Hmm…I don't think the family chapter on

its own quite fitted in with the plot. So sorry for anyone who read it already but I've put it all into one chapter. And not let the family stuff get so deep.

Chapter 20- She's way too Plastic for My Liking

Saturday July 18th

7.00am

"Barbie lobes you very very much,"

"No,"

"Barbie's your new girlyfwend,"

"Libby, please,"

"She wants to do snogglin with you, naughty,"

"Gerrof,"

I woke up to find Libby pinning Dave down trying to get him to snog Scuba Diving Barbie.

"LIBBY! Please leave poor Dave alone,"

"But he laaiikes it,"

"No he doesn't"

"Yes, he does,"

"No, he doesn't

Libby then smiled. I think she thinks it's cute but it makes her look like the demon child. Is it normal to smile with your teeth sticking out like…a mad hedgehog.

She said, "He lobes it,"

In the end I managed to cart her out my room. She is getting vair vair heavy.

I came back with Dave frantically wiping his mouth like a frantic thing on frantic tablets. I don't blame him. Heavens, knows where Scuba Diving Barbie's head's been.

It's probably all this watching Mutti and Vati snogging on the sofa. It's not good for her.

2 minutes later

I must keep Dave away from Mutti and Vati's elderly snogging episodes at all costs. Because if Vati does his 'calling all vehicles' and grabbing Mutti's nipnips in front of him I may die.

And he will be scarred for life.

3 minutes later

Dave does look vair vair groovy in the morning. His hairs all messed up over his face and not all gelled like a bog brush which boys seem to think makes them look very attractive.

I told him that, "Dave, your hair looks a lot better like this instead of all gelled up,"

And he said, "It doesn't," And pushed his hands through his hair so it stood up on end. It made him look like a div but I didn't tell him.

Then he said, "Kittykat, you shouldn't wear so much make up, you don't need it,"

Oh, he is very sweet. But a liar.

I only got as far as "You a li-"

And he snogged me! Again! He is a groovy snogger and all but now that's all we ever seem to do when we're alone (Oo-er).

Not that I'm complaining.

Eventually, he pulled back and just looked into my eyes.

And I said, "Don't cheat on me with Scuba Diving Barbie,"

And he said, "She's way too plastic for my liking,"

And we had a spontaneous laughing fit and ended up smacking our heads together. Owww.

"I already have one black eye, Kittykat, please don't give me another one,"

Breakfast

Gadzooks! Mutti's actually got out of bed and made a proper breakfast! She even has little jugs full of milk to put in our cereals! What is the world coming too?

Vati gave Dave the most evil look I've ever seen in my life. If looks could kill then Dave would be as dead as a dodo. Deader.

Mutti shook her head at Vati and said, "Bob, no,"

Libby was watching Dave like a watcher thing. And she was stroking Scuba Diving Barbie's head like the Godfather or something. Good Grief.

It was quite possibly the most awkward moment I've ever sat through.

Then Dave broke the silence and said, "Are you going to the gig tonight, Kit-err, Gee?"

And I said, "Oh…urr…I don't know…Masimo might be there,"

Dave said, "Oh,"

Poo, he had that disapointiosity about him that really scares me.

What could I say in front of my parents? Certainly not, 'I love you! You are my one and only!'

I said, "Well, it's awkward…and I don't want to be hit with his handbag,"

That cheered him up.

Then Vati had to ruin it by saying, "Have I missed something? What happened to Masimo, I thought you really liked him?"

VATI! I felt like screaming, a) How dare you mention my ex in front of my boyfriend and b) It's none of your business!

I said, "He was just interested in being a player and mucking me around and…I figured out who really cared for me,"

Dave was positively shining.

Vati said, "Euurrgh, I hate to know what you get up to outside, I mean just look at the state of your neck,"

Oh Poo. I'd forgotten Dave had given me a new Dave Detector. We looked at each other nervously.

Then Vati suddenly looked vair vair angry and stared at Dave, "Her neck! You-"

Then Dave said trés quickly indeedio, "She did exactly the same to me, look," and showed his own. It had started fading. It made me feel weird. I don't know why.

Ho hum pigs bum. I think Dave might be scared of my Vati.

Strange Boy.

Then Vati sighed, "I give up, Connie said last night you came in dressed in drag,"

That's when I accidentally snorted my cup of tea everywhere. I bet Dave thought that was attractive. Oh, he didn't see, he's pretending to be very interested in a picture of me as a baby on the wall. But I can see he's laughing behind his hand.

