Vulnerability

Vulnerability. Mr. Shuster had described it as the ability to sing without using theatrics and dancing to get a point across, and share something with your audience. I personally think it's about opening up something inside of you that shows your inner insecurities. Blaine thought about it as the quality or stat of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed with physically or emotionally. The exact definition. Yes, my boyfriend was definitely having some troubles with this week's assignment. Once Mr. Shuster wrote vulnerability on the whiteboard in a blue marker, Blaine's eyebrows crunched so close they could have been touching. Of course when I saw it, a million ideas were whipping inside of my head fast like a tornado. I'm pretty sure in that moment Blaine's brain had never been so blank. School ended that day, and we both sat on my bed scribbling out idea atop a loose-leaf paper in my binder. Well, my ideas were scratched on while Blaine nodded dumbly to my non-stop moving mouth.

Today was Tuesday. The day we start out performances. I have decided to sing 'Seasons of Love' from Rent, but only with the piano and my voice. This performance has to be moving. I'm hoping I'll be able to express my love for my mother, and the memories I hold oh so ever dear.

"Okay, guys," Mr. Shuster's voice bellowed. "We'll, start off with three performances then spend the rest of the time working on 'I Believe I Can Fly'. Who wants to start us off?" I had for sure thought that Rachel's hand would've shot up into the air like a knife cutting through the air. That hand, though, was Santana. Everyone was looked at her, and dropped their jaws.

"What?" She said. "I mean, I get that I'm a bitch, but I have emotions."

Mr. Shuster with a hand gesturing towards the floor of the choir room said, "The floor is your Santana."

"I think he meant Satan," I said voice mumbled under my breath to Blaine. His chest huffed out a laugh, and he smiled that smile. That smile that gets my heart to pound hard into my chest. The one that bears his teeth so white angels are envious. I smile back. Music spilling into the room shakes my attention to the floor with a lonesome Santana. She starts singing 'There Are Worse Things I Could Do'. With a sad smirk, she looked a Britany a few times. Cute, I guess. When she was done, the room rumbled with an applause.

"So Santana…" Mr. Shuster started standing up while slamming his hands into each other. "Can you explain why that was vulnerable?" Oh great. He's going to make everyone open up, and share with the group. What a great idea. Yes, I definitely rolled my eyes at that. Why does a performance need a reason for it to be vulnerable? You're already displaying your emotions bare in front of people in the most vulnerable way. It's already a story when it's a performed. You don't really need the background when you already have all the information.

"Well," she drew out. "I'm basically saying that even though I was a whore there were worst things I could do. Just like the song said, for anyone who didn't get that? Also. I wasn't going to wait for Mr. Right when I'm a lesbian."

"I totally think Mr. Shuster meant to say Satan," Blaine whispered voice tickling my ears. I laugh. That was funny.

"Great job Santana," Mr. Shuster said. "Shall we move on?"

Next was Rachel singing so emotionally she made herself cry, but no one else in the room. Typical. Following that was Mike who had really surprised me with an uplifting song obviously about his father. Tomorrow was going to be me, Britany, Mercedes and Rory preforming. After the practice, I caught up to Blaine who was digging around in his locker with fast hands. Little huffs and puffs spewing from his mouth. He was very cute when he got frazzled. Strutting up to him, I smiled, and asked, "What are you looking for?"

"My science notes," He said with a growled.

"Okay," I said calmly. "What's going on?"

"I just," He sighed. "I found out that I suck at being vulnerable, and I've never had this much trouble with an assignment before."

"You don't suck at it. You're vulnerable with me all the time," I whisper back feeling an amused smile appearing on my face.

He stepped back, and tightened his lips while saying, "Like when?"

Now an amused smile was definitely spread across my face. He was vulnerable all the time. It's adorable how he doesn't realize that. For example: during our first time together (and no I'm definitely not blushing) he confessed that he had wanted to bottom because he didn't want the pressure that he had to be the man in the relationship. He had wanted to prove that we were equals in the relationship. Also, when he told me about his insecurities about being left alone or behind, that was vulnerability.

"What do you think vulnerability is?" I asked.

"I just," he huffed after slamming his locker hard with a sharp bang. "I don't know!"

"I think you do. You just need to figure it out," I said hushed. Rubbing his neck that was clenched tight like vice.

Blaine replied all anger giving up, "This is harder to figure out than that goddamn five-thousand piece jigsaw puzzle Cooper bought."

"Come on," I exclaimed tugging on his hand clenched in a fist. "I'll help you out tonight."

"Okay."

