*Author's note: Yeah, sorry, the story is shitty as hell right now :/
READ BEFORE CONTINUING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS CONTINIUOS PROSPECTIVE CHANGES IN AN ORDER: FIRST WILL BE SHURAT'S POV THEN IT WILL BE YUMIKO'S POV. THIS PATERN WILL REPEAT THROUGH OUT THE REST OF THE FIC.
But welp you are seeing this, so might as well continue this.
Also A VERY BIG SHOUT OUT AND A FAT THANK YOU TO ALL MAI BOIS HERE IN THE FANFICTION NET! Cuz if it wasn't for you all and ur ideas, we would never be here! :D
Also yes, special thanks to MjrGenMatt, JellyJo, DSR and of course my main boi Kingdie! For helping me on dis story! No really, I love ya all :3
P.S: yea, this is the refined version that does not take as much of a butt ton of your screen anymore. So uh. Yeah.
I
…
All around me is cold. What's going on? Where am I?...
I tried to open my eyes. Yet they were sealed tight, refusing to budge.
What? What is happening? Why can't I open my eyes?
I tried to move my arms. They done nothing but laid limping on my side.
What is going on!?
I tried to move my feet. And yet I cannot feel them.
What is happening? Why can't I move anything!?
No.
Why can't I feel anything?!
A rush of panic as I felt my heart thumping faster, yet I cannot even feel my chest breathing anymore.
This is not right!
Where am I?! Why can't I feel anything?!
And then another question rushed to my mind: Where's the team?! What happened?! I struggled trying desperately to toss and turn my body, hoping to feel something; anything on my body.
A movement. A single movement. That's all I am asking for.
Yet, though I plead and plead. That was still too much to ask. I felt my breath getting taken away slowly. But I cannot do anything to stop it. I felt as a rush of a frostbiting chill being sent up to my spine, and then nothing… Not even pain. There was only the feeling of chill on my back. Like cycles of ice beaming through my skin again.
.
So many questions raced through my mind. And they all don't help but pound my mind from all those thoughts. Each question became more and more heavy; they felt like anvils trying to slam my brain to exhaustion.
.
But they are still the same questions before: Why is this happening?
.
What is happening?
I question myself again and again as I can feel my breaths getting shallower by each passing second…
.
I can visually see a tiny glimpse of the dark. And it was… growing?
.
Why can't I do anything? That same thought wandered over and over again in my head.
.
Why can't I?
.
The air is somewhat stiff now. Almost if the chill I am feeling had an effect on it to. The greedy cold, trying to freeze everything to its self…
And it's trying to freeze my face too as I can feel it face a burning feeling all over it. And then it just all stopped…
No more burning. No more blaze. Not even a single glimpse of warmth anymore.
Nothing. Nothing but a tang of chill now lingered on it.
…
Maybe I should wait for someone to help.
Maybe, I should do what Elias always do, and joke about this whole situation that I am in. Oh, if only I was so fortunate to share his sense of humor right now…
.
Is this the end?
I think it is…
.
The tiny spot of darkness soon became larger by each more hollow breath I took. As if it was trying to envelope me in its warmth. Just the mere thought of it already filled me with joy.
Ah yes, warm…
The dark, it's so peaceful… It's so quiet… So comfortable…
It hovered there, right in front of my face, humming a sweet tune to me… as If it wanted to welcome me to take my rest…
.
Yes. Rest seems good.
Rest is fine….
My head is feeling lighter now. And my mind is getting fuzzier. No more thoughts. No more thinking. Just a feeling of emptiness and blank, soon flooded me.
All I feel now was a cool breeze… It was not cold anymore… It was… nice.
The end is just like sleeping right?
Maybe that is not too bad right now.
Maybe I should take my slumber….
"fuze-"
Maybe I should…
"Fuze, can you hear me?-"
What's that sound?...
"Fuze, stay with me now!"
Why does it sound so. Familiar?...
…
Why does it have to sound so small?...
"Shurat-"
How did you know my name?
"please-"
Why does your voice sound so warm?...
"stay with me…"
.
Why did it makes me remember someone?...
"we need you."
Who was it, that voice seemed so familiar; Why can't I remember?...
"I need you…"
And why do I hear…crying?
"stay… please…."
Why are you… pleading?
…
Who are you?...
"Oi! Las!-"
Who was that?...
