Silent Lamb

by xeveningx

In silence lay secrets that have haunted her for years and she's ready to give up everything in order to take them to her grave. At this point,there's nothing to make her waver.Or is there? In the end,it's her choice: unravel the truth and destroy everything she's come to love, or forever be the scapegoat and lose herself in the process? (Rated M for themes.)

15. The Finitude of Life

Chapter Fifteen

The Finitude of Life

---

Nobody was in the room when Ceara chose to sneak in to visit little Hakuryuu. She didn't expect anyone either. Most of the adults, including Reizei Koujirou, were running amok searching for whomever had started the fire in the imperial palace. All of them had looked desperate to avenge their emperor and two crown princes who had been savagely murdered in that same blaze.

All of them searched and left the one person who had survived the atrocity in the hands of complete strangers. The only one she'd seen coming in and out while waiting for the right time to sneak in was Hakuei and Lady Gyokuen, but the widowed mother had taken her daughter away to rest. It bothered Ceara greatly that Hakuei fought so hard to stay when even she could see how tired and downtrodden the princess was. In the end, Lady Gyokuen took her away, ordering the healers to keep a watchful eye on Hakuryuu.

His treatment after they had found him had lasted hours and the poor boy barely survived his injuries. It took everything in her to keep her eyes trained on the boy as he breathed heavily and somewhat labored yet fully, most of his body bandaged to the point that it was hard to distinguish his face or tiny body.

Briefly, Ceara checked over her shoulder to make sure she wouldn't be kicked out by anybody before trotting inside and pulling a small stool to his bedside. He laid there whimpering despite clearly being asleep, obviously in pain with some of the blood from his burns seeping through. She pursed her lips uselessly stuck between wanting to change his bandages but fearing she would harm the already delicate state of his body.

Fire. It just reminded her of Kohaku and her family. Both people who had lost something amidst the flames.

At least Hakuryuu survived it.

Reaching out, she touched the tiny hand that grasped the linen sheets tightly. She had to pry his small fingers from it but as soon as she did, his hand grasped onto hers tighter than she thought possible. His breathing hitched and he groaned in pain.

Wanting to calm him down, Ceara leaned forward and gently swept matted hair away from his forehead as he moaned from his pain. His grip on her hand tightened making her wince but she didn't let go. She hated that she couldn't help him any other way, that there wasn't any other way to soothe his pain.

"When this world is no more

The moon is all we'll see

I'll ask you to fly away with me."

Ceara remembered Cael singing to her when she was sad. Singing to her when their father died. And his song—one he said their mother used to sing him—was the only one she remembered. The one she sang to herself when she fell to her woes.

"Until the stars all fall down

They empty from the sky—"

Hakuryuu's grip tightened before lessening, his breathing becoming a tad bit more relaxed despite still being shallow. Ceara smiled to herself but felt the tears that stopped flowing at the corner of her lips at doing so.

"—But I don't mind

If you're with me

Then everything's alright."

Ceara soothingly stroke back Hakuryuu's hair, her thumb caressing his forehead. Leaning back and taking her hand away from his head, Ceara laid her head onto the bed next to him and continued to sing softly, thinking that it would help to appease him.

"...Prince Hakuryuu."

Her head snapped up and turned back to see Kouen standing at the doorway, door slightly ajar as he stormed into the room to the other side of Hakuryuu's bed. Ceara didn't understand how he was there; Kouen had been sent out to capture another dungeon, after all. But by the fact that he still donned some parts of armor, including his pauldron, Ceara gambled that his convoy had just arrived.

What a time to too.

His brow perfused with sweat and stains of what she could only think of to be blood. His eyes fleeting but not straying from Hakuryuu's condition, but also distracted by something else. At that moment, Ceara wondered if he knew about Hakuyuu, Hakuren, and Emperor Hakutoku.

But of course he did. How couldn't he with the commotion that's going on.

Her eyes strayed to Hakuryuu's other hand as Kouen grabbed it in his, kneeling before the bed which got her to gasp shocked.

"...forgive me…" Despite his whispers, she could hear him choking on his words and it just made her choke on air as she sobbed, holding onto Hakuryuu's other hand tenderly.

As if praying, Ceara lowered her forehead to touch against the little boy's knuckles.

"When this world is no more,

The moon is all you'll see.

I'll ask you to fly away with me—"

Her voice wasn't anything higher than a whisper but it was audible in the quiet room with only Kouen's apologies ringing through. Fighting her own cracking voice, she kept on singing, her lips tasting the tears that she cried.

"Until the stars all fall down

They empty from the sky.

But I don't mind.

If you're with me,

Then everything's alright."

Ceara lifted her gaze slightly from place and caught the mere glance of Kouen in the dim light. The sight struck her deep. Ceara had always thought the boy strong and unyielding which made the view all the more heart breaking as she watched the glint of tears at the corner of his eyes, some spilling down his face that he quickly wiped away.

The sight only made her all the more wistful and she couldn't do anything else but cry, her sobs choking her song mute as she leaned against the bed to weep into it as silently as she could. Her grip on Hakuryuu, like Kouen's, remained steadfast though.

They had all lost people in that fire—people that neither this country nor family would ever come to replace. And the hopelessness and anguish struck them all the same. Now all they could do was safeguard what had survived and wait for the wounds to heal.

Because they would heal. The only thing Ceara wondered was how much pain would the scar that remained cause them anytime they saw it.

---

Stuck in the cell, Ceara found herself without much to do in the empty room. Aside from a small bed, a table and chair, and small lavatory room to the side, there wasn't much to it. After a whole day and a half, since the night Kouen and Koumei brought her back and that following day passing, she explored all of the tiny room.

Besides being small and empty, there was absolutely no way to see the outside except for the tiny slitted windows that lined the forefront of the room. Even then it was just a view of the room outside of her own, another antechamber she guessed, that was heavily guarded.

Ceara didn't understand what the purpose of guarding her like so was needed anymore. The only reason she had even been able to escape before was because of Beleth's powers. Kouen made sure that such thing wouldn't be possible, seeing that even before they got back to Balbadd, he stripped her of all her metal vessels, including the hair comb he had gifted her.

Without them, Ceara returned to being a powerless woman. At least, so long as they kept her properly restrained. Otherwise she could very well take out any normal soldier with a sword. Not like she felt up to that at the moment.

With the imminent threat of the civil war, Kou would need all the soldiers it could get. Especially because any hope she had left of having the twins back safely rested in their hands. Her heart and mind were still plagued with concern for her brother and sister but, as she had seen, her hasty and idiotic decisions had done nothing but cause unnecessary trouble. Had she been sane enough to think about things straight, she would have realized that a certain way to assure their safety would be for the west faction of Kou to win this war. And that the best way to assure that victory would have been to join in the ranks one last time as General Reizei Kohaku.

That option was but a pipe dream now.

With what Masami had done and what she subsequently aggravated, her stance on that battleground would be shaky at best. No soldier would listen to her orders. No general would fight alongside her. If she joined that war—which she assumed would happen because of the power she held—she would go to that war practically alone with no one to back her up.

But that was fine. If she got to fight that would be something even when no one would support her.

It does suck, though, that it might be the last thing I do.

"I have permission from his majesty."

Ceara recognized Seijin's voice coming from the outside of the antechamber, even without Beleth, and clearly heard his footsteps as he came to the doors before the room. It amazed her that he still bothered to knock and await for her reply.

It was only after she told him to come in that the blond boy came without a word. He strode across the room and first thing he did was take a sit on the only chair that was there while giving her a chiding frown. Disturbed but knowing it was right for him to be angry, Ceara came to stand before him slightly averting her eyes from the shame but deciding to push that aside in the end.

"I'm sorry about everything I did," she quickly started rather quietly, "I know that it was idiotic."

"Beyond idiotic."

"Beyond idiotic," she repeated, her shoulders slacking from the remorse. "I know that a lot of people are left in trouble now because of this. And I hate myself for it."

"As you should." It felt odd getting a lecture from the young teen but as things stood, it seemed proper. Everybody had told her that but she turned a blind eye and deaf ear to them all. Concern, panic, and anger had clouded her judgment, basically darkening it. A part of her believed that she had been too overwhelmed to have made any sane decision then. Another, though—the same one that she had over this past year developed and ignored all the same—told her that she chose to do all that knowing the consequences deep down.

At least that was the conclusion she came up with. She didn't know if it was right or not. It felt like it but after what she did—what it cost her—it made her second guess herself.

"I can't undo what I've done, Seijin." Taking a deep breath, she ran a hand through her hair, undoing her large braid, before plopping down onto the floor to take a sit, her legs crossed haphazardly. "Of that I'm damn sure."

Lifting her stark blue gaze, Ceara met Seijin's deep green stare that didn't falter as he spoke. "So what are you going to about it now?"

She scoffed a bit surprised he'd ask that but knowing the undeniable truth.

"What can I do?" she inquired, incredulous. "I'm locked up here under serious charges. There's no way to dissuade the people from thinking whatever they want from what Masami has done. And all I did was add more fuel to their doubt, proving her right. As things stand, I don't think that there's anything I can do to make any of this better. Honestly, I might just make things worse again."

"Is that all the value you have of yourself?"

The question caught her off guard, her brow furrowing. "What?"

"You think that anything you end up doing will just make things worse, so doing nothing will be better than doing something?"

"All I have done has made things worse."

"All you've done are insane things without thinking!" he shouted, making her flinch and her ears hurt from how loud he raised his voice. Seijin took a deep breath, his shoulders relaxing from being so rigid before he continued. "Out of all that makes you who you are, your pessimism and rashness are the things I can't handle. But that ends today."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm telling you that you're going to help me make right on all you've screwed up from the stunt you pulled the other day." Seijin pulled up the satchel she hadn't seen him wearing before he pulled out scrolls and bound books to place them neatly on the table.

"I can't help you," Ceara told him standing up and scurrying to the table to stop him from emptying his things. "I'm a prisoner. I can't legally—"

"I got permission." This baffled her seeing as the only one who would be able to give that was either Kouen or Koumei. Before she could ask who it had been, Seijin stood from his seat before turning to glower at her. The determination she saw in that glare shocked her and his words only added to her bafflement. "His majesty acknowledged that you shouldn't be let off scot-free after what you did. And I agree. I may have no idea what he's got planned himself but I did get him to agree to this." He motioned out to the scrolls that sat on the table with a single swipe of his arm. "You and Reizei Masami have cost our people precious resources and connections. As such, you owe it to them to make right on your mistakes. So for once in your life shove that pessimism aside and do something about it."

Pessimism. It was true that some people did call her out on that, especially when things tended to turn dire. It was useful when she could think straight because it helped her think of every possible way things could go wrong and prepare in advance for them. Not so much now after the fact, though. Now all it did was impede her from completely admitting she made mistake, from moving forward, and most importantly from fixing what she had made worse.

It's worse. But it's not hopeless.

She had to believe in that. She had to believe that even after what she'd done there was still a way to make things right without doing any worse. She had to believe there was another way.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath to compose herself. There was always another way. It was a matter of finding it amongst the wreckage she left behind.

"You're right. Moping won't get me anywhere. Much less to the people that need me." She smiled back at Seijin despite his frown still being very much present. "Thank you, Seijin, for not giving up on me."

The frown remained for a split second before he blinked and his whole demeanor changed. A small crooked smile came to his lips and he nodded, his deep mossy eyes sparkling a tad bit. "Of course. As vassal I'm supposed to be there in the good times, the bad, and the stupid."

Her smiled became smaller at hearing him say that. It was unbelievable that he still saw her as his master even after all that. The boy was truly a saint. "How can you be so forgiving?"

"I have faith," he just said as he sidestepped to leave the seat to her. "Faith in you and the people that lead this country. That's all I have, really. Besides, it's not like I completely forgive you for knocking me out."

The words reached Ceara as soon as she took her seat, making her shrink into it from the regret. "Of course not. I am so sorry about it."

"Don't apologize. Instead, help me fix this and it'll be a start." Nonchalantly, he pried one of the scrolls open before laying it out to her. "Speaking of which, we should start with this."

