A/N: Welp, it's been 483 days since I last updated this story. But against all odds, here I am. A lot has happened in those 483 days, but I am learning to make time to write again. I am absolutely committed to finishing this fic by the end of 2018. So, if anyone is still with me... *deep breath* here it goes.
Beca's nose twitched at the tickle of Aubrey's hair. She sleepily swiped it away and began to fall back asleep when her brain finally caught up with her and she startled awake. Chloe's curls were the first thing Beca saw but as her vision adjusted, she quickly noted the bare skin of Aubrey's chest. Beca's brain suddenly registered where she was, who she was with, and what they had done. Her breath hitched as something resembling fear began to grip her, but the feeling quickly dissipated when her eyes fell on Chloe's slumbering face. She looked so peaceful and it calmed Beca almost instantly. Much to her own surprise, Beca Mitchell wasn't freaking out.
At least, she wasn't freaking out until she turned her head to get a glimpse of the glowing alarm clock on the nightstand. 3:47am. She had to get home. If she wasn't back by the time her dad woke up, she was pretty sure he'd call in the National Guard.
Beca disentangled herself from Aubrey and slid out of bed. She had left her phone in her purse, which was left behind somewhere in Chloe and Aubrey's living room. With no covert way to light up the room, she did her best to recall exactly where she had lost each article of clothing, shuffling her feet along the floor to feel for them. She did her best to stay quiet. The last thing she wanted was to have to confront Aubrey or Chloe as she tried to leave surreptitiously.
Once she had retrieved all of her clothes, she exited the bedroom and dressed in the bathroom. Beca caught a look at herself in the mirror, noting that despite her fatigue and the brewing hangover, she looked strangely satisfied. She looked down at the tile, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth as her heart fluttered ever so slightly. Beca felt happy, and while that fact was certainly not anticipated, she allowed herself a moment to indulge in it.
She walked to the living room and grabbed her purse from the floor beside the couch. She pulled out her phone and quickly called an Uber to take her home. The car wouldn't arrive for another 7 minutes, according to the app, so she took a seat on the couch and began mindlessly scrolling through her Facebook feed.
It occurred to her then that perhaps she should leave a note behind. She didn't want her friends to worry. She opened a group text to Chloe and Aubrey but found herself just staring at the blinking cursor. What was she supposed to say? What were the right words for this situation? She wanted to convey some sentiment, some hint to them that she wasn't sneaking out in order to avoid them but she also didn't want to sound too excited or eager. While she wasn't freaking out, she was definitely going to need a moment to process what had happened and what it meant. It was good not to feel panicked, but it wasn't as though sex had somehow suddenly rid Beca of all her own personal insecurity and confusion. Beca felt better about the situation, sure, but she hadn't suddenly forgiven the lies and the manipulation. She hadn't forgotten how betrayed she felt back in Copenhagen. And while it may have been a little more clear to Beca just exactly how she felt - or, at the very least, what she discovered she so thoroughly enjoyed - Beca still did not feel confident that she knew what she wanted.
Before she had a chance to type anything at all, Beca's Uber driver arrived. She closed the text window, grabbed her purse from the floor and headed for the front door. As her hand gripped the knob, she heard a quiet voice call her name from the hallway behind her. Beca turned to see Aubrey brushing blonde hair off her forehead. Aubrey had quickly dressed in a pair of boxer shorts and a tank top, for which Beca was infinitely grateful. She wasn't prepared to be standing before a naked Aubrey in this moment - although the blonde's lacking bra didn't go unnoticed.
"Where are you going?" Aubrey asked softly.
Beca swallowed hard as her eyes lingered a moment too long on Aubrey's chest. "It's not what it looks like," she replied, surprised by her own defensiveness. Aubrey folded her arms and raised her shoulders slightly, less than subtly signaling that she required some explanation. "It's just… my dad…" Beca's voice trailed off. "I have to get home."
Aubrey stepped forward. "I understand," she said, her tone even and her voice calm. She moved closer to Beca, placing a hand on Beca's upper arm, then leaned in and kissed Beca's left cheek. Beca stared directly into Aubrey's eyes as the blonde pulled back. She was standing so close that Beca swore she could feel the heat radiating from Aubrey's body. "Can we call you?" she asked sincerely.
Beca felt her heart jump. She looked down to the floor for just a moment as her face flushed, and then she looked back at Aubrey's blue eyes. "I'd like that." Aubrey smiled, and it must have been contagious because Beca couldn't stop the toothy grin that spread across her own face. And with that, she turned and left, unable to stop smiling the whole trip home.
The next morning was a strange one. Before she even got out of bed, Beca rolled over and retrieved her phone from the night stand. Her breath caught for a moment when she saw that she had a text message from Chloe. Her brain, still fuzzy from sleep, suddenly whirred to life. She couldn't deny the excitement she felt, nor the warmth that flooded her chest, and yet the more logical, rational side of herself was still screaming "what the fuck is going on?!" just as it had been since that night at camp, from the moment she overheard Aubrey and Chloe's conversation outside the tent.