"What are ya-Oh god no! Doc! Get ovah here!-"
What's going on?
.
"c'mon ya bastard! Stay with us now!"
What are they doing?
"Schnell! Get him in ze medevac now!"
Why must you scream?...
"he's bleeding badly! Please help!-"
"c'mon big guy! This is not how you are gonna die!'
What?...
I hear faint sounds of ….engines? A helicopter?...
Why is there a helicopter nearby?
"The stim is not healing fast enough!"
Stim?
.
"Vat the heck happened?!-"
Why must you all be shouting?
I just wanted to sleep dammit…
..
Hmm… yes… Sleep sounds good. I'd love that.
And I think my head agrees to that as well. As their screams and shouting are getting more and fainter by each passing moment.
.
Peace and quiet… finally…. I can feel that sleep was embracing me in its care.
It was a thought that made me smile to myself.
.
But there were some odd sounds on parallel to my stream of thoughts however. Though I cannot hear it fully, but the last of it I heard was.
"I need you, Shurat…"
That voice again. Why does that voice sound so lovely?
And why does it say it needs me?
More thoughts rolled into my mind… Maybe I should find the owner of that voice again. Yes, that would be terrific!
But.
Oh well. I can leave that for later, to discover.
For now.
Rest…
.
II
.
0219 HOURS, TOKYO JAPAN.
OPERATION: RED CROW-PHASE THREE
STATUS: SUCESSFUL
-MINIMAL CASUALTIES PRESENT-
No. He can't die! Not like this! I won't allow it! I sat on my seat whimpering as tears continue to flow.
This was unprofessional looking, but fuck professional! Shurat's dying! Or he is gonna die! And what can I do?! Nothing!
I couldn't be more careful! So I got clumsy! And my clumsiness got Shurat hurt because of it!
'Damm me! Damm me!' Those thoughts just danced back and back into my mind.
'Why must he do it?! Why must he choose this time of all to play hero!?'
.
"Why must you take that shot for me, Shurat?..." I thought out loud. All whilst I hiccupped on my cries.
Why?... Why must he do it? For me no less!
There were so many things. So many things I questioned in that moment. So many questions on why I couldn't have done anything to stop this...
So many questions involving my growing guilt inside of me, all boiled down to one single exclamation: "Why?..."
"He took a fucking shot for you! What do you mean 'why'!?" The man in front of me screamed.
'Yes. What do I mean? 'Why?' Oh right. Because he didn't have to! He didn't have to shove me away from that terrorist! He didn't have to cover my body with his! He didn't have to do all of this!'
I want to scream. I want to scream at his face, all of those reasons!
Yet. I couldn't find the strength to do so…
I was too ashamed to do it…
"Castle shut it! This ain't helping!" I heard Thermite shouted back at him.
"No! This girl needs to fucking learn! You don't question the fucking person that saved you their intention!"
"Castle, enough!" Thermite tried to stop him.
"What is wrong with you!?"
.
Yes. What is wrong with me?
.
"He just saved your life! You ungrateful son of a bitch!"
"ENOUGH!"
The entire copter froze at the sound of the old man Thatcher boomed through the already noisy ambiance of ripping blade through the air.
"I WILL NOT HAVE THIS TEAM ACT LIKE CHILDREN AND I WILL NOT HAVE YOU ALL TURN BACK ON YOUR COMRADES BECAUSE OF A FUCKIN' QUESTION!"
Everyone beamed at the old man's outburst. Even with his mask on, I can still see the raging fire in his eyes, it's rare to see Thatcher get mad, not to mention seeing him getting furious like this.
"WHAT ARE YOU ALL? AMATEURS?! YOU'RE ALL ADULTS FOR GOD'S SAKE! SO ACT LIKE ONE!"
Everyone silenced. Not even daring to say a word.
"It's already bad enough that we got one of ours hurt! I don't need to deal with shit like this!" He gave a huff to the end of his statement.
"Are we all fuckin' clear?"
The only thing we can all mumble out was a tiny: "Yes. Sir…"
Everyone looked down to their feet… No one was in the mood of saying anything.
The dreadful quiet soon draped us once again.
'What was wrong with me?...' There was no other thought to my head other than that.
And though my tears had gone dry already, it took all my will power I have left, and the bit of dignity in me to not spill the tears all again.
.
