Finns problem

I have a problem. Or a…what's that fancy word Kurt uses? Conundrum! Yeah, I have a conundrum.

Burt had decided that we should go camping for a weekend before we went to nationals and then graduate. Rachel was invited therefore Blaine was as well. With all the practicing she does for nationals, though, Rachel couldn't make it. So, it was just me and the gaybies (As Rachel calls them).I thought it had been a genius idea. I mean, I freaking love camping; I get to connect with my inner dude. My problem, I mean conundrum, happened the first night.

I was lying in my single tent with Kurt and Blaine beside me in their four person tent. Carole and Burt were in a camper a good few meters away. The sound of silence swamped my tent other than a few chirps of grasshoppers or rustling of a bush in the distance. The smell of burnt firewood invades my nose alongside the smell of pine. After a few minutes of enjoying the, like, peace of the area, my lids start to feel heavy, so I close them. The moment their close I hear a high pitched whine from the tent to the left of me. I immediately sit up, and my heart pounds into my chest hard like a sledgehammer. Were they hurt? Did someone mug them? Is there a bear?

Once I un-zip my tent I stumble out, and the cold dark air smacked me in the face. I hobbled my way to Kurt's tent and fling the zipper down fast with adrenaline pumping in my veins.

"Hey guys are you okay-"I trail off at the sight of them; they were clearly not okay. Their chest thumped up and down from heavy breathing, and they tangled themselves deep into the big sleeping bag from, obviously, fear. Only their heads were poking out from the blanket making them look like gophers.

"Finn get out!" Kurt screech was shaking. Why does he want me out? Even his voice is shaking from fear!

"Why? Are you okay? I heard a scream or something." I replied. Trying to sound heroic. You know? Like superheroes sound in really, really old T.V shows.

Blaine answered, "Yeah, there… was a bug?"

"Yes! There was a bug, clearly. That is why I screamed." Kurt breathed out. A sigh of relief was released from his mouth slowly. A sigh of relief that I'm here to kill the bug.

"Do you need me to kill the bug or something?" I questioned.

"No Finn! Blaine killed it. We are fine."

"Okay…" I grumbled, as I exited their tent.

Once I was back in my tent, I fell down onto the blow-up mattress staring into the soul of the green fabric above me. Trying to calm down the adrenaline, I close my eyes so all I see is a sea of black. That's when I hear it, again. Well, not again, but something was not right in the tent next to me. The sound of skin smacking violently against each other filled the silence, and then there was a moan. A moan of pain! Oh no, they must be getting beat up or something, right? I got to go save them again.

I fling myself out of my tent so fast I trip over the flap of the entrance. Once I reach the tent, I listen for any other sounds of pain. I look for shadows of other people. There isn't. They must've left. There is, though, a frustrated groan. Kurt's probably hurting really, really badly. The zipper shrieks at me, as I open the tent up.

If looks could kill, I would've died from the one Kurt was giving me. Eyes burn me, and his cheeks are sucked in so there's a valley on them. "What do you want now, Finn?"

"There was some weird sounds, dude, I thought you guys were getting beat up." They looked fine. I mean, their still huddled in the sleeping bag, and huffing heavier than my grandpa with asthma. Oh, and their skin is slightly glistening in the flashlight set up between the two of them. Sweating from… something. There's no bruises or cuts, so that's good.

What were they doing then?

Blaine crunched his triangle eyebrows together—which are, like, the coolest thing ever—and asked, "What sounds did you hear?"

"Ugh, like, skin smacking."

"Oh!" his eyes light up as if the sun beat down on them. "We were playing a pretty intense game of rock, paper, and scissors."

Okay now I'm confused. Or what's that fancy word Kurt uses? Disordered! I'm really, really, disordered. "Why did I hear Kurt moan in pain, then?"

"Like I said a vastly intense game of rock, paper, scissors." Blaine explained. His eyebrows flew high into his forehead.

"Wait… how do you hurt someone playing rock paper scissors?"

"By playing intensely?"

I nod understandingly even though I'm still confused. "Okay. Wait-wait-wait, why would you hurt my brother in a game?"

"Oh my god, Finn!" Kurt's face is scrunched up, as he hollers, "We were trying to have sex!"

But then why- oh, oh OH! Okay, yeah, that makes sense. With my face burning, I stagger out of their tent while nodding. The next day I walk up in my single tent to the sound of birds happily singing, and the sun high up in the sky smiling down on everyone. Kurt's the only one up. I get up to greet him, and I notice him hobbling around like his back hurts.

"Hey Kurt! Did you do something to your back?'' he gives me a bitch face. Why would he- oh. Right. That makes sense. I no longer want to go camping with Rachel's gaybies.