Author's note: it's me, 13figureskater-Draco'sgirl again. I wrote this one too. (Can you tell the difference? lol). Anyway, as thesepeopleareus already said, Eris is an OC, which I didn't actually know when I wrote this, but who cares... The point is, she's not mine nor is anyone else in this story.

Eris Grabs the Happy Story and Attempts to End it with a Cackle

Eris was the Goddess of Chaos. And, if she did say so herself (and she did) she was damn good at her job. Indeed, she reveled in chaos and in destruction, and, most of all, she adored the repercussions of the mayhem she created. Though, when said repercussions actually involved her she liked them much less. Still, she'd promised Maddie she would get her her place it the Atasuki back, and when a goddess gives her word, she is bound for all eternity. That involved having a nice long chat with Sir Leader, something Eris wasn't too keen on doing right now.

She knocked on the door, hoping to any of her fellow gods who were listening that Sir Leader wasn't asleep. She'd never tested her theory, but she suspected he wasn't the kind of person who enjoyed being woken up from his slumber at ungodly hours of the night. Though, she thought, her lips curling into a mocking smile, this place got attacked in the middle of the night enough that he must be used to it by now.

"Who is it?" He didn't sound like a man roused from the deepest depths of slumber, but Eris thought it prudent to make Maddie go first. After all, the girl was a ghost. Nothing Sir Leader chose to throw at them could hurt her, and they would hurt Eris, even if the pain was merely a temporary irritation.

"Eris. And Maddie."

That got his attention. He yanked the door open and scowled at the pair.

"Is there any particular reason you are here instead of asleep?"

"Maddie has a favor to ask you."

"A favor? Why should I do a favor to one who has compromised our security by her very presence?"

Even Eris could see the unfairness in that statement, and, by Maddie's clenched fists, she could too.

"Sir, she did nothing. She merely remained quiet and made no trouble until such time as her presence was required." After all, making Deidara's life a misery didn't count as trouble, it counted as mindless entertainment. It was almost better than a soap-opera.

Sir Leader scowled, but Eris noted with interest that he didn't deliberately contradict her. Hmm, that was something to consider. Maybe he truly was wary of her and the power she could unleash at will. She would have to remember that.

"What favor do you want?" he snapped.

"I want rejoin the Akatsuki," Maddie piped up bravely.

Sir Leader stared at her for a long moment, then began laughing. It was a laugh with absolutely no humor whatsoever, and Eris wondered if it could even be considered a laugh.

"And why exactly do you think we would want you?" he demanded when he'd stopped laughing… or whatever he'd been doing… long enough to speak.

"You could use me. You're short a member, and I'm a willing volunteer. I don't believe Kisame would object either."

"The fact remains that there is absolutely nothing you can do in your current state."

Maddie's lips twisted into a mocking smile. "Isn't there? I would suggest you take a look at Deidara's room then, Sir."

Eris shot a glance at the ghost-girl. Clearly she was going to have to check it out, and soon. If the look on Maddie's face was an indication, it would be worth seeing.

"What have you done to Deidara's room?"

"I had a… philosophical discussion with Michiko. She's outside with Itachi, by the way."

"And Deidara?"

"We should be hearing from him soon."

Eris shot a glance at the window, trying to gauge the time. A few rays of sunlight looked like they might possibly decide to poke up behind the horizon but, apart from that, it was still dark.

"I wouldn't count on that. Deidara tends to sleep until well after daybreak."

"Yes, but only when he's not missing something. He'll discover soon enough that his dearly beloved – former dearly beloved, I should say – isn't there, and he'll jump up in a panic to go search for her and probably turn into what Itachi used to be."

Sir Leader scowled. "You have now succeeded in reducing another of my men to a state of utter uselessness, and you expect me to reinstate you? Dying must have made you more than a touch delusional."

"If I killed Deidara and gave you back Itachi, doesn't that count as a more than equal trade? Of course, he'll have to think of a way to get those gods-awful bloodstains out of his ectoplasm, but other than that he should be in full fighting form in a few days."