She had really enjoyed herself last night. She knew that, and she refused to lie to herself about it. Something was still holding her back, though. She couldn't be all in on this. How could she be? It was crazy. What had happened was insane; what was happening was insane. Beca could barely entertain the idea of having a relationship with one woman, and she certainly couldn't entertain the idea of a relationship with two people at all - let alone two women - regardless of whatever the arrangement might be.
And yet, as she opened Chloe's text, her heart skipped a beat. Her mouth went dry and she felt like she couldn't breathe.
I had a great time last night. We both did. ) Missed you this morning, though… :(
Beca wasn't stupid. She knew what it meant, the way her body reacted to just the sight of a simple text message. But she was not prepared to deal with it. Not yet anyway.
Beca rolled out of bed and shuffled her way to the bathroom. She'd respond to Chloe's text later. Right now she needed a shower.
As the hot water poured over her, she fixated on how she might best reply to the text message. She wasn't sure what she should say about why she had left. It wasn't that what she had told Aubrey was untrue, her father would definitely have freaked out if he noticed she hadn't come home the night before, but that wasn't the whole truth. The truth was that last night had really affirmed for Beca that this was something she thought she wanted - to be with Aubrey and Chloe. The problem was she still didn't know how to do that.
Beca was inept at best when it came to the rules of engagement for even the most normative relationship. One need only ask Jesse about that. And if she couldn't figure out how to exist in a "normal" relationship with one person of the opposite sex, how was she ever to know how to act in a relationship - or arrangement (Beca didn't even know the right words to describe this thing!) - with two people of the same sex. Considering it at all still seemed so obviously ludicrous to Beca.
By noon, Beca had still not replied to Chloe's text message. Instead, she texted Stacie.
Hey, can you talk?
Stacie's response was almost instantaneous. Give me 5. I'll call you.
Beca closed the door to her bedroom before returning to her bed. She laid flat on her stomach, her upper body propped up by her elbows. As she waited for the phone to ring, she contemplated what exactly she would tell Stacie. She didn't want to share any details. She just needed to know what to do now.
"You're overthinking this," were the first words out of Stacie's mouth. Beca had explained that she'd been on a date with Aubrey and Chloe - she didn't mention that they had sex, or that she had snuck out in the middle of the night.
"In my defense," countered Beca, "how could I not be? I mean, this situation has no script. I don't know how this is supposed to work, or how I should act, or what this should be."
"That's always your problem, Beca. You spend too much time worrying about how things should be instead of realizing that things can be whatever you want them to be, however you want them to be. Have you ever considered that maybe the reason more traditional relationships - like the one you had with Jesse - are so difficult for you is because you aren't meant for one? Maybe this is what you're meant for."
Beca was speechless. Of course she hadn't considered that. Why would she have?
"There's no right answer here, dude. Look, Aubrey and Chloe know you better than just about anyone. They like you. They aren't expecting you to do, or say, or be anything other than that. You've got to recognize that and quit worrying about what you should do. Focus on the things you want to do, or say, and do and say those things. It's really that simple."
Beca loudly sighed into the phone. "So 'be myself?' That's your suggestion?!" she spat sardonically. She couldn't believe this was the advice she was getting, cheap platitudes.
Stacie's voice shifted then. She wasn't mean, but she was stern. It was clear that she was done with Beca's persistent obstinance. "Listen, you called me for advice and that's the advice I'm giving. Keep communicating with them. Be open. Be honest. Be real. Be you. Things will get easier."
Stacie paused, and Beca said nothing. She was taken aback by Stacie's harsh tone. It was unusual for Stacie to speak to her that way. Beca understood her friend's impatience, though. Beca was even becoming impatient with herself. She was being stubborn, and she was being unreasonable. She'd spent too many months over analyzing this thing instead of just living her life, seeing where things took her, and trusting her own instincts. It was long past time for Beca to realize what she wanted, what made her happy, and to follow that wherever it might lead her.
"You know I'm right," insisted Stacie, finally breaking the silence.
Beca conceded. "Yeah, Stacie. I do."
At 3pm, Beca finally worked up the courage to text Chloe. She could hear Stacie's words in her head imploring her to be honest and mulled over her choice of words for only a short moment. She took a deep breath and pressed send.
I had fun, too. :) Sorry I couldn't stay… I missed you this morning, too.
Beca put the phone down with a loud exhale. It felt good to be honest about what she was feeling. She was still scared, of course. Terrified, even… but there was a peace that came with knowing she'd told the truth and put all of her cards on the table.
Her phone buzzed seconds later. Beca picked it up and swiped open the text message from Chloe.
:) Good. We should get together again soon.
Beca smiled and immediately texted back.
Definitely