This whole experimenting thing was empirically weird. Chloe had been her friend for 4 years and not once during that time had it ever occurred to Beca that she might enjoy kissing the red haired girl. Why would it have? Sure, the girl was seriously good looking. It's not like Beca had never noticed that fact, but she hadn't noticed it like that before. Sure, she had meant it when she muttered "you should be" in regard to Chloe's body confidence on that fateful day in the shower freshman year. The girl was totally hot. But there was a big difference between recognizing your best friend's natural beauty and wanting desperately to run your hands all over her form.

Which is where Beca found herself right now, desperately wanting to feel Chloe everywhere. But she resisted, keeping her hands firmly clasped together behind Chloe's back as they sat kissing on Chloe's bed. Something in her brain was short circuiting. Wanting to touch Chloe was a very new – like fifteen seconds ago new – feeling. And like all of the new feelings of the past 48 hours, Beca wasn't sure what to make of it. The indulgent side of her brain was telling her "Why not?" Beca felt pretty certain that Chloe would be into it. And if that's what she wanted to do, shouldn't Beca go forth? Isn't that the whole point of "experimenting?" Trying new things to uncover new information? Like maybe she'd touch Chloe and find it a complete turn off. Beca had already reasoned that kissing anyone would be a pleasurable experience. Because, really, what's the difference between kissing Chloe and kissing, say, Jesse? Not that she was comparing them, but it only made sense that the act of kissing anyone would stir up some feelings of arousal. But touching someone, well, that was different. Because if you liked the feel of someone in your hands, then it stood to reason that you might actually like them as, like, an individual. Because no one person was going to feel the same way another felt… especially if that person were of the female persuasion when all former touch-ees were male…

And that's why the rational side of her brain was keeping her from doing it. Because what if she touched Chloe and found it a complete turn on? Then what? Beca still hadn't moved past the girl's earlier words, her confession of wanting "to be with" Beca. Sure, that was vague and it could mean a lot of things. But Beca wasn't an idiot and they weren't children. She was pretty sure that Chloe would go as far with this thing as Beca would allow and that was… a lot to consider. It was absolutely overwhelming, in fact. And it was a good thing that Beca was having a hard time really comprehending what that meant, what that really meant. Otherwise, she probably would have fled the room before Chloe had the chance to straddle her in the first place.

She felt Chloe's hands travel down from her jaw, dragging gently across both sides of her neck and down her shoulders before the heels of the girl's hands pressed into her collar bone, urging her to lay back. Beca resisted at first, which pulled a groan from Chloe. The sound was enough to force the brunette to acquiesce. She laid back slowly, the other girl moving with her so their mouths remained in contact. Once the mattress was fully supporting her weight, Beca felt Chloe's hips give a singular rock against her own. Light flashed behind her eyes and her moan was swallowed by the strong press of Chloe's tongue against her own. She felt the red head's hips jerk and then the girl was pulling away from Beca, breathing something loud and heavy. The brunette's eyes flashed open as her mind raced. Why did Chloe just pull away? Had she done something wrong? Her vision came into focus and she found the girl, now sitting upright on top of her, had her eyes shut tightly, her brow was furrowed, her chest was heaving. The shot of arousal that surged through her at the sight surprised Beca, though at this point, maybe it shouldn't have…

The voice in her head that kept her from touching Chloe finally shut up. She unfurled her fingers from behind the girl's back and placed a hand on each of Chloe's thighs, rubbing upward and then gripping lightly. Beca watched the red head's sharp intake of breath, watched her eyelids tremble. She couldn't believe a touch as small as that had such an effect on her friend. Her thoughts began racing again, flashing back to moments she had never experienced… moments of Chloe, long ago, thinking about this. Thinking about Beca touching her. She wondered when Chloe had first thought of her and how long she had waited to make her confession. Was this on her friend's mind from day one? It certainly would explain a lot, like the shower invasion and an abundance of too close talking incidents…

Chloe's eyes suddenly opened, staring directly at the woman beneath her and Beca's face froze. The look in Chloe's eyes was savage. It was downright animalistic. She was looking at Beca like she wanted to devour her whole. The look made Beca's bottom lip quiver, a whimper escaping her as Chloe surged forward and began kissing Beca's neck, hands gripping either side of her rib cage. She stared up at the ceiling and felt her own hips, acting entirely of their own accord, rise up against the weight of the woman straddling her.