Am I a horrible person?...
.
I don't know anymore…
.
II
.
...
As I closed my eyes for a second. I was immediately greeted with darkness. It all felt so fuzzy.
Where am I?
And more importantly, where's everyone?
.
The air was no long hard to breath. And it even felt warm now.
What happened?
And was I going to do something?
…
It took me a moment, to realize something.
I can… feel? I can feel again! I tried moving my arm again, and it finally moved!
My legs were no longer stiff; my head was no longer cloudy. And I can even fell a cool breeze flowing on my skin.
Guess I was just over exhausted then. A good rest was all I needed!
I tried opening my eyes and bright golden sun light greeted me as soon as I did.
I could see a fuzzy figure. With a foggy sound too.
"shurat…"
.
Again. Why does that sound so familiar?
"Shurat."
My eyes and ears are slowly getting back to their senses now. As I can see the fog from my view disappearing to reveal the person I'm looking at.
And it was… a woman?
Yes, a that is definitely a woman figure. Though it's hard to know exactly because of the light aura shining around her.
'What are you? An angel?' I thought to myself.
And then I heard something, a giggle?
"Shurat. It's time to get up sleepy head!"
Yes, I think it's time I get up already. But why is she calling me 'sleepy head'?
My eyes are now fully opened to take in her view, and what I saw before me was indeed majestic.
Raven black locks, Hazel eyes. A wide smile to her face, and a cute little nose. With a pretty colored dress and a joyful look to her features.
"Finally! You are awake!" She gave another light and lovely giggle.
Wait. There's only one person that has that kind of voice…
No, it can't be.
"Kamilla?..." I asked her, though it came out sounding more like a mumble.
She gave me yet another chuckle.
"Of course! Who else may I be?" She answered with a smile to her face.
"But. You… I thought that."
I took a gulp to down the lump in my throat to the question I was about to ask.
"I thought, I've lost you…"
I looked down to my feet. Admitting the sorrow and guilt I've done. But to the truth of what I am feeling, I felt a tang of confusion to add in the mix of emotions.
I felt as my eyes starting to get wetter by the moment.
The next thing I know, tears started to trail down my cheeks…
I never cry, I never did, not until now… Not until this very moment, as my past came back to haunt me. My loved ones. The ones I've… Killed.
And now they are here?
After I woken up from my slumber? They were the ones to greet me? To haunt me for what I've done?
'This is the most cruel joke, god had given me.' I thought to my self.
This was my worst dreams come true…
But.
To my surprise.
She didn't say anything about this. She didn't scold at me, she didn't yell at me for my mistake, she doesn't even seem to show a glimpse of hatred towards me.
Instead. She placed her soft hand to my cheeks, and held my face up.
She gave me a smile, a genuine smile, one I've never seen from her before for so long... And it was so beautiful.
"You've never lost me, Shurat." She says with the softest tone.
"You never did." She reassured me, with a warm embrace this time.
How long was it? How long was it, since I've last felt this?
How long was it have I last felt this warmth? The one only she can give me?
"After all how could I leave you?"
She gave another chuckle.
"You are my silly husband after all…" She says with a smile.
.
II
.
The clock is ticking. Ticking by each second, till the moment we get to see the fate of our comrade. Shurat.
'Tick, tock, tick, tock…' The sound of time passing by each painful second.
I hate that sound, I hate it.
I don't want to know how he was. Yet I do.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do. I don't know…
And apparently I wasn't the only one to feel like this. The others too were feeling the same. The whole Russian team was present along with the GSG-9s, and so was the SAS. Even the GIGNs, the GEO duo, the two from JTF-2 and the FBI/SWAT with the SEALS were all here… All having one same thing bothering them on their minds.
The room was silent.
As no one made a sound. The conversations earlier all died down. Every argument, every scolding screams, every small talk made to ease the situation. All gone now. There was nothing to talk about now.
All of us, everyone of us knew we could do one thing and one thing only now.
Is to sit tight and hold our breaths, in the uncomfortable quiet atmosphere. Say our prayers, keep our beliefs, and try to hope for the best to come.
"He iz going to live. Da?" Tachanka tilted his head up by a bit as he spoke up first, wanting to break the silent.
It took a moment however. As everyone still deep within their own thoughts about this, still no one dared to break the ambiance.
