A/N Thank you all so much! Alright then, Beth and Merle seem to have both come to a realization, and they've also agreed to maybe give "this thing" a try. Of course Merle wants to take it slow. Shall we see how that all works out?
Possible Triggers: Talk of past abuse, including sexual abuse.
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Fuck. There was no other way, he was the man here, he was the older one, the one who was responsible. He had to see to it that they kept this thing, whatever this fucking thing was, under control. He had to manage the situation and fast, before he started something he wasn't at all sure he could stop.
"C'mon now Baby ya gotta get yourself ta bed and I gotta get myself ta bed, and by that I mean the both of us in our own beds. We can't be sharin', we can't."
"I know you're right." That's what her words told him but that wasn't what those fucking blue eyes and that tight little body were telling him. He tried hard to stay focused on her words and his own better intentions.
He took her by the elbow and lead her that way, he even pulled the covers back for her, "Go on now, climb in. Tomorrow's another day. We got quite a bit a drivin' ta do and maybe some househuntin'."
She managed to crawl into the bed without ever taking her eyes off his. How the fuck did she do that? He pulled the covers up and over her shoulders, right before he fell to his knees next to the bed. His hand was running over her hair and he was staring hard into her eyes. Her slim arm came up and that small hand caressed his while he continued playing with her hair. "Baby, I ain't gonna try and tell ya no different, I want ya. I want ya bad and I want ya now. But it ain't…it just ain't right. We gotta take it slow, just like we agreed, okay Baby?"
"Yes Merle, okay. Whatever you say."
"There ain't gonna be none a that right there between you and me neither. Not when it comes ta the bedroom stuff. It's a two way street now Beth. No matter how much I want ya it don't matter, all ya ever gotta do is tell me no if ya don't want me. I ain't the kind ta take what ain't freely given." He leaned in, his forehead resting on hers, "Ya sleep now Baby. Sleep."
He didn't get up before kissing her, he didn't think that was possible. There was a problem though, that kiss was so right and her lips and her tongue so sweet, it was nearly unbearable, but he made himself. He stood and went to his own bed, reached up and flipped off the light. "'Night now."
"Goodnight Merle."
Who the fuck was he kidding? He couldn't sleep. Shit, this was miserable. He wanted her, he was pretty damn sure she wanted him right back. He kept telling himself he had to do right. She needed time to heal, not just that sweet little body, but her heart and her mind. They needed healing too.
He also had that feeling, it hurt his heart, fuck it hurt right down to the pit of his stomach, it hurt every part of him. It was reality though, he had to keep in touch with that. The reality was, there was a real good chance that after she healed, all of her, her body, her mind, her heart, fuck her damn spirit. After all that there was a real good chance she wouldn't want his ornery old ass anymore. She'd realize he'd only been a stepping stone to a new life, a better life, a freer life. He'd eventually become a hindrance to her happiness. He had that sinking feeling that was just how this would all play out.
That brought on another thought, was it better to have her for a while, to have the pleasure of caring for her like she should be cared for; the pleasure of making love to her like she was the most precious gift in this world; and then have her break his heart? Was that better than to never get to have her at all?
Yes.
Fuck. He was fucking had. How did this happen? How did this tiny beaten woman beat him? Shit, they didn't even know each other, not really. Maybe they did though, they had that thing in common. They'd both been beaten down but they weren't willing to stay down.
Anyway, how long he knew her and she knew him, her age, his age, the length of time this thing between them would last. None of that shit mattered. It didn't matter. All that mattered was he fucking wanted her and she wanted him.
He whispered over to her, "Ya awake Baby?"
"Yes. I can't sleep."
She was done trying to fool herself, she knew she cared for him in a very real and very adult way. What she couldn't understand was why she felt this strong physical desire for him. Sex for her had never been good or satisfying. Mostly it always seemed like something she was told she was obliged to do, or something she was forced to do. It had always been painful, and with Randall it had always been both painful and frightening. Every time, all it ever did for her was leave her feeling cheap, dirty and used.