"Mmm. Beca…" the red head breathed in her ear. Beca felt her tongue flick out against the lobe before snaring it into her mouth. Her vision blurred. Groaning loudly, Beca became all too aware of the wetness pooling between her thighs. Chloe moved to latch herself to Beca's pulse point, using her teeth to suck the tender skin into her mouth. It was too much. The way Chloe said her name, the way her lips felt on her body. Chloe's right hand slid across her chest to cup the underside of Beca's clothed breast. Everything was moving too quickly. Beca was losing control. Chloe's hand moved to squeeze the flesh it held and Beca's body responded instinctively by arching into the touch. Chloe made a sound that vibrated against her throat and Beca couldn't take anymore. She just couldn't. Tongue tied, she instead shook her head, perhaps a little violently.

Chloe's hands quickly moved off her body and pressed into the mattress on either side of her shoulders, lifting herself away from Beca. "What's wrong?" She sounded as panicked as Beca felt, who immediately took the opportunity to pull herself out from underneath the red head, scooting back as far away from the girl as possible, until her back hit the headboard. She curled her legs up, wrapping her arms tightly around them, and dropped her forehead to her knees.

"Bec—"

"Too much," she spat. "Just to-too much." Those were the only words she could manage at the moment. She was really trying not to freak out. But there was just, like, a lot going on in her head right now. It wasn't that she didn't want to do this. It was just, like, a lot.

She felt Chloe's hand brush against her shoulder and flinched. Chloe quickly removed her hand, as though she had just touched something she didn't realize was scalding hot. Beca didn't mean to shy away. She really didn't. She looked up at her friend, whose face was riddled with concern. "I'm sorry," Beca said instantly, "I didn't mean…" Chloe blinked. "I didn't mean to, like, flinch. Right then. Sorry."

The red head released a long breath, relief more than apparent as she did so. Her concern was still evident, but her face brightened and Beca felt a sense of relief herself. "Are you okay?" Chloe carefully asked.

"Yeah," Beca nodded, "yeah, I'm fine. I just… I felt like I couldn't breathe."

Chloe didn't miss a beat. "I'm that good, huh?" she quipped, a signature smirk gracing her face.

"Shut up!" Beca picked up a nearby pillow and chucked it in Chloe's direction. The older woman twisted, holding up a hand to protect herself from the assault. She squealed as the projectile hit her before throwing it back in Beca's direction with a giggle.

"Sorry," Chloe said. But she didn't sound sorry. She sounded smug, so Beca frowned. "You sure you're okay?" the older girl continued, "Do you wanna talk about it?" She sounded sincere now. Her voice was kind. Beca wanted to say no. She wanted to run away from it, stew over it until the whole thing was forgotten. But she reminded herself that was the old Beca. She reminded herself of her own promise to herself: that she would try, really try, to talk to Chloe about this. She knew it was the only way to grow, to move forward. She had to be an adult about this.

Ugh. But adult-ing is the worst!

She hadn't honestly given much thought to why she felt like she had to try this, and why she had to really give it her best. She really had no reason to. Her life was moving forward just fine. As long as she didn't fuck up this demo thing (and she felt pretty certain she wouldn't, with Legacy's help), everything was fine. She'd graduate, the Bellas would kick butt at Worlds, and then she'd move to LA to be with Jesse. It was easy, it was good, it was going to be just fine. So then why did she feel like she had to do this, and do it right?