Ceara didn't know how long they spent inspecting every little problem that had arisen. Certainly some good hours since her evening meal came in after a while. But she refrained from eating more than a few bites before going back to working with Seijin.

According to him, there were three massive hits that her and Masami's actions had caused and aggravated.

First, the orphan houses became very shaky at their foundation. The volunteers, after hearing about what had happened and her charges, were quickly dispersing and leaving the houses even more understaffed than before. The ones that stayed, widows or older women, only did so because they were provided with free housing and extra rations from working there which kept them alive.

"We have allocated what resources we could but with everything that's happening with the civil war, they're scarce as it is."

Ceara could see that plainly by the declining numbers on the scrolls that held the information for the different houses. There was something that bothered her, though. "These are all still under my name."

Seijin's brow furrowed but looked at the papers to assure himself of that fact. "They haven't changed them yet? Odd. We should do that, shouldn't we?"

"Absolutely," she confirmed. "The people won't lay their fear to rest if on paper I'm still in charge of these facilities." She shook her head as she stared down at the numbers. Even with the government's support, there was still a steady decline after the sharp dive it made a couple days ago. The alternative to her name, though, made her stomach turn. Nonetheless, it was the better option at the moment. "Make it a governmental facility."

"Are you sure?"

"Once they see it's been taken away from me, they'll see that Kou's parliament and its imperial family are doing something to make this right even through this chaos we're in at the moment."

The likelihood that the numbers would keep declining was high, but if it worked like she thought it could then they wouldn't be on a deep dive forever. If anything, the citizens would be less against the houses being run by the government than by her. So even if they did go down, they could recover once this whole commotion was dealt with. It took Seijin maybe half a minute to jot down the importance of all she said before they moved on to the next topic.

Second on the agenda was how the memoirs were a wreck. After the memorandum and word spread, fewer letters than before were arriving for her which completely stopped after her charges were announced to the public. What was worse, some of the soldiers that had already given their anecdotes wanted their letters back, not caring whether they were transcribed properly or not. Everyone was suspicious and she couldn't blame them.

"Give me an estimate," she asked, lifting her legs to sit cross-legged on the chair as she gazed over the demands of soldiers who wanted their letters back. "How much of the accounts have you transcribed before this started?"

"Percentage wise?" Ceara nodded. "A good eighty."

"How long might the other twenty take you?"

"Three days," he said. The furrowed brow she gave him made Seijin rethink his answer as he massaged the back of his neck. "Maybe a day or so if I don't sleep."

"Make it a day," she demanded, narrowing her eyes on the demands of the soldiers. "Transcribe everything and then return the originals."

"They don't want you with any of them, though. Should we really keep them waiting with how frustrated they already are?"

"Make up an excuse: you have to gather them from all over the library; you have to ask for permission from the princes. Something, Jin, so that it gives you enough time to transcribe what's left." Mindlessly, Ceara played with the small feather pen that he'd brought, brushing the tip of it against her chin. The action reminded her of Beleth and the others, and their absence stung her. She put the pen down before bending one leg so that her chin could rest on her knee. "If we return them, there's a good chance they'll destroy them. Some of those accounts are from soldiers who've already passed on. We can't let those stories be lost."

Briefly, she eyed Seijin for an answer. All he did was nod in agreement.

The third and most problematic by far was the people themselves, mostly soldiers and commoners that she had worked for prior to all this. They were vehemently asking the imperial family for retribution.

Ceara as Reizei Kohaku had taken away from them their people and lands under false pretenses. They didn't want retribution for the one family she took over but for the countless others she conquered. According to them, had they known she wasn't part of the Kou Empire's army, they would have fought back. That's a claim she didn't doubt either. Ceara knew that many of the people she convinced to cede only did so out of fear of what the Kou Empire could do. Despite having once commanded the Southern Armies, that amounted to barely 100,000 men, a number that decreased by almost three quarters after Hakucho. By no means had she led a huge army the likes of Kouen's or Kouha's but she hadn't needed it. Not with the threat of Kou as a whole behind her. Now armed with that knowledge, people wanted what was right by them.

A foreigner had conquered them under guise and protection of the Imperial Family and the Kou's military. There was no way for them to have their lands back, that they knew, which is why they were adamant about calling for imperial punishment.

One head for thousands. Blood for blood. It wouldn't be enough but they believe it would quell their anger.

"His majesty denied them the imperial punishment." Ceara had heard him say that title before but hadn't been quite clear on who he was speaking about. At asking, Seijin pursed his lips. "Emperor Kouen, master."

"Emperor?"

"Prince Hakuryuu declared himself the rightful heir and Emperor of the Kou Empire in the east. To counter and quell the people's fears, Prince Kouen crowned himself as Emperor of the western Kou Empire."

Goodness. This had truly split their country in two.

"And he's been denying them imperial punishment?"

Seijin nodded. "The reason for it is because of your powers. He claims that he'll be using you to fight against Hakuryuu."

"Sounds about right."

"To be honest, I don't think he spoke that with any truth." That comment got Ceara to face her young vassal to ask how so. "Well, for one this was only publically announced. But from what he told me, his majesty said he would keep his word."

His word? Oh. To not execute me.

But that didn't make sense. He made that promise because of her past misdeeds; that had nothing to do with anything now. It was the same reason she was imprisoned here now and not before. He pardoned the actions of a child, not of the conscious adult. In the end, though, Ceara chalked it up to his overall war plans.

Hakuryuu and his small army would be rendered helpless with the six metal vessel users they possessed. And between her and Kouen, they could easily annule Zagan's powers using Phenex or Murmur.

"Master?" Ceara hummed her small acknowledgement as she spaced out, gazing into a certain point of the wall in front of her. "Although he told me not to, I think you should be made aware of this." The sullenness in Seijin's words caught her attention, making her face him with a puzzled look. "Aladdin and Mister Alibaba arrived a couple of days ago."

That didn't make since. "From the summit island? Isn't that a little late."

Seijin shook his head. "From Rakushou."

What? The mention of it got her to shoot off from her seat, stumbling with the chair as she grabbed Seijin by the shoulders. "Did they see them? Are they okay?"

"They don't know them, master," Seijin reminded her. "Even if they did, there's no way to ascertain it was them."

The words dosed the small embers of hope that the information had ignited. Sadly, she had to recognize that Seijin was right. Neither Aladdin nor Alibaba ever met Sousei or Suisei. Calming herself the best she could, she asked what had happened and the somber look that came over him was something she didn't like.

"Aladdin arrived a few hours into the night after you and his highnesses...with Alibaba in coma."

"What?"

"He's been like that for almost two days. The magicians under Prince Kouha, Parisa, and Aladdin himself are searching for a way to make him better as we speak."

"How did it happen?"

Seijin pursed his lips again and shook his head."Prince Hakuryuu did it." He took the next couple of minutes to tell her all that he found out about the situation through Parisa.

Aladdin and Alibaba went off to Rakushou to convince Hakuryuu to abandon his plan for war. He hadn't listened and a fight ensued between the four of them, Judar included. In the end, Hakuryuu lost his legs but dealt Alibaba a deadly injury with his new metal vessel, Belial, while Aladdin made the choice to kill Judar.

Hearing those news choked her. Judar was gone, Hakuryuu wasn't backing down, and Alibaba was in a dreadful condition.

Gods why… Ceara held in the need to cry and cleared her throat to due away with any sobs that would've escaped. There was no time for that. "What about Phenex?"

"Nothing," Seijin told her. "Parisa mentioned that it was strange, something about his rukh but didn't know how to explain it well. At the moment, I believe Aladdin is using those strange powers of his to search for a remedy."

Strange power. He must mean Solomon's Wisdom. The same power he used back in Magnostadt to enter the rukh of the Medium. Ceara didn't know if that would work but she hoped and would pray it did. Both of them were good kids. And she didn't wish the sadness of losing a close friend on anybody.

Late as it was, Ceara told Seijin they were done for the day but got him to leave the documents behind. "I don't have much to do here. Might as well think of some permanent way to fix things while I'm here. You take care of what we talked about."

"Certainly." Seijin saluted her but before he left, dug through his pockets again before bringing out a journal. It looked brand new, the bindings a dark maroon with gold etchings around the edges. He placed it on the table with a half-smile. "I know it's not the same but it's better than the one that got torn. Goodnight, Master of Eriu."

She shook her head at how odd that sounded but returned the gesture. "Goodnight, Jin. And thank you."

It was after that he left for good, leaving her alone in the small yet vast room yet again. Sitting in front of the desk, Ceara tried looking over the documents for a couple of minutes before a yawn came out of her. Finding it hard to keep awake, her eyes went over to the bound journal that Seijin left behind before she took it in her hands.

The book was brand new and it seemed to have garnered quite the fee from the boy by the feel of the pages as she flipped through them.

To replace the old torn one, was it?

Her journal that had been more than torn apart, really. At remembering, she also recalled the letters that had been turned to ashes. Those had no replacement. The thought alone made her heart heavier than it already was.

But it wasn't like they were completely gone either. At least not all of them. Taking the pen that Seijin left behind, Ceara opened the journal and tapped at the first page, leaving behind marks of ink. All it took was a quick scan through her brain to recall one of the many she had memorized before she began writing the words that were fresh in her mind onto the blank page.

They all started and ended the same.

"My dearest little Ceara," and, "I promise I'll return home. Always."

Sadly, that was a promise Cael couldn't keep. Promises seemed to be breaking right and left ever since Magnostadt. Ones she made to Sousei and Suisei, to Seijin, to Kouen and the others, to herself.

The only thing now was that there were no more promises to keep, no more to break. In a way, it was good; in another, it was bad.

Wait. There is one.

A small chuckle escaped her, baffled that she could have forgotten such a thing. Compelled by her conscious, Ceara turned the book to the back cover before opening it and writing. It took her almost two hours to put her thoughts into words and it ended with a good number of letters. Some were her last words to those already gone. The remaining ones were words for those she knew that still remained in the world.

Of those many, she only ripped out the pages of three: Hakuryuu's, Masami's, and Kouen's.

Ceara wished she could send each of them to whom they corresponded but that was a null thought. At least writing things out made her thoughts easier to digest. Mindlessly writing what she felt helped condense the information and small portions were easier to take. It wouldn't reach them but she would at least have it off her chest.

A sudden pitched noise that she hadn't noticed before rung through her head and racked her brain so bad that it made her wince. Reaching for one of her ears, the earlier noise was already gone, having left as fast as it came, yet deep in her eardrum she still felt the quiet vibrations and the low hum that accompanied it.

They could still be hurting from the fight.

The first time using Silver Echoes had left vibrations—aside from the bulging seal that had barely started to reside—that left some aftereffects: small buzzes she heard from time to time. But they all went away eventually.

And as annoying as that small hum was just sitting at the back of her mind, surely it wouldn't last for long either.

---

The instant the young magi's tears poured from his eyes and he crouched down in a futile attempt to wipe them and his grief away, Parisa stepped out of the room.

Five days of searching for a way to cure Alibaba-dono proved fruitless. Parisa, alike Reirei and Junjun, could see how the rukh inside the young man was no longer human. And despite his body still functioning, that too would halt soon enough. Even through the other side of the door, Parisa could clearly hear their cries of anguish at having realized what they as magicians already did.

Alibaba-dono was as good as dead.

"Parisa!"

The panic that rose in her from Seijin's loud exclaim made her jump. Wiping the small tears that sprouted before lifting her gaze, she met the young vassal just as he almost stumbled into her. Seijin stopped inches in front of her but quickly took her by the wrist and dragged her behind him without another word.

Parisa struggled to raise her voice, preoccupied more with breathing with how fast they were running. "S-Sei!" Her calls were useless though. Seijin was far more preoccupied and hysterical with whatever or wherever he was dragging her to. "Sei, what's going—"

"It's master!" he called out, turning a corner just as he glanced over his shoulder to address her. "She's—"

Despite seeing them the second they turned the hall, Parisa wasn't quick enough to stop Seijin and with how fast he was going, he collided with the emperor and his younger brother. All she could do as his majesty raised a questioning eyebrow was pull Seijin to steady him on his feet. The boy, however, didn't bother giving an explanation.

