Because I Got High
Freezer and Shasha were arguing in the courtroom, and then Zarbon came in. "You wanted to see me master Freezer?" He asked.
"Yes we're having a debate about who will conquer the world on Planet Earth 2. I say the Japanese will, but Shasha thinks the Russians will." Freezer explained.
"Da Soviet power!" He hit his own chest.
Freezer then asked, "Which one of us are right?"
"If I had to choose I would say the Chinese will conquer the world, I mean the Russians don't have the resources to do it, and the Japanese aren't allowed to have military power, and the Americans are too nice." Zarbon said.
"What?" Freezer asked.
"Какой человек глупоц!" Shasha laughed.
"Да я сглосен!" Freezer said laughing too.
"Excuse me, but I don't speak Russian! Could you please translate for me?" Zarbon asked.
"Get out of my sight Zarbon! Go!" Freezer said.
"Fine!" Zarbon walked out of the throne room, "What a dumbfuck!" he said.
Zarbon's best friend and ex babysitter Apple walked up to him, "Hey Zarbon are you still coming to karaoke night?" asked Apple.
"Oh I don't know I have to work out tonight." Zarbon said.
"You've been working out too hard." Apple said.
"But…" Before Zarbon could finish Apple grabbed his arm.
"You're coming with me!" Apple led him to the karaoke room.
In the karaoke room, Cinnamon was on the stage singing, while Zarbon was smoking with Kiwi and Apple. "God I feel so relaxed!" Apple said puffing some smoke out.
"I feel good too; I've been smoking since I was 14." Zarbon said.
"Hey I got something for us to smoke that I stole from Earth!" Kiwi took out what appeared to be week in a plastic Ziploc bag.
"What the hell is that?" asked Zarbon.
"I don't know but the guy I got if from says that if you smoke it, that all of you dreams will come true." Kiwi said.
"Give me some of that! How do you do it?" asked Zarbon.
"I don't know I think it's one of those wishing cigarettes. You make a wish out loud and you light it and you smoke it." Apple said.
"Perhaps your right let me give it a go!" Zarbon said.
"Be careful Zarbon, I hope you know what you're doing!" Apple said.
Zarbon put the pot to his mouth, lit it, and blew smoke out, "I wish I could have eternal beauty!" Zarbon said.
"Hey what kind of a dumb wish is that?" asked Apple.
"Oh shut up and just light your joint!" Zarbon said.
"What should I wish for?" Apple asked, and then he lit the joint and blew smoke out, "I wish I could get married to the most beautiful woman in the world! Amy!" he was talking about Amy the Sphinx who was crippled and had to walk with a cane.
"Oh my God you like Amy that crippled sphinx? You poor fellow!" Kiwi laughed and then lit his joint and blew smoke out, "I wish I could kill Freezer and take over the universe myself!" he laughed.
"God Kiwi I had no idea that you were so power hungry!" Later on, they were laughing like jackasses.
"I can't believe you like Amy, she's the most talkative annoying woman on Planet Freezer!" Kiwi said.
"At least my wish was better than yours!" Apple said.
"You're both wrong, my wish was the most perfect wish in the world! And just to prove it, I say we get onto the stage and strip!" Zarbon said running onto stage.
"Let's do that! I'm sure everyone will find us sexy!" Kiwi said following him.
"Wait I have an idea, we can sing Chito Grito!" Apple said getting up and following them.
"What the hell is Chito Girto?" Kiwi asked.
"I don't know, but I saw it in a Soviet flick!" Apple said.
"You can get Soviet flicks? Wow!" Zarbon said. They arrived onto stage and pushed Cinnamon off the stage.
"We're going to sing Chito Grito!" Apple said into the microphone.
"No we're not! We're going to sing something even better!" Zarbon looked like he was about to burst into song and then he started giggling, "Sorry I forgot what I was going to sing! I'm the sexiest thing in the universe, why do I need to sing!" he laughed to the point where he looked almost purple.
"Oh my God if I were as good looking as you I would defiantly fuck Amy!" Apple said.
"God you have such a bad taste in women!" Kiwi said laughing.