It all started with her first boyfriend back in high school. They'd been dating for six months, the usual teenage stuff of going to movies, bowling and trips to the lake. It was on his 18th birthday that things took a big turn. He'd driven them out to the lake and he'd had a couple of beers. After the usual kissing and him trying to put his hand down her pants, and her telling him no, he got mean. He pulled on her ponytail real hard and said she owed it to him, that he was her boyfriend and he'd been patient with her long enough. She was scared and he was mad, and he told her if she didn't let him he was going to have permanent physical damage. She didn't bother to ask what that could be, she just gave in. The only good thing about the whole experience was that it was over quickly.
She waited a long time before dating again and the next boy was sweet and kind enough, but he was hapless when it came to sex. It was always over before she was even sure it had started.
Then there was her nightmare experience with Randall.
But there was something different about Merle. His raw masculinity, his strength and his tenderness. The package that was him. It all made her feel a craving she'd never known.
He silently rose from his own bed and went to hers. He slipped in behind her, wrapping a big arm around her small body and pulling her in close to his chest, close to his body. She made no objection, in fact she moved her body still closer into his. He closed his eyes and buried his face in her hair, breathing in the fragrance of her. When she let out a soft sigh he felt himself give in to her completely.
The fight had gone out of Merle Dixon.
Still he asked her one more time, "Ya sure ya want this Baby, ya sure ya want me?"
No one had ever asked her that, given her a real choice, "I'm sure Merle. It feels like my body's on fire for you."
Fuck yes. And just like that he'd gone rock hard.
When she felt it pressing against her she rolled herself around in his arms, first facing him and then shocking him when her hand slipped around his hardness. "Baby…" He didn't know what to say, he hadn't expected it and what she said next caught him by surprise and stopped him cold, "I'll do whatever you want Merle."
"Nah, it can't be like that. It can't be about just me and what I want Baby, it's gotta be the both of us or it can't be good." He thought maybe he knew a little something then and he put it to her, "Ya ever had that with a man, Baby? Ya ever had a man get ya there, ya know, satisfy ya in that way?"
He knew she was embarrassed by the question when he felt her bury her face in his chest, before quietly answering, "No."
Fuck. A woman like her and yet a man hadn't taken his time to appreciate her and what she was giving him? Hadn't done right by her? He was who he was and he broke it down in simple terms, "It's gonna be different now Baby. My promise ta you is, I ain't gettin' mine til you get yours."
With that promise his hand smoothed over her hair and he lets his fingers thread into it while he drew her lips to his. His mouth was on hers and when he felt her start to respond he didn't hold back like he had earlier, the time for holding back was passed. He was full-on in his desire for this small woman and his need to satisfy her.
He began placing warm wet kisses on the sensitive skin along her neck and shoulders and she felt a tingling kind of desire spread through every part of her. When he felt her begin to relax into him he almost stopped to smile. That's what he wanted. He needed her to trust him. That's how this had to work with her. She'd been mistreated and he had to make her understand he would never hurt her in any way.
He wasn't just going to show her, he also wanted to tell her how much she meant and how lucky he was. She had to feel it and believe it. While his big open palm rubbed along her back and her bottom, he placed kisses from her neck along the delicate white skin of her shoulder and back to her ear, where he whispered, "You're a beautiful woman Baby, and I'ma prove ta ya just how special I think ya are."
Sweet words from him increased the tingling that was stirring in her. Then she felt a new sensation as his hand slipped up under her nightie and the big rough and manly hand touched her bare skin so softly. His lips were sucking gently at her neck and she felt a wetness between her legs. At the realization he'd caused this reaction, her leg seemed to have suddenly wrapped itself around his hip pulling their bodies closer.
"Ah Baby that's nice, I like that." As he spoke his hand had moved around her body and now caressed her breast. When his thumb flicked across her hardened nipple and he softly pinched the small nub she let out a startled, "Merle!" That's when she heard something else she'd never before heard from a man, "I'm sorry Baby, did I hurt ya?"
"No, it feels good Merle, please don't stop." That's what he needed to hear and he quickly had the nightie off her. He leaned away from her just a little and softly asked, "I wanna see ya Baby, I wanna see all of ya. Every inch a that pretty little body. I'ma turn the light on real low, a'ight?"