"We have to hurry!" Seijin completely ignored the two men despite the clear hint of fear in his gaze when he turned to shout at her. None of them could put in a word as he ran off and dragged her again, zigzagging through hallways and unexpecting servants until they reached the cell rooms where they kept Ceara of Eriu.

The first thing that tipped her off that something wasn't right and that Seijin hadn't lost it completely was seeing the detail that guarded both the outside and the antechamber door completely out cold.

The second and much more subtle in her opinion was that at nearing the proximity of the room, Parisa could hear a soft rumbling in her ear. It was bothersome and got her to pick at her ear thinking it was her. It wasn't until they reached the antechamber door and he left her some steps away to open the door with one hand while covering one of his ears with the other that she knew this was indeed worthy of panicking.

"What in the hell?" Parisa's whisper got lost in the hum that rung through her head and the room.

Seijin stepped back, rubbing his ear hard to rid himself of some noise as dread drained his face of color. "Please tell me you know what's happening."

"I…" But there weren't any words she could say to describe what laid before her. Beyond the door, the small cell that Miss of Eriu had been locked up in was completely wrecked. The chair and desk were pulverized at spots, like a blast of something pierced through them and broke them apart. Papers and scrolls were scattered across the floor some moving despite there being no breeze coming in from the outside. The bed, the pillow and sheets were dismantled as if crushed into fine pieces of linen and wood.

What bothered her the most was the horde of rukh that spiraled inside the room like a gleaming storm tinted green that raged over the small figure and curled itself against the wall straight ahead of them.

Parisa only recognized the small ball as Ceara when she began hearing the muttering over the noise the rukh made. The woman that cowered against the wall tucked her legs against her body and held her arms over her head, her lips moving erratically as she muttered incoherencies and kept recoiling at odd times.

What in the world…

"What's happening here?"

Parisa and Seijin both turned about to face the emperor and his brother. She hadn't expected them to follow after them but with the spectacle Seijin had made to bring her here she wasn't surprised either.

Surprisingly still, Seijin actually bothered to answer the emperor's question. "I-I don't know. I found everything like this when I came to visit this morning. She's not well. We have to do something!" His sudden exclaim and the step he took towards that room caught her attention.

But just as she reached out to stop him, another voice called out louder than hers just a split second before the sound of the rukh going berserk reached Parisa's ears.

"Stay away!"

Parisa recognized Miss of Eriu's voice but didn't have time to pull Seijin back before the wave of sound spread out and pushed them away, throwing them both off of their feet and just a few feet before the two brothers. Raising their heads, she and Seijin both saw the blue-eyed woman raise her head, those eyes brimming with tears and her hands grasping tightly at her head while the rukh that went mad calmed itself down to a spiral around her again.

Ceara recoiled, hitting the back of her head against the wall and groaning before her muttering started again. In between the rambling, her voice barely came over a whisper. "Don't come near me." Beneath the white of her robes, Parisa caught the gleam of dark green that shone beneath it before the rambling got louder. Doing so deemed the brightness of the mark beneath her clothes but only briefly as she quieted down and was forced to mutter louder.

"My brother and king, that's—"

"Parisa." Hearing her name in such steely tone got her to face Emperor Kouen and Prince Koumei after she and Seijin stood up from their fall. "Can you perform sound magic?"

"Sound magic?"

"Can you?" he repeated with a deeper pitch and an underlying sense of gravity. She nodded as her reply. "Then negate the magic that she's using."

What?

"Magic?" Seijin repeated in disbelief. "But she can't—"

"Do it. Now." The fact that he didn't have to raise his voice much higher yet she still heard the commanding notion in it, told her that this was indeed urgent. Done with dawdling around, she came as close as she could to the threshold until the buzzing in her ears was tolerable before taking out her wand and dealing out a simple command.

The rukh bustled around but seemed to disperse as her magic negated some of whatever was beckoning near Miss of Eriu. The amount that left though was meager and quickly got replaced as more came.

"What?"

"What's wrong?" Seijin asked.

"The rukh—" Decided to undo it, Parisa shook her head. She concentrated and drew her wand around to command the few higher level formulae she knew on sound magic before casting another spell. And although it nullified a larger part of the magic, the rukh quickly returned and reformed the constant spell that was being cast. "The rukh keeps coming back even after I nullify it."

"How?"

"I don't know," she replied to Seijin before turning to look at the two brothers. "I don't know how she's capable of doing this. It's like a high magician's level of casting but…"

It's also drawing rukh compatible with sound magic from her surroundings like a magi would.

"Can it be nullified?" the emperor asked.

"I-It keeps regenerating it's source. It'd be impossible—"

"Can it be nullified." That deep tone told her well what was actually being asked. He didn't want to know what couldn't be done. He wanted to know what could be.

"M-Maybe," she corrected herself and thought quickly through the options. "Perhaps if we get a force of sound magic that equals or surpasses that which she's using, we could negate it at a constant enough rate to not let it replenish as fast."

"Theoretically, it should work," Prince Koumei said with a nod after he listened carefully to her. "By balancing the magic's output, it would have nothing to restore and therefore nothing new to create. It could very well stop whatever this field of sound she's posed around her."

"Seijin, go to Kouha and tell him to send as many magicians with such affinity this way." Seijin nodded and didn't bother to wait to be dismissed before he ran off. "Parisa, keep negating this. It appears to lessen her burden."

With a quick 'yes,' Parisa hurried to continue and cast a low level magic that she could keep dispensing without wasting too much magoi. It should last to give Seijin and Prince Kouha enough time to gather the magicians because this level of magic would need a tremendous load of countering magic to even come close to balancing it out.

Parisa really hoped her comrades in Prince Kouha's vanguard were well-versed in sound magic. This would be a heavy load to parry against.

---

The first thing Ceara noticed after waking up was the small humming at the back of her head that was rendered almost inaudible like it had been when she first noticed it. Skeptical, Ceara moved her fingers to make certain that her body wasn't in any pain either. But when moving didn't cause those vibrations from before to tear at her muscles, she thanked the heavens.

They were gone. Ceara's relief was high enough to make her want to cry.

"Miss of Eriu?" The small whisper sounded more like her normal voice when Parisa called out her name. Turning her head to face her, Ceara briefly caught the sight of someone running out of the room—even heard the doors as they shut closed behind them—before seeing the girl rise from her sit, concern clearly etched on her face and mirrored in her eyes. "How are you feeling?"

Ceara tried to speak but tasted iron in her throat that came with a hoarseness. Parisa quickly left to come back with a glass of water that Ceara gladly took to drink. The coolness was soothing and washed away the taste of blood from her mouth and throat. Softly thanking her for the drink, Ceara looked around to orient her absent mind. This place wasn't her jail, it was a sickroom. Both were just as bare, though. The sickroom a tad bleaker.

"Why am I here?"

Parisa's brows furrowed in confusion. "You don't recall what happened?"

"A little," Ceara replied, "mostly the pain."

She tapped her mouth with a couple of her fingers before addressing her again. "Tell me about that. When did it start? How bad did it get?"

"Bad." That was the only thing she could vouch to.

It started with that small hum that buzzed in her eardrums and the back of her head. But as the days kept going, she could hear it getting louder and louder until the humming became discernable. They were voices.

At least it started with only voices. Some were happy or excited, some angry or panicked, and, mostly in the beginning, only spoke in whispers—the humming she kept hearing that got a bit clearer, a bit louder. But everything kept going from bad to worse as days, hours—and soon enough—as minutes went by. They got louder, more unruly and vicious, and soon enough hearing those raucous voices colliding so disorderly against one another was what began messing with how her mind perceived the world around her.

Soon the voices took shape. A monstrous amalgamation of faceless strangers torturing her with their screeching words. They interacted with the world without really interacting with it. Like a ghost, they were there but not truly, because no matter how much she hit at them to go away, they would just step aside and cackle in the most grotesque way she'd ever heard. Every noise they made hurt her ears, hurt her mind.

It wasn't until she began shouting at them that she found some sort of reprieve. The more she yelled the more they quieted down, their misshapen body wavering like a mirage. Simply speaking got them to quiet and leave. It was something and she took it. Ceara began muttering to herself about anything and everything. Reciting, singing, humming—practically anything that made sound alleviated the pain in her head.

But by the second day of doing that, Ceara realized that it wasn't the infallible solution she wanted. It took away the pain in her head, yes, but in exchange gave her a new one. The normal vibrations that enabled her to speak were augmented beyond what her body could take. What was once a harmless way to communicate became a damaging storm of vibrations that shredded every inch of her. The more she talked to alleviate the pain in her head, the stronger the vibrations became. They got to the point that the vibrations reached beyond her throat, propagating outward to her body. Soon the pain from her muscles tearing off bit by bit immobilized her against the wall.

If she kept quiet, her mind suffered. If she didn't, her body did.

In the end, she opted for the latter. For once in her life, Ceara thanked Masami. Were it not for her punishments acclimating her body to constant pain, she wouldn't be able to bare how her body was literally destroying itself so that her mind wouldn't.

Even as she told Parisa this, Ceara heard the humming in her ears and felt the soreness of her muscles—their voices prevalent quietly in her brain and the vibrations crawling under her skin as she spoke to the young magician.

The fact that neither one nor the other was overwhelming shocked her after having lived through such horrid experience for the past four days. "But—" Ceara touched her ears, ignoring the hum and focusing on what else she could hear. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. Just what sounded like a million wings fluttering just outside of the room. "Things are quiet right now. Why is that?"

"Probably because of those." Ceara followed Parisa's pointing finger to the far corner of the room where a strange dark crystal stood. It didn't look like much larger than her hand but it was tall, and the inside glimmered an odd bright green almost like a balefire. Eyeing the rest of the room showed her that similar crystals decorated the corners with the same odd glow. "They're helping nullify the magic your casting."

"Magic?"

"When you talk it seems the vibrations release sound magic." Raising her arms, Parisa showed her long cuts that were covered in bandages. "Every time you kept waking up screaming from the pain, anybody in this room would be lashed with it."

Completely in horror and disbelief, Ceara couldn't help but grimace and hold her hand. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

Parisa didn't take it to heart though and simply shrugged the apology off. "It actually helped to gauge which magic tools would be best to counter the magic you emanate. I'm actually still tweaking through the prototypes since they keep breaking from the overload."

That fact got Ceara thinking about what she said before. "How many times have I woken up before this?"

"Five." The blood drained from her face at the thought of having hurt gods knew how many people with whatever powers lashed out without her even knowing it. "But you weren't really conscious. It was like you're body reacted on its own. Like it knew to forgo your body to safeguard your brain."

Smart but still strange.

"And also, if I may." Parisa reached out to Ceara, stopping briefly before she got anywhere close until she got her okay. Nodding, she let her continue and Parisa leaned forward to touch her left shoulder. "This hasn't disappeared all the while you've been in here."

Reaching up herself to lay back part of her robes, Ceara's eyes widened at seeing the seal vibrant and bulging from her skin. The dark jade outline of it felt rigid against her fingers, like thin metal lines jutting from under her skin. Many of the veins around the outline were extended as well as if wrapping onto something living.

Plenty of things that Parisa told her suddenly made sense to Ceara as she eyed the seal that marked the top left side of her chest and shoulder and touching the scar on her throat above her vocal chords. Her afflictions made sense too. The vibrations it caused spread from her throat. The pain in her head went away when she spoke. Casting the magic from Silver Echoes kept her sane but hurt her body.

"It's casting magic without your knowledge."

Hearing Kouen's deep voice rumbling through her body made a shiver run through her. Ceara spotted him alongside Koumei and Seijin who she supposed was the one that she'd seen run off ealier.

"It looks like it." Her eyes wandered as she accommodated her robes back on her shoulder and found Seijin with small bandages also covering various cuts on his arms and face. A grimace came to her as she reached out for him. The blonde boy came up to her bedside beside Parisa and grinned.

"It's not as bad as it looks," he assured her, patting her hand and placing it beside her. "They're all superficial."

"Anybody else?"

"Some. Nothing worse than tiny cuts though."