Apple got pissed off, "Shut up!" Apple pushed Kiwi off the stage.
"Oh yah I'll show you!" Kiwi got back onto stage and started punching Apple and they got into a huge fight.
"Guys come on don't be such fools!" Zarbon said. He started singing with a bad singing voice, which was too bad because he usually sang well, "Русский народа! Не знаю эту песню!" Zarbon then laughed and fell on stage laughing, and then Kiwi and Apple started kissing each other on the lips.
Liya, Zarbon's ex girlfriend from childhood, was drinking a beer and staring at them with Amy the good-looking sphinx with the huge tits, which she held up in a pushup bra, "God men are such idiots!" Liya said.
"Yah I know, what do you think has gotten into them?" Amy asked.
"I knew Zarbon acted crazy sometimes, but this is beyond my reach." Liya said, lighting a cigarette and smoking it.
"Yah," Amy lit a cigarette. "I have a mission to go on I can't waste any time looking at these fools." Amy said.
Zarbon jumped off the stage doing a forward summersault, and ran over to those girls, "Hello ladies!" he said eccentrically. They just look at him like he was crazy, "Hey I thought you were supposed to faint or something!" Zarbon said.
"Nope, no way, I'm too worried about my daughter to worry about men like you." Amy said.
"Kiss me Amy!" Zarbon grabbed her and kissed her on the lips.
"Ew you smell bad! Let's get out of here Liya!" Amy said walking off.
"I agree!" Liya said following her, they left the karaoke bar together.
"Oh come on you know you want me! Hey Kiwi, Apple, I've just thought of a good song to sing!" Zarbon started to sing again, only this time he made more of an effort to sound good, "The total eclipse of the heart! And I need you more tonight!"
Just then, Zarbon saw Salsa coming in, "Hum," he thought, he walked over to Salsa, "Hello Salsa, how's it going?" He asked smiling.
"Why do you care?" Salsa asked in his French accent.
"Because you know you want me!" Zarbon licked his face.
"I'll tell my father on you!" Salsa said, after all he was secretly the hybrid son of Cooler.
"Not if I seduce you first." Zarbon gave him a 100 dollar bill, "Come on what do you say?" asked Zarbon.
"Ok fine," Salsa said.
Apple saw Zarbon flirting with Salsa, "Wait a minute!" he walked up to Zarbon, "Where do you think you're going?" Apple grabbed Zarbon and took him onto stage.
Zarbon woke up and felt like shit, "What in the hell happened last night?" Zarbon saw Kiwi and Apple lying on the floor, holding each other, "Oh my God what the hell are you guys doing in my quarters?" he asked.
"What?" Asked Kiwi who was half-awake.
"Good morning honey!" Apple then kissed Kiwi on the lips.
"Good morning Apple." Kiwi then opened his eyes wide and screamed and Apple did too, "Ew get away from me!" Kiwi yelled.
"Did we have sex?" asked Apple.
"What are you talking about? Oh my God your pants are off!" Kiwi said pointing to Apple.
"Yours are too!"
"That must mean!" Zarbon looked under the covers, "Oh my God, mine are too and I feel really sore!" Zarbon said.
"Ew don't tell me we did it with each other!" Kiwi said disguised.
"No we didn't but I feel sore too." Apple said.
"My butt hole feels sore!" Kiwi said they all looked at each other funny and then scream.
Later on they were at breakfast in the cafeteria and had strange looks on their faces, as they sat there eating breakfast, they were approached by Liya and Amy. "What in the world happened last night?" asked Liya.
"Nothing you can prove!" Zarbon said.
"What is that supposed to mean?" asked Amy.
"I think what Zarbon is trying say is that you can' t prove that anything happened last night without any evidence!" Apple said.
"Yah what the hell are you ladies talking about?" Kiwi asked.
"Are you all boyfriends now or something, or are we not invited to your crazy hour!" Liya asked.
"Sorry what is a crazy hour?" Zarbon asked.
"In other words you guys were beating each other up, Kiwi and Apple were kissing on the lips, and you Zarbon were singing God knows what." Amy said.