"…Yea, the lad will live. He's a tough one." Came Sledge's reply in a low voice.
"No shit." Pulse says.
"Agreed." Valkirie , shortly after.
"Ja. I zhink so…" IQ says, in a quieter tone.
And Jackal only gave a court nod.
The gestures they all gave was uncertain. Shaky voice, low tones, silent responses… no one was clear about what could happen…
.
"But… what if he doesn't?..." Asked Smoke, not with his usual ironic tone anymore, but this time with some degree of lingering concern to his words.
…
That question made everyone in the room feel quiet again…
That was the question that was lingering in my mind, over and over again, and why must he bring it up?...
"He's in Doc's hands right now. I won't think he would let the man die that easy." Replied Rook, as he was looking down to his toes.
.
Another moment of silent for all of us.
"Yeah, I agree." Montagne spoke up after.
"I know Gustave. He wouldn't anyone die, and he never fails at doing so."
He spoke in a stern voice.
.
Rook now looked at up him a bit of hope now lit up in his blue eyes, and so did Tachanka raising his head higher to look at him fully now. Soon the SAS too, and the FBIs…
They all looked at him. With all a mixture of hesitant trust, belief in his words and some even showed confusion to them. But they looked up at him.
He didn't finch from the stares he got from everyone.
And he stood there as every one eyed down on him, taking in what he just said. As if he wanted to safe guard the tiny hope in his words, he wanted them to believe, to trust that there is still a chance of survival for their comrade...
A chuckle came from someone no one expected soon proven his point.
It was Glaz.
And for once, he was smirking, while he chuckles...
"Da. He'll live."
Was all he said. Still with a smile to his face.
The whole room stared at him, like his was a mad man after saying those words.
"Why are you laughing!?"
Kapkan raised his voice. With a scolding look to his features now.
"Comrade Fuze iz in there!"
He scolded the other Spetsnaz.
To everyone's surprise, Glaz didn't even shook to his words.
Instead, he looked at him with his signature calming eyes.
"Because Comrade, I believe so." He said in the most calming tone.
"Are you stupid? What iz wronk with you!? Shurat's in there! And he could die! Zis is not a fairy tale! That, oh! I can put faith into this, magik can happen and save my comrade!"
He could die…
"Kapkan, stand down lad." Thatcher said to the Russian as he tried once more to step in.
"Net!" He shouted.
"What iz wronk with you!? How could you even smile at zis time!? Mudak!"
"I SAID STAND THE FUCK DOWN SON!" Thatcher screamed again.
That shuted Kapkan up.
"We don't need another stupid argument." He said, rubbing his temples.
"Now shut it, or I'll personally make you more miserable then you already are son! Are we clear?
Kapkan looked away for a second. "Yes, sir…"
"Good."
.
Maxim glared at his fellow Spetsnaz, whom eyes still filled with fury.
"To answer your question. Comrade, I put my faith in what I believe in. Like all the last missions. I put my trust to my senses. And not once have they failed us, Da?" Glaz finaly spoke up again.
"So once again, comrade Maxim. I believe he will live." His response was light, calming, but the stern trust that lingered to his word was very visible.
.
Kapkan gone silent for a moment, thinking almost at something, his features still filled with anger. And so did the crew.
But as everyone else stared at Glaz with scolding eyes, and confused looks.
It was Tachanka now. Who started his light chuckle.
"Da."
He let a puff of air out from his helmet.
"If comrade Timur says so…"
He took off the metal hide from his head. To reveal a scared, wrinkled but soft smirking face to the world.
And that turned all the attention to the Russian man.
"Zen I have no doubts for comrade Fuze. He shall live."
The smirk soon came to a smile.
He patted Kapkan on the shoulder.
"Do not of worry, comrade. He shall live!"
Kapkan only looked back at him with eyes filled with doubt, and I think I could make out the smallest hint of fear in them…
.
II
.
"Come on Shurat! They are waiting for us!" She said excitedly as she held my hand and we ran through what seems like fields of golden pastures.
"Kamilla slow down!" I said back in a rush.
She only gave yet another giggle, and repeated again.
"They are waiting!"
Who is waiting?...
"Kamilla, where are we going?! And who's waiting?!"
But once again, all she did was to give me a smile. No answers.
Finally we came to a halt on what seems to be a pretty big hill. Covered in grass and brown-ish colored greens.