That they were few didn't garner the same optimism in her as it did in him. Facing Kouen, Ceara tried her best to not avert her gaze from his no matter how much it bore on her. "I didn't know it could cast magic on its own."

"I doubt you knew or cared to ask anything about it."

"Do you know anything?" The question caused his eyes to narrow in annoyance. Ceara hadn't meant for it to, though. She was honestly curious about it. Kouen shook his head, however, and that was enough to tell her that even him who seldom boasted about his broad knowledge knew nothing. It seemed that at the moment only one person in that room knew anything remotely concrete about this thing. "Parisa, can I leave this room at all?"

"I'd suggest not to even try." That did not sound good. "That the crystals are nullifying the magic doesn't mean that it's not casting it anymore. These are only countering the output so that no new magic is created. It won't hurt so long as—damn, Miss your nose."

Ceara's eyes widened at her call and felt a warm something sliding down her upper lip. Touching it, she got one look at the blood that'd come out of her nose before wiping at it. "It's from talking," she assured them, cleaning herself with the wet towel Seijin gave her. "The vibrations are there still. I can feel them." Without any warning, she forced herself to cough, spitting anything in her mouth out only to see the reddish pink that mixed with her saliva. "They're not as strong but looks like they're still causing internal damage."

It was Kouen then that asked, "What did Rakah tell you about the seals?"

"Nothing much. I don't think he wanted me to know anything either. But I can guess plenty from what I saw him do and what's happening right now."

The obvious was that it casted magic. Not only that but how it did also baffled her. The other obvious thing was that it came at a great toll both mentally and physically. That last bit made her wonder if Rakah also suffered something similar whenever he did and didn't use his. No matter how many times she recalled him, nothing came to Ceara's mind about the seals in particular.

Her train of thought quickly shifted when a sharp pain struck the side of her head followed by the voices raising in volume inside her head. As they got louder, she held her head, gritting her teeth as the pain increased.

W-What? But I thought—

A loud crack echoed in the room at that instant before it burst into pieces. Parisa cursed loudly, swiping her wand out to cast magic. "Sei, take them out of here before the others break too."

"I'm not—"

"Do as she says," Ceara groaned through her gritted teeth not knowing or caring who had spoken. "I can't control it. So please, leave before you get hurt."

"What is this?"

A sweet voice she hadn't heard in ages flowed into her ears but was quickly drowned out when the voices exploded in her head along with the remaining crystals in the room. Ceara wanted to scream but refrained by biting down on her tongue. If she screamed to relieve the pain in her head, she would hurt them. That wasn't going to happen again.

A small gentle hand fell on her arm, the touch soothing. The feeling suddenly spread and shut the voices up at once, making her heave a deep sigh of relief. Opening her eyes, Ceara met with a pair of royal blue eyes and a smile that was just as gentle, albeit small and somewhat bleak, as his touch was.

"Does it help?" Aladdin asked as quietly as he could.

Ceara didn't answer. She just lowered her hands from her head but never tearing her eyes away from the young magi. The little boy had somewhat sunken eyes, leftover streaks of tears still visible, and his black garments impregnated with the heavy scent of incense. Ceara only knew of one thing that could have left him like that. She herself had been to two. And the fact that she recognized it only brought a heaviness to her as she forced herself out of the bed to sit at the edge and pull Aladdin into her arms to hold him tightly.

There were plenty of things she wanted to tell him. Ceara wanted to tell him that things would be all right, that it was okay to be sad, that it wasn't his fault. But she refrained from that and instead held him.

He's just a boy.

And he didn't deserve this—none of them did.

Aladdin's tiny hands shook but wrapped around her for a small squeeze before pulling back, his head hanging low as he turned to Parisa. "You can't have her like this."

"She's a criminal," Koumei answered him instead. "The fact that she's even allowed in the infirmary for such intensive care—"

"I don't mean that." The little boy wiped at his face before lifting it, his expression still somewhat empty, to address Koumei before turning to Parisa. "Restricting the flow won't work."

"There has to be a way," Parisa replied fervently, "We can't just let the rukh flux into her body so uncontrollably. There has to be a way to stop it."

"There isn't." Ceara's brow furrowed at hearing the definitiveness in his answer. "What you're trying to do is stop all source of sound magic from returning to the world. You cannot do that for long without destroying her in the process."

"Then…" she whispered, cautious now that there were no more nullifying crystals in the room, but noticed that whatever Aladdin was casting was doing something to ameliorate the damage. "What can we do, Aladdin?"

"Build something that doesn't stop the flow but instead helps you withstand its passing." When voices rose up to protest or question, he went forward with a more detailed explanation.

"The seal turned your body into a channel for the rukh." Leaning his staff against his shoulder, Aladdin pushed his hands together and left a slit open between them. "The rukh flows in a singular direction—whether it's here or in Alma Toran, it followed the direction 'fate' predicted for it. Before magic or magicians or even any life came to be, the world created by Ill Ilah was given its vitality via the gifts it bestowed upon the world. Later, the essence of those same gifts was bestowed upon the humans as magic. These seals work as valves and filters for the flow of rukh." He bend a finger from each hand to cover the middle slit but still leaving them some space. "Their job is to keep rukh flowing in that singular direction like a one-way valve. The moment an opposing flow comes along it shuts and helps filter what causes the backflow so that it eventually reverts it back to normal."

"This opposing flow you speak of," Kouen asked coming closer and crossing his arms in front of his chest as he listened. "Is it the black rukh from those fallen into depravity?"

"In part but only because it contradicts the flow that Solomon established," Aladdin acknowledged. "Like I said, the job of the seals is to keep the flow moving in one direction. Whether it be white or black rukh wouldn't matter so long as they both flow the same way."

"What is the point of them if they can't correct what is wrong?" Koumei inquired not understanding.

"That was never their original purpose. Their purpose was to keep the world and every living being moving forward no matter what reigned over it. It controls a fraction of rukh that makes up the Great Flow, but even that fraction is huge. It can cause great damage if left unchecked, especially considering that it's going through a human's body that has a finite capacity for it."

"Such a load," Seijin said aloud. "Wouldn't that kind of burden kill anybody?"

"It would." Aladdin averted his eyes then, an odd look on his face.

Ceara saw that as very strange. If this was enough to kill a single person then why would it be bestowed to one? All of a sudden her mind recalled something that Seijin had talked about before when he told her what had happened at the summit meeting. Something that Rakah had said to them.

"They were stolen." Aladdin lifted his face to meet her eyes when Ceara said that. "Rakah said that these 'gifts'—" her hand unconsciously reached up to her shoulder— "were stolen. That he was retrieving them to stop the abnormalities and darkness of the world. Is that true?"

The little magi pursed his lips as if pondering his answer. "I don't know if he was telling the truth about his intentions but he did tell the truth about the seals. The original gifts were stolen from Alma Toran and given to this world when it was created . They have existed here in an unnatural state, though. They went from their natural existence at the core of the world to tiny, scattered ones in human beings."

"So tiny that the sheer overwhelming number of rukh pummels through and bypasses them altogether," Ceara said understanding what he said.

Aladdin nodded in agreement. "The rukh passes through the seal still but it's not filtered or controlled. It rushes through your body and the excess without control is very damaging."

Ceara knew that. Not only from the previous experience but also from Murmur's magic. Siphoning too much magoi hurt her body to the point where it almost shut down completely during the battle in Magnostadt. In a way, she understood how the two were similar.

Nullifying stops the flow and confines it, overloading her mind. Letting it flow freely released that tension but like any channel or duct it wore down her body from the fast and heavy flow.

"That's why easing its passage through is the best you can do," Aladdin concluded but grimaced at some bitter thought.

Ceara was almost sure she knew what it was. "It's all we can do."

A quiet came over the room as the thought lingered in her mind. Surely, he knew what Ceara had surmised from all that information. "I'm sorry."

He did. A small smile came to her lips at that apology before she shook her head and reached out to take his hands in her own. "It's all right. What you're telling us helps plenty; you've done more than enough. Don't beat yourself up over something no one could help."

It seemed the meaning of her words stuck to him as the small grimace simply became a flat line completely void of any expression.

There wasn't much of anything to talk about after that. Aladdin talked to Parisa briefly, his expression just as lost, before leaving. Worried about him, Ceara asked Seijin to accompany him for awhile. Although dubious about the request, he adhered after making Parisa promise that she'd let him know if anything else changed. Parisa hurried instead to cast some magic on the broken pieces of crystal. She said it was something different, some formulae that used what Aladdin had suggested as basis to ease the travel of the rukh through her. It would take some time to figure out but Parisa promised she'd get it done. Ceara didn't doubt she would.

"At least now there is some direction to go on."

Ceara's eyes lingered on Kouen when he spoke. Despite having stayed behind, Koumei busied himself with the detail that was to be placed at her sickroom at all times and paid little attention to his brother. Ceara had paid what necessary attention she had to him. Nothing more than that, though.

"It'll keep me alive long enough to send me off to battle."

His eyes fell to meet hers and despite initially diverting hers, Ceara opted not to look away anymore. "What makes you think I'll send you to battle like this?"

"I would think you foolish if you didn't. And I know for a fact you aren't. Not doing it, would give those who doubt more reason to." She didn't understand why he was saying such a ridiculous thing. Certainly Kouen knew better than anyone that if he didn't comply with his word of using her for this war, then the people would question his motives for keeping her alive. That was something that Ceara began to do at that question, no matter how rhetorical it might have been. "Whatever it is you have in mind for me, though, I'm sure it's fine. It'll quell what anxiety the people have and vest even more of their faith in you. Frankly, that's all you need for this war."

"I have their loyalty as does the Kou Empire," he replied sternly. "However, this war will be won with more than just numbers. It needs strategy, contingencies, prowess."

"Things I'm sure you and Koumei have already checked thrice for." An irritating sensation caught onto her throat but the more she cleared it, the more pronounced it became. Blood. It tasted like it anyway. Ceara reached over for the glass of water Parisa had left her but Kouen got to it first, passing it on to her. With a small 'thank you,' Ceara drank from the glass until the lump in her throat went down. As she drew back, she noted the slight pink color left in the tiny bits of water left in the glass. Definitely blood.

"All the same, though, I'm also certain that you won't risk anything. You'll use every asset at your disposal, including prisoners like myself. In all honesty, you can rest assured that I'll fight wholeheartedly. You may want to reclaim your empire back but all I want is for those trapped there to be returned safely to their loved ones."

"That includes yours."

"Never said it didn't," she quickly retorted. "As things stand now though all I have left to give is my power to fight. But you and I know that's not something that will last long. Not after what Aladdin told us."

Or more what he didn't even dare say. The poor thing had already suffered the death of a loved one. Now, in spite of not a word being said, Ceara knew what this seal would eventually do to her.

"There must be ways to prolong it," Kouen told her with a long sigh. Glancing over his shoulder, he and Ceara caught the glimpse of Koumei finishing and returning to his side. "Parisa will have access to all the resources she needs. This will be mended."

For how long? But Ceara restrained from voicing that question. "And once it is, I'm going to that front line," Ceara said with all the confidence in the world.

Kouen's expression didn't change nor falter. Neither did he reply. Despite his avoidance, Ceara knew just by the circumstances their country was in that he wouldn't forgo anything to win this war.

He never said he wouldn't send me after all.

When he didn't answer, Koumei saw it fit to put the whole argument to rest. "All troops will leave for the western borders of the Tenzen Plateau in two days' time. You will be taken there by Chuu'un the morning we depart and will be under Kouha's command at the vanguard." She gave a curt nod as her answer.

"And my metal vessels?"

This time Kouen seemed to find the voice he restrained. "They will be given to you before the battle begins. Not a moment sooner."

Precautions. Fair enough. So long as she had them to fight, she wouldn't complain. That explanation, as lacking of details as it had been, seemed to be all they would give her. It annoyed Ceara to be in the dark like that but she would have to deal. The two left pretty quickly after, leaving her heavily guarded on the outside and alone in the inside.