"That didn't happen, you have no evidence." Zarbon said.
"Oh yah?" Amy pulled out what appeared to be a videotape.
"Oh my God, am I really that silly?" Zarbon asked.
"Luckily we got the severance tape before anyone else could." Amy said.
"We have to hide it!" Zarbon said.
All the sudden, Freezer's voice came over the intercom, "Zarbon report to the court room immediately!"
"Coming!" Zarbon then ran off.
Zarbon was in the courtroom, "You wanted to see me?" Zarbon asked.
"Yes when I checked the severance videos this morning, guess what?" Freezer asked.
"What?" Zarbon asked.
"One of my videos was missing! I have no fucking idea where it went! Do you know?" Freezer said.
"I haven't an idea!" Zarbon lied.
"If I find out that you know where it is, I will come and get it!" Freezer said.
"Aren't you going to punish me?" Zarbon asked.
Freezer laughed, "I just want the tape, not your butt hole!"
"Oh that's disgusting!" Zarbon said.
"Now get out!" Freezer said.
"Yes sir!" Zarbon then ran out of the room.
Freezer watched the camera and he saw Liya with the tape taking it to Zarbon's room, "Yes I will get that tape." Freezer said.
Well later, Zarbon bumped into Salsa, "Stop right there!" Salsa said.
"What do you want?" asked Zarbon.
"You wanted to have your way with me!" Salsa said.
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean." Zarbon said.
"You wanted to have sex with me remember?" asked Salsa.
"Oh I'm sorry Salsa; it was all because of this magic stuff I was smoking." Zarbon said.
"What magic stuff?" asked Salsa.
"It was something called a stash, actually there are many names for it." Zarbon said.
"You were smoking pot! I'm telling Freezer!" Salsa said.
"You have no proof!" Zarbon said running off.
All the sudden a radio went off and Salsa answered it, "Yes Freezer?" he asked.
"Go into Zarbon's room and get that damn tape! I need to watch it! He's hiding it, and I don't know why!" Freezer said.
"I'm onto it! Now how do I get a key for his room?" Salsa asked.
"Simple I believe that Liya has a key to his room." Freezer said.
"I'm on it! I'll seduce her!" Salsa walked up to Liya, "Hello Liya."
"Hello Salsa, what are you doing here?" asked Liya.
"Don't you want a real man?" Salsa asked.
"I'm sorry?" Liya asked.
"Oh don't play coy with me!" He put her chin in his hand, "I love the smell of your perfume! Mucho grande!" he said.
"Get off of me pervert!" She pushed him and she walked off.
"Damn it backfired! But it doesn't kill to follow her!" Salsa thought, all the sudden he saw Amy talking to Liya.
"I don't think it's safe for me to be carrying the extra key to Zarbon's room." Liya thought.
"No problem I'll take it!" Amy said.
"I don't know that doesn't sound like such a bright idea." Liya said.
"Come on please?" Amy asked.
Liya rolled her eyes, "All right, here it is." She gave the key to Amy.
"Bingo!" Salsa said. Liya went off, and he ran over to Amy, "Bonjur Amy!" Salsa said.
"Who are you?" asked Amy.
"I'm Cooler's son." Salsa said.
"You don't look like him." Amy said.
"I'm a hybrid." Salsa replied.
So what brings you to this neck of the woods?" asked Amy.
"I couldn't help but notice how beautiful you are."
Amy smiled, "Why thank you." She said.
Salsa then grabbed her, "Please madamossle, don't leave me alone!" He then kissed her on the lips, and grabbed the key out of her bra.
"So are you going to have sex with me?" Amy asked.
"Nah I changed my mind! See yah!" he ran off.
"What a strange man," She walked into her room.
Salsa opened the door with the key and went into Zarbon's room, "Where is that tape?" He searched the whole room and could not seem to find the tape, "Damn where is that tape?"
"Salsa what are you doing in my room?" Salsa turned around and saw that Zarbon just gotten out of the shower, covered with a towel and his hair was dripping wet.