Today was Tuesday. Third day into the assignment, and Blaine's brain had been blanker than snow. Last night had been no help at all considering it transformed into a full dry-hump make out session. Which am I pleased to say I initiated. So yes, Sebastian the ugly ass Meer cat, I am not some baby face gay virgin thank you very much. Mr. Shuster had just called me up to sing, and I stand lonesome in the middle of the choir room. After clearing my voice, I say, "Because I know Mr. Shuster's going to ask anyways, I'm just going to say what this is about. It's about my late mother, and all I have to remember her by. So piano… want to start?" My hands no longer shake when I sing, and my heart holds a steady calm beat in my chest. I got over the fear of singing in front of an audience with the help of Blaine. I close my eyes, and try to let the sound of the piano swallow me. I pretend no one is around. I just me and the song and my mother. I smile when I see her gentle gorgeous smile, and her perfect lips colored like a rose.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred moment so dear

I hadn't realized the song ended until the sound of applause scattered my thoughts like thieves in police light. Mr. Shuster clapped me on the shoulder, and he said, "That was done very, very well. Great job."

With a nod, I go to sit beside Blaine who slipped his fingers between mine. He whispered words dripping with adoration, "You still move me, Kurt."

"You know," I said. "You lied to me."

"What?"

"You are really good at romance."

It was Thursday night. While I was laying atop of my bedsheets blue like a deep part of the ocean head hugged by my fluffy pillow, Blaine was pacing a hole in my floor words spilling out of mouth. Earlier today Finn, Sam, Quinn had sung. The only people left were Puck, Tina, Artie and Blaine. The latter was freaking out. The sheet we tried to pool up with ideas only had one thing written down on it, and it was the definition of vulnerability. Blaine starts to pull his hairs out of the gel cages their locked in. I need to pull the plug here on his anger pity party. I hate seeing him so frustrated. I can literally see the waves of stress crashing on him.

"Blaine!" I yell. "Can you please calm down? Is there anything I can help with?"

"Can you give me a song to sing?" He asked stopping abruptly in the middle of my carpeted room.

I sighed, and said, "No, but I wish I could because I hate seeing you so stressed out."

Blaine walked over. He collapsed into my chest, as he said, "What do I have to sing about? What am I supposed to sing about?"

"I think that's for you to figure out." I wrapped my arms around the back of his shoulders like a blanket. I felt the hot air of his huff against my shirt seep onto my chest.

"I just," he starts taking a breath. "I just realized that no one in this club really knows anything about me. Neither did the warblers, I guess. It's really hard for me to talk about my feeling and insecurities. You know? Open up to people. I just don't know how am going to this. It's my life. I don't need to tell them anything."

"Then sing this song for yourself," I say with a gentle smile.

"What?" he said back lifting his cheek off of my chest, and replacing it with his chin. His eyes shining like a golden honey looking for an answer.

"Sing it for yourself. Nobody in the room has to know what you're singing about."

"But-"

"Expose yourself to yourself. But do note that being vulnerable with someone can be the best feeling in the world," I say petting his hairs where the gel was loosening up the curls a little bit.

"I do feel the best with you, and you're probably the person I am the most vulnerable with. I think I have a song," Blaine whispered. I feel a ghost of a smile on my lips. He's got this. He's going to do amazing. As always.

It's Friday. Blaine's called up. After he runs a hand through his hairs and rubs it against the other, he stalks up to the front of the choir room. He's nervous. I can tell. Mr. Shuster gives him the okay to begin, and he grabs the microphone stand and stands behind it. An un-familiar guitar riff pools up the room, as Blaine clears his throat. He starts to sing; I can feel my heart pounding for him. I cross my jean coated legs and listen.

Well, when you go

Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay

And maybe when you get back

I'll be off to find another way

He doesn't look at anyone choosing the spot on the floor just before everyone else. I can still see his eyes shimmering like honey in sunlight.

And after all this time that you still owe

You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know

So take your gloves and get out

Better get out

While you can

I've never heard this song, but I can tell it means a lot to Blaine. His voice is raw spewing out lyrics that a bear with emotions. It actually kind of weird to watch him without his swoon worthy smile, and dance moves that always end up atop a piece of furniture.

When you go

Would you even turn to say?

I don't love you

Like I did

Yesterday

Turning around to look at the other members of the audience to see that their seeing something un-expected. I don't know what they had prepared to see, but it definitely wasn't this. Their face dripped with pure shock, and eyes blown wide.

Well come on, come on

When you go

Would you have the guts to say?

I don't love

Like I loved you yesterday.

He finished the song, and hesitant round of clapping started. Blaine was blinking back tears. I know.

"Wow," Mr. Shuster clapped. "That was very moving Blaine care to tell us what it was about?"

"Well," Blaine said after taking in a heavy breath that quavered. "My dad for one, actually." He laughed awkwardly. "But also about the fact that I don't open up to people, I don't like being vulnerable, because I'm scared that they're going to leave. That they won't like me or want me if I'm anything less than perfect. That they'll see the real me, and be scared of what's there."

"Well, thank you for sharing Blaine. That was amazing. Everyone give another clap!"

Blaine wasn't looking at Mr. Shuster though. He was staring directly at me, and I gave a nod. He did it. He was vulnerable. It was to someone who wasn't me. I ran down the stairs of the choir room and gulped him up with my arms. He smiled, and said, "Your right. I do feel pretty good right now."

Pretty much a fanfic showing Blaine, and his fear of opening up to people. The songs features were 'Seasons of Love' from Rent and 'I Don't Love You' by My Chemical Romance.