as two fabby things in fabland!

The Blunder Boy with the knife tried to stab Dave but he managed to wrestle it out of his hand, Then he shouted, "I have a knife and I'm not afraid to use it,"

And all the Blunder boys backed off.

Mark Big Gob said, "C'mon, it's not worth it,"

And they walked off. Just like that.

The only fly in the ointment is that Dave is completely beaten up. But at least they didn't stab him. I love him, I love him.

1 minute later

Dave tried to stand up but he just fell back against the wall.

I said, "Should I call an ambulance?"

And he said, "I'm not going into bloody hospital,"

He should though.

He said, "You'd better appreciate that; my rep's going to be in tatters now,"

I helped him stand up, "I said, I don't know, with all those trees you've been fighting, you'd think they'd be a piece of cake,"

And he grinned at me, "Yeah- Ouch!"

I put his arm around my shoulder to help him, "I'll take you back to mine, it's closer,"

10 minutes later

Knocked the door of my house and my mutti answered it, in her most revealing top. Poor Dave.

She looked at Dave and said, "Oh my God, what happened to you?"

I said, "He's been…beaten up; I can't let him walk home on his own,"

I'm not going to tell her I was nearly raped.

Poor Dave, I could see in the light he was all bruised and beaten up like a bruised and beaten up thing.

She said, "I won't ask about the clothes,"

Ohhhh, poor old Dave. He got beat up protecting Georgia. He's so nice to her. And that is why everyone loves him. Heh, the bestest bestest chapter next.