'How… did we get here so quick?' I asked myself.
"We are here!" She exclaimed happily.
I looked at her, and I can see sparkles come from her very eyes. They were filled with joy. Something I rarely see in her before… but something I've never seen before from her was her neck now in cream colored condition.
This wasn't right.
She had a scar on her neck before, I know so.
But then again, what do I know?...
So instead of questioning her, I looked forward again, and what I saw was a lone small house, with a tiny garden to the front of it, and the house bathed in the caramel sun light of dusk. By it, was a tree covered with autumn leaves to the top of it, standing tall with a little swing on one of it's big branches.
It felt… homey.
For the moment, I just stood there, taking in the view. But also popping more questions to my head.
"Where are we?" I turned to ask her.
She looked back at me with a wide smile this time.
"Don't you know Shurat?" She asked me gently.
I shook my head.
She gave a chuckle.
"We are home, dear."
.
Home?
"I am… home?" I thought out loud.
She turned to me. "Yes, you are home. At last…"
"At last?..."
"What do you mean, Kamilla?"
.
Without answer. A voice rang through the air.
"Papa!"
Papa? …
"Papa's home!" I child screeched as she ran to where we stand excitedly.
That face… I know that face.
"Afifa?..."
"Papa's home!" An older girl screamed in joy as she quickly went back inside the house.
"Sitora?"
Then she came out with another much more matured looking girl, a tall boy and an energetic one as well.
They all ran towards us.
With Afifa being the first to jump on me, she clung on to my neck, when she cried with a wide open smile.
"I knew you would come back! I knew you would! I knew you would!"
Come back? What does she mean, come back?
.
The two boys made their way here. Each one of them had big smiles to their faces.
The younger one, hugged me tightly. His face red with more tears to them as well.
"Papa!" He screamed.
"You finally came back to us!"
"Java?..."
.
The other boy just stood there, with also a smirk to his face. And the two females soon made their way here too, gracefully so.
"Moshin? Nataly?..."
And there they all stood. Two boys and three girls, all looking, hugging, crying and smiling at me with their most joyful faces.
"You… You are all here." I looked at them in disbelief.
The older boy now approached me, and he then held on to me in a warm man hug. "Yes Papa, yes we are." He said. Holding back his tears as he does so.
"I… I couldn't believe it!" I shouted in joy.
"After all this time!"
I hugged them, I hugged them all in the deepest embrace I could.
"My children!" I screamed as I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.
"You are here at last!"
.
Never in a million years, I would have thought this. Never would I have thought in a million years, I get to see the faces of my children again. Never. Not even in my wildest dreams had this ever happened… Until now.
Yes.
"You're home, Shurat." Kamilla pressed against my back, her hands reaching my chest and held them tight with her soft fingers.
"Home at last, papa!" Afifa said happily while she choked on her joy filled cries.
"Yes, Afi. I am home..."
.
II
.
I've watched it.
I've watched it all.
I've watched as Shurat being operated on as he laid limp on the operating table, with the doctors doing god knows what to save him. I've stood there on the observation deck, looking down to see his face now littered with scars and stitch marks. His Torso being pried open with clamps and tonsils, leaking fresh blood all over. His arm now impaled with various tubes and needles, pumping in blue, orange and a warm red substance to his veins. And the floor under the operating table now basked with, dark red, blue tints all along with oozing yellow…
It was a horrific scene for anyone to watch…
But I've stood there. I've stood there to watch the whole thing unfold before me… Because it was my fault…
.
My eyes never left the spot, they never blinked, they never strayed, they never looked away. They were fixed to a single spot, that is to where Shurat was lying... Taking in everything… All of it… The horror, I've done to him…
.
"Ya alright there Yumiko?" A person spoke up behind me.
I turned to look at who it was, and to my surprise it was the silent British man him self that was interrupting my thoughts.
"I'm fine Mark…" I replied to him in a low tone.
"Yeah right." He said back.
"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know you ain't."
He approached towards me, eventually settling down besides my seat in quiet steps. He looked through the glass of the room to take in what was happening on the operating table.
"Jesus…" Was all he could mummer.
His eyes stared at the scene with disapproval, and even disgust with all there is before him.
"He maybe an arse at times… but not even him deserves somethin' like this..." His said with his voice low almost as if he was mumbling it.
