Author's note: look, i'm back. yup, it's Draco'sgirl again. and just so you know, i have NO clue where this came from. i'm tired and bored and... yeah. let us know what you think!
and, yes, we are well aware of the fact that we don't own naruto. did you think that we would have made naruto as annoying as he is if we did?
--kyra and Tamara

Maddie Heads Back to the Happy Story, Yanking it from Kisame's Grasp and Continuing it Herself

"What in gods' names is going on here?"

Maddie could hardly believe what she was seeing. Kisame and Konan, shoved together like some sort of distorted, two headed animal. Heck, they even sort of looked alike, with their matching blue hair. But that wasn't the point. The point was that Kisame was Maddie's partner, not Konan's! How dare he do this to her?!

"Ah… hi, Maddie."

She ignored him, gliding closer to them and clenching her fists. Usually, she didn't mind being a ghost, but now, she would have given just about anything to be solid, even for one fleeting moment, just so that she could slap him. Hard. And then slap him again. Harder.

"Konan, what is going on here?"

Everyone turned to see Sir Leader standing in the doorframe, his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed.

Konan looked from him to Maddie to Kisame and back again, then carefully extracted herself from Kisame's grasp. Maddie didn't fail to notice the audible noise of displeasure from her supposed dearly beloved that accompanied this action. She scowled.

"Well? I am waiting with baited breath for an explanation."

"It was my fault." They all turned to stare at Kisame. "I seduced her. I apologize. I will accept my punishment without complaint."

Konan's eyes flickered quickly between Kisame and Sir Leader, but she didn't say anything.

"Well Konan? Is this the truth?"

"Yes, Sir." Her voice was a mere whisper, but it contained nothing but shame-filled honesty.

Sir Leader turned back to scowl at Kisame. Maddie, despite her fury, couldn't help feeling slightly sorry for her one-time love. She would hate to have Sir Leader look at her like that!

Sir Leader turned towards Maddie, surprising everyone in the room.

"Would you like some say in the punishment?"

Maddie considered. Finally, she nodded.

"Then I will leave Kisame up to you. Come to me when you are finished with him, and I will devise a suitable punishment."

"Thank you, Sir." Maddie bowed to him, already plotting fiendishly. One thing she knew for certain: Kisame was going to pay for this, and he was going to pay dearly.

"Konan, come with me."

Konan stepped away from Kisame with obvious reluctance, completely undermining her whole "damsel in distress" act. Maddie sincerely hoped Sir Leader hadn't fallen for it. True, he was supposed to be in love with the little bitch, or something like that, but even so! He was supposed to be the leader of a great criminal organization. People like that didn't fall for bad acting, even when the person doing the acting was their supposed girlfriend.

They exited the kitchen, leaving Maddie and Kisame alone.

"Maddie…"

"Be quiet. You really don't have anything to say to me right now."

"I was just wondering how you were going to kill me."

Her eyes gleamed fiercely. "Oh, I'll think of something, don't worry."

"The anticipation is killing me already."

"No it's not. Shut up and let me think."

He shut up, much to her relief. She turned her back on him, biting her nails in an effort to think of something to do to him. What was the appropriate punishment in this kind of situation, anyway? Punishment by abstinence wasn't really appropriate, since there wasn't really any way she could enforce it. He certainly wouldn't be doing anything with her, but, then, he couldn't anyway, so it was pointless. Actually physical pain wouldn't work either, for the same reason. At times, being immaterial was highly inconvenient.

"Can I make a suggestion?"

"No."

"Fine then. I just thought you'd like to know that there's a knife on that counter over there, if you're at all interested."

She was, but she couldn't use that now. He'd ruined it by pointing it out to her. Only an idiot or a desperate person used weapons pointed out by their victims, and Maddie was neither.

"I thought I told you I didn't want you opinion."

"Just being helpful."

"I don't want your help. Just… just sit there and let me think!"

He did as she commanded. At least, she hoped he did. She didn't actually turn around to check.

After a long while, he began to speak. She didn't listen to him at first, but the words continued to knock at her skull until she had no choice but to give in and hear what he was telling her.

"… and I really didn't mean for it to happen. I promise I didn't. It just… I just… what am I saying? It's not like you're going to believe me or anything. But I just have to tell you: I don't love her. I love you. You probably don't care right now, and I don't blame you, but it's the truth. And I realize that I'll probably come out of here missing several important parts of my anatomy, at least, but I suppose I've earned it. I mean, what are you supposed to think? I really wouldn't blame you for hating me right about now. I'd hate me, in your place. But I want to earn your forgiveness. Just tell me what I can do, Maddie."

She wanted to tell him to shut up, wanted to close herself off to all emotions and go back to basking in the warmth of utter fury, but she couldn't. His words hit a chord within her, one that she couldn't ignore.

"Did you really seduce her?"

"No."

"Then why did you say you did?"

He shrugged helplessly. "If I tell you I don't know, will you believe me?"

"No."

"I didn't think so."

"Why did you do it, Kisame?"

"I… I had to."

She clenched her fists, noting with interest that her jagged nails could still cut into her skin.

"Would you care to elaborate on that statement?"

To his credit, he gave it some serious consideration. Finally, he sighed. "Being with Konan is like being with a very small child. You want to protect her, even though you know you don't have to. Something about her forces you to think that she's helpless and that you need to make sacrifices to keep her from getting into trouble. It's like you and kittens."

She grimaced. Unfortunately, it actually made sense. She'd seen Konan and, even though Maddie hated the other woman, she couldn't deny the odd charisma. Even she wanted to protect her at times, and she really couldn't blame Kisame for the lapse. Despite his less than normal appearance, he was very much a male, and the combination of beauty and vulnerability was deadly.

"So, how are you going to torture me? Or am I off the hook?"

She forced her mind back to the present. Just because she empathized with him didn't mean she was letting him walk away! "In your dreams!"

He grinned. "If I told you my dreams were about you, would that help?"

"No."

"Not even a little?"

"No."

"You wound me, Maddie. Will you ever forgive me?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"On how I feel at any given moment."

"Wait, isn't there anything I can do?"

"I think you've done more than enough, don't you?"

"I suppose, but…"

"But nothing. And I thought you were supposed to be being quiet."

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

"No you're not."

"You're right. I'm not."

She rolled her eyes, but didn't comment. Finally, she sighed. "You're nowhere near off the hook," she warned, "but you might actually walk out of here."

"Really?"

"Might."

"Oh."

She nodded, then closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and began to shout.