Although Ceara felt tired, she didn't want to sleep. Didn't feel like it would help much anyway. Instead she did her best to get out of bed to at least clean herself off with a cloth and some water. Whatever happened when she was out had left her drenched in sweat, her body seemingly overexerting on its own. Thankfully, there wasn't much pain now. At least none that felt as harrowing as the one she felt over those last four days.

The humming was still there. The vibrations were still there. But they were calm as hard to believe as that was. Whatever Aladdin and Parisa had done made it easier to bear with. But that was all Ceara was doing, bearing. And it looked like from this point onward that was all she would be able to do.

In two days the military along with her would leave. She would have to bear the scrutiny and scorn from soldiers she had once commanded. Be relegated to a mere tool for this war. But as far as she was concerned, it would be fine. So long as she could fight, Ceara was fine with it all. If she endured years of disdain and ridicule, then she could bear a few days of that in battle. And she would do it, all to restore the empire she grew up in and for the family she loved.

---

"You built these in a day?"

Parisa nodded, relishing in the praise that came from Ceara's astonishment. "I know, I know. I'm amazing." Scooting closer to the table where the three of them—Ceara, Seijin, and Parisa—were just finishing eating breakfast, the young magician grinned with pride at her work that now rested on Ceara's left wrist.

"Toot your own horn why don't you," Seijin cajoled with a smirk that got Parisa to pout.

Shaking it out of her system, Parisa turned her attention to Ceara as she played around with the heavy bangle. "It's made of the same crystal from before. Aladdin was nice enough to help me figure out the formulae I needed to make it function properly."

If it functioned properly or not, Ceara couldn't very well tell. Everything still sounded and felt the same as yesterday, just quietly resting at the back of her mind and under her skin.

"So how does it work?"

That question alone perked the magician girl right up as she scooted further up, accidentally tumbling with the table and getting Seijin annoyed as he quickly caught and stabilized it. Parisa didn't care though, and instead reached to take her wrist and the bangle in her hand. Ceara called it a bangle but it felt more like a manacle from how tight the crystal was around her wrist.

"It's made of clear quartz like the crystals from before. It's easier to channel magic with them but is still sturdy so it's perfect for this."

"Not to mention valuable." Seijin chuckled as he laid back against his chair. "The researchers Prince Koumei introduced us to for this were so mad that we had to use so much of it that I had to keep myself from bursting out laughing right then and there."

Ceara hummed her agreement. Kouen hadn't been kidding when he said no expense would be spared to fixing what was wrong. Well, 'fixing' in the relative term that was.

"Anyway," Parisa interjected clearly peeved about being interrupted. "These runes are what Aladdin and I worked on and what is making it work. It's basically running as a second filter, one that focuses more on you than the rukh. It helps rid the excess magoi of your body by helping the filtration along."

"So you made the valve larger?" she asked.

"Not exactly. What we did was more along the lines of improving the process that's already happening."

Ceara watched the crystal manacle on her wrist that despite being called a clear quartz was anything but. Inside the inch thick bangle, tiny specks of green darted in and out of view, like tiny flares going on and off and swirling around inside the bracelet.

Taking a bite of an apple he grabbed, Seijin gulped it down before motioning out at Parisa. "What if it breaks like the others?"

"It won't," she assured them both. "The reason the others broke was because they were trying to contain an insurmountable amount of rukh. From what Aladdin told me, it was like trying to dam the ocean."

Pointless as it sounds, I'm sure.

"So instead of building a dam, we focused on a more effective container. Every human has different capacities of how much magoi they can retain in their bodies so we based the magic on that. The simple fact that Miss of Eriu is a multiple metal vessel user actually made this much more feasible."

"It did?" she asked a bit curious about that.

Parisa nodded as she took a sip of water before answering. "You have a larger reservoir of magoi than what's considered normal—it gave me a bigger container to work with. The bracelet not only feeds on the magoi that comes in but on the magoi that your body naturally restores to itself."

"I thought you were trying to fix this. Isn't that detrimental?" Seijin pointed out with a scowl on his face.

"Not entirely." Parisa drank all her water before placing the cup in the middle of the table and filling it up close to two thirds full with wine. "Normally magoi never really restores itself completely. There's always a gap that remains empty. This keeps the body from being too full because too much magoi harms the body just like too little does." Taking the jug of water, she poured the cup up to the brim, the liquids dangerously close to overflowing. "From what I can tell, the seal makes that gap nonexistent and keeps pouring even after that threshold is reached. This essentially breaches through the capacity of the body and can account for why your mind suffers if you don't use it. Much like blood, magoi is a lifesource connected to our vital organs: the heart and the brain."

"Why does my body hurt when I do use it then?" Ceara asked.

"Because the magoi that comes into your body from the outside is too raw. It's not as refined or attuned to your body as your own is. It's the same reason why metal vessels like Beleth's that use sound magic seem to be much stronger when using this rukh and magoi. It's rawer power."

Parisa carefully took the cup into her hands and raised it to her lips to drink a good amount out of it effectively emptying the cup of most of its wine and water, only leaving a little bit behind. "What the bracelet is doing is using both the magoi that's entering and the magoi that's already there as its energy source to ease passage of the rukh through. Primarily, it siphons off of your own but once it reaches a certain level it begins to siphon out of the magoi coming from the seal. Keeping your magoi at low levels allows for more excess from the outside to pour in for longer periods of time without causing too much damage. It'll allow the rukh to filter through the seal without jeopardizing much." Reaching for the jug of water once more, Parisa filled the cup with water, the liquid in the cup turning a clear crimson from the diluted wine. "There is a problem though. The seal causes the rukh to have a much higher rate of influx; it'll fill you to capacity faster than compared to your own magoi."

Parisa grimaced as she said this, her head hanging low. "It's the one thing we couldn't find a solution to. Your body needs to renew its magoi constantly because of the bracelet but because the foreign magoi innately refills it at much higher rates, it won't give it time. You can't live out of that raw magoi without harming yourself and you can't survive with low reserves of your own magoi either. So in order to allow some space and time for it restore itself, you have to make that space."

"You mean I have to use it."

Parisa's grimaced turned larger as she nodded. "Constantly."

Ceara pondered over that. To live through this, she would have to use that magic, something that happened merely by talking. But at the same time, it augmented the vibrations that harmed her body. But I can deal with that.

"It's fine, Risa," Ceara assured her with a smile, reaching out to squeeze the girl's hand. "You did wonderfully."

It helped at least to make her smile grimly. "Aladdin helped tons. It's really him you have to thank."

"I have all of you to thank." Ceara corrected her, reaching over to both their hands. "You've done far more for me than I would have ever hoped for. More than I ever would have expected, really."

Parisa shrugged her shoulders but didn't take her hand away either as she smiled. "You can do stupid things but it's easy to tell you mean good."

"Obvious if one cares to look closely," Seijin added with nod of his head. "You may be hasty and sometimes unreasonable but those things are fixable. We people learn from our mistakes, right?"

"We do," she agreed.

Despite how much Ceara found it hard to admit, that was a lesson that proved hardest to learn for her. Many people before told her that mistakes along with defeat were meant to be learned from. After all this, Ceara knew her strengths, she knew her weaknesses. Some overwhelmed the others but overall she could count them easily. That she would only have this last day to work on them reminded her of how short her unusual freedom was.

But the biggest problem stayed the same. If she controlled her emotions and allowed herself to think things thoroughly at every step, then she could very well be useful on this war. Ceara had worked a year to do it but had always felt a rogue part of her denying that such thing needed to be controlled.

There's no problem with it, it would say; there's no problem with you.

But there was. And it was about time to see to it.

Dismissing the two for the rest of the day, Ceara took what was left of it herself to calm herself from the anxiety that still plagued her. She couldn't let herself be distracted by the thought of Sou or Sui being injured or in danger. No matter how much it pained her to do it, Ceara had to set that aside for now and concentrate on what would become of herself and others in mere hours.

All troops would leave Balbadd in a few hours. She and Parisa under Koumei's vanguard; Seijin accompanying Kougyoku's troops. They would fight, certainly lose soldiers, but in the end they would retrieve their capital and their empire.

Hakuryuu would fall and with him all would end. The thought saddened her but that was something that also had to be set aside for this to work—for her to be able to fight the boy she had befriended. He was no longer that boy. The man that they would soon fight was not that boy. Hakuryuu was but a man who'd shown to sacrifice his own people for what he thought was right.

Wouldn't we all…

As night came, Ceara found it hard to conceive any sleep. Instead as the late hours of the night went by, she found herself simply flipping through the pages of the bound journal that Seijin had given her, only mildly damaged from the mess she'd caused in her jailroom. There wasn't anything really for her to write anymore; she'd made her piece with each letter she wrote the few days before.

Now all she had left was a mindless night ahead of her. On occasion, Ceara heard the flutter of the rukh around the room that grew lighter after the crystals and manacle had been put in place. Sitting on her bed, she raised her left hand above her head and watched the crystal give off a small glow by itself, one that matched faintly the dark jade of the seal that marked her body.

Ceara hummed under her breath, feeling at ease making the soft sound and mildly lifting her mind's heaviness at doing so. Words would escape her lips from time to time, the senseless words lifting into the air and gently stirring the air around her. It was hard for Ceara not to notice it now. It was actually hard for her not to notice anything anymore. Her hearing had gone beyond what she considered 'normal' for her; at this point, she could practically hear any and every sound no matter how soft or nuanced it might be. She could hear the faintest of scurrying from animals or the slight breathing of the maids and servants that slept soundly in their quarters almost a whole courtyard away.

And she could also hear the soft steps from outside her sickroom that interrupted the small flutter that filled the room. Ceara looked over her shoulder before the door opened and she was met with a much unexpected sight.

"Chuu'un?"

Koumei's household member gave a curt nod before motioning for her to come closer. Suspicious but wanting to know what it was all about, Ceara stood from the seat on her bed and cut the distance between them. She took a peek over his shoulder and saw the detail deeply asleep but somehow still standing.

Wait.,,did I do that?

Chuu'un didn't bother asking and neither did he seem to take concern with what she thought of him because of it. Instead he motioned for her hands, a gesture Ceara knew was for her to give them so they could be tied. Ceara was reluctant since he still had yet to say a word—she knew little about him but if she knew anything solid, it was that Koumei's household member, like his master, was a man of few words.

Opting for the best, Ceara raised her hands for Chuu'un to do quick work of them, tying them tightly with rope before taking her out of the sickroom. Neither spoke to one another as he led her away. There wasn't much she had to talk to him about anyway, so instead Ceara chose to inspect her surroundings.

The East Wing of the palace was practically empty. It was very late into the night and seldom did she hear another soul awake in their proximity. If anything, the noises she did hear were of nocturnal animals going about their routine. But as Chuu'un stopped in front of a very familiar room, Ceara had to stop herself to process why exactly they were there.

Kouen's quarters?

"What is this?"

The household member refrained from replying, though. She was about to ask again when nearby footsteps caught her attention and got her to face the doors a split second before they opened. Dressed in what seemed comfortable robes, Kouen eyed Ceara for a small instant before facing Chuu'un.

"Your majesty, as per your request," Chuu'un said with a curt bow and salute.

"If she isn't in the sickroom by morning, retrieve her from here for your departure."

Kouen's orders were clear from the nod that the household member gave him. With that Kouen dismissed him and took the end of the ropes that tied her wrists together from Chuu'un before he left. Ceara didn't comprehend what was happening but followed Kouen inside all the same. The moment she entered, the fact that his antechambers were so brightly lit caught her off guard. The tables were littered with scrolls and papers, surely from the workload he still had to do. But aside from them, Ceara caught the sight of the world map, one she had ingrained into her brain after so many lessons with Koumei on strategy. This map was written on, though, marks of ink dirtying some spots of it and the table beneath.

For a man that was usually so well organized in both his public and private lives, Kouen certainly appeared to have a disorderly side to him. From the looks of it, one that got triggered by loads of stress. And calmed with doses of alcohol. That last guess came from the bottle that sat next to the mountain of work and an empty cup.

"Troubles?" she asked as he turned to undo the knots of her restraints. There wasn't an answer or a second glance, he simply continued his task until he was done, laying the piece of rope aside on the nearest chair.