Then Mutti said, "Oh, leave them be Bob, can't you remember what it was like to be young?"

I said, "Oh, look at the time," And I dragged Dave out of the kitchen with me before any elderly snogging could commence.

10 minutes later

Dave said, "Are you going to walk with me back home, Kittykat?"

I said, "Well, I err,"

Dave said, "You shouldn't make an invalid cripple walk home alone,"

Yeah right. An invalid cripple who can still run up the stairs from Libby and Barbie.

I said, "Well, it's just I'm vair vair scared of your Mutti,"

Walking down to Dave's

8.20pm

I said, "How you feeling now, sir invalid?"

Dave said, "Ouch, my mouth still hurts, maybe you could help with that?"

Cheeky Cat.

Dave said to me, "If that's a Dave detector, is this a Gee detector?" He pointed at his luuurrve bite.

"Yes,"

"And can I ask why they are called, 'detectors'?"

"No,"

He stuck his tongue out at me and said, "Meanie,"

I thought the talk at the disco would have scared him off girl talk.

10 minutes later

Dave's Mutti came raging out like a big rager going off to the rage shop.

"Where in HELL'S name do you think you've been?"

Dave rolled his eyes.

Then she noticed me.

"Oh, I might have guessed, with her, your slut of a girlfriend,"

Play the old record. I have a song in my heart. It is called 'You married a drunk and you're an unfit mother,'

Hahahahaha.

10 minutes later

Managed to run away. If me and Dave ever get married I'm going to persuade him to let us move far away. Preferably to Australia. Or Mars.

10.00am

Back at my only Family Mad's house. I am vair vair scared of Dave's Mutti. He has a strange family. Still it makes two of us. But then if he had a normal family he might be a male Jas. And no-one wants that.

2 minutes later

Erlack a Pongoes.

6 minutes later

Should I go to the gig tonight? I don't want Masimo to start trying to talk to me.

1 minute later

I'll go, I'll gird my loins to the summit of girdiosity.

5 minutes later

What should I wear?

7 minutes later

Arggh! Why must I go through this every time? I'll wear my boy entrancers. Surely they won't get stuck together again.

7.00pm

Finally I got ready. Me and the Ace Gang are going to meet at the clock tower.

Now quietly down the stairs so no one knows I'm going.

Hahahaha, I should be a secret watsit…agent.

"Georgia, where are you going?!"

Merde, it was Vati.

I said, with all the politnosity I could muster, "To a gig,"

"Who with?"

"The Ace Gang,"

"And that boy?"

"Well, yes,"

"Then you're not going,"

I couldn't believe he could be so unreasonable. He is such an unreasonable moustachioed on.

"Why not?"

"Just look what he did to your neck!"

I knew I should have covered it up. But I didn't. And look where that got me. Up shi cree with out a pad.

I said, "Vati, do you know why he was here?"

"Because he was beaten up,"

"Do you know why he was beaten up?"

"Because he probably got himself into a fight, I bet that's the kind of boy he is,"

Breathy Breath. I must be prepared to be yelled at to an inch of my life.

"My dearest Vati, I was nearly raped last night and he came to my rescue, he nearly got himself stabbed, but he fought them off me, that is the kind of boy he is"

Vati's mouth dropped open like a droppy thing.

His teeth are not pleasant. It is disturbing for someone as creative as moi.

I made my swift get away.

7.30pm

Rosie, Jools, Mabs, Jas and Ellen were waiting for me at the clock tower. I was quite amazing. There was no Sven.

I said, "Where's Sven?"

Rosie said, "He's coming later,"

It was just us girls. We did a Viking Bison Disco Inferno dance with a triumphant cry of "HOOOOORRRRNNN!"

The girls are back in town!

Then Jas said, "Tom's going to be at the gig,"

I gave her my nicest it'll-be-ok look.

Jas said, "Georgia, don't look at me like that, you look like you have had a stick suddenly poked up your bum Oley,"

So much for bestest pallies.

Jas said, "I'm going to be a mad party thing so he knows I'm not missing him,"

I said, "Are you missing him?"

"Gee, think about it like this, would you miss Dave if he cheated on you?"

I thought about it. I probably would.

2 minutes later

Would he miss me if I cheated on him? Not that I would because he is my one and only and I have plighted my troth.

1 minute later

I said to Jas because she was looking a bit miz, "Oh, look Jas, a little bird!"

