Fire of Youth

One-Shot: The Dead Still Listen

*One of a series of little one-shots for each member of the team. First up: Arcee. Takes place...I dunno when. One of those ambiguously timed ones I just felt like writing. Short and a little sad, but sweet, too. :')

Arcee stepped out of the groundbridge into the rugged woodlands and peaks of Yosemite National Park, blasters at the ready. Ahead of her loomed the large feature of El Capitan, the late afternoon sun just beginning its dip towards the horizon. For a moment she simply stood there in silence, taking it all in. She had never been here before. Her glance however was not fully that of the appreciator. There was a stern tactful gleam in them as she glanced around at the landscape. The trees provided at least some overhead protection, and the boulders and mountains provided both cover and high ground. But out here there was no electromagnetic shielding to hide her spark's energy signature; the Nemesis could easily detect her. She would need to warn Infernus if he didn't already know that they would need to be careful how often they visited Optimus's grave. Too much activity would get the Decepticons suspicious.

A few more glances and the femme signed faintly, deactivating her weapons. That was another causality of the War she supposed. She wondered that, if the War were nothing more than a bad memory, would she really be able to appreciate this place? Be spell-bound by its wild beauty? Optimus had been able to. He had come here often to relax she knew. Something about this place had drawn him time and again. Hopefully at some point she could see what that something had been. She wanted to be able to feel wonder and hope and joy again. But the War had smothered those emotions in her a long time ago. Now, all she felt was the need to protect whatever it was she had left. The universe seemed to have cursed her to lose things – people – most valuable to her. She could never seem to keep anything.

Another sigh escaped her, this one laced with pain.

She headed towards the feature's base ahead of her. Infernus had told her what to look for, so her pink-rimmed blue optics quickly scanned the few boulders around her for the tell-tale mark. She found it, and she found the ground to be ever so faintly disturbed nearby. Her spark cracked all over again as the original pain came rushing back with a vengeance. It seemed like just the other day they'd lost him when really it had been longer than that. She knew better than most that hurts like these never really healed. The best they could do was scar over, and the pain lingered.

And so, finding a nice spot that was well shaded and relatively shielded from plain sight, the femme knelt.

For a while she said nothing. The trees around seemed to sigh as a light breeze passed through their needles. Part of her admitted she was listening for a voice she knew she'd never hear again. She admitted she wanted to hear something, see something to let her know the former Prime was listening. But she knew it wouldn't happen. Those sorts of beliefs and desires were for the naive. She had seen and heard nothing of Tailgate or Cliff since their deaths. Why should Optimus be an exception? Death was impartial. So, apparently, were the rules governing the dead.

Something within her snapped then. A soft, choked sob wracked her body. Tears trickled out, sweet-smelling yet bitter and pained.

"Why?" she rasped. "Why do I keep losing people I care about? Why do I keep losing partners – friends? Is it some kind of curse?"

No reply came. Some spiteful part of her wanted to force an answer somehow. She'd been his lieutenant here. Didn't she deserve an answer?

"First Tailgate, then Cliff, now you. I know I'll lose Jack, too. Humans don't live as long as we do. We both know that. They're lucky if they hit a hundred. And if age doesn't get him Airachnid will. I just – I can't take it anymore. It hurts too much."

She wept for a while in silence, letting her pain out while no one could see her. But soon it abated a little, the femme forcing some control back from her tumultuous emotions. Arcee knew she couldn't stay here long. If she came back looking this it would only worry Infernus and Ratchet both, not to mention Bluestreak. She still felt the tears sliding down her cheeks though, and she didn't try to stop them. Arcee gave a shuddering sigh.

"I'm sick and tired of losing people, Optimus."

Above, clouds blocked out the sun, the landscape dimming along with her mood. The femme stared at the grave, expression close to dead. It felt like her pain was slowly numbing her entire frame of feeling. All Arcee could feel was her aching spark, which felt like Airachnid had jabbed one of her limbs into it and was slowly, gleefully trying to rip it out. Briefly she had the desire to help it. All the stories, tales, and legends said that – there – pain was nonexistent. At that moment that was what she wanted most – an end to the pain of loss. She was sick of goodbyes. She wanted for once to be able to say "Hello." Grief merged with anger in a heartbeat. She wanted to scream then. She wanted to scream aloud her pain, her anguish, her loss. She wanted to curse Primus for taking her friends from her, taking them out of her reach, for leaving her alone for thousands of years at a time. She wanted to curse him for taking Optimus away right when they all needed him most. She wanted to curse time itself for eventually taking away yet another partner from her.

