It has been two days. Two days since he found her. Two days since she has spoken a word. Two days since Meredith had figuratively ceased to live.
In those two days, she had slept and she had stared at the wall. She refused to look anyone in the eye, afraid that they might get through to her. She doesn't want them to get through. She wants to continue to live in her semi-catatonic state of self-loathing. She doesn't know how long it has been since that night. She doesn't care. The days and nights are just all a blur of grey and all that she wishes for is darkness.
Sleep gives her solace, a time where she doesn't have to face the world and her failure in it. Sleep has taken over her life because wakefulness is only a bitter reminder that she failed once again. She can't even control her own life by causing her death. She has no control. No power. Nothing. She is weak. She is alone. She is nobody. Now if only she could be resolved into nothingness.
They had moved her around as they changed her bandages, and she moved willingly, like a limp rag doll or a puppet, her fate in the hands of those around her. There had even been a psychologist come by and try to talk to her. He acted like he knew her. He knows nothing. None of them know anything.
She is now awake and once again lying on her side, staring at the blank wall in front of her. Derek is sitting in a chair behind her, next to the bed. The same chair that he has only exited when nature had demanded it. He looks like hell. No. He looks like hell ran over…twice. He is currently dozing as the constant pitter patter of rain outside lulls him into yet another fitful sleep.
However, a light tap on the door instantly wakens him.
"Yeah?" he asks quietly as he sees the Chief standing in the doorway.
"How is she?" the Chief asks as he motions over towards Meredith.
Derek sighs as he leans forward, his head falling into his hands. "The same," is his simple reply.
The Chief nods sadly before walking over to face Meredith. He kneels down so that he is face-to-face with her. He wants to make sure that she can see the seriousness and the sadness on his face.
"Meredith?" he asks quietly.
No response as Meredith continues to look through him and at the wall. He is not there to her. Not in her world of solitude. No one can hurt you when you're alone.
"Meredith?" he asks again, this time his voice is loud and stern.
She jumps slightly, as if startled from a deep sleep, but she still refuses to acknowledge his presence.
The Chief sighs in frustration before reaching forward and grabbing her face, forcing her to look at him.
"Look at me, Meredith Grey. If you do not speak, if you do not eat, if you do not drink, I will make them put a feeding tube in you. I will also make sure that you are admitted into the psych ward for no less than a month. Do you want that, Meredith? Do you want to be admitted to psych for a month? What about your baby? Do you want to kill your baby? Is that what you want, Meredith?" he says in a commanding voice.
The tears well in her eyes, but she still refuses to speak.
"God damn it, Meredith Grey! Answer me!" he yells at her.
"Chief!" Derek yells at him as he begins to feel that the situation is beginning to get out of control.
Almost as if Derek's voice is the final pinch she needs to wake her up from her reverie, Meredith's body begins to shake with sobs as she curls up in a ball on the bed. Derek immediately runs to her, about to run his fingers through her hair.
She jerks away from his touch. "Get away from me!! Get away from me!!" she shrieks at him as his fingers graze her forehead.
The tears well in Derek's already blood shot eyes. "Mer?" he questions in a hurt voice.
"No!! No! NO!" she yells at him as she hugs her knees closer to her chest. "Go back to your nurse!! Get away from me!" she sobs as Derek stands there, thunderstruck and injured to a degree that would have killed him if it were a physical injury.
The Chief looks up at Derek, sorry etched on his features. "Derek…" the Chief begins.
But before he can continue, Derek takes a step back and throws his hands up in the air. "I'm going," is his choked reply before he slouches out of the room, leaving a sobbing Meredith behind.
"Please. Please. Please." she mumbles through her sobs as she begins to rock slightly in the bed.
"Please what, Meredith?" the Chief asks her as he places a comforting hand on her back.
"Please. Please make it stop." she begs him as she looks up at him with tear-filled eyes.
"Make what stop?" he asks as his heart breaks looking into the eyes of a woman he views as his daughter.
"The pain," she whispers through a sob-induced hiccup.
"Where does it hurt, Mer? Tell me where it hurts and I will try to make it stop," he tells her, wanting nothing more than to make all of her pain disappear, and thinking that she is talking about physical pain.
She becomes quiet and stops all movement, taking a moment before looking up at him and exposing her battle-worn soul.
"Everywhere."
iMaybe we'll turn it
all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late (It's
never too late)
It's not too late
It's never too late/i