Beca really hadn't given that line of thinking the attention it probably deserved. She believed her own assumption that she was, somehow, doing this all for Chloe. Because Chloe wanted to. And because why not? Anyone could use one last "crazy college story," right? This was her last ditch effort at getting the full "college experience" that her father had wanted so desperately for her freshman year. This probably isn't exactly what he meant by that…

Beca took a deep breath in an attempt to ground herself. "I just—"she started, but then paused, deciding to approach this from a different angle. "That was just, like… a lot. For me."

Chloe nodded sympathetically, but then flashed a somewhat confused look. "And what does that mean… 'a lot?'" Beca swallowed hard. She was not used to having a conversation like this, and she didn't know how to articulate all the things she was feeling in a way that would make sense. Her mouth dropped open as she tried to say something, but no words came out. "Like… like overwhelming?" Chloe offered.

Beca nodded. Yes, that was exactly it. She felt overwhelmed. She was overwhelmed by sensation, by emotion. Her head, body, heart, whatever just couldn't process everything that was happening, and so she had shut down.

"Okay," Chloe continued. "But, like, overwhelming in… in like a good way? Or, like, a not so good way?" Beca stared into crystal blue eyes and saw them shimmer, almost quake. There was an air of vulnerability in the way Chloe looked, in the way she asked that question. It reminded her of the way Chloe had looked when she told the Bellas about her nodes, like she was preparing for the worst possible outcome, but desperately pleading for the best.

"I don't know, Chlo," she said honestly. She watched her friend's face fall as she lowered her head to focus on the bed below. "I mean… I, like… like, I enjoyed, um…" She didn't finish her sentence. Chloe was looking back at her again, plainly trying to suppress a bright smile, and Beca appreciated the effort. She couldn't take a Chloe grin right now. "I just… need some time. To think… more clearly. Okay?"

Chloe nodded and apparently couldn't hold in her smile anymore. Her typical effervescence was back. And it made Beca realize that it was lost in the first place, that while in "sexy-mode," her bubbly personality disappeared altogether. It made sense, Beca thought, but it was strange. As well as she thought she knew Chloe, she didn't know that about her. Not until this very second. The realization that followed was perhaps an obvious one, but Beca hadn't thought of it before… that experimenting with Chloe necessarily meant that she was getting to know the girl even better than she already did, in a way that she had never known her before. Beca was refusing to overthink this, but that thought made her insides warm. That's what she wanted, more than anything, really… just to be as close to Chloe as possible. She wanted to know her, really know her. And it was almost like a blood oath, or something. The two of them sharing this together would serve to bring their friendship to some otherworldly plane of existence, something that was just, well, beyond everything else. She didn't quite have the words to describe it, but she felt it. She could feel it happening already. This was going to change everything, of course it was, but for once Beca was certain she felt good about that fact. She felt like she knew that's what she wanted. And she didn't question it, not for a moment. Because being around Chloe… she just knew. She knew however weird this was, and however logically wrong it might have been… it was still, somehow… just right.

Beca's eyes scanned over every peak and every divot of the white Stucco ceiling in her and Amy's bedroom, listening to the serenade of the other girl snoring. The room was mostly dark, but there was a nightlight that kept the stairs lit, for their own safety. It had come in rather handy on particularly drunken nights, when either of them found themselves stumbling back to bed at 3 o'clock in the morning. It was certainly worth the six bucks Beca had paid for it.

But right now it was keeping her up. Well, she supposed that her brain was mostly the cause of that… but blaming the nightlight just seemed easier.

A lot had happened in just a few days' time. Beca's whole world had shifted… all because of this Chloe thing. She felt like she desperately needed to talk about it to someone other than Chloe. Jesse was the first person to come to mind, of course. She wanted nothing more than to hash it out with him. But while they two were currently "broken up" or "on a break" or whatever… she still knew it would be decidedly weird to discuss with him what had been going on between her and Chloe. But she really, really wished it weren't. He'd be the perfect person to talk to. She knew he would be.