"What makes you so sure of that?" Eris was curious now. From what she knew of Itachi, it would take weeks, at the very least.

"Eris, if you had Michiko demanding that you snap out of it, don't you think you would?"

Eris, who had seen Michiko at less than her best, doubted it, but, then, she wasn't in love with the wretched creature either. It might be different for Itachi.

"And what do you intend to do about Deidara?"

Maddie shrugged slightly. "Deidara can either deal with the fact that Michiko doesn't love him, or he can have his mid-life crisis and fill the void left by Itachi. Every camp needs a depressed emo, right?"

"Your humor falls somewhere on the short side of flat, Maddie."

Maddie didn't answer, and silence hung in the air for a long moment.

Suddenly, an ear-splitting roar broke it and Eris, like the other two, turned towards it like a sunflower turns towards the sun. Though, come to think of it, perhaps a different comparison should be used, as Deidara was very little like the sun, and anyone comparing Eris to a sunflower would be faced with instant and agonizing death. But I digress.

"That will be Deidara," Maddie remarked offhandedly, "realizing that something's missing."

Sure enough, precisely thirty seven seconds later, Deidara skidded to a halt in the Leader's room, dashing right through Maddie in his haste. She grimaced in distaste and made a big show of dusting herself off.

"Where is she?"

"Where is who?"

"Michiko!"

"I suspect she's outside with Itachi." Eris hid a grin as she spoke, watching the blood drain from Deidara's face.

"Itachi?! But… but… but he's…"

"Dead. We know."

"Where is he?"

Maddie shrugged. "How should I know? Last time I saw him, he'd stomped off to try and kill himself – again – but I suspect you could follow Michiko's footsteps and find him that way."

Without waiting for an answer, Deidara turned and sprinted out the door, passing once more through Maddie, who, after grimacing horribly, sent a particularly vicious-looking potted plant sitting in Sir Leader's room to knock him down three flights of stairs. She returned the pot, miraculously unharmed, to its place and smiled in smug satisfaction. Eris grinned.

Sir Leader looked at Maddie with something almost akin to respect. "I see I underestimated your capabilities. What else can you do?"

With a slight smirk of triumph, Maddie vanished. Moments later, that same potted plant rose, hovered directly over the carpet, then dropped silently to explode with a crash upon impact. Sir Leader looked at the mess with mild distaste, but his attention was focused on Maddie… or where he thought Maddie was. Suddenly, a knife came at him from behind, and he whirled, only to be faced with just her head, grinning cruelly, and the knife floating in a businesslike manner before her.

"You can stop now," he said dryly. "I am more than informed as to your strengths."

"I can also spy. I can pass through walls made of anything up to pure power – yes, I have tested that – and I can eavesdrop on anyone and everything. I would make an ideal secret agent. Besides that, I can still wield a knife and, when provided with anything solid not exceeding 250 pounds, I can move it around and drop it silently and at will."

He nodded slowly. "I will think on it. Now, clean up this mess and let me get some sleep!"

Eris looked hard at Maddie, who sighed. Scrunching up her face, she levitated the entire mess and dumped it out the open window, where it all landed on Deidara, who was just emerging into the open. His muted howls of fury had Eris grinning once again.

The two crept out of the room, closing the door behind them, and parted company, Maddie to do whatever Maddie did in her free time – Eris suspected this had something to do with Kisame but she wasn't about to try and find out – and Eris to head up to the roof and watch the fun unfold.

Deidara had found Michiko and, by default, Itachi. Curious, Eris slid halfway down the roof, landing cat-quiet on Sasori's balcony to watch from a closer vantage point.

"…mine!" Deidara was growling, his hands palm up, clearly itching to attack Itachi's immaterial form.

"Not anymore." Itachi's voice was stronger, more confident than it had been for a long time. Eris suspected Michiko, standing protectively by his side, had more to do with that than any actual anger on Itachi's part.