She felt shy and embarrassed, she'd be so exposed. But even though he'd made it clear it wasn't just about him, she didn't want to tell this man no, "Yes Merle."
He reached across her to the bedside lamp and switched it to the lowest setting, and she moved her arm to lay across her exposed breasts. He lightly wrapped his fingers around her wrist, "Nah Baby, let me see." He leaned down and softly kissed each nipple, then smiled at her, "They're sweet and perfect Baby." Suddenly his mouth engulfed her breast and she forgot her shyness as he sucked hungrily and his tongue flicked at and played with her nipple.
She couldn't help moaning and it was embarrassing, what would he think? But then she noticed the more she moaned the more amorous he became. She wanted to touch him too, and not because she thought he expected it. It was all her, she wanted to feel the heat of his skin, feel him, she wanted to be as connected to him as she could be.
Something happened though, he flinched when her hand slipped up the back of his undershirt. He was startled and he sounded short with her, "Nah, don't do that, don't touch that nasty mess Baby."
She had her voice now, he'd given it to her and she told him, "I won't if you don't want me to, but Merle I want to. It's not nasty to me, it's a part of you and I want to touch every part of you."
He pulled her closer and he buried his face in the curve of her neck, nodding his head so slightly that if he hadn't been so close she may have never known. He lay still for a moment, at first silently gritting his teeth while her hand traveled along the scarred flesh of his back and chest. It came as a shock when her touching him in that way began adding to his desire. But he was more surprised that it seemed to be adding to hers. "You feel so good Merle, so manly and so strong. I've never wanted to touch a man before, but I never want to stop touching you." She was tugging at his undershirt, trying to pull it off him.
He was quickly up on his knees and as if pulling a bandage off an old wound, he quickly yanked the shirt off tossing it across the room. She was smiling up at him as he was smiling down at her and then his mouth was on hers. The way he kissed her was not just lust driven, and not just about the love they were making. It was about the love and the affection he was feeling. Maybe he hadn't said those words, he'd never said them to any woman. But he'd also never felt this feeling in his heart, like it was beating just for her.
He leaned back on his heels again and his fingers slipped down the back of her panties. But before he pulled the small garment down he asked, "Okay Baby, can I?"
"Yes, if you take yours off too." He smiled that big broad smile and said, "Anythin' for you," as he slowly slipped hers off, then quickly removed his and like his shirt tossed them away.
He was laying down flat between her legs, his chin hovering just above her abdomen, and he smiled up at her as his hand played with her breast. "I'ma do sumthin' now Baby, sumthin' I been wantin' with ya. If ya don't like it ya just tell me ta stop."
She'd heard about it, of course she had, it wasn't like she'd been living in a vacuum. But no man had ever done it for her and it startled her when Merle's mouth went to that wet and aching place between her thighs. "Merle I…" She couldn't form her words and at first her body went rigid. She was self-conscious and a little afraid. And then it was like he was devouring her in the most tender and sensuous way. She felt her hips began to rise and lower in response to his attentions while her hands began tugging at his curly hair.
She felt herself melt when he stopped long enough to smile up at her and say, "Ya taste so sweet Baby, so sweet." His mouth was back on her and his tongue was in her and he'd found some little spot she didn't even know she had, and the way he licked and sucked at it seemed to make her whole body quake in response. Then he slipped a finger inside her and he knew just how to move it while his tongue and his lips kept licking and sucking at that little spot. It all felt so good and yet there was this desperate feeling that had taken over her whole body, the desperation of needing more and more of the touching and the licking, like there could never be enough. Suddenly it was as if her body wasn't hers to control, it shook like it would come apart and she felt like she couldn't quite breathe. She couldn't help herself, she screamed out his name, "Merle!" As her body seemed to jerk forward and she tugged hard at his curls trying to pull him even further into her, and she felt the warm sensation of hot fluid come rushing from her and she heard Merle say, "mmm" as he licked his tongue along her and whispered, "Baby, ah Baby so sweet, so tasty, so perfect." He'd done it, he'd made it happen for her. Who's to say which of them was the more satisfied.