And she said to my mucho surpriso, "Shoot it,"

Blimey O'Reily's brain transplant. I have said it once but I will say it again, what is the world coming to?

8.00pm

Sven was waiting for us to help get us into the gig. It is very stupid they should put an 18 age limit on it. But I probably look 18. Because I am so full of womanosity and vair vair sophis.

He ran up to the bouncers at the front (with us in a strangle hold) and said "My trousers want to do like my nose and boogie, oh ja,"

And walked in.

5 minutes later

Dave the Laugh was waiting for me at the bar. He looks trés coolio. I haven't been to a gig for ages. It looks brilliant in here.

He brought me a drink and said, "Why did you run away earlier, Kittykat?"

And I said, "Your Mutti really, really scares me,"

10 minutes later

We are all dancing on the dance floor like dancing things. In a big circle. It is quite funky. I can see Masimo looking at me from the stage. He is vair vair groovy looking. SHUTUP call of the horn. I can't here you horn! Nope, I can't. Ladilalala.

Tart's Wardrobe

3 minutes later

I am trés tired. Me and the Ace gang decided we'd turn our big dance circle into a can-can circle. I am vair vair glad I didn't decided to wear a skirt because I may have given someone a seizure. Like Rosie nearly gave me, she was in her shortest skirt.

5 minutes later

Uh-Oh sound the alarm system! Radio Jas is off the radar. I came back and Mabs said "Is Jas still in the bathroom?"

I said, "No, I thought she was with you,"

2 minutes later

Typical. Jas has decided to go off to see Tom. Even though he is a luuurrve rat. We were all getting panicinostic and she just pops up out of nowhere and says "Hey, guess what!? Me and Tom are back together,"

Why, I'd never know.

7 minutes later

Me and Dave the Laugh are taking a breather from dancing. He is a very mad dancer.

He said, "I'll go get you another drink," and he danced his way into the darkness.

Like a loon.

"Ciao,"

OhmyGiddyGodsPyjamas. Masimo was behind me. Again. Can't he just leave me alone? I don't want to have to choose again.

"Belle, no more running, please, I have the answer to your question, and I do wish to be your boyfriend, that is what you wanted, si?"

Poo. What am I supposed to say?

He is the king of gorgiosity. Down red bottom, down.

Then Masimo kissed me. Oh blimey O'Reily's everything's, it was fabby.

"Oh,"

I opened my eyes…and there was Dave, looked quite positively devastated.

I pushed Masimo away, "Dave?"

Then Dave just chucked our drinks on the floor and shouted, "I guess that's my job as a red herring finished then!"

And he stormed off.

Merde. Double poo with knobs.

I needed to make a decision and talk some proper sense, for the first time in my life.

Ok, calmy calmy.

"Get off, your handbag will get jealous!"

So much for sense.

"Caro, what?"

I took a big breath in like a big breathy- arrgh, brain shut up, "Masimo, I'm not interested anymore, I waited too long, cried too much. You never cared about me then; you were too busy with your jellyfish bride. I've found someone who has always been there for me and cares enough to have nearly got himself killed to protect me last night, I've plighted my troth and chosen a Dave Tart over an Italian cakey, the call of the Horn can't tempt me anymore, I have given up red bottomosity for a Dave Detector, because I LOVE him,"

Well done Georgia! I very nearly made sense. A bit on the eccentric side. But it made sense.

"Caro, I don't understand,"

"I don't want you anymore,"

And I walked off.

Everyone was staring.

I need to find Dave.

5 minutes later

I can't find him

2 minutes later

Where is he?

7 minutes later

I can't find Dave anywhere. He probably hates me now. He probably is going to go out with Scuba Diving Barbie.

Oh, poo, I can't see anything now, I'm blubbing.

Someone's sat down next to me. I can't see because of my tears. Why must every always fall apa-

"BOO!"

30 seconds later

It was Dave!

I said, "I'm so sorry, I-"

And Dave put his hand on my mouth to shut me up. Which is a good idea. Because knowing me, I'll end up rambling for England.

He said, "Don't worry, I heard the whole thing,"

Then he snogged me even though I was crying! It wasn't long enough to be a number 4 but it was fabby with knobs to know he wasn't cross with me.

And then he said, "Kittykat, you can open your eyes,"

And I said, "I think my boy entrancers have got stuck together again,"

I have broken my record! 6 word document pages. Woop! Argh…next chapter is the last. I'm going to miss this fanfiction. :(