Amy was the next obvious choice, as she was probably Beca's closest friend, next to Chloe… but Beca had a hard time imagining the girl taking it seriously. And she wasn't looking to be laughed at…

She thought maybe Stacie, with her advanced sexual knowledge, or Cynthia Rose, with her advanced sexual knowledge of women, could help her. But Beca was beginning to have doubts about going to any of the Bellas with this. It was just too weird to talk about Chloe, and her maybe feelings for the girl, with the other members of the group. Plus, it was best not to distract them with anything so close to Worlds…

But what about a former Bella? Now there was a truly insane idea. The idea of talking to Aubrey about, well, anything really seemed so utterly ridiculous that, beyond saying just that, Beca really couldn't put words to it at all.

No, for now she'd have to suffer silently with this one. She'd have to work on figuring this out for herself, at least for now, which meant she'd probably be continuing to stare at the ceiling until the sun came up.

Beca exhaled and braced herself for the insomnia that was perhaps inevitable, but turned on her side and shut her eyes anyway. Just because she couldn't sleep didn't mean she shouldn't try.

On the one hand, she thought, what was to figure out, really? This was a casual thing. Chloe had already insisted that it wasn't a big deal. If she felt like kissing and touching Chloe, and Chloe was receptive to the idea herself, what was stopping her? But there was a part of her brain that just couldn't let it go, a part of her brain that kept insisting on yelling, "What the fuck?!" at her loudly, and repeatedly.

She knew there was really nothing to "figure out" here. She had two options. Either continue this thing with Chloe, or stop this thing with Chloe. There wasn't another option. That was it. And thinking back to her earlier realization, of wanting to be as close to Chloe as possible, of enjoying the time spent with her, whatever they were doing… or perhaps even especially what they were doing… that was the bottom line. That was the conclusion. That was all she needed to know, and she knew it. So… why let this thing cause her any more grief? She should be cautious, sure. They should take this thing slowly, step by step, and she should reassess her own feelings about it along the way… but the more Beca thought about it, thought about how wonderful it was to be with Chloe in that way, she already had her answer. Of course she wasn't going to stop doing this thing. She wanted it too much. And she may not have known exactly what that meant, but maybe she didn't have to. Maybe that was just fine. I mean, does anyone ever really know what anything means?

She had to put this line of thinking to bed for now. Yes, experimenting with Chloe was empirically weird, but Beca wasn't much of an empiricist. And what was wrong with weird anyway? If being a Bella had taught her anything it was that letting your freak flag fly and being uniquely you was ultimately what brought success.

She closed her eyes in an attempt to actually sleep, but found her thoughts occupied with Aubrey and how happy she seemed working at the Lodge at Fallen Leaves. And then she remembered the Aubrey Beca had first met. It was only when Bree let go, and embraced her own inner self, that she found any kind of peace. Sure, that inner self was a bossy, control freak… but there was something in the way she now owned that personality, how she was proud to be exactly who she was, that made the whole thing endearing instead of infuriating.

Maybe Beca was still in the process of discovering some new things about herself, but the lesson of Bella sisterhood was clear. She could take the time to figure it out with all the love and support of her fellow Bellas (whether they knew the details of what she was going through or not). And once she had it figured out, the legacy of Bella sisterhood would be standing tall and proud behind her.

Standing… behind me…

Beca's eyes shot open as she sat up. She grabbed her cell from the nightstand, opened a blank notes page, and jotted quickly. She then thumbed open the messaging app and typed in Chloe's name.

I know what we're gunna do at Worlds

Beca pressed send and returned her cell phone to the nightstand. She laid back down, pulling the covers up to her chin, and smiled to herself. At least something good came from this sleepless night... The Bellas were going to absolutely kill.

A/N: Reviews are always shiny. Hope you all have a good weekend, awesome nerds. :)