She felt warm all over, and then she felt nervous. Although no one had ever done that for her before, she'd been given no choice about doing it for others. It had been rough and she'd been slapped and had her hair pulled for not doing it just right. But Merle, surely Merle would never treat her that way, and didn't she owe him now?
She tried pulling herself to a sitting position and he looked up, wondering what this was all about. Then she said, "Okay, I'm ready then and I'll try my best. Okay, but don't get mad."
His brow furrowed and he asked, "What Baby? What are ya talkin' about?"
"You know, about me doing that for you." It happened so fast she didn't even know how he'd gotten up next to her and his arms were around her, and he was holding her close when he said, "The day I want ya ta do that for me is the day when that's what ya wanna do. I don't get ta decide when you're ready. And Baby, if you're doin' that for me I ain't gonna be complainin' about technique. Now c'mon, let me make this about you, lemme make love ta ya. Can I?"
His mouth was back on her mouth and she tasted herself on his lips and his tongue and it was strange and yet it was also so sensual. It made her think of his tongue inside her and that made her feel the warmth and the desire begin to grow again. He was still kissing her, his tongue still in her mouth and mixing with her tongue when again his finger slipped into her. She let out a low moan and he paused, asking her, "Okay, not sore?"
"I'm fine, no, not fine, better than fine. Much better. It feels so good." He smiled at her, "That's how I always want ya ta feel when I touch ya, like it's good and right." He sucked at her breast and he moved his mouth down and licked and kissed her tummy and then he took her hand and turned the palm toward him and kissed it and let his tongue play across it and then slowly kissed all the way up her arm and across her shoulder and back up to her lips.
She didn't think her body could take much more, she'd never had this kind of urge, this need but she did now and she let him know, "I want to feel you inside me."
"That's where I wanna be Baby." He leaned down, mouth on her warm wet center again, where he lingered for a minute getting her even more excited and anxious for him. He quickly reached a hand to the night table and grabbed his wallet, pulling out a little packet. He rolled on his back long enough to put the condom on and then he was above her. "Tell me if it hurts and lemme know if ya want me ta stop, k?"
"I want you to make love to me Merle. I want to know what that's like."
He was balancing himself on one arm as he leaned down and kissed her breast while slowly guiding himself into her. She stiffened just a little, and then her fingers dug into his back and her hips rose to meet his and he knew, she was willing to take him. Still he took it slow, she'd had this forced on her before and he wasn't going to force anything on her ever. He could be as patient as he needed to be
It was her, she was the one who grabbed at his ass and pulled him further in, "I need you, all of you." He obliged and they began moving together, and when her slim legs wrapped around him he knew without a doubt, she was into this with him. He rocked in her a little harder and a little deeper and the sounds of her moaning became louder and huskier. He encouraged her with deeper, faster movements, a finger on that little spot, and his words, "Baby I ain't ever felt anything as sweet and as warm and as good as that."
Her hands were clutching almost desperately at him while her back was arching and if not for his weight above her she was sure her hips would have flown up two feet. He was doing that again, making her feel that feeling and she felt her upper body contort while her lower body sought more and more of him and again she lost control and again she called his name as she came. Knowing that no other man had ever made that happen for her was exhilarating and hot and satisfying and he felt himself let go and he came hard.
He was laying just off center on top of her, keeping most of his weight off her, not yet ready to leave her. His mouth was in the curve of her neck and he was breathing hard and listening to her trying to get her breath. That's when she said "Merle?" And he raised his head smiling down at her. Her hands moved to caress his face and she asked him, "Merle, do you think it's too soon for me to love you? I think I do, I think I love you."
Well fuck him.
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A/N Remember that plan to take it slow? Yeah, well I don't think it worked out. Please let me know your thoughts, I always love to hear from you. The chapter photo of these crazy kids is on my tumblr blogs gneebee and bethylmethbrick, please check it out. I hope to see you all back her next Sunday for more of It's Complicated. Until then remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee