Well I figured I'd return the favor and write Draco'sgirl's A/N for her... Honestly, though, I have no idea where this came from... Maddie is gonna be so pissed! And I'm not even sure if I mean the character Maddie or the actual Maddie...!

Tell me I'm not the only person who picked up the whole kitchen thing...?

Kisame Wades into the Fray, Gnashing his Teeth and Demanding to be Given the Happy Story

Kisame distrusted calm. Living in the same vicinity as Eris, he had to. She thrived on chaos and destruction, and when the base was notably lacking in both… well, it tended to make one wary. Kisame couldn't help feeling like a victim of an earthquake: he was delighted that the quake itself was over, but he lived in fear of the aftershock. And, unlike with an earthquake, which tended to bleed itself out, the longer Eris waited, the worse the inevitable explosion would be.

So, as the third day of relative peace rolled around, he couldn't help hoping it would break soon. He didn't want to deal with an unstoppable onslaught of mass hysteria. He would settle for, "pretty big but not quite massive." Of course, at his core, he really didn't expect the chaos to affect him. Why should it? Eris liked playing with Deidara, not with him. Now, with the third side of the Deidara-Michiko-Itachi triangle returned to its proper place, albeit slightly sloppily, like a small child's art project, Eris should have had endless hours of amusement. Though, come to think of it, Deidara had been acting strange lately. Stranger than usual, that is. In fact, he'd been acting almost… normal? No rants about the beauty and superiority of his "art," no long, smoldering looks at Michiko through excessively puppy-like eyes… nothing. He hadn't quite gotten to the drinking coffee and reading the news stage, but, had he been solid, Kisame suspected he would eventually have gotten there. It was more than a little disconcerting.

He looked up from the raw fish he was methodically slicing when a shadow blocked the scant sunlight coming in through the small window.

"Hello Konan. I haven't seen you around lately."

She shrugged, walking silently farther into the kitchen. "I've been busy."

He nodded, turning back to his fish. That was about as much out of Konan that anyone but Sir Leader tended to get. He expected her to get whatever she wanted from the cupboards and go back to wherever she kept herself, but she didn't. Instead, she crossed to stand next to Kisame, not saying anything, but still watching him. Her eyes were the same shade as her hair, he noticed, then asked himself sternly why he cared. It wasn't like he even liked her… right?

"Can I, um, help you with anything?"

She hesitated, then seemed to throw her caution to the wind with an, "oh, what the hells?" type of shrug.

"What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"Kissing a ghost?"

He blinked. "What?"

"You heard me."

"It's… interesting. Why do you ask?"

"Do you miss kissing normal people?"

Kisame chose not to comment on the irony of the statement, coming as it did from Konan, one of the many less-than-traditionally normal people, a category in which he firmly placed himself. Instead, he tried to guess her motives for asking the question. Her frank, slightly apathetic tone spoke of nothing but idly morbid curiosity. On the other hand, this was Konan. For her to come out of her customary seclusion, it would take more than curiosity, however morbid.

"I hadn't really thought about it."

"Oh."

They were silent for a little while longer, and Kisame tried to concentrate on his fish, doing his best to ignore the blue-haired girl next to him. A very close next to him. He fixed Maddie's face in his mind and ferociously didn't think about Konan.

All his efforts were wasted as he turned to tip the fish into the frying pan. She was there, her eyes wide and her hands trembling very slightly. She took his hand, disrupting the careful spooning of fish into the pan. One of the pieces fell into the pan, then bounced into the open gas flame, sputtering wildly. Kisame didn't notice the metaphor, transfixed as he was by the feel of her hand on his.

Somewhere in the depths of his mind, a warning bell went off as she closed the gap between them, but he was too enthralled to notice. She gently touched her mouth to his, growing more frenzied as she went. His breath caught and he felt himself returning the kiss with equal intensity.

They broke apart, their breath coming in short, uneven gasps.

"We shouldn't be doing this." Even as he said it, Kisame felt himself take a step towards her, fish forgotten.

"No one has to know." She slipped her arms around his neck, pulling him even closer.

He couldn't deny the truth of that, and he wouldn't have cared even if it wasn't true. She was irresistible, the worst kind of temptress. True, she was beautiful, but it was more her irrevocable innocence, the aura of fragility she managed to project even when he knew exactly what she was capable of. The excruciating pain she could cause him if she so wished was immaterial. He still felt drawn to protect her.

The fire sputtered loudly, momentarily jerking his attention away from the cerulean-haired siren before him. He flooded the fire, not really caring how much damage he did to the stove in the process. The stove didn't matter, in the long run. Sir Leader would be pissed, but…

His head jerked up with an almost audible snap as he realized where that train of thought would lead him. Pissed. Sir Leader. Oh shit!

"What?" Konan's voice murmuring in his ears almost distracted him from his horrible realization, but not quite.

"Sir Leader is going to kill us."

Her own breath caught, ever so slightly, but she regained her composure almost instantaneously. "Pein's a big boy. He can take it."

Kisame scowled. "He is the Leader. I am his subordinate. I'd like to keep having a house to live in, thanks all the same."

"He won't kick you out. You're fairly indispensable."

"Thanks for the compliment, but I doubt it."

She shook her head. "Trust me on this, Kisame. You'll keep your job and your room."

"And my sanity? I don't know about you, but I'd really rather not test that theory."

She sighed, but drew away. He felt an odd, almost physical pain at the loss of contact, and he could tell she noticed it. Her lips curled into a slight smirk. "Not even for this?" She kissed him again, melding her body to his own, trying to prove that he could no longer function without her. And, he had to admit, she was right. Her touch brought instantaneous relief from the pain of separation, something Maddie's non-corporeal form had never quite managed to do.

He knew he should argue more, knew that he shouldn't just accept this, but he couldn't. Something wouldn't let him.

Suddenly, Konan drew away, her face pale and her eyes wide.

Knowing what he would find and dreading it, Kisame turned to face the door.

"What in gods' names is going on here?"