"Sit."

"I'd rather not." That brief yet terse objection got his attention. Ceara didn't falter even with the bleak glare that he gave her. Trying to keep things civil, she shrugged her shoulders. "Thank you anyway."

"Then stand." Kouen returned to his armchair where he started looking into the scrolls and map simultaneously. "For what I want you, your presence is more than enough."

"And what would that be?"

He didn't answer and instead stayed on task. Ceara watched for a few minutes before deciding that perhaps she'd take that seat after all. If he was just going to have her here as a token, then she might as well act like one. Taking the chair to the side of the table, Ceara tucked her legs in against her body and eyed the papers laid on the table.

Announcements from the public. Soldier records: human, dungeon creatures, and magicians. Past battle strategies. Armory counts.

All but the history he so loved. It didn't surprise Ceara that much though. They were heading to the warfront on the morrow. Everything needed to be accounted for.

"Are the citizens supplied with sufficient rations?" she asked, reading the numbers on the few about public information. Kouen gave her a peeved glance for a brief second but didn't give her an answer. It didn't deter her from continuing her questions. "What about those bordering the plateau; have they been evacuated? Koumei and you distributed the troops, I'm assuming. Will they be properly armed for the strategies? I mean, I see by just skimming that there's maybe about twenty contingencies; so have they been assigned accordingly for ea—"

"Yes, they have the normal numbers and emergency rations as per protocol. Yes, they were evacuated days ago. Yes, they will be and yes, they have." Kouen took a deep sigh to calm himself before lowering the scroll he held and met her eyes with a steel gaze. "Are you done?"

"Hardly." Ceara narrowed her eyes before sighing to herself. "But I'll stop asking nonsensical questions if you tell me why Chuu'un brought me here."

"That's inconsequential."

"Not to me." But it didn't do much to convince him. His silence made it clear to Ceara that he wasn't going to play along with her inquisition. At least not this particular one. So instead she opted for another. "Why haven't you given the order for imperial punishment against me?"

Despite not giving a reply, Kouen lifted his gaze to meet hers. Once their eyes locked, neither looked away from the other. Even when she asked that Kouen did not flinch or avert his gaze. There wasn't a sign of mild irritation or resignation like what her previous questions had gotten out of him. This time he was truly his old nonchalant self when he replied.

"I promise I wouldn't."

"That was when you pardoned a child's crime," Ceara corrected with a frown, puzzled at his answer. "And I've come to accept that. But I can't believe for a second that the man I know would forgo his people what is right by them because of a promise he made."

Kouen scoffed at hearing that. "Then you do not know him as well as you thought."

"Belligerence doesn't become you."

That got him to raise an eyebrow at being called out like so. "Belligerence would imply that I'm addressing this matter aggressively. That, I assure you, I am not. It's mere logic."

Is it? That new doubtful part of her—one borne out of her own belligerence after running out to Rakushou—surfaced after realizing how made up her mind was. Despite doubting herself though, Ceara doubted his so-called logic much more. This was a smokescreen.

"Then prove it." Ceara motioned her hand out, wanting to lay everything out in the open. "Tell me why I'm here. What's your logical answer?"

"Company."

Ceara's frown got deeper but that didn't make Kouen explain himself further. But as she sat there watching him work as if nothing, she came to understand the one word he'd used. This wasn't his study or a library but the ambience felt the same somehow. The larger space of his antechamber that had seemed so vacant when she entered filled with a peacefulness the longer she was there. It reminded Ceara of what she felt when she ran away to any library or study. But now it wasn't just an empty place that made her feel that way; it was a person.

He gives me that peace.

It made Ceara wonder if that was the same for him. And if so, it made her want to preserve that serenity, especially in these times of stress for both of them.

Ceara rose from her seat and walked over to his chair. There wasn't any room for her to seat but for what she wanted to try, she only needed proximity. Deciding that a cushion was better than the hard floor, Ceara took one from the nearby lounge and sat on it with her back against the side of his armchair.

"What are—"

"Don't talk. Just listen," she whispered, hanging her head back as she began humming at the back of her throat.

Ceara felt the magoi in her body starting to pile up even after so much drainage. And what's more she noticed how weary it made her body, like she was just a night's sleep short from recovering but never quite reaching that point. At least talking used the stocked up magoi which was easy to do. And in spite of what she thought, the old childhood habit of humming or singing to herself returned now that this inconvenience had surfaced.

That reminder brought a bleaker one to mind.

"I'm glad I get to fight in this war," Ceara said under her breath as she stared at the ceiling, briefly stopping her humming between sentences. "At least I can fight before this thing does me in."

"You're not going to die."

Ceara contorted herself to look behind her but Kouen hadn't lifted his gaze from his work. It told her that he didn't want to talk about this. But she wasn't going to ignore the obvious and wasn't going to let him blind himself to it either.

"You didn't hear what Parisa—"

"Both Parisa and Seijin informed me exactly what that circlet does and what they uncovered about that seal on your shoulder," he interrupted, his voice terse. "From that, it is true that it will shorten your life but you won't die in the span of days. Stop exaggerating."

Exaggerating?

"I'm not." Ceara bit back her lip as she felt the bitter sting at the corner of her eyes as that thought finally sunk into her head. "I took this thing in without knowing what that implied and I'm paying the consequences for that. I feel it under my skin and in my head—incessant voices speaking, constant pain barraging my body—but I know this is the bed I've set to lay. And what Parisa and Aladdin did for me is incredible but still…the thought of dyi—" her voice cracked on the word, dread hanging on it heavy as lead. Sniffling, she wiped away at her face wanting to rid herself of any tears that had begun to gather.

This morbid recognition of mortality had hit her plenty of times before anytime the Southern Armies under her command would go into battle. Even though those times had been few and far between, that fear had made itself known and like an airborne sickness had spread across fields and soldiers. Their only saving grace was that it left as soon as they brought safety back and their peace of mind along with it.

This, though, was constantly there, reminding her of her choice. Reminding her that what she had chosen wasn't a gift. It was a burden.

There wasn't any doubt that death would take them all—death is what defined the living after all. The only difference between Ceara and all the others was that she couldn't forget about it. There would be nothing that would make her overlook what would eventually come. And she chose to always have that reminder present in her mind.

But just because I accept it as fact, it doesn't mean that the thought of dying doesn't scare me.

Shuffling caught her ear but Ceara didn't turn to look. Instead, she stiffened at the warm touch of his hand as it laid atop her left shoulder from over the armrest. Ceara brought her legs closer to herself, her hands hiding her face as she tried her hardest to keep herself from sobbing, and curled up against herself, finding the small act thoughtful.

Kouen didn't say a word but she didn't want any. That he lended a hand was enough for Ceara. The mere gesture gave her the small reassurance she needed. It told her that in spite of everything, and even if a little, Kouen might still care about her. And that simple possibility made her finally cry as she took her hands away from her face to take the hand that he'd laid on her. Her smaller fingers twined between his larger ones, the warmth from his palm reaching her cold hands.

"Don't—" But Kouen heaved a long sigh when he noticed he couldn't stop what already started.

Even if Ceara wanted to too, there wasn't anyway to stop herself now. So much was going on— things she couldn't possibly control that disheartened and saddened her—that keeping herself from crying proved impossible. She had already snapped before, making things all the worse. But it felt like a miracle that someone she never expected to still treat her kindly did so.

Now it was Kouen who had to contort himself as he went over from his seat to help her stand and sit on the lounge. Ceara held tightly to his hand with both of hers even with the tears that rolled down her cheeks, the falling drops spotting her lap.

Through them, she barely saw him reach up with his hand, taking one side of her face into his palm and brushing away the tears. "It's all right to be afraid." Ceara blinked her bleary eyes to focus it, his crimson eyes tinted in gold coming more into focus as well as he said those words. "It's normal to be. Especially when what you fear is something as inevitable as that. But you can't let it take a hold of you and stop you. Use it instead to keep walking forward."

I've heard this before...somewhere.

Before she recalled from where, Ceara's mind won her to it and said the rest. "Because in the end...I'm the one who's creating that fear and stopping myself."

What looked like a faint smile to her reached his lips as he nodded. "This may be as inevitable as you fear it to be but you can't let that make you live in fear forever. You're far stronger than that and we both know it. Instead use it as incentive. If your life is shorter, then live it to its fullest."

That brought some far overdue hope to her mind and heart. It even made her smile through her tears. "...I can do that."

"I know you can," he replied, his thumb brushing against her cheek, drying it off of the last tears that came from the corner of her eyes.

"But...not in Kou." Ceara hadn't noticed she had said that aloud until Kouen asked what she meant. Hating she'd let that slip but knowing he wouldn't let it go without an explanation, Ceara decided to humor him. "Everybody here knows the truth. I cannot live freely in a country where I'm a traitor."

"That is mendable," Kouen told her as he took back his hand from her face but left his other when she wouldn't let go. "Once the war ends, you'll have served your purpose. Showing your devotion for this country by having served in this civil war should be enough to at least warrant a pardon."

"Maybe," Ceara said with a small perk of her lips on one side, "but even if you somehow manage to grant an imperial pardon, the people won't easily forget and forgive. No matter how or who pardons me, I've already been found guilty by some." A disheartened chuckle escaped her then at the thought that came over her. "And I don't think I can live the rest of my life hated like I have the past thirteen. Not after knowing what it's like to be accepted for being me again."

Even if she could live in Kou after being pardoned, Ceara would never be able to live the life she wanted to or could possibly live with so many people hating her so. No, that wasn't a life she wanted to live but she didn't want to be forever imprisoned either. Not when there were so many that still needed help, not when there were so many she loved and didn't want to leave behind.

I can't have it both ways, though.

Either she lived and everybody she knew hated her, or she was kept behind bars unable to do anything to help anybody again.

There is one other option. It wasn't one she particularly liked even when it granted her those impossibilities together though. It was the best choice for everybody, including herself...even it pained her that such option was the only the be considered 'best.' But as the idea solidified in her mind, Ceara felt regret surface in her mind. Lies had already harmed her relationships with the people she loved. She wasn't about to let that happen again.

"You said I'd have Beleth, Marbas, and Murmur for the war, didn't you?"

"Yes," he replied, his brow furrowing at her odd question. "Why do you ask?"

Her lips parted to tell but stopped halfway as another thought came to her. If Kouen knew, he could end up liable for whatever she did. Knowing him, he would lie if he had to. She didn't want him to carry those lies on his back. Not when he already carried much heavier burdens.

I don't need to explicitly tell him though. He's smart enough to figure it out on his own.

Just enough clues would be enough. Just enough to give her time to do this and not be enough for him to figure enough in time.

Ceara shook her head and smiled sincerely instead. "Just making sure that I'll be ready." Hanging her head, Ceara's gaze fell on his hand which she still held in her own, her grip tightening as she gambled on the nuance she gave. "People will die, won't they?"

"It's war," he reminded her, his tone nonchalant, almost sounding like he was meticulously listening to her every word. "Casualties are bound to happen."

She hummed in agreement. "Then it'd be sad but normal...if anybody we knew personally died, wouldn't it?"

"What are you—"

"All I'm saying—" Ceara quickly said, interrupting him and lifting her gaze to meet his as she smiled, "—is that it'll be okay then. Even if that were to happen, we always remember those who leave. At least I know I would."

Finally letting go of his hand, Ceara stood and walked over to the scrolls Kouen had been reading to skim them over. They were plans on how the soldiers would be distributed and it matched perfectly with the markings on the map. Hakuei would take the north, Koumei as their new General Commander would front the western headquarters with Kougyoku and Kouha manning the vanguard towards Rakushou. And from Balbadd, Kouen would command them all as their emperor.

"You and Koumei definitely have everything under control. Whatever may happen, I'm sure you will reign—" Her words stopped in her throat when Ceara turned to meet Kouen as he stood in front of her, his gaze of pure steel not wavering from her own.

"Tell me what it is you're planning," he demanded.

Ceara kept her gentle smile, stepping back as she did so. "Nothing. All I will do is fight with everything I have so that the west faction of Kou wins."

"And after that?"