Then, something did happen. The clouds parted to once more permit sunlight to bathe the land below. Unless she was imagining things it felt like a warm, unseen hand was laid on her shoulder. A warm breeze sweetened with the smell of mountain flowers swept by that seemed to whisper "No." Arcee whipped around, expecting to find a familiar face standing or even kneeling behind her. She expected a pair blue optics twinkling at her and a rare, gentle smile.

But she saw nothing.

She could've sworn on the Allspark she'd felt a hand though, and still felt it faintly. She would swear readily she'd heard a voice whisper on the wind. And she was ready to swear to anyone that she felt herself being watched – not maliciously but kindly. Protectively. Some of her pain faded. She was not as massively spiritual as some others, but she knew. She knew it was him. He was there. Maybe she couldn't see him, and maybe she was just imagining it. She just...knew. Not conscious knowing but deep, deep inner knowing.

Still kneeling, the femme lifted a hand instinctively and placed it on the shoulder where she felt the warmth. It increased a little in response.

"Thank you..." she whispered. "I miss you...We all do."

Again a warm, sweet breeze washed by. With it came another seeming whisper: "Yes."

Arcee stayed there for a while, absorbing what comfort she could. Then she rose. The heat on her shoulder faded. She called for a 'bridge back to base, and it came almost instantaneously. She headed for it only to pause just before entering. She turned back towards the grave.

"Say hi to Cliff and Tailgate for me, will you?"

Infernus, alone in the hangar aside from Prowl, Ratchet, the teens, and Magnus turned to see Arcee return from her visit. She didn't look too good. She looked haggard and there were sweet-smelling stains on her cheeks. It didn't take a medic or a sleuth to put two and two together: she'd been crying. It also didn't take a genius to figure out why. Optimus's death had probably hit her the hardest, and this was her first visit to the grave. That had just dredged up all those emotions again.

"Arcee?" he asked carefully.

She looked at him then and he saw all that pain a second time. The femme made her way over to him, but there was no grief-stricken anger in her optics like in the past. There was just sadness, pain, and loss – but there was a little glimmer of what looked like contentment in her pink-rimmed blue gaze. You didn't get over a loss like this. You just came to accept it. He knew that.

The femme stood before him for a moment. Infernus didn't know what to expect, but he was not expecting her to suddenly lunge at him. He thought for a terrifying second she'd just attacked him like last time and that his pain receptors simply hadn't registered the hit yet. Only once the initial rush of performance enhancing chemicals faded did his processor slow enough to realize she hadn't done anything like that. She'd done the complete opposite of attack him, actually.

She was hugging him.

"Don't leave." she whispered.

Infernus managed a short, soft laugh: "Trust me. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. Not if Ratchet has anything to say about it. If he had his way I'd be under hangar arrest for the next year and a half. He'd probably get Bulkhead to sit on me for good measure."

Her gaze was far from amused. "Promise me. Swear on the Allspark you won't leave." She was in deadly earned.

"I swear I won't leave. Cross my spark. 'Kay? Not goin' anywhere. Don't intend to either."

He heard a snicker and happened to glance up. Miko was grinning at them from the catwalks. Jack and Raf were oblivious, busy at work researching potential beasts. He kind of wished Mark was there to help keep the spunky Asian in check but he was busy at the auto-shop hangar. Neal was, too. Prowl and Magnus were so caught up in theorizing potential Decepticon attacks that they hardly noticed what was going on outside their little bubble of reality. Ratchet however was watching them with a bit a smile.

"Erm..." Infernus revved his vocalizer a bit awkwardly. He unfortunately was aware enough what was the cause of Miko's devilish snicker and grin. She thought they were getting together. "We should probably...uh...yeah."

Arcee disentangled herself and made to leave.

"Hey, Smoke?"

The Primeling cocked his helm to the side curiously. "Yeah?"

"You're a good Prime. I see why he chose you now."

He grinned. "Yeah well. I guess that makes one of us."

Author's Note: Like I said. Short. Sad. A little happy. :)