"Tell him, Michiko!" Deidara begged, turning his gaze to the bone-pale woman. "You know that he's wrong."

Michiko's answer was swift and brutal. She reached out and slapped his face. Hard. Eris winced slightly. That had to hurt!

Deidara's eyes widened with pain and shock as he looked from Michiko to Itachi in confused disbelief.

"But… but earlier… in the kitchen… you said…"

"I don't care what I said," she snapped icily. "Surely you of all people know what it's like not to be thinking clearly."

Deidara flushed, and Eris' eyebrow rose in curiosity. Clearly there was a secret here, and she wanted it.

"Go away." That was Itachi's voice, cold and unemotional, yet still utterly commanding. Eris knew that if she were Deidara, she would have absolutely no desire to disobey. Deidara clearly felt the same way, because he turned stiffly and walked away, rage and pain evident in every line of his body.

She hadn't been expecting what came next, though she should have been. It was only a matter of time, of course. As Deidara came towards her, she wondered more than a little cynically what it was about Michiko that made all the guys she got her hands on break to pieces when she left. Clearly Eris would have to study her form and imitate it. It was a useful skill for any woman, particularly one such as Eris.

"What do you want, Deidara?"

"What do you think? You were watching. I know you were. You're always watching."

Eris didn't even try to deny it. Instead, she eyed him closely. "You're sure?"

He nodded soundlessly.

"I won't reverse it, you know. I made an exception for Maddie because that was an accident. You want this, you get all of it. I'd talk to Maddie before making a decision. I would say talk to Itachi because he's been through it more recently, but…"

"No!"

"Exactly."

He didn't hesitate. "Just do it."

Eris sighed. "The things I do for my friends."

"I'm not your friend."

"No, that's true. I must admit, though, I will miss you."

His eyebrows shot up. "Why?"

She grinned. "Let's just say that there's a reason you can't cook anymore."

His fists clenched at his sides. Eris wondered vaguely if he ever bit himself doing that, but dismissed the thought.

"Will you get on with it?" he demanded through clenched teeth. "I don't want to wait all day!"

Eris sighed. She really would miss him. "You're absolutely sure?"

"YES!"

"All right."

She did it quietly, with little ceremony and less elegance. One moment he stood before her, his fists clenched and his breath coming in short gasps, the next slumped at her feet, motionless and not breathing. She eyed the corpse distastefully, wondering what she was going to do with it. A glint came suddenly to her eyes, and she sprang back up to the roof, leaving Deidara's cooling body for Sasori to deal with when he woke up. It would serve the chauvinistic bastard right.

Itachi and Michiko had vanished, though whether they'd gone back into the base or out into the forest to attempt some species of impractical and impossible act of tenderness, Eris neither knew nor cared. They didn't concern her any longer.

So it was that life returned to what passed as normal for the Akatsuki. Maddie was reinstated as Kisame's partner, much to their mutual delight, and Itachi and Michiko stuck together as though they couldn't bear to be parted, though it was amusing to watch him occasionally go through her when they tried to move in two different directions at once. Eris thoroughly enjoyed watching Sasori react to Deidara's corpse on his balcony, and enjoyed even more Sir Leader's quiet yet somehow gleeful resignation when he heard the news. She even thought she heard him mutter something about it 'being about time' as he turned away, but, of course, her hearing could have been deceiving her.

As normalcy returned to the group, Eris began searching for something else to amuse her. She was a Goddess, after all, and all the excitement had killed her favorite play-toy. Still, with the new additions to the team and the plans drawn up by Sir Leader, she was certain that she would find something to keep her entertained. Itachi's brat of a younger brother certainly had promise, and she began quietly plotting ways to induce him to come to the Akatsuki and become her newest unwitting pawn. For the meantime, Zetsu would do nicely, and she passed endless hours of delirious entertainment setting the two sides of his personality on each other and watching as sparks – and sometimes bits of vegetation – flew through the air.