"Zarbon what a surprise!" Salsa started pitching a tent, "Freeze!" he yelled.
"Oh my God are you pitching a tent! That is hilarious! I didn't think you needed a laser gun!" Zarbon said laughing.
"I got to go see yah!" Salsa then ran out of the room.
Later on Zarbon knocked on Liya's door, and Liya answered it, "Do you have the protection?" Liya asked.
"Of course I always bring protection." Zarbon said
"Hop on in!" Liya said as she let Zarbon in.
"But what I really came by for is that I want to know how Salsa got into my room?" Zarbon asked.
Liya eyes grew wide, "He got into your room?" Liya asked.
"Liya you're the only one that carries an extra key to my room." Zarbon said.
Liya then started dripping sweat and gulped, "I gave it to Amy."
"No you gave it to Amy?" Zarbon asked all shocked.
"I figured that it wasn't safe for me to get it and for some reason today, Salsa tried to seduce me." Liya said.
"Obviously because you have the key to my room! You knew that Salsa has had his eye on me for years!" Zarbon said.
"I think he was after something else." Liya said.
"Well he was looking around saying, "Where's that tape". Oh my God do you think that Freezer sent him to look for that tape?" Zarbon asked.
"Obviously, but how did he get into your room!" Liya asked.
"We need to ask Amy." Zarbon said.
They knock on Amy's door, and she opens it.
"Why hello…" They grabbed Amy, went into her room, and shut the door. "What is the meaning of this?" asked Amy.
"Amy, where is the key that I gave to you?" asked Liya.
"Oh it's right here in my bra!" Amy reached into her bra and did not find it, "Uh oh!" she said.
Liya sighed, "What happened?"
"I don't know I must have misplaced it!" Amy said still searching her bra.
"Amy did Salsa talk to you?" Liya asked.
"Actually it was more than that, he tried to seduce me!" Amy said.
"Why?" Zarbon asked.
"I don't know because I'm so good looking!" Amy said smiling.
"No! Don't you get it you half-wit, he tried to seduce you and he grabbed the key from you!" Zarbon said.
"Well excuse me, but why do you have an extra key to his room Liya?" Amy asked.
"Uh should we tell her Zarbon?" Liya asked with an awkward look on her face.
"No absolutely not." Zarbon said.
"It's ok I understand, you two make a lovely…." Zarbon interrupted Amy.
"All right Amy; since Salsa stole the key from you we're going to have to hide the tape somewhere else." Zarbon said.
"I'll watch it!" Amy said.
"No you can't it's to devastating to watch!" Zarbon said.
"No silly I'll look after it!" Amy said.
"Absolutely not!" Liya hissed.
"I say we give it to someone else to watch after it, someone more trustworthy." Zarbon said.
Zarbon, Liya and Amy went to Apple's room and knocked on the door, Apple answered it, and Zarbon told Apple the whole story,"You want me to watch the tape?" Apple asked.
Zarbon said, "Yes somehow Salsa got a hold of a copy of my key to my room."
"How, who had a copy to begin with?" Apple asked.
"I did," Liya said.
"What are you doing with an extra copy to Zarbon's room?" Apple smiled slyly, "Oh I see, you two are….."
"Apple just watch the tape!" Zarbon said.
"I can't bear to watch it!" Apple said.
"No look after it!" Zarbon said.
"Oh I see." Apple laughed.
Zarbon then said, "I have to go on a mission soon, come on guys!"
"See yah!" She ran after Liya and Zarbon.
Apple then blushed and said, "Bye Amy!" He had hearts in his eyes and they were flying up in the air.
Salsa hid behind a corner, "So the Apple is in love with Amy hum? Well I'll just have to do something drastic!" he thought. Amy walked down the hallway, and Salsa came up behind her pointing a laser gun at her, "Freeze bitch I have a task for you to do!" Salsa said.
"Just take it easy pal." Amy said.
"Do this task for me!" Salsa said.
Later Amy knocked on Apple's door with Salsa hiding around the corner with the laser gun, Apple answered the door, "Amy what are you doing here?" he asked excited to see her.