'You are right. He doesn't deserve this… I should. I should have deserved all of this…'
I stood there quiet. Fingers crossing each other. Silent prayers rang in my mind over and over, and over and over my guilt grew bigger.
.
I don't know what else to do. I don't know what I could do, or could have done. I don't know… How to fix this.
I don't know. And I can't do anything…
Those two thoughts circled over and over in my mind. Like a never ending cycle. Those words cutting deeper into my mind with each time they repeated.
'I am going crazy.'
"Maybe I am crazy." I said out loud.
Mute looked at me with his darken blue eyes, a confused expression covered his features. It took a moment. But he said something, as if he understood what I was thinking.
"Ya know. You're not crazy Yumiko. But you are about to be."
That quote from him made me shift my attention to him. My puffy redden eyes looking back to his with confusion.
"If you keep torturing yourself Yumiko,…" He took a moment to search for words. "I think… I think we all might lose ya again..." He said with a sadden tone.
I gave him a look.
He continued.
"Look. The last time ya were like this. It nearly threw your sanity out the window."
My eyes widen at his words for a fraction of a second. His words may was not meant to hurtful, but at the time the growing guilt and turmoil inside my mind didn't mixed well with my thoughts. So in haste, I replied to him.
"So what!?" I didn't mean to scream at him, but I did it anyways without a second thought.
"Is this why you are here!? To spit that on to my face again!?"
"I know I did this ok!? And you don't have to remind me that!"
My face switched from pale to crimson red again only this time, the flames flickering in my eyes, filled with anger and not sorrow anymore.
.
My sudden outburst sure did surprised the man, he leaned back a bit. His face paled and it looks like his was scrambling for words.
"That's not why I'm here-…" He tried to say.
"THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE!?" And I didn't even let him finish.
I'm not angry at him. No, I was furious! How dare he?! How dare he do that!?
My hand curled themselves into fists. My nails digging deep into the skin of my palm, rewarding fresh droplets of blood to drip to the ceramic floor. There was no pain in that moment, there was only the adrenaline to fuel my rage.
"Look, Yumiko calm down-…"
"NO! YOU CALM DOWN! HOW DARE YOU!? HOW DARE YOU SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO ME!? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE GONE THROUGH!? YOU LITTLE TWAT!?"
My screech boomed throughout the room. It was everything I got. Every single thought, every turmoil, every boiling scrap of hate I put in my mind, all flooded out of my mouth in the disgusting form of mean words.
It felt good.
But that was only for a second.
I looked to the floor again. And unconsciously I stomped my right foot to the hard white panes in pure frustration. It cracked a bit.
.
My body was flaring with anger, and yet another train of thoughts hit my mind again.
'What was I doing?'
'Why am I like this?...'
A hand held to my shoulder. A firm grip to it, but not enough to hurt, on contuary it felt quite gentle. And I didn't even react to it, I was too exhausted from my scream earlier to do so. So I let it be for a moment.
"Yumiko." He said in a low tone.
"We need to talk."
.
III
.
"Yes, we do need to talk."
"Talk about what?"
"About our children ,silly!"
Wait what?...
Kamilla said to me with another giggle to the end.
"What about them?" I asked her back.
"Well, you have been gone for quite some time now." She said with an innocent tone.
"And I was thinking, maybe you would read some stories for the kids to hear again."
"You know, like old times." She flashed a small smile to me.
Yes it has been awhile. I thought to myself.
And yes, I think the kids would love to hear some stories of mine again, especially Afifa and Java, I remembered those two always loved to hear those. But then again. I have been gone for awhile, and they surely had grown quite a bit.
"Are you sure? They are older now." I asked her all whilst sitting on my arm chair again, God I missed this.
She gave another giggle.
"Oh please Shurat, they are only 12 now! I'm sure they would still like to hear your stories!"
'Wait, only 12?'
'How long it is I was out?' I started to question myself.
But before I could even think of it further. Kamilla placed a hand on my own silencing the line of thoughts.
"Plus, you are quite the story teller yourself! I'm sure you'll think of something!" She assured me with a gentle loveable smirk.
"Please?" She pouted.
'Oh, how could I resist that pout?'
"Ok, ok, no need to give me that face." I said with a smile.
"I'll tell them after dinner, Da?"
"Promise?" She pouted again.
"Da. I promise." I traced my thumb on the gentle back of her palm.
