A/N: This is mostly about my obsessiveness in keeping track of numbers – and also Harry's tests and reasoning. If you don't like the interviews, you could probably skip this chapter and not lose track of the story.

Chapter 24 – Interview 4

The Quibbler, June Edition, Monday, June16, 1997

Current Count of Suitors: 31

Harry Potter Finishes Round Three!

Read the exclusive interview with our very own Mr. Xenophilius Lovegood!

Our fourth interview with Mr. Harry Potter covers the results of his third round of testing. This will be our last interview with Mr. Potter as he wishes to keep private the details of the remainder of his courtships. We thank Mr. Potter for this opportunity and honor of being the official reporters of his courtships and wish Mr. Potter a bright future and a happy family. Below you will find our conversation that took place in Hogwarts' Great Hall the morning of Sunday, June 15th.

LG:"Good morning, Harry."

HP:"Good morning, sir. How are you today?"

LG:"I am well, thank you. And who is with you today?"

HP:"These are my friends Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger, and Lavender Cadbury nee Brown."

LG:"Good morning ladies and gentleman."

F:"Good morning." "Good morning, sir." "Good morning, Mr. Lovegood."

HP:"They're here to help clear up what really happened the night of May 3rd. I'd like to cover that in depth, if you don't mind."

LG:"Of course not. Would you like to start with that?"

HP:"That's not necessary. I thought we'd start like usual. You know, going over the numbers."

LG:"I have to admit I'm quite curious how you managed to go from 352 suitors to only 31. You mentioned in our last interview that you thought quite a number would be eliminated for magic incompatibility. Was that truly the case?"

HP:"Yes, it was. I eliminated 76 for that reason.

LG:"That leaves…276. Funny how that number works out."

HP:(chuckle) "It is. I hadn't noticed before. But then, I didn't keep track the same way."

LG:"That's about twenty percent right there. Did you have problems with those that were incompatible? Did they get angry?"

HP:"Some of them were angry, but most were understanding."

LG: "I'm glad to hear that. So what was your first test after checking for compatibility? I presume you did that first?"

HP:"I did, yes. My tests were all worked into our conversations, so none of them can really be labeled as first or second or whatnot. I'll just go through them? No particular order?"

LG:"Certainly, certainly."

HP:"All right. One was how my suitor viewed my parseltongue ability. I deliberately spoke a phrase in parseltongue at some point during our conversation. Everyone that reacted negatively was eliminated."

LG:"That's generally considered a dark gift."

HP:(snort) "I don't care. I can speak to snakes. Big deal. It doesn't mean that I'm all of a sudden evil incarnate, you know. I'm still me. And speaking to snakes is simply a gift – it's not inherently dark or light in any way. I am not going to hide a part of myself away just because someone has some weird notions about evil wicked snakes or some such."

LG:"So you eliminated anyone who didn't accept you as yourself?"

HP:"Exactly."

LG:"How many?"

HP:"A total of 32 for that reason."

LG:"That leaves…244."

HP:"All right."

LG:"What's next, then?"

HP:"I mentioned in the very first interview that I wanted to travel the world. Any suitor who couldn't, or didn't want to, accommodate that was eliminated. There were a lot of different reasons for that, from job restrictions to personal preference."

LG:"And how many did you eliminate for not being able to support your desire to travel?"

HP:"29."

LG:"Hmmm…215 left."

HP:"Subtract another 19 suitors for unacceptable views on the rights of sentient beings."

LG:"Alright, that's…196. Sentient rights?"

HP:"I'm afraid I don't agree with rounding up Centaurs and putting them in special reserves."

LG:"Oh, well…"

HP:"Or hunting down and exterminating Werewolves or Vampires."

LG:"Yes, I see."

HP:"Or even mandatory sterilization of goblin females after the birth of their second child as a way to control their population."

LG:(pause) "These were all beliefs from your suitors?"

HP:"Unfortunately."

LG:"That surprises me given our first interview."

HP:"I guess they didn't read it."

LG:"I guess not. So…what's next?"

HP:"Um, well, there's environment and support."

LG:"What do you mean by that?"

HP:"I want to live in a magical environment. When I said I had no interest in living in the muggle world I was completely serious."

LG:"Some of your suitors didn't agree?"

HP:"Some of them, no. I don't think less of them for wanting to live in the muggle world, but it's just not what I want. I also have a higher than normal risk of being, shall we say, hunted by unsavory persons. Because of this I require my home to be in a high security environment and warded to the teeth."

LG:"And some didn't agree."