"Take me into your courter!" Amy said as she went into his room and shut the door. "Look Salsa is hiding behind the corner with a laser gun, and he'll kill me if you don't give me that tape."
"I would give it to you, but Amy I can't, I promised Zarbon I would keep it safe!" Apple said.
"Give me the tape!" Amy said.
"No!" Apple said.
Amy then batted her eyes, "I'll have sex with you if you do!" she said.
"Deal!" He took the tape out from under the bed and gave it to Amy.
"Got yah!" Amy said.
Apple said, "Wait one minute there! Give that tape back to me now!" He grabbed it from her.
"No!" She grabbed it from him.
"Yes!" Apple grabbed it from her.
"No!" Amy tried to take the tape from him, and then he grabbed the other end of the tape and they started doing a tug of war with it.
Salsa was getting impatient, "What the hell is taking so long? What is going on in there? Now I'll have to take matters into my own hands!" He fired the laser gun in Apple's room and he saw Amy and Apple fighting over the tap. "Amy, throw it over here! Now!" Salsa pointed the laser gun at her.
"All right!" Amy said then she grabbed the tape and threw it over to Salsa.
"So long suckers!" Salsa laughed and ran out of the room.
Apple then said, "We got to stop him! Come on! Get your laser gun!" They got their laser guns and started running after Salsa.
Salsa laughed, "Oh I can't wait to show this tape to Freezer, he'll totally disown Zarbon as his heir to the empire!" All the sudden lasers were being shot at him, "What the?" He turned around and saw Amy and Apple shooting the lasers at him.
"Give that tape back!" Amy yelled.
"Never!" Salsa yelled back.
"Oh my God what is going on? What is all this noise?" asked Liya.
"Out of my way bitch!" Salsa pushed her to the ground and ran off.
Zarbon gotback from his mission, "What a mission, that was sorter then I thought."
"Bonjur Zarbon!" Salsa said running past him.
"Bonjur Salsa, why the running of a marathon?" Zarbon asked laughing at his lame pun.
"Get that tape!" Liya yelled.
Liya, Amy and Apple run past Zarbon, "Oh my God Salsa's got the tape! How did this happen?" Zarbon ran after them.
Kiwi walked out of his room yawning, "That was a nice nap!" All the Salsa fell asleep and Kiwi, who was not looking, tripped over Salsa and fell down. All the sudden Zarbon, Liya, Amy and Apple all fell down on top of Salsa and Kiwi, and the tape went flying into the air.
"No!" Zarbon yelled as the tape broke into pieces when it hit the ground.
"What the hell just happened?" asked Liya.
"Salsa has narcolepsy!" Zarbon said.
"I'm telling Lord Freezer!" Vegeta laughed and ran to Freezer.
"We're dead!" Kiwi said.
Next thing you know, Zarbon was cleaning the toilets along with Kiwi, Salsa, Apple, Liya, and Amy.
"Ha ha! You all have to clean the toilets!" Vegeta laughed and skipped along.
"You stupid little brat, remind me Liya, never to mate with a Sayain woman." Zarbon said.
"Remember Zarbon the Sayain Race is pretty much extinct."
"I'm glad it's extinct, they were a horrible race anyways, bent on destruction." Kiwi said.
"I agree." Amy said.
"I hate all of you! It's your fault Zarbon!" Salsa said.
"Excuse me, but as a high class prince/slave I wouldn't have dared stolen that tape! Kiwi this is your entire fault, if you wouldn't have gotten us all high we would have nothing to hide!"
"Am I the one who stole that tape? No Liya did!" Kiwi said.
"You are lucky that tape was destroyed because who knows, you could have had a worst punishment!" Liya said.
"I swear a prince like me shouldn't be doing such a dirty job like this, why doesn't Freezer just hire immigrants?" Zarbon asked.
"Because Freezer doesn't trust immigrants," Liya said.
"I'm an immigrant!" Zarbon said.
"So am I!" Apple said. They all laughed.
"Less talking and more cleaning!" Freezer yelled.
"Yes lord Freezer!" Everyone said.
End of Story