"Kou will prosper once more and you will continue with the unification of this world," she added. "Nothing more, nothing less."

"What about you?"

Her smiled stayed but she felt her resolve waver. "I'll do as so many have taught me to do: I will live the rest of my life how I want to live it, however short it may be."

Hearing this, Kouen's eyes narrowed before he dared say what she didn't want to speak aloud. "And it won't be in Kou."

The fact that it hadn't even been asked made it clear to Ceara that Kouen figured it out like she had wanted, just too early. But she couldn't very well agree to that and leave him with the liability of her escape after the war.

So one more white lie won't hurt.

After all, Kouen would never jeopardize his country over this. Even if he figured it out—he surely has already—he won't stop her. Not when what she intended to do would yield the best outcome for him as emperor and for her as a little lamb with no real place to belong anymore.

"Of course it will," she replied with the same smile. "After all, you all are here. And I would never leave behind the people I love."

Kouen sighed heavily at this but didn't question any further. Instead, he grabbed her wrist in his hand to pull her forth and before she could stop herself or him, Ceara felt the softness of his lips against hers.

Despite the suddenness, she couldn't help but sigh blissfully as his hands came to the small of her back, pressing her flush against him. The kiss was tender yet felt like it had some sense of urgency in it. In wasn't until they parted that she knew why.

"I hate this vague secrecy you think is so clever," he whispered, his breath tickling her lips. "If you plan to run away, then just say so."

Ceara's eyes widened a mere second before they went back to normal and she tried pulling back from him. "I'm not—"

"I will help you if that is what you intend to do." The offer shocked her more than his on point accusation and it caught her tongue enough for him to continue. "After this war is done with, even without your powers, the unification of the world will continue. Once it is complete, you will be found again but by then nothing from the past will matter anymore. You will return to be a citizen of Kou when that time comes."

Breaking herself out of the stupor, Ceara shook her head and locked her gaze with his, their face mere inches from one another. "That's putting a lot of faith in a future that's still uncertain."

"It is no different from what you are doing," he retorted. "After all, if I'm thinking about this correctly, you will most likely escape after everything is done through the fog of war further east." Another thought appeared to come to him as he slightly tilted his head sideways. "The Eastern Isles?"

"They're part of Kou's territory," she reminded him.

"Then Kina," he said pensively. "You're wagering on the Seven Seas Alliance taking you in? I thought you despised King Sinbad."

"I don't particularly despise him per say. I've never formerly met the man, after all. The fact of the matter is that I don't like his way of dealing with things."

"Which makes me wonder all the same why you would even consider seeking refuge in an alliance he reigns over."

"From what I've heard, out of the kingdoms and nations that comprise the alliance, Kina is the most vocal about its disagreements. It seems its current king doesn't agree well with the Sindrian king." As far as Ceara was concerned, the Kina Kingdom would be best for refuge after the civil war. She gave herself some space by pushing her hands against his chest. "Even if I'm gone, though, I won't leave everything up in the air. Seijin and Parisa will be here. Working together, they can take over everything that I once held reigns on. The people trust Seijin because they believe he was also fooled by me. They'll sympathize—could empathize with him even when he claims that he wants to 'correct' the projects that I started."

"And Sousei and Suisei?"

The names made Ceara flinch as she shrunk onto herself. "They'll be safe here with you. Knowing that and that they're happy is all that matters to me. If they are, then I have nothing to worry about. If help is what you're offering, then I just have one thing to ask of you."

"No need," he replied without even hearing her query. "They'll be taken care of here. You have my word."

"Thank you," she whispered and hung her head as she sighed in relief. This was indeed putting faith into a heavily uncertain future but it was all she really had to go on. Once this was all over, things would be drastically different but at least they would change for the better.

And I won't be seeing anybody from here for a very long time once that happens.

That's right. Once this was over, Ceara would never see any of them anymore. The thought made her chest tighten, her throat dry, and her grip on Kouen a little tighter. Words she had written on that journal—the letters—rushed through her mind and made her heart wrench at the notion that she would never tell any of it to any of them.

I could tell him.

Ceara lifted her head and met with those same eyes of crimson tinted gold. Those were eyes she had met years ago, that she had doubted, that she admired, and now that she loved. And even if he did or didn't feel the same, if she acted now she would at least not have the regret that came with not having gotten an answer.

"En." The low timbre of his humming in acknowledgement rung through her body at being so near, sending a shiver down her spine. This was bold even for her but she really had nothing to lose by doing it as things were now. Mustering the courage she needed, Ceara felt her cheeks get warmer as her lips parted to speak. "After I leave tomorrow, I won't be coming back."

"I'm aware of that now."

Ceara didn't dismiss the small movements of his hands, his fingers tighten every so slightly against her hip and back. "And I won't see you again."

"Won't be for long."

"You can't be sure of that," she corrected with a faint chuckle at his childish retorts. Shaking her head, Ceara railed her train of thought back on track before continuing. "What I'm trying to say is…" Her lips pursed, a tinge embarrassed at what she was trying to say, as her hands reached up to brush back strands of hair that obscured his face.

This was certainly taking all of her courage to convey.

"Say it."

And he knows it. Oh, Ceara knew that he knew what she wanted to say. But like before, like he always did, he left the choice to her. That made her that much more certain of her decision.

"I know where we stand," Ceara said, her voice a little stronger as she garnered what was needed to say this. "And I know what will happen after tonight. But I want to forget that for a while. I don't want to think about it. Not now. Definitely not here when you're with me." Leaning forward, Ceara stood on her toes to softly press her lips against him. His hands held tighter onto her but before he could press her flush against him again, Ceara pulled back with her lips just a breath away from his. "So just for tonight, let's forget what's happening around us. Let's just be and do what we want to do with each other."

There wasn't an answer from him. There was just a breath of relief before Kouen leaned forward again to take her lips in a much deeper kiss. Rougher too. But she didn't mind it. In fact, she liked it better. But the kiss didn't take away from his hands as they roamed her backside and legs until they finally found the opening of her robes and Ceara felt the warmth of his hands directly against her skin.

Shivering from the sensation of his hands caressing her thighs, Ceara had a hard time keeping up with him, her arms barely coming up to wrap around his neck to deepen their kiss further. But as they came apart to breathe, Ceara let out a shocked yelp as Kouen hauled her up against him. Her eyes widen from the shock and she straddled his waist, holding onto his neck tightly for security. A low chuckle rumbled through his chest and reached her ears as he placed his arm under her.

"I'm not letting you fall," he assured her.

"Please don't," she asked under her breath.

It wasn't until Ceara made damn sure she wouldn't fall that she loosened her grip on his neck and leaned back a little. When she pulled back enough, Kouen caught her lips again in a rough kiss as his tongue danced against hers. Ceara got so distracted by the barrage of sensations that she didn't even notice when Kouen took her into his bedroom. She wouldn't have either had he not pulled back—no, she had when he let her down onto the bed gently. Ceara sunk against the soft bedding and gazed up as Kouen stood over her, his hands reaching down to untie her robes.

Out of sheer panic, her hands scrambled down and caught his just as they took the ribbon around her waist.

A tired, almost defeated sigh escaped him as he looked back at her. "Do you wish to stop?"

Ceara shook her head, embarrassed enough not to speak, but had to open her mouth to explain herself. "I-It's just…" Gods, this would take forever if she didn't say anything now, and they didn't have all night. It's not like I have to spell it out. Betting on his intellect to figure it out, Ceara lifted her head to meet his eyes even as she felt the warm blood rushing up her neck and cheeks. "Could you be gentle about it? I've never…" Ceara let her voice waver and quiet down.

Kouen's eyebrow raised, one of the few gestures he ever gave which irked her a lot at the moment. "You've never…?" But as he repeated that, his nonchalant gaze widened a tiny bit before he leaned back, one knee to the side of where she laid while the other withstood his weight against the floor. The tiny surprise in his eyes disappeared as a vacant look came over him. And she recognized it; it was that same vacant look he gave Alibaba when Koumei mentioned the whole 'cherry boy' thing. That in itself turned her embarrassment into a flash of pure annoyance.

"Is there a problem with that?" she hissed under her breath, shooting up to a sit a second before he covered his mouth with his hand, clearly trying to keep down his laughter.

"None."

The tenor of his voice surprised her. It'd change into a deep rumble with something she could only describe as a growl at the back of it. When Kouen turned back to look at her, Ceara could tell immediately that all laughing matters were left forgotten in less than a second. The deep stare he gave mesmerized her because she hadn't seen it since a long time past, that prowling gaze of the predator he was. He chuckled again, this time the rumbling from inside his body reaching her ears. His hands reached up to her shoulders and deftly brushed the fabric off of them. Ceara innately wrapped her arms around her chest, letting him disrobe only that upper half of her. Kouen scoffed but leaned in to kiss the exposed skin on her neck and collarbone, distracting her well enough to let him set her back down on the bed.

The soft touches became a bit harder with the small bites he gave her as his ministrations traveled from her collarbone, to her bosom just above her covered breasts before pressing a soft kiss onto her hands that still held her robes steadfast against her chest. Pulling back, those crimson eyes tinted gold locked onto her stark blue ones that widened at the strange look she saw. It wasn't just a predatory gaze; it was longing.

Kouen took one of her hands into his and brought it up to lay another kiss on them. "I'll make an effort to restrain myself then. But in all honesty, you shouldn't have said anything about it to begin with."

Her curiosity got the best of her and made her ask, "Why?"

"Because—"

Lowering his head, Kouen took the side of her robes she'd left unhindered with his teeth to expose her supple breast before taking the rosy nipple into his mouth. Ceara gasped as she got caught unawares but the surprise and shock quickly changed, turning into a heat that began to burn at the pit of her stomach. Her other hand, the only one free as he still held onto the one he took, reached up to grabbed at his head, her fingers entangling in his hair as he nipped at it. Her meekish moans escaped her as he moved to her other breast, giving it the same treatment. Her mind whirling, Ceara didn't notice her hand tugging at his hair and gave a soft sorry for it when he hissed under his breath. Kouen didn't acknowledge the apology though, and instead took both her wrists in one hand to pin them up over her head. Confused at first, she got no time to think about what was happening as his tongue went back to caressing one of her breasts as his hand took over the other.

A louder moan uttered from her lips at that and got a throaty chuckle out of him. Kouen lifted his head and met her eyes again. The same predatory gaze came accompanied with a crooked grin and a tinge of raw hunger she'd never seen before on him. It didn't scare her, though, it actually made the pit of warmth in her stomach grow. And his words only made it worse.

"It will certainly make our night amusing to see just how long you last—" his calloused hand left her breast and came to her leg where he trailed his finger up against her inner thigh until it reached the apex where he slid it against the warmth that pooled there, making her gasp and toss about from the unfamiliar yet not so unwelcome touch, "—before you plead for me to forget about being gentle."

---

Dawn was reaching over the sky, the orange rays pouring in through the window, when Kouen awoke the next day. Tired as he'd been, his whole system seemed to accomodate for the late night with a few more hours of sleep, letting dawn reach the skies before he even fully woke.

Wanting to stretch, Kouen moved slightly but stopped when he felt a weight laying on his forearm. There wasn't a need for him to look down though when the waft of lavender, a scent he'd all but drowned in the night before, came over him. Lowering his gaze, he adjusted himself to lay on his side, the silk sheets though cool easily slipping from them both, and have a better view of Ceara as she laid with her back to him. Her caramel tresses fell to the side leaving most of her back and shoulder bare. His eyes followed the dark spots he'd left through her skin knowing fully well that many more covered the front side of her.

Kouen reached out his hand to the larger bruises that formed overnight on hips from his harsh grip. He'd promised to be gentle but after a mere hour of nothing but teasing her to her limits, she'd sweetly pleaded like he wanted her to. The mere sight of her so ravished and the sound of her begging made him forget about the promise altogether as well. Frankly, though, for being her first, he might have been somewhat rough with her if the small bruises painting her fair skin where any evidence of it. And knowing her, they certainly would be. As he continued tracing the marks, Ceara flinched, tossing and turning until finally stopping once fully turned about and facing him before dozing off again.