And once again, she gained back her happy self, planting a kiss to my cheeks as she does so.
.
I missed these moments…
.
III
.
"I know you do."
He said to me in a reassuring voice.
"Look, you know this better than I do Yumi. The guilt you are feeling is not yours to blame." The Texan patted on my shoulder again.
"This is not your fault ok?" He faced down on me.
I didn't reply, how could I? I just looked down to my feet in shame for every word he tells me.
"You know it's not. I know that!" He says again in his light cheerful tone.
"So, don't get your head over this, Yumi…"
.
"But... I've let him took that shot…" I said, still looking down wards.
Jordan let out a puff of air, Sighing heavily.
"Again, Yumi. That was his choice! He took that shot for you because he wants to!"
"But. I should hav-"
"There was nothing you could do about it!" His voice lingering with a bit of frustration as he slaped a hand on his face, growling in fustration.
.
"Look Yumi…" He placed his hand on my shoulder.
"I don't really care about it anymore, ok? What's done is done."
He then gave me a warm hug to which I didn't refused at all. And he just held me there, until I asked him again.
"But… What if I could, Jordan? What if I took that shot instead?... Wouldn't that be better?..." Came my quiet question.
There was a moment of silent as Jordan tried to search for a reply.
His response however, surprised me, as he only gave a small chuckle.
"Personally? If you did, I don't think I could live with myself if you do that." He gave a small charming smile, one that made my face slightly redden.
"I couldn't stand seeing you hurt..."
His grip tightens on my back as he said so, his warm words embedding themselves into my ears.
In that moment, my chest flutters.
"Jordan…"
I spoke in a whisper.
"And I don't think he could either." He said flatly.
'Oh...'
Jordan took a moment to look down to the ground. Before eventually looking up again to face me once more.
"Shurat ain't a dummy Yumiko, you know that better than anyone. He may be loud and rough, but everything he does, he does it for a purpose."
Another moment of silent, as Jordan searched for the right words to say next.
"He chose to save you out there. And I think he did it for a reason, Yumiko."
"After all, who would be more than willing to take a direct hit from a bomb like that?"
"There's a reason why he did so, Yumiko." He gave me another smile.
"And whether what exact reason that was, I'm pretty damm happy he made his call."
…
"It's just not right…" I spoke up.
"I never said it was. But he was more than willing to take it for you, and I think he is happy with his choice."
"Can't say it was the smartest choice he made however. But yet again, I couldn't really argue. He have a big heart and some really big balls to do something like that for you."
He looked to the distance again, searching for what to say next.
"Besides, don't worry. He lived through the surgery Doc gave him, he'll live on." Came his reassurance. And another pat on my back.
"Now... I don't know about you and whatever your thoughts are right now." He let go of me.
"But I think it's best that we think with a full stomach, yeah? You looked more skinny then Eliza after her crazy run on the treadmill right now." He pointed at me.
"So c'mon! You haven't been eating anything for quite some time now, I think it's best that we both hit the cafeteria don't you think? Then talk about this later?" he said with a hopeful smile plastered to his face.
A nod was all I can give.
"Sure…"
His face brightens instantly.
"Cool! I think they have some of those Tuna sandwiches right now. Extra tar tar, just the way you liked it!..." He gave me a nudge on my arm.
That childish statement of his made my frown turn up wards for a bit.
And made also my stomach upside down, as it rumbles with a roar.
"Let's just get this over with…" I said in a low tone.
"I wouldn't like it any better Yumiko." His signature smirk present.
No matter what it is, he always know what to say. I thought to myself.
And so we left the dark room shortly after, a tad better mood to our posers. Heading to the cafeteria in hope of grabbing something to bite…
.
We met some other operators too on the way, some looked un-amused to what happened earlier (mostly Thatcher) as he just simply grunted when he walked by us like the grumpy old man he is.
Some still having a small frown to the corners their mouths, like Kapkan who seems to be in the company of Frost as she wrapped her hand on his shoulder trying to cheer him up. I'm glad he had calmed down now.
And some just don't really seem to mind at all to the scenario as they simply continued their day as they talked on with their comrades either standing or taking a seat like how Buck and Glaz are now having an argument on something, rifle scopes? I believe it was their topic. Although, I can over hear Timur mubling something about a woman, I think.