HP:"That's right. And I acknowledge that living under such security can have its drawbacks. However, due to my circumstances, it is a necessity. Anybody who refused to accept that reality was eliminated. Anybody that was unable to accommodate those needs was also eliminated."

LG:"Unable?"

HP:"Some had jobs that required them to live on site. While I could certainly understand the requirement, even support it, it just wasn't compatible with my needs."

LG:"I understand. And support? Do you mean employed with a sufficient income?"

HP:"Yes and no. I have my own money and so I wasn't concerned about how much money a potential mate was earning a year, although I wasn't going to accept a lazy never-do-well."

LG:"Understandable."

HP:"Mostly support means that I want my mate to be around to help raise our children and be my life companion. What's the point in taking a mate that's never around to talk to? Why have a mate that's simply a sire but not a father?"

LG:"So no workaholics."

HP:(laugh) "No."

LG:"And how many did you eliminate for those reasons?"

HP:"21."

LG:"196 minus 21 is…175. A nice number. Still quite a few left to eliminate, though."

HP:"There were 33 who were eliminated for what I call miscellaneous reasons."

LG:"Will you elaborate on what you classified as miscellaneous?"

HP:"No. I'm sorry. Those reasons are highly personal, either for myself or for my former suitors."

LG:"Would all those who didn't pass the fertility test be classified here?"

HP:"I'm not willing to comment on that."

LG:"That's all right. So that leaves…142. Only 111 more to eliminate. Another clever number."

HP:"They withdrew."

LG:(pause) "All of them?"

HP:"Yes."

LG:"Do you know why?"

HP:"Yes. There were 37 that withdrew for personal reasons that had nothing to do with May's lovely little scandal."

LG:(pause) "That leaves…74 that withdrew because of…the scandal."

HP:"That's right."

LG:"That's almost as many as from magic incompatibility."

HP:"So it is."

LG:"I'm presuming that the scandal isn't what it seemed or was reported as?"

HP:"Do you now?"

LG:"I know we're not best friends, Harry, but I'd like to think that I know you well enough to realize that you wouldn't do what you were being accused of. Not to mention that I have complete faith in my daughter's assessment of people."

HP:"I'm sorry. I'm still somewhat bitter over the situation but I shouldn't be taking it out on you. I apologize."

LG:"That's all right. I've never been in quite your situation, I admit, but I'd like to think I can sympathize with the bad press."

HP:(laugh) "I guess you can."

LG:"So 74 suitors made a very big mistake?"

HP:(laugh) "Oh, yes. Huge. But, really, good riddance. I certainly don't need a mate that's going to think the worst of me and not even ask me what happened."

LG:"So the 31 left asked you what happened before making a judgment?"

HP:"Actually, no. Those remaining 31 understood what happened without me having to explain."

LG:"But how is that possible?"

HP:"They extrapolated known facts into a logical and correct conclusion."

LG:"I think I must be missing some facts."

HP:"Probably. And because you're not courting me, that doesn't upset me at all."

LG:"And if I had been…?"

HP:"Then you should have known."

LG:"Will you explain?"

HP:"Of course. This is part of what I want clarified about the scandal. What do you know about Désespoir?"

LG:"I'm afraid my French isn't that good."

HP:"It means desperation, but that's not the point. It's the name of the condition suffered by nearly all Veela and half-Veela submissives and is discussed in depth in the intermediate book about Veela available from the Veela Council."

LG:"And so you expected your suitors to be aware of it."

HP:"Yes. In a bit I'll tell you, and your readers, some cold hard facts about Désespoir."

LG:"All right."

HP:"What do you know about magical agitation and sensitivity?"

LG:"You mean like what you have now because of opening your magic so much over the past months?"

HP:"Exactly."

LG:"Just the basics, really."

HP:"Well, I'll get into some cold, hard facts about that, too."

LG:"And this is something your suitors should have known as well, isn't it? It's been mentioned before in our interviews."

HP:"Yes. After that I'll talk some about calming influences, magical shock, hypothermia, physical shock…"

LG:"Hypothermia?"

HP:"Yes, hypothermia, like part what I was experiencing that night."

LG:"Goodness."

HP:"Then I'll do some addition of dates before I start in on what memories I have of that night."

LG:"You don't remember that night?"

HP:"Not very well, no. When I'm done with my part, my friends will tell their side."

LG:"That sounds reasonable. I look forward to it."

HP:"I'll warn you now that there were many things discussed that night and most of those things are private and won't be relayed except in the vaguest sense. No details."

LG:"Of course, of course. That's not a problem."

HP:"Do you have any questions before I get started?"

LG:"No, I don't think so."

HP:"All right, then. Let's start with Désespoir. Désespoir is the name given to the degenerative condition…