Now that he could thoroughly see her face in the midst of blissful sleep, his gut wrenched at the thought of not seeing it—of not seeing her again. Not wanting the disheartening notion to sour the serene morning, Kouen reached out with his free arm to the small of her back and, with the other already under her, brought her closer to him so that her bare body was flush against his. Ceara tossed some more as she accommodated herself, finally resting her head on his chest and hiding her face against the crook of his neck while he laid his chin on top of her head.

This serenity that she brought onto him hadn't been mere coincidence like he first thought. Despite how much he wanted to disprove it to himself and Koumei who so bolstered about being right, he couldn't.

Not after last night. Not after all he had said and done. Not when he felt like it'd been the right thing to do for himself.

And yet Kouen had been foolish enough to resist at the start. It'd been the reason he moved his work to his antechamber instead of his quarters. It was meant to appear less enticing. She hadn't made it that easy.

But what happened happened. And truthfully, there wasn't a regret to be found in him because of it.

The sun was quickly beginning to raise high, letting him know that time was ticking against him. Chuu'un would be there to take her away with Koumei and the rest. And as much as he didn't want to, he had to get her ready for it. Somehow managing to tear himself away from the tight hold that she had on him even as she slept, Kouen dressed and called for servants to prepare a bath. Since his bathing room and quarters could be accessed through different doors, there wouldn't be a need to wake her up too soon. Nobody would see her anyway.

But even if she bathed, there were no clothes for her there. And something told him that getting her to wear other women's clothes again wouldn't settle well with her after last night. Opting for the safer option, Kouen gave a message for En Shou to pass along to Seijin. Surely the boy would be smart enough bring her garments without asking questions. It wasn't until he was informed that the bath was set that he approached Ceara as she still slept soundly in his bed.

Intent on waking her, Kouen started reaching down but stopped when out of nowhere Ceara flinched again. It'd been like before but seeing her face this time told him that whatever made her move hurt her. And it did again when her whole body jerked and curled into itself, her hand immediately shooting off to grab onto her shoulder as a dark green gleam began to glow, tracing the mark that never left her shoulder or chest. Before he had a chance to do anything, the glimmer burst into a much brighter light that made Ceara wake with a scream, her head slamming down against the bed as her breathing hitched and turned labored.

Unaware of what was happening, Kouen reached down again and helped her sit up, one of her hands pressing down on her shoulder as the other reached up to her head. Without any prompting, Ceara let herself speak through the clear pain she was in.

"I-It's fine," she said, a little too loudly. After saying that, Ceara began muttering under her breath. It seemed she wasn't really thinking about anything and just speaking whatever came to her mind. After a few minutes of that, Kouen heard her sigh as her tight grip on both her head and shoulder slackened considerably. Ceara turned her gaze up to offer what he guessed was a reassuring smile but it did little appease him.

"Are you all right now?"

"Yeah, I think so," Ceara replied, her hands touching her eyes, ears, nose, and mouth as if checking for something. Blood. Kouen recalled the sight when she'd been in the sickroom and remembered what Parisa had said about it.

"The magic casts even when you sleep." It wasn't a question, just a mere deduction. One that sadly turned out to be true by the nod she gave him.

"When Parisa said I needed to constantly use up the magoi reservoir that piles up in me, she wasn't joking around." Excusing herself, Ceara coughed into her hand, intentionally by the looks of it since she checked her palm right after. "It collects all the time."

"And it wakes you," he added, brushing his thumb under her eyes where dark circles started to become visible.

"Mild headaches through the night," she explained, wiping her hand on the sheets before taking his hand off of her face. "I've woken up with blood coming out of my ears and nose. Sometimes from my eyes. I think exhausting the load helped me sleep through the night though." As soon as that escaped her lips, Ceara pursed them shut. The gesture itself made him curious.

"Exhausting the load?" he repeated, wanting some elaboration on that.

Looking away, Ceara mumbled something under her breath that he couldn't hear. Kouen had to tell her to raise her voice so he could hear for her to finally speak up. "It helped me get rid of magoi, using my voice so much...last night."

Her voice. Ah, yes. She had been quite vocal with the incessant moans and cries of ecstasy that he could still hear in his head. And recalling that made the whole memory surface more vividly. Kouen chuckled under his breath before placing a hand on her head. "It's good you slept well then. A bath is waiting for you."

She turned curious, her previous embarrassment forgotten, and asked, "Bath?"

"To clean up. You depart soon."

Her gaze askance, Ceara seemed disheartened at the reminder but Kouen had done away with what veil of bliss was still left from the night before. After all, she had said that they would use that night only to forget about the world and everything else that was going on. They had, and now that the sunrise was peaking, that night was regretfully over.

Kouen gave a brief word about the rest of his quarters before beginning to leave to give her some privacy. Before he even turned though, a small hand stopped him in his tracks. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw her standing with one hand holding one of his and the other pulling the silk sheets to cover her front side. His eyes lingered on the bare skin she couldn't cover with one hand alone that was covered in small bruises or bitemarks before they met with hers, a slight dust of pink on her cheeks catching his attention.

"What is it?" he asked when she seemed to refrain from speaking.

Ceara took a deep breath, something he knew was meant to compose herself, before replying "Join me."

He raised an eyebrow at the bold invitation but didn't completely discard it. It certainly was appealing the way she looked.

There's no time to fool around.

He wouldn't. At least not long enough to warrant it be called a waste. Taking a hold of her hand back was all it took for the color in her cheeks to darken. Not caring anymore, Ceara pulled him along to his bathing room giving Kouen a sublime view as she walked ahead of him. And since time was of the essence now, Kouen's hand readily undid the tie on his own robes before they even crossed the doors.

---

"I know I shouldn't worry, or even ask for that matter, but I certainly am curious. I thought this was supposed to be a cordial visit to help rid you of stress."

"It was," his brother replied, "and it did."

Koumei nodded not believing for a second what his brother said. They weren't waiting on their prisoner to finish dressing in his own brother's bedroom for nothing, after all. He knew about Ceara being taken out of her sickroom by Chuu'un—it'd been a request from his brother—and he knew for what. Or could guess at least. His brother had always said he enjoyed his leisure time better alone. That changed when he didn't seem to mind the young woman's presence. At first, out of necessity, and then out of something more.

Something Koumei surmised that his older brother didn't want to admit. Not out loud at least. But even when he never said a word about it, Koumei had been more than aware of the change in him. Subtle at first, he recognized it for what it was: something he never thought would affect his brother as much as it seemed to now.

"Sorry about the delay." Koumei's gaze fell over the door as Ceara trotted out, tying the ribbon of the simple robes Seijin brought for her, said boy running after her with a sword and necklace in hand.

He didn't so much as acknowledge her apology and instead turned to Chuu'un who politely asked for her hands. There wasn't a complain from her as she reached out her joined wrists so he could tie them with the rope in his hands. Once secured, Ceara turned to both brothers with an indifferent expression.

But what her face didn't tell him, the dark marks that poked from underneath the collar of her robes certainly did. Koumei dragged a long sigh before nodding and letting Chuu'un take her away.

"Don't arm her until I authorize it," he ordered the young boy who simply nodded and followed after his household member and their prisoner. Koumei gave his farewells to his brother and emperor but stopped briefly before looking over his shoulder at Kouen. "Is there anything that I need to be made aware of?"

The question wasn't arbitrary. It wasn't accusatory either. Aside from being genuinely interested for his brother's wellbeing, Koumei needed all the information he could get to strategize accordingly.

"Nothing that will hinder our plans," his brother replied after a brief pause. "I can assure you of that."

He nodded but a part of him wasn't that all assured, his mind already concocting contingencies plans for anything that woman could do. She had shown to be an extremist when the situation called for it; that needed to be accounted for.

"Koumei."

Those stern eyes of his brother's locked with his, ones that reminded Koumei much of their father. Awaiting for him to speak, he watched his older brother curiously like when they were children. An influence and force to be reckoned with, Kouen was many extraordinary things but subtle wasn't one of of them. Especially not with things that he was passionate about.

"When this ends, all soldiers that cannot be accounted for after three day's time will be declared deceased." Kouen sighed and averted his gaze to the scrolls and maps that laid on his table. "We will put this all behind us afterwards and continue as planned."

And by the sound of it, this was something he would personally see through. But whatever it may be—there was no question, really, what it was—Koumei believed that Kouen would do what was right for their country. He believed in his brother enough to know that whatever he chose to do, it would be right for all those involved. Even for her despite all she'd done.

There's really no difference between lover and prisoner it seems.

Even still, whatever hazard she could pose to Kouen, Koumei would be sure to ensure his family's safety first and foremost. And at the moment, that implied winning a civil war against the self-declared emperor of the eastern Kou faction—against their younger cousin, the brother and son of the most awe inspiring men he had ever met.

With everything that was at stake now, there was no room for leniency. If Ceara did not cooperate or if she did anything as asinine as she did before, he wouldn't hesitate to give Kouha the order to execute her.

There would be no room for error with him. She would cooperate or by the time this war ended, they would have her head along Hakuryuu's.

---

A/N:

Damn, I had to hurry about finish this chapter. It legit took longer than I thought it would but I finished it. And perfect since today I start the long and hard 5 weeks of summer school. Two labs in 5 weeks is going to kill me and my free time. So I'll leave you guys with this and more updates.

First of all, that bit of smut towards the end? Completely ad lib. That thing was not in the rubric. Nothing remotely close to that was ever in the plans. And then when I start freaking working without an outline, it suddenly pops up. Well, it's rated M anyway. If you liked it or not, well, that's for you to decide. It just gives me a better timeline to work with in all honesty. (And perhaps I'm a naughty little shit that can't help herself (-w- U))

Also, the song at the beginning flashback was Everything's Alright by Laura Shigihara and featured in 'To the Moon.' It's a cute and heartfelt little song. Haven't played the game but sounds like a heartwrencher from what I've heard. I might just play it whenever I have time (or a life) again.

Let's answer the reviews since I didn't have much time to answer all of them and thanks the other wonderful reviewers as well:

- grimxichixshiroxmomoxorixx: Thanks, I really like fighting scenes and try my best to describe the freaking Cirque de Soleil shit that goes on in my brain when I'm imagining them. Yeah, everybody was a baka last chapter.

- Esmee: Haha, yeah, love finally comes out for the two densest characters I know (and had the pleasure to create). And thanks as well for the kudos on the fight scene. A nickname for Ceara? I always just thought her name was enough, or Speirr even, but I guess maybe a nickname for her real name. Cea (See-a)? That makes me wonder what the couple name would be for these two dorks, actually. Meh, I'll leave that to the experts (the fans). And yes, I'm all right. Just some life blues is all *reaches for the syrupwaffels and stuffs them in mouth* Thanks though for worrying about me. And no, I'm not Ausie, mate cx Just a normal, ol' Californian. About the women's clothes in Kouen, that was basically a little pique about his private life as prince, something that is delved on in one of the omake's of the manga. Basically, princes are given women to sleep with so that they can ensure they leave heirs. The older, the more. That was just a tad bit reminder of how experienced (sexually, as least) Kouen is which contrasted here with Ceara's inexperience. *Fist pumps* Yes, for mind read. Let's go for an 3-0 score on my mind reading skills this time too.

- Aviantei

- Miqila

- Crazywordsmith

- AmericanNidiot

Now the kudos for those lovelies who Follow and Favorite:

- Cexin

- Sonata Fuling

Now for something a little, sort of unrelated but still important, guess how many more chapters this story has? Surprise, I have no solid number but I know almost with 99% certainty that it won't be more than three chapters. That means that after a year Silent Lamb will be ending. But we'll cross that bridge when I built it to burn it down ;) At least after SL, ya'll have more stories to look forward to: three to be exact. I'll be focusing more on my KH story after SL finishes but I'll surely be working on the other three for this series (that I still have yet to named→ suggestions welcomed!) all the while on the background.

For now, I'll leave you all with this. I'll keep updating on twitter ( xkeyoftheabyss) if I start writing between these 5 weeks if I can. Hoped you enjoyed this chapter and stay tuned for the next chapter! :D