We continued downward, and met some of others aswell… Even after all that had happened, most of them held slight smiles such as Valkirie and Bandit, as they looked at us weirdly, and some others even gave amused comments on the two of us traveling together. Saying as if I was like a cave man, and finally left my room for once to actually see the light. The Classic Bandit quote to the situation, which only rewarded him with an elbow to the stomach from the blonde lady next to him. And a very amused looking Jager, who only said. "Iz only karma, mein freund."
Or the big man Montange, who waved at me and beside him was Twitch whom was still trying to cheer me up and to feel better with her graceful smile, who also got the attention of Rook, seated next to her.
Blitz and IQ even had some quirky jokes to tail up too. For a long while, I haven't seen her laugh at anything in so long.
Even Mira and Jackal laughed happily together at the jokes, as they took the seats next to us.
I would have enjoyed this brief change in the team's mood and smiled and laughed happily away at this very moment, if it wasn't for the lingering guilt of what happened merely days ago.
And also a not too pleasant looking red head eyeing at me from the other table, ever since I stepped inside the chow hall and took a seat with Jordan next to me…
.
That was when a random question hit me.
"Also, what's with Eliza and the treadmill again?" I asked him out of curiosity.
I can him visually shocked at the words as his eyes widen, and his face growing pink before he hastily straighten his composure, taking a sudden interest in the ceiling as he looked upwards. Away from the looking eyes from all the operators sitting next to us.
"It's nothing, Yumiko. Don't mind it..."
.
IV
.
Night time came early today, as so as my story. I told the children about the old tales my mother used to tell. And to my delight, even hundred years old stories still had a special place inside of children's hearts apparently.
Afi, Java and the rest of the gang are all sound asleep as we thrived the night with tales of the past for what seemed like hours.
"I do got to say, you still have that story telling blood in you Shurat." Kamilla said happily.
"Even Sitora seems to enjoy the tales as much as I did." She smiled.
"Da."
"Well what can I say? It's all in ze family's blood yes?" I asked her with a playful grin.
"da." She exclaimed softly. Her normally beautiful and cheerful face grew a frown on it now.
…
"I missed these moments… don't you?" Came her sudden question.
"I do."
…
The sound of the crackling fire next to us enveloped the silent moment in the wooden room.
"What's wrong Kamilla? You looked down." I asked with worry.
"Nothing is wrong, Shurat..." She answered lowly.
"it's just that…."
I approached to her seat with quiet steps. Feeling her uneasiness as each step I took forward to her.
"it's been too long…"
She explained sadly.
"I know, Kamilla…"
"I missed you… We. Missed you, Shurat…" Her sad tone did nothing to ease my worry for her.
…
"I love you. You know that?" She looked at me with glassy hazel eyes.
"I know."
…
"You know I waited, right?"
"I do…"
"Yes… so you do…" Her tone now a bit more stiff, a slight bit of frustration weaved in those soft words. It got me worried.
…
"But have you known how long we have waited, Shurat?" Was her final question.
And that caught me off guard.
"I…"
"No. I don't…" I exclaimed shamefully.
She just sat there, in her chair. Letting the light orange of the fire bask her skin, and the crackling sound of the flames overcome the sound of her calm breath. She didn't say a word.
…
"How long have you waited?..." I asked her, wanting to break the silent.
…
After a moment, she eyed me again.
"Do you really want to know?" Her tone low almost as a whisper.
"Yes…"
…
It took a moment for her, but with a sigh she answered: "You wouldn't believe me if I did tell you…"
…
"Kamilla. Just tell me, we are married are we not?…"
…
"The truth?..."
"Yes. The truth."
…
"Kamilla-.."
"20 years…" Was all she said suddenly.
"I'm sorry?" I asked in confusion.
"We've been waiting for 20 years now, Shurat…"
She spoke softly. Not moving from her seat.
"Kamilla? It's only been a couple of years-"
"Not in this world." She replied suddenly.
.
"What?"I exclaimed.
"You don't know?"
"Know what!?"
.
She turned to look me in the eyes now. Her face stern, but with a hint of worry to her features.
"What don't I know Kamilla?..."
She didn't answer me.
"Why do you say, it's been 20 years!?"
.
She still didn't say anything.
"WHAT DON'T I KNOW?!"
"You're dead, Shurat…"
And that single statement broke the quiet ambiance of the room…